Tag Archives: Tekken

Jinpachi Mishima proves you’re an insignificant worm

tekken 5 jinpachi the worst end boss ever

End bosses in fighting games have always been a hassle, but none have been quite the crotch-kicker and stun-gunner as Jinpachi Mishima from Tekken 5. If his name sounds or looks familiar, it’s because you’ve met and played as his offspring and his offspring’s offspring throughout the Tekken series so far; he is Heihachi’s father, Kazuya’s grandfather, and the great-grandfather to Jin Kazama. Also, please note that he is possessed by an evil force, which explains the teethy mouth in his stomach and purple smoke aura. Or maybe it doesn’t. Really, who bothers with the fiction these days in any Tekken games? It’s all about the throws and air juggling.

Now, I’m not a crazy huge fan of fighting games, mostly because I have no one to play against anymore. Computer-controlled opponents can only do so much, and they generally only become challenging when they start using cheap tactics that always feel unjust. In the past, I’ve really enjoyed the black sheep of the genre, like Bloody Roar and Star Gladiator. Obviously, I played a bit of the two big boys, but Street Fighter always felt too sluggish to me, and Mortal Kombat was the type of game I enjoyed watching in arcades more than playing. But I will always come back to the Tekken franchise as my first true love when it comes to punching, kicking, and side-stepping.

So far, Tekken 5 is pretty cool. Character movement is swift and accurate, and there’s a bunch of new characters–well, for me–to try out. Also, and this part is absolutely insane, you can play the arcade versions of previous Tekken games, making this, perhaps, the greatest collection of Iron First tournament titles this side of silly. My only gripe though, and it’s a big one, is that the final boss is wickedly cheap. Like to the point that it feels completely unfair. Jinpachi is able to launch a number of unblockable moves that take away a large chunk of your health, as well as the ability to stun you no matter what move you are doing. Screw animation priorities. Oh, and one of his moves heals him while damaging you. Fun times, people.

At this point, I’ve beaten Tekken 5‘s story mode five or six times, unlocking the very same amount of hidden characters. However, each fight against Jinpachi has varied considerably, and I know that I just barely got out alive when using Steve Fox and Craig Marduk against him. Things were much easier when using fighters that had range or a lot of powerful kick moves, like Christie. For a lot of the fights, it is a mix of endurance and luck, as well as avoiding that fireball he tosses your way. But some fights, if the wind isn’t blowing your way, can end in a matter of seconds, considering how much damage Jinpachi does. And yes, for the record, I’m playing on the easiest of difficulties, with settings for one round and 30 seconds–that’s how hard he is to battle. Cervantes from Soul Edge, Seth from Super Street Fighter IV, and Galactus from Ultimate Marvel VS. Capcom 3–they seriously have nothing on this demonic fart-knocker.

Annoying boss fight aside, this is still ten times more favorable than Tekken Revolution.

Achievements of the Week – The Medal to the Pedal Edition

I was kind of hoping that by voicing my Achievements goals last week that I’d be more aware of them and into, y’know, getting things done. Alas, this was another mindtrip of a week, and I spent a good amount of it in a serious funk, a place where concentration is unwanted. Games with stories and things to constantly pay attention to were not my speed currently, and all I kind of was capable of doing was button mashing and going through the motions. Let’s take a trip down Memory Lane and recall what I wanted to get done this week:

My goals for this upcoming week are to beat Bastion, grind LEGO Pirates of the Caribbean to completion, and maybe give the extremely silly Nier a few more minutes of my time.

So, did I do any of that? Nope. Instead, I played a lot of Street Fighter IV.

From Street Fighter IV…

Medal Hunter (10G): Collect 500 Medals.

Medals Gets! (30G): Collect all Medal types.

The Road to Battle (10G): Play 100 Xbox LIVE battles. (Ranked match or player match)

I’ve never been great at fighting games, and I think that’s because I try to hard to learn combos and special moves instead of relying on good ol’ cheap tactics, like sweeping kicks and cornering opponents to death. In the Tekken franchise, I just wanted to learn all the special throw moves, as I thought the animations for them was awesome. Especially when watching a giant bear hug an old man to death.

Throws are less important in Street Fighter IV, as quick combos and projectiles and ultra combo finishes are the name of the game. I’m not amazing at these things, except projectiles, but throwing Hadoken after Hadoken after Hadoken is tiring. So earning medals after each match was a slow grind, as I would only get two to three per fight, given that I constantly got low grades. Out of the 100 Xbox LIVE battles played, I’ve won around 34. Not a terribly impressive amount.

But yeah, Street Fighter IV. Seems like the only Achievements left that I could probably unlock involve playing more online battles. The trial, survival, and challenge modes are brutal and hard, unless you cheat with Zangief’s Lariat move, which I have been doing, little by little, but it’s gonna take some time. Will let y’all know when I’ve collected 1,000 medals and played 200 Xbox LIVE battles. Probably will happen some time next year.

Not gonna bother trying to voice any Achievements goals this time around. Pretty sure it’s gonna be another crappy week. Just K.O. me now, please.