Category Archives: xbox 360

Find your way in Fez, go right here and do this in Metroid Fusion

Currently, I’m playing two videogames that are the polar opposites of one another: Fez and Metroid Fusion. Well, there are some ways they are similar. Both are platformers, asking the player to navigate rooms and levels, either by traversing left or right or up and down or via secret paths. Both feature relatively retro graphic styles that are pleasing to the eyes. Both have lackluster jumping, with Gomez feeling very floaty and Samus being too finicky. But that’s kind of it.

Otherwise, one game demands you put in the time and cranial crunching to figure out where to go next and what to do, and the other…well, there’s a computer program that marks your next destination and objective extremely clearly on your mini-map. One requires you to take notes, the other does it for you. One has electrified water, one has water levels you can raise and lower with a turn-switch. If you didn’t know which one is which, Fez is the open field of daisies and Metroid Fusion is the gust of wind pushing you down the path to the market.

I find both styles of gameplay pleasing and frustrating. Various reasons exist, of course. For Metroid Fusion, which I’ve been playing in small bits in bed before the Sandman takes me away, it’s been real nice to have a clear goal, a place to go to, a boss to kill, and a save room right after it. That’s not to say that, across the grand scheme of the Metroid franchise, it’s not disappointing to see such heavy hand-holding, especially when Super Metroid kept its distance from beginning to end, allowing the player to live and learn via trial and error. In Fusion, specially named Navigation Rooms fill out your entire map, whereas you once had to do that on your own. But it’s fine for now. The A.I. commander nicknamed “Adam”  tells me what my next objective is, and if I somehow forget, I just click the objective button on the map and get refreshed. It’s linear and predictable, but the game was originally made for the GBA, which means it was designed to be played portably, and in that it is extremely successful.

In Fez, I wander. I wander, and I wonder. I spend a lot of time looking at walls, spinning rooms, jumping and spinning rooms to little effect. There is little instruction doled out, and even your floaty companion is little help, as it is just as cryptic as the alien-esque hieroglyphics. You see things that may or may not be important, and you move on, promising to return when you have further knowledge. At one point, I came to the conclusion that I needed to take notes, and these scribbles did little to explain the way of Fez‘s world, but it felt important, felt necessary. At certain places, such as the bell or the clock, my note-taking just felt stupid and pointless and that I would never understand what was probably right in front of my face.

I started writing this blog post on Wednesday and then managed to “beat” Fez last night. I found the “kill screen” by using 25 cubes and 7 anti-cubes (as well as a handful of treasure maps, one unused key, and one single artifact). I have some thoughts on all that, but I think I’ll save it for a separate post. Guess that’s another difference between it and Metroid Fusion; the latter isn’t special enough to warrant further thinking.

2012 Game Review Haiku, #12 – Trials Evolution

Lean, fall, break your neck
There are no checkpoints in life
Can’t press B today

For all the games I complete in 2012, instead of wasting time writing a review made up of points and thoughts I’ve probably already expressed here in various posts at Grinding Down, I’m instead just going to write a haiku about it. So there.

Only took 90 hours to become filthy rich in Skyrim

Picture this: I was mulling around the Thieves Guild in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, trying to lighten my load when I noticed I was just below the mighty threshold of having 50,000 gold in my apparently limitless coin purse. I immediately popped over to the constantly open for business Tonilia–I swear, all this woman does is move from table to crates, eating bread and buying my junk–and passed along a few wolf pelts, a couple enchanted daggers I’ll never use, and four of my 16 rubies. With ease, I crossed over 50,000 gold…and sat staring at my screen, waiting for the Achievement to pop.

::cue this tune::

Now, if you know things–and I have to trust that the several silent readers behind Grinding Down know things–then you won’t be surprised to learn I sat for at least half a minute, with no Achievement popping and Tonilia generally ignoring my presence. Pulling up Skyrim‘s list of unlockable icons, I came to the shocking letdown that I was only halfway to the real goal, which is 100,000 gold. And so I got back to questing, making a promise to myself to not spend on all hard-earned gold on buying skill increases and then trying to sell as much stuff as I could as often as I could. Basically, any time I returned to the Thieves Guild I emptied my load as much as possible, waited for 48 hours, and sold some more. Even still, this didn’t get me to 100,000 speedily.

