This fresh meat is Rage’s latest MVP

I’m still not completely enamored with Rage, which is somewhat striking considering its similarities to Borderlands and Fallout 3. Granted, it’s not exactly the same as those other games, but it has elements or an essence of, such as kooky character designs, a barren wasteland thriving with mutants and bandits, and the use of vehicles for getting from point A to point B.

Evidently, Rage also has some online multiplayer, and it’s on a separate disc, too. Split into two types, there’s the Legend of the Wastes co-op challenges and Road Rage matches. The former are specially created missions meant to be played with a partner, and the latter consists of racing around a map, shooting other players and collecting special nodes to acquire points and hold the lead. Chances are I’ll never get to play Rage co-op–unless someone reading this has a copy of the game for Xbox 360 and wants to be my friend, then please, by all means, message me (gamertag: PaulyAulyWog)–so I did some Road Rage matches for about half an hour, climbing from a Level 1 wasteland racer to a Level 4 wasteland racer. Woo. I also earned the following two Achievements:

Fresh Meat (10G): Complete a public Road RAGE match

MVP (20G): Get first place in a public Road RAGE match

The first one’s pretty simple, but let me tell you how I got the second one. Sure, there’s a story; there’s always a story. For Road Rage, I ended up getting into an online party consisting of two little boys (both Level 1s) and some male adult (Level 20). Yeah, it was a little awkward. Anyways, the first few matches consisted of the Level 20 guy murdering us; me, I was still learning the rules and how to play, and the kids, well, they were little kids, not too skilled and very vocal about it. Eventually, the Level 20 guy mentioned he had to use the restroom, but that we should continue with a match anyways. And so we did. The two kids, who I assume were friends, ended up getting stuck in rocks or the landscape right from the get-go, begging each other to shoot the other in hopes of respawning–which never happened–and so I was free to roam the map, collecting all the power-ups and points and killing an idle Level 20’s vehicle over and over and over. I won the match with ease and never said a word to anyone.

So, yeah, I cheesed my way to the top of a match, but whatever. I probably would’ve gotten it eventually, as Road Rage isn’t too difficult to figure out. It’s somewhat fun, but there’s not a whole lot of incentive to keep playing; leveling up earns new vehicles and weapons for these vehicles, but I did just fine with the little ol’ scout. You can also unlock new badges and skin jobs, but meh. Plus, and here’s where y’all can call me a whore, there’s no more Achievements left associated to Road Rage matches.

Back to shooting mutants badly in Rage and running out of ammo, I guess.

Playing the Ludum Dare 22 Winners, #7 – The Last Geek

The Last Geek–the number seven spot from the top fifty Ludum Dare 22 winners–is quite impressive, but I don’t like it. Made by Robotic, this challenging run and jump and escape death by a fraction of a centimeter platformer certainly wears its influences proudly for all to see. And that’s kind of funny, considering the main character, the titular last geek, is naked save for a scarf and a generously placed leaf. But yeah, this is another take on Super Meat Boy and I Wanna Be the Guy, where gameplay is punishing and controls are crisp, requiring precise timing and endurance and quick reflexes. Alas, I’m terrible at those kind of games, being not quick enough to wall-jump my way to safety let alone make it to the tea kettle in time before it starts shrieking.

Okay, so in The Last Geek, there’s a story. No, really. It’s completely random and amorphous, told with some mediocre drawings that go by a little too fast to actually be read, all leading to our nudist stumbling across the factory of a mad scientist who is harvesting body parts. For what? Your guess is as good as mine. World domination, probably. This is a neat story device though that it makes for great division, devoting a room to each body part. Eyes, arms, legs, a heart, a soul, and more. The last geek must remake a girl to repopulate Earth, I guess.

Unfortunately, out of all the The Last Geek‘s rooms, I could only complete one of them, earning a single body part: the left arm. A nice touch in the game is that your dead forms remain on the spikes, often leading to a room filled with multiple versions of the last geek, all dead, all pierced and poised. At one point, I tried to make enough piles of myself on a set of spikes to be able to safely jump on them and get across a tricky gap. Didn’t work. I know, I know. I am teh suckiest. But it’s hard as heck to wall-jump using only the directional buttons and avoid buzzsaws of death. You try it. No, I insist. Go here and try it.

