Turning over a new leash with Bulletstorm

Let me just get this out there, so y’all understand that when you see me crawling out of an alley, begging for money and smelling worse than the rotten remains of a Stygia mutant previously eviscerated by the “Rear Entry” skillshot, it’s because of this: Steam sales. They will be my undoing, as just about anything heavily discounted suddenly becomes interesting in front of my eyes. And I do mean anything.

Take, for instance, the crude and callous first-person shooter Bulletstorm. I absolutely disliked the demo, ultimately saying this:

Bulletstorm is irrefutably juvenile, and the demo is all I probably needed to experience…ever. And for fun’s sake, here’s some phrases used affectionately during the demo to hit home their target audience: pasty, bean bag, butt hole, and, the new cult favorite, dick tits.

Right. So, why then did I buy a copy of the game over the weekend for the PC? Why have I been unlocking a lot of Achievements in rapid succession? Why am I–and this is almost troubling to admit–having fun kicking mutants into slow motion and then shooting them in half? Well, because Steam was selling it for $5.00. And at that kind of price, Bulletstorm is a blast.

At its boyish heart, Bulletstorm‘s story is about revenge gone wrong. Grayson Hunt is looking to kick his former commanding officer General Sarrano of the Confederation of Planets in his nuts and then shoot him in the head. This is because Sarrano used Hunt and his fellow friends to assassinate innocent people by telling them they were corrupt evildoers. Unfortunately, trying to ram Sarrano’s spaceship with Hunt’s spaceship brought both vessels down on the planet Stygia, which is infested with mutants and monsters. But Hunt’s no quitter, and so he’s crawling across the planet’s dangerous grounds in search of the man that made him mad. He is helped by Ishi, who is now part android, and Trishka, a former member of the elite squad Final Echo.

Gameplay involves moving forward through a level and racking up points by using creative kills against the many, many mutants that want to ruin your very existence. Headshots are boring, and so one must look for other ways to create mayhem: tossing an enemy of a cliff, dropping them on some spikes, shooting them in half, setting them on fire, and so on. Points let you buy ammo and upgrade weapons, so the more creative you are, the stronger your guns will be, which in turn let you get even crazier. It’s a system that works and reminds me of the way weapons upgraded in Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal. You also use a hi-tech leash that can grab objects and throw them around though I prefer sliding into enemies and then kicking them off ledges the most–really helps conserve precious ammo. Occasionally, gameplay gets mixed up, with Hunt controlling a huge, Godzilla-like monster or trying to just escape a section of the level under a time limit; otherwise, it’s still just a lot of shooting.

Also, what’s kind of nice is that, unknowingly, Bulletstorm on Steam counts as a Game for Windows Live thing, meaning I can play it logged in as PaulyAulyWog and earn Achievements for my actual Gamerscore. Think this is my first GFWL experience, and it’s all good in the skillshotty neighborhood. Here’s a few that I unlocked that are not tied to completing story chapters:

Master of Disaster (40G): Earn 2000 points or more at once

Disco Inferno (10G): Kill all enemies without leaving the dance floor in the city outskirts

No Man Left Behind (20G): Kill all enemies while escaping from the collapsed building

Currently, I’m somewhere in Act 4. Second chapter? Third? Don’t really know what that means in comparison to the overall game, but it feels like midway through. Maybe even more than that. I’m sure it won’t take long to finish up, as we’re definitely getting closer to wherever Sarrano is hiding. Again, for $5.00, this is a good time; however, if I had bought Bulletstorm at full price on Day One…I would definitely feel otherwise. And there you go.

Achievements of the Week – The Jetpacker Leftovers from ytiC daeD Edition

Another week has come and gone, and I am here again, whipped into action and berated by the higher beings, to share some of my favorite Achievements from the last seven days with y’all. Just two games get the special attention this time around, but I am by my lonesome this week–not counting cats–as Tara is dog-sitting. Also, I am just about to finish up my 31 Lovingly Bad Love Comics challenge, which means…uh, more free time? I suspect I’ll play a bit of this and that over the next two days.

For now, these things.

From Rage…

Just a Flesh Wound (15G): Complete the final round of 5 Finger Filet

This is probably the hardest minigame in Rage. Remember when, bored in middle school, you would place your hand on your desk, spread those digits, and try to stab the spaces between with your pencil as fast as you could? 5 Finger Filet is that, but with a really sharp knife. The first four rounds are scripted and easy to memorize, but the fifth and final round is always random, always fast, and likes to put hit targets right next to each other, which one’s brain might not be able to see before it is too late. The best advice I can offer for those Ark survivors going after this is to…just relax. Don’t overthink it, and you’ll find yourself naturally stabbing at your hand without hitting a single finger in no time.