Fast-forward many hours and save slots, and I was finishing up the seedy quest called Pieces of the Past, with plenty of shiny things in my backpack to sell. This time I popped over to the Honningbrew Meadery to mix things up as I have a friendly fence there, and boom, it happened. It actually happened this time. Guess I’ll put my money where my mouth is:


Golden Touch (30G): Have 100,000 gold

Wow. That’s a lot of kaching-kaching. I could buy a bunch of houses or all the potions this side of the Misty Mountains or enough skill increases in all my lackluster attributes to go up several levels or take a carriage-driven tour of the realm. Only…I didn’t. I saved and turned the game off. I later came back to finish up the Civil War quests, taking Whiterun as all mine with the help of a friendly dragon and a handful of Stormcloaks, but have not really done anything with my money-money-money. At this point, at level 42 with plenty of kick-ass, enchanted bows and light armor, I really don’t need it for anything specific. Though I might look into buying a second house as Breezehome can only hold so much of my loot.

A part of me wishes I could somehow transfer all this gold to a new character so that I could buy a way different house during my next playthrough, which, by the nature of my home base just being somewhere other than Whiterun, would result in a new experience. Yeeeeah.

And let me leave y’all with this humdinger: how much gold do you have?

Chundering in Trials Evolution and having a blast

A long time ago, in a blogging galaxy far, far away, I took on the challenge of 30 Days of Gaming, a then-popular meme that proposed one videogame-themed topic per day for thirty of them timesinks. It took me longer than that to complete, but that’s neither here nor there. Anyways, one of the topics asked about was guilty pleasure games, which I named as Pokemon White, but really it could be anything Pokemon-related. But move aside, pocket monsters, because there’s a new contender in the ring, and it has truly taken me by surprise. Trials Evolution: I feel weird playing you, but also am having a blast.

To start, I am no fan of bike sports. Sports related to bikes and jumping hills and going down ramps and all that jazz. Is there even a term for it? Motorcycling? Just bicycling? Extreme motocross? Yeah, I don’t know and am completely disinterested in actually looking it up; feel free to school me in the comments section below. As a youngling in middle school and early on in high school, I hung out with a group of friends that were a mix of skateboaders and bikers and stoners. I rode a bike, too, but nothing fancy and could only do bunny-hops or short distance wheelies. For me, biking was a way to get around Smithville, to WaWa and Willy’s house, not training for an Olympic event, and once I got to the point where I had friends with cars or a car of my own, I left my bike in the dust. So yeah, bike sports. They surely exist–as do I–but we keep to our separate paths these days.

But Trials Evolution is no mere sports simulation. It’s full-on crazy. You take control of a man on a bike, and your main goal is to get to the other side, where the finish line is. There are other goals, too, such as getting there with no mistakes or under a certain time, and depending on how well you do, you are awarded medals (bronze, silver, and gold). Earn enough medals, and you can then unlock more stages to play on. Shampoo, rinse, clean your armpits, and repeat. Or however that saying goes. It starts out easy and then gets sickeningly difficult. But deep in that difficulty is fun, with a true sense of accomplishment when you get to the end of the track with no mistakes.

I never played Trials HD, but I’ve learned quite a bit about this series from my short time with Trials Evolution: it’s all about patience and control. Every lean or slight twitch of the analog stick is more than enough to send your biker head over heels (or heels over head). Learning the looseness and tightness of each bike is vital to clearing a track with the elegance of a ballet dancer, and right now, I am mainly using the third unlocked bike. Don’t know its name, but it doesn’t flip when you hold down the throttle, something I appreciate. The Phoenix, on the other hand, is extremely finicky and must be handled like a tower of glass shards balancing on a paper plate.

But it’s this dance of balance and skill that makes Trials Evolution enjoyable in my eyes. Plus the crazy level design. Otherwise, everything else is not my cup of tea. For example, the opening rap track that plays before the main menu is upsetting and embarrassing, and I just cannot get excited about adding new accessories to my bicycle and tricking it out. I dipped into multiplayer, which reminds me of Excite Bike, but probably won’t get too involved there. And the level editor looks neat, but I have no time to comprehend its intricacies and will be content to just download new, highly rated tracks made by others.

