UNO, fun for all

I already talked about my lackluster experience of online gaming with Grand Theft Auto IV, and now I’m here to balance the act. I loaded up UNO, donned my headset and quickly joined a game of four. That’s three other players, all of them real. None of this ORANGE PLAYER killjoy. Anyways, for the first round, I was the only one talking. Yup, to myself. Just making happy/sad noises as the game went on, and eventually two others turned on their headsets, leading to topics about frustration, how they should add new colors like purple, and why Kanye West was not chatting with us (his avatar certainly looked the part). It made for a calm, relaxing game…even as we were throwing draw 4s on each other!

It’s also more fun to shout “UNO!” to faraway people than the dustballs under my kitchen table. I’m just sayin’.

Grand Theft Auto IV multiplayer, home of hostility

Last night, I took advantage of the free Gold access weekend for Xbox LIVE and played a single deathmatch round of Grand Theft Auto IV. It was a pretty terrible experience. Let me break it down for you.

First, I had to use the Internet to figure out how to start a multiplayer game. Evidently it’s via Niko’s cell phone. Makes sense now, but at the time I was just kind of boggled and running around his stupid apartment, dry-humping the fridge in hopes that it would take me where I needed to go. Kind of wish GTA IV had, um, a main menu screen or something.

Second, I decided to see what it was like to use the headset and chat with fellow gamers. Er, big mistake. While waiting for a game to load and get enough players, I listened to what might have been a beached whale moaning out in displeasure. Then someone kept calling someone else a Nazi. Lastly, this little kid just kept screaming, “COME ON! START! STAAAAAAAAAAAART! STARRRRRRRTF*CKERS I WANNA GO!”

Yeah, I remained silent the whole.

Third, the deathmatch itself. I had no idea what to expect…only to shoot other players as much as possible, die, respawn, and try again. And that’s mostly what I did. For 10 straight minutes. Sometimes I’d just die, respawn, die, respawn, die. Every now and then I’d get lucky and take someone out. I guess the goal was to kill as many enemy players and collect as much cash as possible. I didn’t win after 10 minutes, but I unlocked two Achievements and immediately turned the game off.

It was a very…empty experience. The level we were on was an airport (which I don’t think I’ve come across yet in the single-player mode), and you could run behind planes or hide behind boxes or desperately try and survive out on the open-as-all-gets runway. Listening to other players as they made unhuman noises and called them nasty words only made the deathmatch more not-fun. There seemed to be little skill involved the whole time; a lot factored on where and when you respawned, which ultimately would determine if you did or did not get the jump on other players. So you run around, you shoot things, you listen to people moan, and you do it all over again. Um…meh.

Don’t think I’ll try any of the team or racing multiplayer games after this, too. But I guess I’m in the rare here because there were a lot of gamers on last night, all ready to pew pew pew me in the head. To each their own, I suppose.

Free Xbox Live Gold for Silver Members this weekend

Attention fellow poor Xbox LIVE Silver accounts! Microsoft will be allowing us free “Gold access” from noon ET April 1, 2010 until noon ET April 5, 2010. This means you can try out Facebook, Twitter, last.fm, Netflix, online gaming and so forth.

What it means to me is the chance to nab some online-only Achievements.

Alas, as it always seems to happen, these free weekends pop up when I am traveling and can’t console game as much as I’d like. But I’m still going to make an attempt because I’m never going to be rich enough (or social enough) to pay for a Gold account and well, deep down inside, I like playing games to completion (or as far as a completion can go) and that means Achievements, too. So let’s take a look at my collection and what I might try to go after…

UNO: UNO Shark Win ten 4-player games of UNO, in any mode, on Xbox Live.

SEGA Superstars Tennis: There’s seven online-only Achievements, none of which sound very hard to unlock skill-wise. The major hiccup is if anyone else will be playing the game too.

Grand Theft Auto IV: There’s a slew for this game, but I’m really bad at driving and even worse at shooting things. The controls, they are not solid. Hence the reason I’ve not gotten very far in the single player mode. Might dip into an online game once to see how it plays, but I seriously doubt trying to get any of these in the long run. A lot sound really tough to get.

Banjo Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts: Will probably have the same problem with SEGA Superstars Tennis. No one around to play this anymore.

Fable II: The Dollcatcher Collect all the Hero dolls, or see another Hero collect them. Please, someone, anyone…just send them to me!

That’s actually it from my Xbox 360 collection for online-only Achievements. Wish me luck and/or help me out if you feel pity for me. I’m okay with pity help.

Guess who is the Ultimate Dragon Warrior?

The following is unexplainable. No, really. I can’t explain it.

I popped Kung Fu Panda back into my Xbox 360 last night and played for a little bit. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY.

Okay, okay. I have a suspicion why, and it has to do with Achievements. Curiously, the last time I played was on 5/11/2009, and while perusing my list of Achievements I noticed that there were some that sounded like they were pretty easy and I wondered why I hadn’t unlocked them before. I mean, the majority left are completing levels on 100% on the Dragon Warrior difficulty, which is not a true challenge. Just a time waster, which is probably why I didn’t go after them initially. Anyways, after thirty minutes or so, I popped the following cherries:

Level 11 100% Completion! (20G): Completed level “The Palace” 100%.

