Check out my sweet Claptrap Bobblehead collection

As you’ll recall, mostly because I only posted about it one week ago, I’m back in Borderlands for a bit. At least until Borderlands 2 comes out, and then I will never return to where it all began because…that’s just how it goes. I don’t know. The shinier and newer toy is always more appealing.

Anyways, I’m not mindlessly running around blasting skags in the mouth. I do have a few goals. None require obtaining more killer weapons; I’m pretty set there. First, I’m trying to hit level 61, and it’s slow-going, but I’m creeping up towards level 58 at the moment. Second, I’m working on playing through the Secret Armory of General Knoxx DLC of a second time. Third, collecting all those annoying collectibles that drop from Claptrap enemies, such as oil cans, bobbleheads, and pizza slices. That last goal has required some serious grinding in the form of multiple boss runs to take on the MINAC, a huge, robotic death-machine capable of releasing endless amounts of Claptraps to shoot for parts, but only after you take out all of its turrets. Most drop gears and motherboards, but a few leave behind the good stuff. Still, I swear I’ve fought that dang thing at least six or seven times now, to the point that it has become extremely tedious, especially when I walk away with only one, two, or three desired collectibles, but whatever. Grinding down, y’know.

Well, just as I picked up what I believed to be my eleventh Claptrap bobblehead after scouring the landscape post-MINAC fight and reached for my pen and paper to mark it down, this beautiful thing pinged:

Bobble-Trap (10G): Collected 15 Claptrap bobbleheads

Oh…cool. I guess at some point before I actually began writing down when I found a collectible in this game that won’t just track these things for me…I found some collectibles. I just don’t really remember picking up four other bobbleheads, but that’s memory for you–sometimes it’s strong, and sometimes it is long in the years.

And so, if my notes are correct and I don’t actually have more than I currently believe I do, I need 13 more oil cans and six more slices of pizza to unlock the other two collectible-based Achievements for the Claptrap’s New Robot Revolution DLC. Isn’t that exciting? You don’t have to answer all at once. I’ll get there, though I think I’ll move back to my other goal of getting through General Knoxx’s armory for a second time, now on a tougher playthrough. The enemies were grueling at level 54 and level 55, but now I’m sitting cool at level 57 and feeling much more confident in my shooting skills. This is also the place to gain some good EXP, and the higher I get, the less times I have to use Second Wind to slink my way through a fight. Plus, always in the back of my mind, that giant crab monster, the one associated with a quest called You. Will. Die. Mm-hmm…

When the timing is right, a fetch quest is pure delight

Sometimes, I need a little direction. Clear yet brief instructions, a visible path to and from, a small purpose, and a jingle to indicate conclusion. A short spurt of work and reward. All of these elements wrapped up together and tied shut with forest green string equals a wonderful present in my eyes, but one that I only want when I want it. I can handle open-ended, freedom, and robust ambiguity just fine, but again, sometimes, I need a little hand-holding. I require it. And I find it in…fetch quests.

Fetch quests come in two forms: hated and accepted. To start, let’s try and define exactly what a fetch quest is: a short quest, which involves sending the player out to collect a certain number of items and return them to complete the quest. That’s kind of it. Think of it as almost an errand. Like, go deliver this cup of sugar to your neighbor down the street. Or, Joe Shmoe needs some new shoes from the store, gives you some money, and then you are off. Fetch quests are a staple of RPGs or videogames with RPG elements, though they do occasionally pop up elsewhere. They are meant to be short tasks to do between major quests, ones that are certainly more involved than “tell Tucker his friend hid some money in a bush down by the river” kind of thing. Quick bits of work for small bits of money or treasure or maybe nothing at all save for the feeling of completion pulsing in your chest.

Now, there are a few games where the fetch quests become unbearable, a real grind, and those are worthy of their heaps of hatred. Off the top of my hairy head, I can think of the Claptrap’s New Robot Revolution DLC from Borderlands, which has you going back and forth, collecting countless claptrap parts–actually, I did count ’em up. I also had some problems with the fetch quests in The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening in that it was rather difficult to figure out who needed what to progress the story–and then find said item. I think I stopped playing after I couldn’t figure out how to get the walrus guarding the entrance to Desert Lanmola to move. Again, give it to me straight.

But lately, anxiety and stress have been creeping in, and so I have not been able to concentrate a whole ton on large and long quests in RPGs, making a bee-line towards fetch quests. Granted, I did just finish the Companions questline in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim–which I plan to write about soon–but I wouldn’t really call that large or long. Instead, while playing and enjoying the latest patch that adds kill cams for ranged weapons, I’ve decided it was high time I took a whacking to the miscellaneous quests list. I delivered a sword to some dude in Whiterun, I collected bear skin pelts for some lady, I killed a bandit leader in a cave, and I continued to look for Nirn roots and flawless sapphires. You can argue whether some of those are “fetch” quests, but you will just be arguing with yourself on the Internet, so I don’t recommend it. Overall, it was a nice time, with each task taking only a short while to complete. I expect I’ll keep meandering and doing small tasks until bigger DLC is announced.

And so, a game like Professor Layton’s London Life from Professor Layton and the Last Specter, has been pure bliss for me these last few weeks. More or less, it’s all fetch quests, with a pinch of room decorating to boot. I’ve done enough going and returning to earn a new apartment, which is much bigger. But there’s something really special about waking up every day in-game, reading the newspaper, and acquiring a list of quests. None are especially hard, except for when someone wants a fish, but that’s only because the fishing minigame is the absolute worst, and five or six can be easily completed in under ten minutes. But I don’t do that. I pace myself, or think of ways that I can do two back-to-back or how if I am going to go the museum I should buy that piece of candy that someone at the college wants since they are right next to each other. The quests remain small, but I build them up in my head to be more than that. At some point, London Life will run out of new fetch quests, with only repeats available, and then I’ll be sad and pretty much done with the minigame. Until then, I’ll keep at it, one straight-faced mission after another.