Currently, I have over 100 medals and am trying to Gold some medium difficulty levels in hopes of earning enough to unlock the last set of challenges. Wish me luck, and don’t mind my grumbling. Once I get over that nastily placed rock and down the hill on my way to victory, I’m nothing but smiles and warm compliments.

Achievements of the Week – The Beyond the Wall of Violent Sword Melody Edition

And that’s been…yet another week. If one isn’t paying close attention, these things really blur by. Seven days, one after the other, rapid fire. For instance, I didn’t even remember that I played a ton of Bulletstorm last Sunday, completing the game fully, until I began to put this list together. My mind has been most things Fez-related, with a pinch of Trials Evolution to boot last night, with little room to spare as the wife and I creep closer to MoCCA Festival next week.

All right, here are Achievements I unlocked that I liked the most from the week that was.

From Fez…


Mightier than the sword (10G): A cube for writing.

I couldn’t tell you how I got this. Not because it’s really spoilery, but because after going through so many levels within levels within levels and finding numerous secrets and cube bits and getting lost in the music and cryptic hieroglyphics…I just don’t remember. But there’s a strange artifact in my inventory, and so I must have gotten it at some point. Yeah.

From Bulletstorm…


Armed and dangerous (15G): Grow as a person, experience betrayal. Again.

Amusing Achievement art.


Space Pirate (10G): Drink at least 20 bottles of Nom Juice in the Single Player Campaign

I used to get drunk a lot. It was a coping thing, a way to pass the time, a way to fall asleep. I don’t really drink anymore, and if I do, I nurse the heck out of the drink until it is lukewarm and feeling uncomfortable. But getting drunk in videogames can be fun, and in Bulletstorm, it also earns you extra points to your skillshots. Gulp another bottle down and unleash that leash.


Violent Melody (30G): Complete the Campaign on Normal Difficulty

From Trails Evolution…


No Problemo (10G): Pass the D License Test and get your first bike.


Beyond the Wall of Pain (10G): Smash your bike and break every bone in one spectacular crash.

I missed a ramp and fell on a…landmine. Ka-blooie!


Community Spirit (20G): Post a time on another player’s custom created track.

I’m almost positive I’ll be playing more Fez and Trials Evolution this weekend–and almost no more Bulletstorm–so that’s where you can expect Achievements to pop for next week. Only, uh, there won’t be an Achievements of the Week next Friday because I’ll be heading into New York City for the MoCCA weekend. So we’ll play major catch-up in fourteen days.

Until then, tell me about your favorite Achievement from the last week of gaming. Do it.

The ending to Jurassic Park: The Game is a big pile of dino droppings

There are several problems with Jurassic Park: The Game, but none bigger than its ending, and I’m going to discuss it at length in this post, so if you don’t want to be spoiled beyond Spoiled City, get out now. Just go. Put in a VHS copy of the 1993 classic Jurassic Park, play with the tracking buttons, and then sit back, soak in, and be at peace. Trust me, you’re better off; I mean, I wish I wasn’t thinking about these things, but I am. And the only way to get rid of them is to dump them here.

::insert Tyrannosaurus Rex roar::

As the remaining survivors–Gerry Harding, Jess Harding, and Nima–race to reach the boat that can take them off Isla Nublar, a choice is presented, one that’s extremely easy to make: save Jess or save the Barbasol can of dinosaur embryos. If you go for the can, Nima dies. If you save Jess, the can is stomped flat, but everyone lives to see another day. The latter is deemed the “good ending” and was what I earned first, later going back to see what would happen if you tried to grab the can before Mean Ol’ Mr. T-Rex caught wind of your antics. Right. So, they all live and are motoring away on the escape boat as that familiar tune plays. Hooray. Except Nima is pretty downtrodden and not because her partner in crime Yoder got eaten: that Barbasol can represented a way to get her and her daughter into a new life, with food and security and all the things that a mother/daughter combo need to survive. Without it, she has nothing. Gerry promises her that he’ll do whatever he can to help the both of them, but before he can work out a plan, his daughter Jess interupts to inform them about a bag full of cash she just found.