Jetpacker (20G): Kill an Authority Enforcer during Jetpack descent

ytiC daeD (10G): Complete Dead City Reverse in the Campaign

Hee, I like this one’s name. Maybe too much.

From Jurassic Park: The Game…

I mused a bit already about my early experience with returning to Isla Nublar, which already limelighted a few Achievements. Haven’t gotten to play any more yet, but here’s another one that is full of spoilers for Nedry fans everywhere:

Leftovers (10G): Found Nedry’s ID badge.

Aw.

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I CAN’T THINK OF AN OUTRO FOR THIS POST SO I’LL JUST SHOUT THIS VERY SENTENCE AT YOU AND CALL IT A WEEK.

2012 Game Review Haiku, #8 – Mass Effect 2

Making space friends for
A true suicide mission
All survived, big deal

–

For all the games I complete in 2012, instead of wasting time writing a review made up of points and thoughts I’ve probably already expressed here in various posts at Grinding Down, I’m instead just going to write a haiku about it. So there.

Welcome to Jurassic Park: The Game

If you know me well enough, or have had the golden opportunity to hang out with my wife Tara, then chances are you know how obsessed we are with Jurassic Park. Not the film series, but the first film–in truth, the only film. Actually, I’m also extremely fond of Michael Crichton’s novel, where it all began, as it was one of the first books I read as a youngling; I think I last reread it a few years ago and it still managed to impress. But you’d really know how dino crazy we are because when a perfect spot opens up for a Jurassic Park quote, we fill it, and we fill it fast. Occasionally, we don’t even need a reason. She likes these zingers:

• “Maybe it’s the power trying to come back on?”
• “Mr. Hammond, the phones are working.”

I usually go with:

• “Hold on to your butts.”

What then follows is us reenacting about every other line of dialogue from the film and then a heavy sadness as we don’t actually own a copy and can’t watch the glorious gem at any given point. These days, you have to buy a box set of all three films, and that’s not up our alley. Anyways, we love Jurassic Park, and so when in GameStop the other day we saw Jurassic Park: The Game for relatively cheap and picked it up. I’ve had some experience with other works from Telltale Games and enjoyed what they did there, but I did head back to Isla Nublar with trepidation.

It’s an adventure game akin to Heavy Rain more than an adventure game akin to Back to the Future: The Game. The action scenes are all about Quick Time Events (QTE), and the rest of the playing involves looking around scenes, talking to whoever is with you, and figuring out the right combination of actions. So far, from what I can tell, the story is split between Gerry Harding and his daughter and the mysterious Nima Cruz who is trying to find Nedry’s Barbasol can of dino DNA, and there are constant nods to the movie, which is always great. Sadly, the game looks pretty terrible, but not enough to scare us away immediately.

Just getting started with these, many of which are awesomely named:

Welcome to Jurassic Park (20G): Escaped the jungle.

I’m a Hacker (20G): Showed your jungle hacking chops.

The First Dinosaurs on our Tour (20G): Survived the two-crested lizard.

Looking forward to playing more, but just like Kirby’s Epic Yarn and LEGO Harry Potter, Years 5-7, this is a game best played with a partner, and so I will wait until Tara has some more free time. Right now, she’s hard at work on a short comic that I wrote, and we will hopefully be able to share it with the universe very soon. Sorry, no, it’s not about dinosaurs. This time.

30,000 Gamerscore, and I feel fine

I never really planned to hit 10,000 Gamerscore on the mark, but it happened, and I thought that was kind of a neat milestone. Then came the time for 20,000, and I actually went out of my way to figure out the best combo of Achievements to hit that nice ol’ rounded number on the dot. It became very meta, and that’s okay, as doing some math and using these fickle things called Achievements for an actual purpose was certainly refreshing. Also, as someone in the comments mentioned, Fallout 3 and Fallout: New Vegas played a crucial part in both sets of fireworks, and there’s no beating that. Now, here we are again, a year and change later, some 10,0o0 Gamerscore richer, with a total paperweight of…30,000. Take a look:

Yowza.