Ultimate Dragon Warrior (30G): All Upgrades have been purchased.

Easy peasy. Might go for a few more just because most of the other console games I’m playing currently really require a lot free headspace, of which I’m running low on.

Also, some things never change: the camera is still horrible and the faux Jack Black voice confuses me every time.

Size matters, but not to me

For Fallout 3, there’s a varied choice of weaponry: you can go unarmed, you can wield melee weapons like the über awesome Deathclaw Glove, you can toss and set explosives, you can use an array of small guns,you can zap enemies into piles of ash and green goo thanks to energy weapons like the Plasma Rifle, and you can totally demolish just about anything with big guns. Seriously, a Raider is not going to get up after you set a mini nuke off on his/her head.

But get ready for a humdinger.

Of those weapon types just listed and after a collective total of 120 hours spent scouring the Wasteland, I’ve never used a big gun. Not even once. Both my good karma and evil karma characters have instantly attached themselves to smaller weaponry, Chinese Assault Rifle and energy weapons, respectively, and any time I come across a big gun in the wild or off a bullet-infested Super Mutant, I either leave it where it is or sell it as soon as possible. Even missiles, which do not take up inventory space, get sold because I know that, no matter the what and when of the situation, I will never launch them.

I wonder what Sigmund Freud would have to say about this pic.

For one to roleplay Fallout 3 using only big guns…well, that’s a bit challenge at the start. They are hard to come by, weigh a lot, and are often usually in bad condition upon first looting. There’s only a couple of perks to help you on your way to mastering them as well. When you leave Vault 101, you will most likely have a pistol, a police baton, and your jumpsuit. From there, finding or purchasing a good one will take time and a lot of effort. But ammo is scarce, they are not the best weapons in close quarters or when being sneaky is vital, and they even have a greater chance of injuring the Lone Wanderer.

One might assume that some of the tougher enemies like Deathclaws and Super Mutant Behemoths can only be killed via big guns. Those folks are wrong. I’ve dropped a ‘Claw or two thanks to a well-placed bottlecap mine and some undetected shots to the head with Lincoln’s Repeater.

I appreciate that big guns are there in the world and love taking down those that wield gatling guns and such, but I don’t ever really expect to use them. They don’t fit my playing style, now or ever really. After all, Paul means small. And yes, I know I just set myself up there. Go on, try me.

SEGA Superstars Tennis is a great videogame to play when you don’t want to play a videogame

Hmm…longest blog post title yet for Grinding Down?

Well, let me explain a bit.

Lately, I’ve been playing a good number of what I refer to as “heavy” games. These are the often emotionally draining experiences that take hours upon hours to complete, let alone get into. Examples include BioShock, Dragon Age: Origins, and Fallout 3. In fact, I actually stopped playing BioShock for about a month because I couldn’t handle the pressure of not knowing where every enemy was and when it would attack me and omg what made that sound. Eventually I got over this, but still, it was a game I had to really be in the mood for, except at the end when I just rushed through to kill that horribly done final boss. However, sometimes I just want to mindlessly play a videogame; y’know, tap buttons until it is time to go to bed.

So I have a few of these cuts that I keep on the side to play when I need a mental breather. I’ll talk about the others later on, but for now enter…SEGA Superstars Tennis. I bought this game used for $4.99, and it’s everything I thought it would be. You play as Sonic (or select from a range of other SEGA-owned characters) and you play tennis. You can also select to not play tennis and enter a world of odd yet highly varied mini-games that will unlock music tracks and bonus levels. This is where I’ve been spending most of my time.

The mini-games all use the tennis court layout, but their objectives are all different. On the House of the Dead court, you’ll play a Space Invaders-like game, hitting zombie targets as they draw closer to you; the Jet Set Radio court puts you to the task of “tagging” graffiti; Super Monkey Ball is all about hitting balls into hoops for points, and the Puyo Puyo court involves you saving tiny critters by getting them into rockets via moving arrows. Just to name a few.

The nature of these mini-games are why SEGA Superstars Tennis is a solid videogame to play when you don’t want to play a videogame. For most of them, you barely have to do much other than hit A and steer the ball in the right direction. Get a grade of an “A” or higher and you unlock the next mission, stage, music track, and so on. It is constantly rewarding you for playing, which is effective. And some (not all) of the music tracks are really great. I’d constantly find myself trying to keep a volley session going between myself and Ulala (from Space Channel 5) just to hear the whole tune.

But yeah, for around five bucks, it’s an excellent filler between those heavy gaming sessions, one that I welcome every time. Alas, I’m almost done with every mission. Gotta look for another cheapy title to fill the void eventually.

This is difficult to write about, or Dragon Age: Origins is hard

Recently, with Dragon Age: Origins, I found myself doing something I can’t recall ever doing with another videogame. I changed the difficulty…from Normal to Casual.

