2013 Game Review Haiku, #16 – Half-Life 2: Episode Two

The Freeman is back
Needs to reach White Forest, does
Despite those Striders

–

These little haikus proved to be quite popular in 2012, so I’m gonna keep them going for another year. Or until I get bored with them. Whatever comes first. If you want to read more words about these games that I’m beating, just search around on Grinding Down. I’m sure I’ve talked about them here or there at some point. Anyways, enjoy my videogamey take on Japanese poetry.

Games Completed in 2011, #38 – Half-Life 2: Episode One

Much to my disliking, I was unable to finish Half-Life 2 due to an annoying switch glitch, and had to move on to the next adventure in the series in a non-traditional manner, with large gaps jumped and story bits left behind. Upon starting Half-Life 2: Episode One, I was pretty confused plot-wise and spent the first hour or so trying to piece everything back together, much like Gordon and Alyx were doing in-game.

However, I think that was my favorite aspect of this bite-sized experience. Not that it was straighter, stronger, and had less driving sequences, but that it paired Gordon and Alyx together for nearly the whole time, and she’s one of the better AI companions I’ve had the pleasure of working with. Her dialogue is believable and delivered emotionally, and it made going forward a less lonesome affair. Plus, y’know…appropriately punny jokes. A digital woman after my own heart. Gameplay still involves shooting enemies until they fall down and solving some light puzzles, mostly involving the Gravity Gun. It’s all very polished, much like in the former Half-Life 2, but just condensed into a nicer-sized package, perfect for running through in a single afternoon.

I think it took me about four hours to complete Half-Life 2: Episode One, and those four hours were amazingly strong, save for a tiring elevator sequence that saw me trying and trying and trying over again to not let falling debris crush Alyx and Gordon to death. Eventually I solved it, but man–it took a handful of attempts. Otherwise, it’s generally clear where to go and what to do next, something I’ve struggled with in Valve’s games up to this point.

At some point, I’ll give Half-Life 2: Episode Two a spin. And maybe even see if I can get past that broken switch in the larger, original game. Maybe. I dunno. I really don’t want to play the majority of that game again, naming the driving sequences and shooting down those attack choppers. Seeing as the Internet is constantly salivating over any and every slip about Half-Life 2: Episode Three/Half-Life 3, of which are constantly turning out to be red herrings, I’m in no rush.

Also, this is the final videogame I completed in 2011, bringing the total number to thirty-eight. Not too shabby, I guess.

Achievements of the Week – The Gambling Rear Entry Escape Edition

Weed, soup, faux air hockey, and Zombine attacks. That about sums up my week on the Xbox 360, but for further clarification, let’s take a look at some Achievements that popped. I’m getting close to 30,000 Gamerscore, which is exciting to nobody but me, and that means I will have to try really hard to get it to land on 30,000 exactly for blogging purposes. You may all start waiting in anticipation starting…now!

Okay, let’s do this.

From L.A. Noire…

So, back duringthose tempting Black Friday sales, I purchased some Microsoft Points and downloaded the remaining two DLC cases I’ve yet to play so far for L.A. Noire. Namely, they are Reefer Madness and A Slip of the Tongue. As always, they were enjoyable and strongly plotted, but far too short again. I finished both in one sitting. I guess, ultimately, this is the type of game I just want more, more, and more of. Sigh…

Femme Imbécile (20G): Correctly branch every question in the interview with Jean Archer.

On my first try, too, without even knowing this Achievement existed! Love that.

Forcible Rear Entry (20G): Enter the Las Palmas stash house via the back door and kill Juan Garcia Cruz.

NO COMMENT.

Soup in the Pot (20G): Open both soup cans in Juan Garcia Cruz’s stash room.

My OCD to check everything lead to this popping. Mental sickness for the win!

From Beyond Good & Evil HD…

Gamble King 2 (15G): Win 3 times in the pellet game against Francis

I think I built this minigame in my mind to be tougher than it actually was. Haven’t played it in so long, and I do remember a lot of grumbling at one point. From me, that is. Francis was loving winning all of Jade’s money back then. But beating Francis three times in 2011 did not take long, just persistence and a keen awareness of where all the pellets are at any given time. Will need to play again later though to win his pearl, but that’s for later.