And that’s where Jurassic Park: The Game ends. No, really. It’s that, followed by the boat scooting away into the sunset and a flock of Pterodactylus passing by overhead. Roll credits. Put the controller down.

Which means we–the viewer, the player, the puppet master–are left to interpretation. And the game seems to imply that Nima will take the money found on the boat. That Gerry Harding will totally be okay with Nima taking all that money, that it’s for a good cause. For the entirety of Jurassic Park: The Game, Harding has been constantly reminding his daughter that stealing is wrong and trying to teach her to be a wiser teenager, to make good, wholesome choices. To not smoke or talk back to elders or, y’know, steal stuff. And he did all of this while dinosaurs of varying sizes and skins tried to eat them. Good for him.

But here, at the end–and granted, he did just outrun a T-Rex–he says nothing about the bag of money. Nothing about going to InGen about what happened on the island and Dr. Sorkin or anything like that. Maybe he actually does. The scene cuts away after the literal money shot, and we don’t know what other conversations the trio have as they make their way home, but that’s the game’s fault. Again, it doesn’t tell us, and so we have to go off of what is presented, which is that Nima is going to get all the money, the money she was originally going to get anyway from stealing from InGen. If Harding lets Nima take the money, he is again approving of stealing, which I’m sure Jess would find contradictory.

It’s an atrocious piece of writing, that doesn’t make sense, but comes across as extremely unlikely and Hollywood-like. I’d rather have seen them sail away without a bag of money, happy to be alive, promising each other that they would get through whatever came next, especially considering what they just survived. Maybe even Nima would become a motherly figure to Jess since her parents were not going to work it out. Of, if anything, as a wink to the first film and a meta joke to the fact that Jurassic Park: The Game is in itself a wink to a throwaway plotline, Harding could’ve acknowledged the bag of money, zipped it up, and tossed it into the water–y’know, for someone else to find. As is, the game’s “good ending” is far from good.

And all of this makes me extra nervous about Telltale Games’ forthcoming The Walking Dead game. The only light there is that in a world overrun by zombies, a bag of money is pretty much useless.

Fez, a shift in perspective

Back in January 2012, I put to e-paper the videogames I was most looking forward to in the year of our collective unmaking.

It’s an interesting list to reflect on a few months later, and here’s why. Two games have not come out yet, and I’m still super excited for them: Animal Crossing 3DS and Borderlands 2. One game has–Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoningbut after playing the demo and discovering I couldn’t read any of the text, I’ve decided to pass on the title for the time being. Um, Suikoden: The Woven Web of a Century…yeah, still unlikely I’ll ever buy a PSP, but maybe someone will do a Let’s Play of it and I can experience it second-hand. And y’all are probably aware of my worry and disappointment about Game of Thrones: The Game.

Lastly, I named Fez. Here’s what I said about it:

A puzzle platformer with a unique style and perspective-shifting mechanic to it. The protagonist, a creature named Gomez, rocks a fez of its own and is obsessed with collecting hats, which sounds about right to me. Fez will be out on XBLA in early 2012, so maybe this month, maybe next month, or maybe the one after that. I’ll keep my eyes peeled for it nonetheless.

Okay. Not sure where I got the “obsessed with collecting hats” bit from as, far as I can tell, he’s more interested in finding cubes and cube bits to open up more doorways. But otherwise, yeah. Fez came out last Friday–April 13, 2012 to be exact–and I downloaded it as soon as I could, slipping in a cool, screen-rotating forty-five minutes during my lunchbreak. Proof is in the Achievements I unlocked. In all honesty, I could’ve played for hours on end, as it is one charming, inviting, and novel experience, cushioned nicely by a retro style, simple control scheme, and surprisingly calming soundtrack.