Playing the Ludum Dare 22 Winners, #8 – Locked Away

Next on our list of top dog Ludum Dare 22 creations is a mostly vertical platformer called Locked Away. Made by MoltenMustafa, it starts out strong, asking the player to choose a color before a difficulty setting. I really liked that, and I went with green and Easy for my first run. We then get some side-scrolling text: They locked me away in here. On Christmas day. All alone. Poor kid. And with that, we’re plopped into the game, ready to make our little lonely avatar climb to the top of the map while avoiding enemies. The graphics are retro and crisp, and the controls and movement speed of the avatar is surprisingly fast and responsive. Touching an enemy kills you, bringing you back to an unannounced checkpoint–all of which happens in the blink of an eye. That helps to keep one playing as you can just keep trying to make that jump up until you get it.

Easy is definitely easy. You learn some of the game’s tricks here, like how to time jumps and hit semi-hidden platforms to open up a new path. It doesn’t take terribly long to get to the end of the map. Normal difficulty, however, proved to be problematic for me; I ended up getting stuck between two platforms of moving enemies and just couldn’t squeeze by them without getting hit. I decided to try Hard out, sticking with the good ol’ green, and this time, you’re falling, trying to avoid hitting obstacles. Kind of like in ‘Splosion Man. You basically have to learn where everything is and memorize it; beating Hard got me an end game screen, which had a house and present box on it, but these were upside-down. Not sure if that was intended or some faulty coding

So yeah, I beat Easy and Hard, but can’t get past one part in Normal. Go figure. Y’all should play it though as it is quick and enjoyable, with tight controls. Just remember to choose green as your color. Green is the only way to play.

Achievements of the Week – The Gangsta in Space with a Lead Foot Reality Climax Edition

Well, after the crazy catch-up from the last Achievements of the Week, this edition is going to look somewhat slim. We can blame that on the living room being way too cold and that my gaming time this week was limited since I began working on a new minicomic, as well as put together a fancy All of Westeros postcard to give out at some upcoming conventions. I did, however, beat Saints Row: The Third over the weekend, and so most of the Achievements come from that title, with Rage slipping in one as I slowly get my way back into that game.

Enough rambling. Let me show you some shiny Achievements.

From Saints Row: The Third…

kill-deckers.exe (25G): Completed ‘http://deckers.die’, 01100010011011110110111101100010.

Readers of Grinding Down might recall I was having some trouble with this mission. Thankfully, after letting the Xbox 360 sit unused for a whole day and reloading the mission from a different hard save, I was able to continue forward with the boss battle, kicking Matt’s ass like only a Saint could. Anyone know what those numbers translate to?

Gangstas…In Space! (30G): Completed Act 3 in another way.

I edited this Achievement’s text to keep y’all unspoiled, but this is basically the one you get when you finish the final story mission. It’s a hoot, y’all.

Have A Reality Climax (20G): Completed all instances of Professor Genki’s Super Ethical Reality Climax.

My favorite activity in Saints Row: The Third, and so it is also the first activity I completed each instance of first. Well, not counting Guardian Angel, but those activities were tied to story stuff. Loved all the funny commentary as I ran around, shooting mascots and dodging flamethrower traps.

Gender Equality (10G): Played for 2 hours as a male and female, we’re an equal opportunity offender.

Yup, I made the switch. You just go to a cosmetic surgery shop, drop some moolah, agree to the fact that this change will be permanent, and poof, there goes your look. Though I did try to maintain as much of my former male self in the process, keeping the weight, hipster glasses, and facial hair in place. I think I make a decent lady and an even more amazing superheroine:

From Rage…

Lead Foot (10G): Win a Race in the Campaign

So, I finally arrived at Goodsprings…I mean, Wellspring, which looks like the main hub city of Rage‘s wasteland. Here you can shop, store vehicles in your own personal garage, play multiple minigames, and race for money. I did the first race available on the easiest level and breezed my way to the finish line. I can only suspect–and hope–that they get a little more challenging down the line.

