Hating the Greatest Videogames

Over at BitMob, folks are talking about great games that they hated.

In general, I only play games I suspect I’ll like or love. On occasion, there’ll be a game that disappoints me, but hate is such a strong word. I mean, I hate global suffering and depression and money woes and the looks puppy dogs give you when you walk by their glass prisons in the mall…but a videogame? Chances are, I’d only hate a videogame if I spent $60 on it and it took my soul and shat on it. But, as previously mentioned, I only go after games that I will probably enjoy.

That said, here’s some “great games” that I found to miss the mark.

Grand Theft Auto III/Grand Theft Auto III: Vice City

For sandbox value, the GTA series is fine. Amazingly fine. Ever want to do 70 mph down the sidewalk? Go for it. Where I felt short-changed, however, was in every single mission, and more specifically, the clunkiest and most unforgiving boat races ever to grace an ocean’s tide. Not only did these repeat themselves, but controlling boats and cars was always way too slippery for me.

Contra

Savage. Sums up Contra well, I think, and I grew up playing this game at a friend’s house during a time when neither of us knew about the extra lives code. We’d run, we’d shoot, we’d die by the end of the first level, and then we’d go outside to ride bikes.

Super Smash Bros. Brawl

Button-mash here, button-mash there, button-mash everywhere. Don’t even try to form a strategy. Just hit those buttons and stare in wonder at how a Pokemon is kicking the crap out of Donkey Kong. I don’t know. I know folks love this series, but it never resonated like other fighting games did.

Devil May Cry

The same reason I didn’t like the Bayonetta demo or Super Smash Bros. Brawl: mashed potatoes. Er, I mean…mashed buttons. Frenetic gameplay, bad camera angles, and room after room of enemies just didn’t make for a fun time. I dug the gothic style, but ultimately gave up on this hack-n-slash pretty early.

Mass Effect

There’s a lot to like about Mass Effect; conversely, there’s a lot to dislike. Let’s start with the positives: the world, the lore, the voice-acting, the alien design, many of the combat scenarios, which can be both tense and exhilarating. Now the bad: elevator rides, a horrible inventory system, the constant loading of textures, the way faces look like they’ve been punched one too many times, and driving that car-tank with buttered wheels from place to place. I’m looking forward to reviews of Mass Effect 2 to see if some of these problems were addressed.

Again, these aren’t really games that I hate, but they just didn’t do it for me like they seemed to do for others.

What about you, silent reader? Got a supposedly great game to hate? Hmm? Speak up!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: Bayonetta demo

Bayonetta, created by Hideki Kamiya, the brains behind Devil May Cry, is a videogame that seems to have folks in Japan going love-crazy. Me? Not so much.

Downloaded the demo last night for the Xbox 360, and without knowing much or anything about the game, dived right into the mix of things. It starts with some random bits of story, which really tell you nothing, and then opens the demo up to three areas: training, the Falling Clock tower level, and the Angel’s Metropolis level. Each section involves a ton of button-mashing and motion sickness.

First, Bayonetta is a weird woman. Her entire outfit is made from her hair, and she has guns on her feet. The amount of combos she can do–at least in the demo–is impressive, but good luck trying to really see each one in action. Your best bet for staying alive is to constantly hit the Y and B buttons while dodging left and right to initiate bullet time witch time. Do a combo just right and you might get to torture your victim, which provides for some fun, original death moves.

Anyways, training is training. Just an empty space where you can learn some moves and a bit of the basics. The Falling Clock tower level is just that, a cinematic piece of jumping from tower-chunk to tower-chunk while taking out bird enemies. I wish there had been time to admire the background details or even Bayonetta herself as she pulled off a bunch of sick moves, but alas, it all goes by in a blur. The game has a frenetic pace, and once your life bar starts to deplete you will just smash ATTACK, ATTACK, ATTACK, and pray you make it out alive.

The best part of the Bayonetta demo, however, is the final section: the Angel’s Metropolis. After falling through the sky and fighting giant bird-freaks, Bayonetta is suddenly on a train. I have no idea how the two scenes connect, if they even do (was it a dream?). We’re then in a hub world, with most of the other worlds block off for now. Head straight down the path, fight some more enemies, earn coins and pick up colored gems (?), and then you’ll get to do two boss battles. These are fun and not completely frantic, which is nice because you can then work on some strategy.

The demo lasted for about 15 minutes and was somewhat fun. However, the button-mashing, one million things on screen happening at once sort of gameplay left me nauseous and unimpressed. Controlling the camera is problematic, too. I did, however, get a Gold trophy for all my butt-kicking. Not sure what that means though.