Sometimes, I need a little direction, and it doesn’t hurt to know where you’re going. Thank you, fetch quests.

Games Completed in 2011, #23 – Borderlands, Claptrap’s New Robot Revolution DLC

Okay, time to be honest. Not that I’ve never not been honest with y’all, but it’s a good, catchy phrase to start a post, and I guess the honest part here stems from the fact that I feel very guilty about not remembering very much about the last DLC for Borderlands, the one all about Claptraps, the one awesomely titled Claptrap’s New Robot Revolution. I do remember that I had to collect a boatload of Claptrap parts, which was not very fun, and then after that it gets fuzzy. Think there were some boss fights with bosses I had already defeated in the main game, but this time they were Claptrapped, but not any harder or different from their true, former selfs. At the end, I took down a giant Claptrap that spawned an endless army of Claptraps with a few shots from my always helpful turret, a couple grenades, and a tiny pistol that sent shocking bolts of electricity from bot to bot to bot. Credits rolled.

That’s kind of it. It’s mostly one large fetch quest, and then several crawls across the map to fight a boss you already once fought.

The add-on’s biggest re-playability comes in the form of its Achievements, many of which I will not unlock for many, many months. Several are based on collecting special dropped loot from Claptraps, and while there are plenty of chattering robots to shoot, the drop rate of panties, 3D glasses, pizza slices, oil cans, bobbleheads, and fish in bags is amazingly low. Like, staggeringly low. I once spent half an hour and shot up over 50+ Claptraps to only earn a single pair of 3D glasses, and at that point, I had already unlocked It’s so realistic!, the Achievement for getting five 3D glasses. I’ve gone back several times to see if I can inch closer to collecting all these bizarre items, and each time it’s only one or two of the desired loot, more often than not stupid 3D glasses, of which I NEED NO MORE. So that’s annoying.

I guess if there’s anything to be remembered about Claptrap’s New Robot Revolution is that it’s…annoying. Bring it on, Borderlands 2!

A million Claptrap parts is still not enough for Patricia Tannis

I used to love Claptraps. Y’know, those adorable, dancing robot thingies that would give you more inventory space or provide you with access to hidden weapon caches. I even drew them from time to time. And now the romance is over, thanks to the mission flow in Claptrap’s New Robot Revolution, the last bit of DLC for Borderlands.

Upon arrival in Tartarus Station, players meet up with Tannis in her secret workshop. She’s trying to build something and needs claptrap parts to get it done. Thus, you’re given the first mission of the DLC:

• Patricia Tannis needs parts to build her magnificent…something. Head down to the Hyperion Dump and search the scrapped claptraps for parts and bring them back to her. (Clap-Components: 0/5)

Okay, five parts. That should be easy enough, and it is. You head off to the Hyperion Dump to shoot up seemingly endless swarms of angry Claptraps. As their robot bodies explode, they drop parts like gears, wires, and motherboards. Five are quickly acquired, but picking up extra parts don’t add to your collection. In fact, you can’t even really tell how many you have as nothing is actually listed in your inventory. Which sucks considering the next quest from Tannis is this:

• Tannis needs some more parts to complete her creation’s Infinite Improbability Drive. If you can’t find any lying around, just rip them out of some claptrap spines. (Clap-Components: 0/42)

That means any extra parts you previously picked up are nulled. There’s no point in gathering more than what is needed. Kind of stupid in terms of a design process, but whatever. It’s not like we’re gonna have to collect a stadium-load more of these things, right? On to the next quest!

• Tannis needs more parts to ensure the protection grid holds on her device’s ecto-containment unit, safeguarding against total protonic reversal, which would be extraordinarily bad. (Clap-Components: 0/75)

Dammit. Enter Hyperion Dump, shoot Claptraps, exit Hyperion Dump, enter again, rinse and repeat and feel bored. Gee, I wonder what the next quest will be?

• The “popcorn” setting on Tannis’ device is malfunctioning. Well, it’s not so much malfunctioning as creating deadly mutant corn. A few more parts should fix that! (Clap-Components: 0/100)

Oh boy. Good, good. I haven’t collected claptrap parts in ages.

• Just a few more parts and Tannis’ magnum opus shall be revealed! Tremble in fear at the might of Tannis and her fearsome…what is this thing, anyway? (Clap-Components: 0/150)

Go sleep with a badmutha skag, Tannis. You suck.

Let’s do some math. That’s a total of 372 claptrap parts collected. The most frustrating aspect though is that you simply can’t collect claptrap parts as a collectible. Only during these missions do they matter, and once you’ve acquired your target number, the rest are voided of purpose. I know for sure I could have cleared a few of these missions out faster if I’d been allowed to use the previous parts I found while out on the hunt. Would it really have been terribly hard, 2K/Gearbox, to design a slot in your inventory for claptrap parts? Me thinks not.

So, the first five missions in the DLC are a straight collect-a-thon, and not a very fun one at that. And all that work results in Tannis building an android version of herself so she won’t be so lonely anymore. Um…what?

The Collector (50G): Completed Tannis’ crazy request

Crazy disappointing to be more exact.