You are Gomez, and you earn the power to rotate your universe by acquiring a magical fez. With your new power comes great responsibility; you must find a number of cubes, which will unlock sealed doors and stop the world from being torn apart. Many of these cubes (or cube bits) are openly hidden in the levels themselves and can only be discovered by rotating the screen a certain way. This rotating can also be used to create shortcuts from one place to another, and along the way you’ll pick up keys, treasure maps, and ancient artifacts. I know how the first of those three collection items work, but not the other two…yet.

However, not all is perfect in Fez. The map function might as well be non-existent, as it’s convoluted and barely navigable. Things can sometimes get tricky spinning the screen you are playing on; one shouldn’t then also have to rotate the map this way and that. I’ve looked at it a few times, trying to find my way “back” to the hub level with the multiple locked doors, but couldn’t figure out exactly what was where and then how to get there. Navigating the world can also get a smidge confusing when you are traveling deeper into levels within levels within secret doors within other levels. There’s also some stuttering and long loads, which I can’t determine if it is part of the game’s design or just how it actually is. Either way, it hampers more than it enhances.

Ultimately, Fez is a real treat, and I’m gonna keep playing. My goal is to play as long as I can without looking anything up online. No puzzle hints, no telling me what the deal is with those owl statues, no quick deciphering of all those strange symbols that are popping up more commonly, no nudges in the right direction. Discovery is part of the gameplay; now watch me turn.

Achievements of the Week – The Taking Sides with the Dragon Cube Hunter Edition

For those paying attention, I did not put together an Achievements of the Week post last Friday. And I totally could have. I unlocked a dino dropping size of them for Jurassic Park: The Game, which I completed rather quickly, as well a couple in that dragon-laden roleplaying game that never ends thanks to radiant quests and a landmass barely explored. But no one voiced any disappointment, so I guess this segment isn’t an actual weekly heroin fix for Grinding Down readers. Fine by me, really, as I was extremely stressed around then and disinterested in even hinting at why, and so I just played the games I had and kept blathering about their Achievements to a real minimum.

But I’m back. Got some good ones to share, too. So this edition will basically cover the last two weeks. Haven’t played much else on the Xbox 360 besides Jurassic Park: The Game and Skyrim, but I will be downloading Fez today during my lunch break so I might be able to sneak a few in from there, too.

Fez update: within forty-five minutes, I was able to unlock three–as well as had a blast spinning rooms and collecting bits of cube. Seriously, y’all need to check out Fez; it can be your weekend impulse buy! Looking forward to playing more.

Right. Let’s go then.

From The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim…


Taking Sides (10G): Join the Stormcloaks or the Imperial Army

Pssst. Pssst. Yeah, you. Don’t tell anyone…but I signed up with the Stormcloaks! Screw off, ya dirty Imperial.


Dragon Hunter (20G): Absorb 20 dragon souls

Oh yeah! Dragons have nothing on me now thanks to my enchanted Ebony Bow of Lethargy, a full quiver of glass arrows, and plenty of stamina-weakening potions to boot. More will fall from the sky; this, I promise.

From Fez…


Get a cube (10G): Cube GET!

Just starting out. Gotta collect 31 more…

For these next two Achievements, I won’t spoil anything specific, but to get ’em, one just needs to do some light reading of all the Achievement descriptions in Fez and follow through…


Achievement unlocked (15G): Unlocking achieved.


Equal and opposite (15G): Negative space.

From Jurassic Park: The Game…

Hmm. While reviewing the list of Achievements I’ve ultimately unlocked, I realized that several of them share the same artwork. Actually, a lot of them. Never noticed this before. How lame is that? It’s no longer 2006, game developers. Put some care and effort into the look of your unlockables, like BioWare and Bethesda do. That said, here’s the variety you’ll get, with the only differences being in the name of the Achievement and how many Gamerscore points it is worth:

Other than those, the only ones that are special and different are those based on individual dinosaur encounters and not making any mistakes while fighting Yoder. That’s it. The rest are rinsed, shampooed, and used again. That’s pretty disappointing, especially since some good work was done on the Achievement names, like Barbasolved, I Know How to Read a Schematic, and I Herd That.

But whatever. It was not the greatest game.