Alas, I didn’t get there with the help of Fallout: New Vegas, instead using the recently acquired Jurassic Park: The Game to up the ante and then two planned Achievements from Rage to seal the deal. Unfortunately, the last Achievement to tip the scale was based on luck: in Rage, there’s a mini-game called Tombstones, and if you roll four attacks on your very first turn, you get an Achievement. Since rolling is random, it just required sitting on the couch, petting my kitty cat, and hitting A over and over until the dang thing popped. When it did, I shouted in jubilation to Tara that I was successful and immediately shut off the Xbox 360, worried that I might accidentally unlock something else and ruin such a pretty, pretty number.

And I know–I mean, I kn0w–none of this matters. Some of you have probably already pre-judged me as an Achievement whore, but I think there is most definitely a difference between someone playing Rapala Tournament Fishing! just to get more Gamerscore points and somebody who looks at the whole process as a mini-game in itself, going after the ones worth going after, and celebrating little milestones along the way. I have to wonder if I’ll hit 40,000 in about one year or so as well. Maybe not as there just does not seem to be too much coming out this year on my “must buy” list, other than The Witcher 2 and A Game of Thrones: The Game. Keep following Grinding Down to find out how my turtle race to the top continues on…

Achievements of the Week – The Blood Oath for a Paramour Brawler Edition

Achievements, Achievements, Achievements. They came in droves this week from one game, and I just happened to ping another during my lunchbreak. Go me.

All right, let’s just do this.

From Mass Effect 2…

If you’re a daily reader of Grinding Down, then you know this week was my “falling back into Mass Effect 2 hard and now need to beat it like woah” week. And, uh, in the last week, I’ve unlocked 26 Achievements for the game. You can see others by clicking the links in the previous sentence. Here are a few more that I liked, too.

Paramour (50G): Successfully pursue a relationship with a teammate

Shepard totally got some grinding action from Miranda before the suicide mission went forward, and it was awkward and silly, as these sequences often are, but whatever. Good for them. My biggest gripe was that Miranda was in her white outfit instead of her darker one I earned from gaining her loyalty. At least she wasn’t wearing it for too long…

Brawler (10G): Shoot and kill 20 enemies while they’re knocked back by a punch

Weapon Specialist (15G): Fully upgrade a weapon

From The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim…

Blood Oath (10G): Become a member of the Circle

Just working my way down the questline for The Companions. Ah-woooo!

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That’s it. I have a friend visiting this weekend and a family dinner to go to so I don’t expect too much gaming time to happen. And then I’ll be drawing comics all week to finish up my 31 Lovingly Bad Love Comics challenge. I do, however, have an itch to go back to Dragon Age: Origins or L.A. Noire, but we’ll see. Still have a ton of games to play on Steam and such.

For now, my Shepard has saved humanity throughout the galaxy from certain annihilation

With not much left to do in terms of side missions for Mass Effect 2, I decided it was high time Commander Shepard and his crew ate their last meal of space turkey and jumped deep into unfriendly territories, to go on what everyone kept calling “a suicide mission.” The Collectors were just past the Omega 4 Relay, and it seemed like we were ready; all members on my crew were labeled loyal, and all upgrades for The Normandy were purchased. We only had to move our feet. And so we did, grim and quiet, kickstarting the end of all things.

And it was…an okay final fight. Kind of underwhelming, really. I went in as virgin-like as possible, not knowing much of the specifics, just that any or all team members could die during these explosive events. My goal, despite how uninterested I was in many of my squadmates, was to keep everybody alive, including my simian Commander Shepard. Just had to watch out for those husk swarms, as melee takedowns was not a strong point.

But first, here’s all the end-game Achievements that popped in a nice succession:

Suicide Mission (50G): Use the Omega 4 Relay

Against All Odds (15G): Survive suicide mission

Long Service Medal (75G): Complete Mass Effect 2 twice, or complete it once with a character imported from Mass Effect 1

Mission Accomplished (125G): Save humanity throughout the galaxy from certain annihilation

No One Left Behind (75G): Keep your team alive through the suicide mission

Um…whew. That’s a lot of Gamerscore all at once, more or less. But as you can see, I was very successful on this final mission, kept myself alive, and kept everyone on my team alive. Honestly, after looking up exactly all the number of things that could go wrong on the suicide mission and everything that is taken into consideration, I am surprised I did so well. I mean, I just played the same way I played for the whole game (around 23 hours or so), using my supped-up assault rifle and a ton of Unity and Incinerate and Heavy Overload. When it came time to picking specific squad members to do certain tasks, I went with the obvious choices: Tali for crawling through tubes, Garrus for leading the side-team, Jacob for escorting the miscellaneous crew back to the ship, and Samara for creating a strong biotic barrier. And they all survived. As did my personal two squadmates–Mordin and Miranda–though my brain almost burst during that last boss fight, which is pretty ridiculous.