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That’s it for me. As always, I aim to do even better this week. Gotta play clean-up with Saints Row: The Third and maybe give Rage another shake or two. How did you all do this week? Any long-term Achievement goals for 2012? Speak up in the comments section below for all to read.

The final sidequests in Chrono Trigger are deceptively tough

Yup, another progress report for Chrono Trigger. Last night, thanks to the excessive use of the Dual Tech called Ice Sword and by stocking up my team (Crono, Marle, and Ayla) with fire-resistant armor, I was able to kick Rust Tyrano’s rusty butt, discover the Rainbow Shell directly behind it, and bring said treasure back to Guardia Castle. I expected some kind of reward right there and then, but was surprised to learn that I’d have to do some time-traveling to see if anything was to come of the legendary shell. Ah, this sidequest was not over yet. Back in the future, the trial of the century is happening; I won’t spoil what happens next, but it was a nice moment for Marle and her father, and as a reward, I got Melchior to make her a new dress from the Rainbow Shell.

Again, just like last time, I’m now at some crossroads. Here’s the list of Chrono Trigger sidequests available to do before taking on big ol’ smelly, the it of the hour, the not-so-lovable Lavos:

• Ozzie’s Fort – Finished this one and even found the secret room that housed all the best gear for Magus, a dude I am so not interested in using. I tossed him into my party once for a few fights and then got rid of him. No Dual Techs? Get outta here.
• Northern Ruins – Thanks to Epoch, I found a ruined castle with the ghost of Cyrus in it. We fought, I did no damage to him, and the battle ended after a bit, with Frog trying to make contact with his old friend who was sadly having a case of the jimmy arms. That was it. Nothing else seemed to happen, and I’m not sure what it is we’re doing wrong–I figured having Frog in the party was the trick to getting this sidequest started. Guess not.
• The Sunken Desert – I went into the quicksand hole, cleared out some enemies, grabbed all items from the treasure chests, and then died fighting the skeleton boss there, the infamous Retinite. He’s kind of a boney jerk. Couldn’t figure out a good pattern to beating him, as physical attacks raised his defense and water spells lowered it, but by the time I got something going there I had to call it quits in order to heal up my peeps. And then mass destruction was dropped on our heads. Dead, dead, and dead.
• The Sun Stone – Haven’t even attempted this one yet. Not sure what exactly I’m supposed to do.
• The Rainbow Shell – Just completed it last night.
• King Guardia’s Trial – Same as above, which seem to go hand-in-hand with each other. I picked the Prism Dress over the three Prism Helms. Hope that was a good decision. Wait. Why can’t Melchior make all the items? It’s not like the Rainbow Shell got used up to craft the dress. It’s still in Guardia Castle’s basement. I can see it. It’s right there.
• Geno Dome – I dropped Robo into my party, headed to that nasty vision of the future, and started this sidequest proper. Mother Brain–no, not that one–contacts Robo at the Geno Dome, curious about his human companions, and the gang begins exploring. I got pretty far into the factory, but then the game threw some switch puzzles at us, and I couldn’t really figure out where to go next. So I left and haven’t been back.
• The Black Omen/The Final Battle – SO NOT READY YET. Though I think I did accidentally stumble into the final fight once already. I fought Lavos for a good twenty minutes or so, getting pretty far down his line of changing battle formations, but he got us in the end, destroying the world yet again. Kind of worried that my party is still not up to snuff in terms of equipment and experience for the finale. Ugh.

Not really sure what to do. I’m still itching to see this game come to a conclusion, but a few of these sidequests are strikingly unclear. I know in my heart of hearts that I’m missing a ton of items and story bits by not tracking down every place and puzzle to unravel, but I think I am just going to fly to The Black Omen next and see what my group can do. Now, the true question remains: should I take it on in 12,000 BC, 600 AD, or 1,000 AD?