YOU HAVE NOW REACHED THE END OF THIS POST. PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW, TELLING US ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE UNLOCKED ACHIEVEMENT OF YOUR WEEK OF GAMING. DO IT. THE CAPS LOCK DEMANDS IT.

When the timing is right, a fetch quest is pure delight

Sometimes, I need a little direction. Clear yet brief instructions, a visible path to and from, a small purpose, and a jingle to indicate conclusion. A short spurt of work and reward. All of these elements wrapped up together and tied shut with forest green string equals a wonderful present in my eyes, but one that I only want when I want it. I can handle open-ended, freedom, and robust ambiguity just fine, but again, sometimes, I need a little hand-holding. I require it. And I find it in…fetch quests.

Fetch quests come in two forms: hated and accepted. To start, let’s try and define exactly what a fetch quest is: a short quest, which involves sending the player out to collect a certain number of items and return them to complete the quest. That’s kind of it. Think of it as almost an errand. Like, go deliver this cup of sugar to your neighbor down the street. Or, Joe Shmoe needs some new shoes from the store, gives you some money, and then you are off. Fetch quests are a staple of RPGs or videogames with RPG elements, though they do occasionally pop up elsewhere. They are meant to be short tasks to do between major quests, ones that are certainly more involved than “tell Tucker his friend hid some money in a bush down by the river” kind of thing. Quick bits of work for small bits of money or treasure or maybe nothing at all save for the feeling of completion pulsing in your chest.

Now, there are a few games where the fetch quests become unbearable, a real grind, and those are worthy of their heaps of hatred. Off the top of my hairy head, I can think of the Claptrap’s New Robot Revolution DLC from Borderlands, which has you going back and forth, collecting countless claptrap parts–actually, I did count ’em up. I also had some problems with the fetch quests in The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening in that it was rather difficult to figure out who needed what to progress the story–and then find said item. I think I stopped playing after I couldn’t figure out how to get the walrus guarding the entrance to Desert Lanmola to move. Again, give it to me straight.

But lately, anxiety and stress have been creeping in, and so I have not been able to concentrate a whole ton on large and long quests in RPGs, making a bee-line towards fetch quests. Granted, I did just finish the Companions questline in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim–which I plan to write about soon–but I wouldn’t really call that large or long. Instead, while playing and enjoying the latest patch that adds kill cams for ranged weapons, I’ve decided it was high time I took a whacking to the miscellaneous quests list. I delivered a sword to some dude in Whiterun, I collected bear skin pelts for some lady, I killed a bandit leader in a cave, and I continued to look for Nirn roots and flawless sapphires. You can argue whether some of those are “fetch” quests, but you will just be arguing with yourself on the Internet, so I don’t recommend it. Overall, it was a nice time, with each task taking only a short while to complete. I expect I’ll keep meandering and doing small tasks until bigger DLC is announced.

And so, a game like Professor Layton’s London Life from Professor Layton and the Last Specter, has been pure bliss for me these last few weeks. More or less, it’s all fetch quests, with a pinch of room decorating to boot. I’ve done enough going and returning to earn a new apartment, which is much bigger. But there’s something really special about waking up every day in-game, reading the newspaper, and acquiring a list of quests. None are especially hard, except for when someone wants a fish, but that’s only because the fishing minigame is the absolute worst, and five or six can be easily completed in under ten minutes. But I don’t do that. I pace myself, or think of ways that I can do two back-to-back or how if I am going to go the museum I should buy that piece of candy that someone at the college wants since they are right next to each other. The quests remain small, but I build them up in my head to be more than that. At some point, London Life will run out of new fetch quests, with only repeats available, and then I’ll be sad and pretty much done with the minigame. Until then, I’ll keep at it, one straight-faced mission after another.

Sometimes, I need a little direction, and it doesn’t hurt to know where you’re going. Thank you, fetch quests.

2012 Game Review Haiku, #10 – Jurassic Park: The Game

Push left to avoid
The Tyrannosaurus rex
Mash the A button

For all the games I complete in 2012, instead of wasting time writing a review made up of points and thoughts I’ve probably already expressed here in various posts at Grinding Down, I’m instead just going to write a haiku about it. So there.