Tag Archives: fire

2017 Game Review Haiku, #13 – You Have to Burn the Rope

2017-gd-games-completed-you-have-to-burn-the-rope

The mission is clear
You have to burn the rope, duh
Do more with today

I can’t believe I’m still doing this. I can’t believe I’ll ever stop. These game summaries in chunks of five, seven, and five syllable lines paint pictures in the mind better than any half a dozen descriptive paragraphs I could ever write. Trust me, I’ve tried. Brevity is the place to be. At this point, I’ve done over 200 of these things and have no plans of slowing down. So get ready for another year of haikus. Doumo arigatou gozaimasu.

What it is to burn

While trying to get out of the Fade during the mission to recruit the Circle of the Magi to the Grey Warden’s cause, I blindly opened a door and charged straight into a wall of fire…and died instantly. Game over. Your journey has come to an end. Et cetera.

And you can bet your buttocks that I hadn’t saved recently either.

It’s moments like this that make Dragon Age: Origins frustrating. Why is it instant, fall over death? Why not some minor damage to hit points to tell you to stay back…or even just an invisible wall to block your path? Instead, the developers placed fire behind a door, a door you can open just like any other door, and the millisecond you touch it, that’s it. Curtains for you, Grey Warden. Lacy, gently wafting curtains. Don’t you know you can’t cross walls of fire…even though you occasionally set yourself on fire and stay that way throughout cutscenes? Silly elvish mage. Consistency is for kids!

The in-game directions tell me I need to find a way to get past the fire. Gee, how about this magic spell called Winter’s Grasp that I’ve been using on and off for the last 15 hours? It only freezes things.