Tag Archives: fart

2017 Game Review Haiku, #78 – Excuse Me!

Flatulence crisis
Find the safest place to fart
Time is running out

I can’t believe I’m still doing this. I can’t believe I’ll ever stop. These game summaries in chunks of five, seven, and five syllable lines paint pictures in the mind better than any half a dozen descriptive paragraphs I could ever write. Trust me, I’ve tried. Brevity is the place to be. At this point, I’ve done over 200 of these things and have no plans of slowing down. So get ready for another year of haikus. Doumo arigatou gozaimasu.

Advertisements

Mini Ninjas won and lost points with me in a single hour

You know those commercials for Sour Patch Kids candy where the little candy dude/dudette is first sour to someone and then really sweet? That’s kind of how it was the other night in Mini Ninjas. Let me bullet point it for y’all.

SOUR: The second boss battle you encounter is against Windy Pants, a towering beast of a man that got his namesake from…well, his strong skills with flatulence. He farts. He farts at you, and that’s how he attacks. Fart, fart, fart. Big green gassy clouds of stinky death. Braaaaaawp. It’s a silly, stupid fight–a QTE to boot–and I can’t believe a number of people thought this was a good idea; I mean, I can see them wanting to add in some humor to the game, but they don’t really do much funny stuff anywhere else (unless Futo eating lots of apples is a riot?) so this was a bit jarring.

SWEET: Of all the mini ninjas you’ll control, Hiro, the main, uh, “average Joe” one, can use Kuji magic. He has to spend Ki (a blue meter at the bottom) to cast spells like turning into a walking bush, taking control of animals, and throwing sonic booms at samurai grunts from a safe distance. And after you spend 1,500 Ki you’ll unlock this Achievement:


No Conjurer of Cheap Tricks (20G): Expend 1500 Ki using Kuji magic

Mmm…Gandalf would be proud! There’s a couple of other good non-LOTR Achievements unlocked now, most of which are punny or kind of jokey, such as Boardom and Bow Before Me. And I’m just breezing through the game too, a tad disappointing. I suspect that the next time I sit down to play I’ll probably complete it, and then go back for any collectathon Achievements and such. I am having fun as Hiro just attacking and sneaking and all that, but overall, the game’s very easy, very stylish, but a bit hollow once you get inside it.