Playing the Ludum Dare 22 Winners, #9 – Craequ

The number nine spot from Ludum Dare 22’s top 50 submissions is called Craequ, and it was created in under forty-eight hours by Jonathan Whiting. That name is seemingly familiar to me, but after perusing his website I’ve learned that I’ve never played anything else by him. Though his style is unique and heavy on pixels, so I am instantly a fan. Reminds me of VVVVVV. Anyways…

Craequ loads up very fast to a small room with blocks in the center of it. The music has an odd tribal sound to it, almost captivating. One block of the bunch is blinking, and using the arrow keys I can move a featureless white avatar around. No instructions or assisting text is available. I can’t seem to move the blocks and standing on a symbol tile at the bottom of the room makes a strange sound, but otherwise does nothing. I then discover that I can go up to a second screen. A giant, flashing orb teleports me elsewhere when I touch it, and the music changes. I am then introduced to the first puzzle of the game; a trio of movable blocks will open up certain pathways, but it all depends on where you line them up. Eventually, I’m teleported back to the beginning screen where a single block is now moveable. Locking this into the right spot opens up more pathways…and more teleporting orbs. This pattern persists for a few more rooms before I decide that I’ve played enough.

A simple design and even simpler look are nice and easy to grasp, but the gameplay didn’t grip me for very long. I can only go from so many rooms to so many rooms. Craequ definitely fit the theme of “alone,” but maybe a little more guidance or purpose would’ve helped. Onwards to the number eight spot!

Playing the Ludum Dare 22 Winners, #10 – Soliloquy

I had some serious great luck the last time I perused the Ludum Dare website and some of the contest’s entries, finding the gem BATHOS in a sea of contenders. The twenty-second edition of the “create a videogame in a single weekend” challenge just happened in late December 2011, and site users have voted on the top 50 games based on things like graphics, sound, fun, innovation, use of theme (alone), and so on. The winning lineup went up the other day.

Now, I’m not going to be a crazy bearded mountain man and try to play all 50 of these homemade brews, but I think trying out the top 10 is worthwhile. I mean, these are the ones that got the most love by a large community of indie game makers and fans, and glancing at teaser images for them, well, a lot of them look neat. Saw some pixel art and started salivating. Plus, I’m still slowly gearing up internally for the idea that maybe 2012 will be the year I learn how to make a game; playing these can only add to my experience.

So, first up, we have Soliloquy, created by the user Friedrich Hanisch, also known as ratking. The game is described as so: In this game you are split. You are one person, alone in a lifeless world – but you have two souls, which have to work together. Okay, got it. I am playing it over the web, and it opens up in a first-person perspective looking down an empty hallway made up of large, texture-less, purple and pink polygons. There’s a constant feed of white noise. Somewhere, a baby giggles. WASD moves you forward and the space bar lets you jump.

The beginning part is just moving down this short hallway, jumping small gaps while pondering where exactly you are as well as why it all looks so boring. Found the stage’s exit, which took us to a new room of floating platforms. Time to jump around; I instantly miss the first big leap and fall into the abyss. There’s more jumping, and then the soul-switching mechanic comes into play–and it ruins everything for me. By clicking the left or right mouse buttons, you sort of split the world into two perspectives of the same image, one layered hazily on top of the other; not really sure how to use this trick to complete the level, and then I started getting a headache, bringing our time with Soliloquy to an end.

Not bad. Very unique idea that just didn’t work for me and my bad eyes. I played for about 10 minutes or so. Give it a try, I say. There’s also a post-competition version that tweaks things like mouse sensitivity. Onwards to the number nine spot!

