Resident Evil: Revelations is portable horror and so not for me

I’m attracted to horror games from a distance. Truly, I am. I just don’t enjoy playing them, and this is pretty evident with the fact that Silent Hill 2 still remains unfinished despite Tara keeping me company through all the fog and static-laden radio noises and creepy monsters that want to spray me with their evil juices. I love the atmosphere and story and crazy enemy designs in horror games, but I just can’t handle the packed-in stress, the long stretches that build between scare A and scare B, the way tiny sounds like turning a doorknob are deafening and that general feeling of utter helplessness.

Also, a quick gander at my backlog confirms a solid lack of horror videogames. Yes, there’s BioShock, which I played and completed, but struggled with for awhile, often just standing still for long periods of time thanks to a “turn invisible when not moving” Plasmid and listening to my surroundings. I’ve dipped my toes into the terrifying pools called Penumbra: Overture and Amnesia: The Dark Descent, but have no desire to go swimming. And in my younger years, yes, I played a few Resident Evil games, but those were social affairs, adventures that my best friend and I would go on together, with chips and drinks and puppy dogs at our sides to make the real world as safe as possible in lieu of the dangerous digital version; the vivid memory of a licker bursting threw a one-sided mirror still makes me tense up.

That said, after a busy day of drawing journal comics every hour on the hour, I downloaded the demo for Resident Evil: Revelations on my 3DS–yes, the system now supports demos; praise be to the Maker, it must be the year 2012–and give it a whirl. To clarify, the last Resident Evil game I played with passion and purpose was probably Resident Evil 2 though I did try a demo for Resident Evil 5, which was lame.

Firstly, this is a gorgeous-looking game. The graphics definitely show off what the 3DS can handle, and the 3D slider flicked slightly up creates a fantastic look, really drawing me in, as if I’m walking right behind Jill as she badly shoots zombies on a haunted cruiser ship. Well, no. Not zombies. Scary, mutated monsters. Secondly, without that crazy Circle Pro Pad attachment, this game controls horribly, especially during the moments when quick, precise turning is needed. You know, like when a monster is trying to eat your face off. See, without a second circle analog pad, you both move Jill and move the camera at the same time with the one circle pad you got. It’s horrible; I’d switch over to first-person shooting mode to pop a monster in the middle of its temple only to have my aim swirling around out of control. Thirdly–and lastly–this game can manage scares just fine. You’d think, being on a brightly teal-colored handheld device, which has a number of lights on at any given time, it wouldn’t be able to create such an atmosphere, but it does. One monster jumped down from the ceiling, and I emitted a sound. I will not describe it.

And then I ran out of ammo. And then I died in a foggy room filled with scary things. I exited out of the demo and saw that I now have 29 more chances to get scared. No thanks. But I can see why many would like Resident Evil: Revelations: high production values, quality scares, beautiful graphics, and an actual story to follow. Alas, this type of game is still not for me even when playing safely under the blankets with warmth, cats, and a wife to keep me safe. Oh well. Good thing for demos.

Still haven’t played Suikoden III yet

You might recall reading about me finally finding a copy of Suikoden III after many years of searching through shelves of used PS2 games at every GameStop I visited. Actually, I wrote about it one month ago exactly. And yet, despite my deep and unrelenting love for the series, despite my excitement over finding a copy and having it in my collection and picking up the box now and then to confirm that, yes, it is real and, yes, it is mine…I’ve still not played it. Honestly, I’m kind of scared to.

Then again, I was also a wee bit scared to play The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, but for different reasons. Open-world games as massive as Bethesda makes ’em can be nothing but daunting; I love them, but sometimes struggle with staying focused, with sticking to the plan, and before you know it, I’ve lost the main thread and am now just wandering around, trying to find a place to call home. Still having fun, mind you, but feeling off, like I’m playing it wrong. I want to do everything, but to do everything means total and utter devotion. Which also means time, and time for videogames is not something I have as much for as I used to, seeing as I still plan to be either a famous writer or cartoonist–whichever happens first is fine by me.

With Suikoden III, I’m worried about being disappointed and then having to deal with the fact that I put way too much thought and care into obtaining something that ultimately did not do it for me. That’s some heavy thinking there, but it’s how my mind operates; I build my own structure of hype, and it’s very hard to get down from it safely. Supposedly Suikoden III is the best of the 3D games in the franchise, but a lot of that praise was printed back when the game came out. Y’know, in 2002. It’s hard to know how to interpret those claims some ten years later. I mean, I thought Suikoden V was fantastic, even with its slow start; in fact, that eight or nine hour intro is the reason why I admire it so.

Over the summer, for seemingly no reason at all, Tara popped Final Fantasy VII into her PlayStation. I chose not to watch, but because we were in the attic The Leaky Cauldron, I had to listen, and from what I heard, it sounded bad. Some games don’t age well, and some gaming mechanics definitely don’t age well; what might have been fast-paced battles and crazy good graphics back then certainly do not cross the mark today. Final Fantasy VII and Final Fantasy VIII are games I’m scared to go back and play, and prefer to just leave them as fond memories for as long as possible. Same reason I haven’t gone back to Suikoden or Suikoden II–though, as an uber fan, I have to believe they stand the test of time.

I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just bite the bullet, put Skyrim aside for a bit this weekend, and see how Suikoden III goes. It’s gotta be better than some other PlayStation 2 games I’ve played recently, right? Right? Keep me in your thoughts.