But yeah, the team and Shepard is alive–and is also done. Other than some story elements and all of the world’s lore, I did not enjoy a ton of Mass Effect 2, and if memory serves me right…I did not have a fantastic time with Mass Effect. There’s a lot to like, but ultimately, it’s not my kind of RPG-in-space. I really dislike the repetitive nature of starting a mission, running down a hallway, encountering enemies, and rinse/repeating until you reach the end, where you have to then make a Big Choice™. Chances are very high that I won’t be moving on to Mass Effect 3, certainly not any time soon, though I am curious to learn how the story plays out. Might just have to spoil myself down the line.

Reading books and stealth-killing mudcrabs like a true Dovahkiin

Recently, Bethesda put word out about yet another patch to one of their patchy videogames–this time, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim–and usually I just glance these over as all they ever contain are a long list of fixes to buggy quests, many of which I can’t actually recall by name alone. However, something was different this time around, and included in this batch of bug-squashing code was the addition of new kill animations for melee weapons and stylized kill cameras for ranged weapons, such as bows and magic. To that, I say: about…freaking…time.

Being the meshuggenah man-boy that I am, I immediately turned on my Xbox 360, downloaded a patch–note that I said a patch, not the patch–and began traipsing across Skyrim, searching for my first kill. Found some bandits in a cave and shot them all down from afar in single hits…with no cool camera action. And with an Archery skill of like 78 or something. Hmm. What gives? This sense of confusion went on for awhile until I went back to the pooter and realized that the patch was only for PC/Steam, and even then, it wasn’t available yet.

Boo.

Nonetheless, I was back in the realm of Skyrim, looting, looking, and living. Checking my stats, I noticed that I was four dragon souls away from 20 and…one skill book away from 50. Surely I could find one more measly skill book, and then I remembered a small hideout right near Whiterun that I had discovered while playing the game on Steam the other night. It was guarded by some bandits and a lonely horse, but otherwise, no trouble–and there was definitely a skill book there. Off I went. Tra la la. All was going to plan until a freakin’ FROST DRAGON SHOWED UP AND TRIED TO ICE ME! After cooling off, I looted the hideout and walked away with one more book in my ever-growing bag of shtuff.

Honestly, I don’t need an Achievement to tell the world I’m a reader, but here it is regardless:

Reader (20G): Read 50 Skill Books

Also, the latest patch just went live on PC/Steam, and so again, I headed back on in, dying to see a ranged weapon kill camera in action. And so it happened. Um…I shot at a mudcrab from quite a distance and watched, in slow motion, as it thunked back into the water, an orcish arrow deep within its shell. It was both lame and exciting, and clearly something that should have been implemented from the very start.

And now I wait for the Xbox 360 version to get updated before I go about finishing up some more quests. Heck, I might even get married soon or pick a Civil War side. There are no limits to my wandering.

Team members in Mass Effect 2 are more like check marks

Over the weekend, I made a brown dwarf-size dent in Mass Effect 2, and now all I want to do is play Dragon Age: Origins all over again. Or maybe redo some cases in L.A. Noire. Or go through The Blackwell Deception one more time in commentary mode. I’m closing in on the “suicide mission” part, and all I want to do is walk away. It has nothing to do with fear. Rather, disappointment. Who cares about surviving a suicide mission if you don’t care about anyone by your side? Let me explain.

Mass Effect 2 is all about building a team. The Illusive Man hands over a number of dossiers to Commander Shepard, which show you the who and where to go parts, and then you’re off to recruit this person deemed vital for your team’s survival in taking on the Collectors. Fine, I’m cool with that. After all, I got every 108 Stars of Destiny in Suikoden and Suikoden II (missed a few in Suikoden V), so I know all about getting people to join one’s cause, no matter how insane it sounds. Recruiting a team member for Mission Impossible generally requires a quest where you go down a hallway through a series of similar-looking rooms, hide behind stuff, shoot enemies, and then chat for a bit with your target. I kid, but only slightly. A few have mixed things up like avoiding sunlight or toxic gas while going down those hallways and rooms. After that, you’ll more or less repeat this process to earn said team member’s loyalty.