Grinding Down’s most wanted videogames in 2012

The other night, as I curled up in bed under the heated blanket and the security of wrappings, I began to think about the games I’m most excited for in 2012. And sadly, I could only come up with two titles off the top of my head. That can’t be right…right? I mean, I know 2011 was a huge year full of big ol’ videogames, but there had to be some other solid stuff still in the pipeline. And yeah, after scouring the Interwebz, I found a few more that I’d like to try out in the new year. Whew. And so I now list ’em below for your convenience:

Animal Crossing 3DS

Not sure if Animal Crossing 3DS is going to be the actual title of the latest edition of Nintendo’s cutesy life sim, but at this point, it might as well be since we’ve had nothing else to go with for so very long. But I’m so ready to get back into the swing of daily living, collecting furniture and talking to neighbors and fishing and special town events and so on. Heck, after the lame Pilotwings Resort and the ultra difficult Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor Overclocked, this will probably be the third retail game I purchase for my Nintendo 3DS. Crazy, huh?

Please come out sooner than later.

Borderlands 2

Pew pew pew. I loved Borderlands for its setting and shooting and silly characters, not its story, and that’s all I’m looking forward to in the sequel, more setting and shooting and silly characters. Minus evil Claptraps though. Hey, if they add a story in this time, that’s even better, but I’m not expecting much. I just want to get back on Pandora, shoot some bandits, and collect a crazy amount of guns. No solid release date yet for this beast.

Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning

I don’t know. It’s more fantasy-themed RPGing with a really generic name. I get a Fable II vibe from it with a stronger attention to combat, but with a much larger world to explore. And you can be sneaking, too. I’m in.

Suikoden: The Woven Web of a Century

Sigh. I was so excited when I caught wind of a new Suikoden game coming out. And then I learned it was only for one system, and a stupid one at that. I think I’m almost at the point that I’ll buy a stupid PSP just to play the newest Suikoden game. Those things should be dirt cheap now that the PS Vita is coming out next month. Maybe? Maaaaaaybe…

Game of Thrones

Not the RTS game, silly. There’s an RPG coming out just before season two kicks off on HBO in April. In this one, we get to play as new characters–one’s a shapeshifter and the other a red priest–and see some known Westeros events from their eyes. I have to wonder if it’ll feel too videogamey for its own good, but maybe it’ll be fun. I know George R.R. Martin has been involved in the project somewhat and even ends up making a cameo as a maester (with glasses). Given my love for the books and the show and the many, many characters, I am a little worried that I will over-scrutinize the thing and hate it for not being perfect.

Fez

A puzzle platformer with a unique style and perspective-shifting mechanic to it. The protagonist, a creature named Gomez, rocks a fez of its own and is obsessed with collecting hats, which sounds about right to me. Fez will be out on XBLA in early 2012, so maybe this month, maybe next month, or maybe the one after that. I’ll keep my eyes peeled for it nonetheless.

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Now, many of you are probably wondering why I haven’t included such heavy-hitters like Mass Effect 3 or BioShock Infinite on my latest do want list. Well, first things first, I’d probably have to finish Mass Effect 2 to get excited for the next adventure, and while I did eventually learn to enjoy BioShock, that kind of gun gameplay is too stressful for me. Too many times did I just sit in a corner of a room, listening to the noises around me, afraid to move a centimeter forward.

But what about y’all? What new games coming out in 2012 are you most excited for? Tell me below and convince me I should want them, too.

Lizard Guy and Centaur knocking down doors in Munchkin 8

Another year, another mass of uncountable Munchkin releases. I think that should be printed on a banner and hung in the atrium that leads to the Steve Jackson Games sweatshop. The group just got done having a jam-packed 2011 with Munchkin Axe Cop and Munchkin Zombies. Just off the top of my head, for 2012, we have the following pieces coming out: Munchkin The Guild booster pack, Munchkin Skullkickers thingy, Munchkin Conan the Barbarian core set, the most anticipated number of them all Munchkin Apocalypse, and lastly Munchkin 8: Half Horse, Will Travel.

I’m sure there’s more, but speaking of that last one, I just saw the first spoilers of the new expansion set and they have magically got me excited for original Munchkin, a core set that keeps growing to numbers that are basically unplayable, making me like it less and less as time goes on. In case you don’t know, I dislike having to shuffle 1,000 cards.