This decision stemmed from playing the same scenario over and over again to no success; it was not the first Ogre fight as depicted above, but rather a small fight while on the quest for the urn of Andraste’s ashes, where two mages and a group of soldiers slaughtered my team each and every time. I even tried switching up combat tactics, but to no avail. I found myself unable to move forward in the game, and I couldn’t pinpoint why. Did I lack the skills? Is Dragon Age: Origins grossly unbalanced? Is it a mix of both questions?

It was not something I wanted to do, trust me. I want to play games as they are intended to be played. In my mind, this is how it works: Casual is a setting for those that can’t cut it, Normal is how the developers expect you to experience their creation, and Hard is for masochists. Rarely do I go up or down, always comfortable in the middle. I even maintained the same difficulty setting through Mass Effect and BioShock, eventually learning to save often and get better.

But the combat tactics are hard to manage and mostly unreliable, with Alistair constantly charging straight to his death no matter what I try, and the difficulty spikes in Dragon Age: Origins are about as predictable as picking the next set of winning lottery numbers (4 8 15 16 23 42). I’d end up using every last healing potion on one fight, and then have to desperately crawl my way on a wing and a prayer through the remainder. It made for tough, frustrating times, and was all around just not a lot of fun.

And I wanted to have fun, see more Ferelden. Thanks to Casual, I have. But I wish it didn’t to have to come to such drastic measures.

IMPRESSIONS: Just Cause 2

The demo for Just Cause 2 is undeniably the most open demo I’ve experienced so far. You are shown a mini cutscene kind of explaining why Rico Rodriguez is heading to the fictional tropical island of Panau in Southeast Asia. And then, well…you have 30 minutes to do whatever you want.

The developers would love (and reward you) if you devoted the next half hour of gaming to causing as much chaos as possible. The demo features an area of 35 square miles located in the desert, with light aircraft and many civilian and military vehicles available. There’s plenty to see and do…and destroy.

Controls take a bit getting used to, especially the grappling hook. I wasn’t comfortable using it until about 20 minutes had passed, and then I was zipping from building to building, car to car, tree to tree. It made getting out of tough situations a breeze, and using it to take down guards is fun and imaginative.

Right, back to causing chaos. Love that this is Just Cause 2‘s currency, and that the player is rewarded for going ape-shit. Since it took me awhile to get the hang of parachuting and moving from zone to zone, I caused very little chaos during my 30 minutes. Some chaos, mind you, but not enough to make newspaper headlines. Will try harder next time to, y’know, maybe hook a guard to a moving car and then crash it into some water tanks while parachuting off it to safety some many yards away. Amazingly, that’s all very possible.

Anyways, it’s a refreshing demo, one that I can see myself heading back into again and again to try out new stuff. Not sure if the full game would be for me as a lot of open-world games lose their appeal early on, but this is perfect for getting a feel for the game’s nuances and desires. Let the chaos continue!

Puzzle Quest 2: Electric Boogaloo

After attempting to win over the galaxies, the fun and addictive Bejeweled-to-the-extreme puzzle game is back…with Puzzle Quest 2! Don’t believe me? Well, check out this debut trailer:

As the vid shows, the basics are all there. You will travel around a map–though this one is much more detailed and Diablo-like, fighting monsters via matching gems. Spells get animations, and there’s loot to be earned. Even if they didn’t add new stuff to Puzzle Quest 2, I’d still want to play it. Because I’m a fiend, people. A gem-flopping fiend.

However, try as I might, I’ve yet to beat Lord Bane from Puzzle Quest: Challenge of the Warlords. Can never get the upper hand on him and his “oh, let me take eight turns in a row and do 79 damage to you, too” tendencies. And now his generic yet profound name finally makes sense.

Last two Fallout 3 quests completed

Over the weekend, I jumped back into the Capital Wasteland to finish up the last two quests tied to Achievements for Fallout 3. These were You Gotta Shoot ‘Em in the Head and Reilley’s Rangers.

The former quest I avoided during my first playthrough, as it most definitely clashed with my super-duper angelic nature and soul. Can’t just go around shooting people in the head, even if they are bigots and hate ghouls of all shapes and colors. Trust me. I kinda wanted to. Thanks to my evil, I could, and each and every racist Wastelander got what they deserved. Red-headed Samantha shot them square-on with a 47 damage Chinese Assault Rifle.

For reasons I don’t know, I just never picked up the latter quest from one sickly Reilly in the Underworld. Must have missed her. You can play it evil or good or neutral, and I actually achieved good karma by accident by helping the rangers out. Don’t worry. I remedied this later when back at Ranger Compound where I planted some conveniently-placed mines and slaughtered everyone that made it safely back home. Yeah, being evil can be fun, but I still feel ultimately guilty over the action.

Okay, that’s the last two quests down and out. I’m now at 64 out of 72 Achievements, and I really really want to get a full Gamerscore for Fallout 3. Can’t just have the LEGO games riding forever high on my list. All that’s left are the karma-related ones for evil’s LV 20 and LV 30 and playing a full neutral character, as well as finding all the alien recordings and steel ingots. Gonna need a map or walkthrough for those ones, methinks.

Creeping closer though. Must finish before Fallout: New Vegas drops…