I think I’ve already said this, but if I haven’t, well, here it is again: I dislike the shooting aspect of Mass Effect 2. The game’s appeal has and always will be from its lore and characters and the way these alien races interact with one another. And these characters, these people I’ve gone out of my way to get on my team, they do little when actually on a mission besides a side-handed comment here or there, unless they are pivotal to the mission at hand. See, in Dragon Age: Origins, companions talked all the time, about the world at large and how the Chantry sucks and thoughts on dwarven history or the Taint and so on. When you made Big Boy decisions, everyone around you made sure you knew how they felt, which only served to enhance their personalities and my desire to see them happy (or unhappy). The same does not apply in Mass Effect 2; there is no sense of “we’re all quite different, but we have to stick together.”

So far, nobody has reacted in a big enough way to some of Shepard’s choices, most which were along the Paragon path, but I did slip a Renegade action in there once or twice. On each mission, whether it is a recruiting one or just a side quest, I switch out one of my party members constantly, keeping Miranda always for her Warp and Heavy Overload skills. Grunt, Jack, Jacob, Mordin–I’ve tried each one at Shepard’s side. And I’ve come to the realization that I could’ve swapped out any team member for a paper bag, and nothing would’ve changed–so long as that paper bag shot a gun and had a few abilities to select. Harsh, maybe. But I expected more.

Case in point: the Ghost Ship. Oh, and there be spoilers starting in the next sentence. Basically, the Illusive Man backstabs the team and sends them into a trap, but the only people vocal about it are Joker and the ship’s AI. You’d think that, given her relationship to Cerberus, that Miranda would have some strong words–more than a handful–but no, not really.

Ghost Ship (25G): Complete the investigation of a derelict alien vessel

I don’t know. Commander Shepard has now been prompted that we can go through the Omega 4 relay, but I said something along the stupid lines of “gotta build up the team some more.” Just because I want to get everybody for the sake of being a completionist. Given all the hype and worriment that a suicide mission carries, I have to say that I am really not invested in most of my side-mates. And I’ve tried. I talk to them between missions, exhaust dialogue choices, and so on. I try, dang it. But they don’t want to represent themselves as more than check marks–the warrior, the thief, the techie, the cheerleader–and so they seem artificial in nature, and inanimate objects can’t die because they never were alive to begin with.

Achievements of the Week – The One Step Ahead Decapathon Champion Edition

Last week, I promised more variety in the Achievements I unlocked for this week, and–surprise, surprise–I actually came through and unlocked a bunch in three completely different videogames. Go me. No, really. Slap me friendly on the back because sometimes, and I don’t really understand this, it appears nearly impossible in my mind to switch out game discs inside my Xbox 360. Like I’m kicking one kid to the curb for another. Plus, the longer I leave a disc in my Xbox, the better the chance I’ll stick with it to the end. Maybe that’s a topic for another time though…

But yeah, here. Check ’em out.

From Rage…

Decapathon (15G): Get 10 Headshot kills with the Wingstick

The Wingstick is one of the more crazy cool weapons in Rage. It’s basically a boomerang of death, and tossing it into a room is sure to get the chaos (and heads) a-rolling. I spend most of my time constructing these from scrap.

From Mass Effect 2…

Yesterday, I talked a little bit about who I just got on Commander Shepard’s team, as well as earning one person’s divine loyalty. But I did get two more Achievements as I worked my way across the galaxy. See, see:

Colony Defense (25G): Defend a human colony from attack

Explorer (10G): Visit 100% of the planets in an unexplored cluster

Isn’t “Explorer” one of the more common names for Achievements? I feel like I’ve seen it many times before, probably in Fallout 3 and Dragon Age: Origins.

From Marvel VS. Capcom: Fate of Two Worlds…

One Step Ahead (30G): Land 50 First Attacks in a match. (Arcade/Xbox LIVE only)

Champion Edition Hero (30G): Earn 30,000 Player Points (PP).

Nothing too exciting about these. Just making progress as I try to beat the game with everyone on Very Easy with 30-second round matches. Yeah, I’m that guy.

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And that’s going to do it for this edition of  Achievements of the Week. How did y’all do over the past seven days? Any cool accomplishments you’d like to share? If so, do it below.