Ya ready? Feast your eyes on these new Races then:

I apologize for the teeny tiny images, but that’s all that’s out there currently. Here are the cards in raw text format:

CENTAUR
Two Left Feet: You may use two footgear.
Leader of the Herd: You may have any number of steeds in play.

LIZARD GUY
Cold-Blooded: “Usable once only” Items that you play to help the monsters count double.
Drop Your Tail: You get +1 to Run Away from Level 10-15 monsters and +2 to Run Away from Level 16 and higher monsters.

In short, Centaur is surprisingly boring, but LIZARD GUY IS FREAKING SPECTACULAR. Like, if this was Magic the Gathering, I’d totally construct a deck just around him. Both his abilities are stellar, and both seem to have the potential to be game-changers, whether it is truly screwing over a fellow Munchkin-er with a +20 enhancer or getting the heck out of Dodge when Cowthulhu shows up. I don’t yet have all the expansions for vanilla Munchkin–I really do need to make a checklist at this point–but this latest one might have join in on all the fun. I totally want to be a High Lizard Guy Thief with the Dagger of Treachery and maybe the Kneepads of Allure. Mmm, yes. That’s exactly what I want to be.

Games Completed in 2011, #36 – The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Don’t panic, dear readers. Yes, it is still 2012, the year of our unmaking. We did not travel back in time by nine days and some change. Instead, since I’m slow and sometimes lazy and not the best of planners, I did not get to write about all the games I completed in 2011 in 2011. So there’s some carryover. No big deal, really. I just need to type up some words on The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Professor Layton and the Last Specter, and Half-Life 2: Episode One before moving on to a brand new list for a brand new year, which, I might add, already has an entry. That said, expect me to bang out these three final posts for my Games Completed in 2011 list this week.

Right. Completing The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim seems like an odd thing to say, as I both have done it and have not. I have finished the main story questline, killing dragons and dragon supporters and dragon masters and all that. I have made my way to the top of the power heap in both the Mages Guild and Thieves Guild. I have raised a skill to 100 and bought a house in Whiterun and earned a bit of gold and did some errands for Daedric gods and goddesses. My save slot says I’ve played for around 75 hours or so, and there’s still more for my character Lohgahn to do.

It’s kind of crazy to consider that after such a long amount of playing, I’ve not even touched any of the civil war story stuff. Not a single thing. I kind of feel like my Imperial will side with the Stormcloaks since he’s none too pleased with almost being put to death by, uh, his Imperial brethren, but later on, during the main storyline, I kind of slighted Ulfric , and now it seems odd to pick either/or. I guess I wish that the civil war missions were interspersed into the main story stuff to make it seem more important, but given how optional it is, I dunno. Maybe it’d be better to save that stuff for a new character, as I do want to try a non-stealth route to get a better feel for the combat or deadly use of magic.

Despite being full of bugs and glitches–some more annoying than others–the realm of Skyrim is deeply impressive. It’s not all just snow and mountains and snowy mountains, which is appreciated, and the designs of dungeons, caves, and ancient ruins are ten times better than in Oblivion, making them fun to explore. Toss in the addition of shortcuts for exiting said dungeons, caves, and ancient ruins as an extra bonus, and you’ve got some great design work here. At this point, I haven’t even fully explored all the major towns yet, as well as not even hitting 100 locations discovered. There’s so much life in Skyrim that one might honestly not ever see it all.

Not all is perfect in Bethesda’s newest mammoth. The dragon fights can be pretty lame thanks to kiting or horses joining in or the dragons themselves glitching into a rock. Conversations, while not as stiff as previous games, are still pretty robotic. The menus are easier to navigate, but I wish there was a better way to see what your character looks like with all your glass armor and enchanted weapons.

I haven’t touched The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim in a couple weeks now, but I suspect I’ll hop back in soon enough to do some more quests and maybe whittle away at my ever-growing miscellaneous objectives list. Or just start over with another character. But not until I get at least 100,000 gold in my pockets.