From Half-Life 2: Episode One…

After Half-Life 2 glitched out on me and ruined all my progress, I said “frak it” to no one in particular and moved on to the next game in the series, which is more of a bite-size experience, but still fun since the gravity gun mechanics remain pivotal to surviving.

Citizen Escort (15G): Don’t let any citizens die when escorting them to the escape train.

Only had to reload a few times due to this one silly citizen constantly getting stuck on a ladder and getting a chest full of bullets for it. Silly citizens.

Escape from City 17 (20G): Escape City 17 with Alyx.

On to Half-Life 2: Episode Two…soonish! I swears it.

—

How did y’all do this week? If you don’t tell me in the comments section below, I’ll never know.

Switch glitch in Nova Prospekt level brings Half-Life 2 to a halt

I keep running into these horrible glitches, but this one’s the worst. Mostly because I can’t seem to find a way around it save for starting Half-Life 2 over entirely, something I’m not interested in at all. Especially considering how long it took me to get to the Nova Prospekt level, which I’d estimate is about three-fourths of the way through it all. Let me explain the problem though.

In the Nova Prospekt level, Gordon Freeman has a bunch of antlions on his side, which make fighting off armed soldiers a lot easier. You just toss this weird, alien ball at a group of them, and the antlions pounce like it’s feeding time. Well, for them, I guess it really is. We’re indoors, at what looks like a security prison of sorts. You eventually stumble across an alien that was tortured to death, and a switch upstairs that opens the main gate, which I assume leads to the level’s exit. I assume because I don’t know. The switch won’t switch on. It just stays red. When it’s on, it should turn green and open some doors. But it does nothing. I even tried throwing a computer keyboard at it.

The worst is that the game autosaves a millisecond before approaching the switch. And unlike Fallout: New Vegas and Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, I do not make a thousand and seven saves. I figured my journey through a linear shooter wouldn’t need it. So, I have a hard save from the beginning of Nova Prospekt and an autosave moments before the switch is to be flipped; reloading neither worked. The switch will not turn on, and after looking around online, I found some other Half-Life 2 players frustrated with the same problem. Sigh…

So, I did something I hate to do: I skipped ahead. Without knowing how Half-Life 2 concludes, I quit to the main menu and started up Half-Life 2: Episode One, and boy was I confused. I guess, in some manner, I know how the previous game ends, but the opening cutscene with the aliens, um, making sexual gestures with Alyx was particularly disturbing. Also, looks like the world has gone to rubble. And dark clouds. And crazy electric storms. Gordon and Alyx, now armed with some vital computer data, have to make it out alive. Episode One plays just like Half-Life 2, but–to my happy surprise–is much more focused and direct, with little room to get lost. Just runnin’ and gunnin’, with no more driving sequences (so far).

Popped a couple of Achievements that I liked, too:

Watch Your Head! (5G): Make it to the bottom of the Citadel’s main elevator shaft in one piece.

Grave Robber (5G): Steal a Zombine’s grenade.

I think this came up shortly after Alyx’s Zombine joke, which was adorable.

Attica! (5G): Destroy the gunship in the hospital attic.

There’s more, but I’ll save ’em for the next edition of Achievements of the Week. Looks like I’m actually on the last level of Episode One, trying to safely get some citizens on a train, which is a little shocking, seeing as I’ve only logged about three hours of gameplay, but probably a good thing. Small chunks of Half-Life 2 are okay with me, especially when I can get through them sans glitches. Think I’ll move on to Episode Two next, and then spend some time reading the Internet on what I missed at the end of Half-Life 2. Because I’m not going back and playing that thing over again; you couldn’t pay me money to drive that horrible airboat or take down that hunter-chopper again. Well, wait. That depends, I guess. It’d have to be a lot of money. Throw down your best offer.