Nancy Drew and the Mystery of a Terrible Game

Recently, I borrowed two DS games from my mother’s collection: Hidden Mysteries Titanic: Secrets of the Fateful Voyage and Nancy Drew: The Mystery of the Clue Bender Society. Both have extremely long titles, and both are terrible abominations that I can’t believe got made and stocked at full price. Anyways, I breezed uninterestedly through the former-mentioned title, but got stuck with Nancy Drew and eventually just gave it back unfinished. Mom plans to trade them in for pennies and nickels.

Still, I have thoughts. Most of these end with question marks, such as “Why couldn’t they give a clearer hint here?” or “Is Nancy Drew really a complete fool?” or “What’s up with that one dude’s beard?”

Nancy Drew: The Mystery of the Clue Bender Society is evidently the second outing for the young, teenbop sleuth. I missed the first one…thankfully. In this one, she gets a mysterious letter from the shadowy Clue Bender Society, inviting her over for a visit to join their awesome club of super-detectives. Or something like that. Once there, Drew must find a stolen tome that may or may not contain crazy cult secrets powerful enough to destroy the world. I know, pretty heavy stuff there for a Valley Girl who is more at home when finding her lost cell phone.

Generally speaking, it’s a puzzle game. You might be inclined to say the game has puzzles, emphasis on the s. But it doesn’t really. The puzzles are just minigames: time-wasters, space-fillers, extra screens to tap at furiously, call ’em what you will. These minigames don’t even give you basic instructions; you’re thrown into the lion’s den and must tap your way out. Ultimately, there’s very little, hmm, clue bending in Nancy Drew: The Mystery of the Clue Bender Society.

And the writing…sigh. Having known them to be quite popular, but never reading much of Nancy Drew’s adventures, I expected a solid story with a whodunnit mystery. The writing, right from the get-go, is a trainwreck. Like, derailed and then flipped and then exploded and then anything that didn’t explode melted like that one dude’s face in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. My favorite “writing” moment (quick, turn on your sarcasm meters!) is when Nancy is meeting a friend in a local cafe. The friend gives her a device to pick up fingerprints and tells her to try it out on her coffee cup; Nancy does and then is extremely shocked and surprised to find her friend’s fingerprints on the mug. Like, oh my gawd! What…an…idiot. I almost want to know what Nancy’s SAT scores look like and if they are just a wee higher than my last bowling record.

Everyone meet Nancy's biggest clue-bending challenge: doors.

But there’s no guidance within the game. I’m not talking guided hand-holding, but there could’ve been more hints as to what to do next. Alas, a lot of time is spent going back and forth from room to room in the mansion, hoping you’ll find something new to click on to set things in motion again. You’ll get a bunch of items you may or may not use (e.g., her cell phone). And there’s an unneeded amount of rooms that have nothing in them. Unfortunately, I got stuck on a part of the mansion where every room offered nothing new, and I had no idea what to do next. My quest instructions said, “Find the tome.”

And now she never will. Oh well. Guess then it’s goodbye, world.

PURCHASE OF THE MONTH: Dragon Age: Origins

I was planning on picking up Dragon Age: Origins in January, but got so many great games to play over Christmas that it never happened. So the next plan was to get it in February, which was all well and good, but things got busy, and I only just sort of realized this weekend that there’s not many more days left in the month.

It’s amazingly deep so far, and I’ve only just started, having now completed the Elf Mage origin. The codex is marvelous, the magic is fun, and the voice acting strong. The only part I was surprised about is the…graphics. If you look out over the walls at Ostagar, the trees look absolutely ridiculous as they are basically flat images standing atop a texture-less “field” of brown. Maybe the darkspawn had something to do with that. Yet another reason to hate ’em, right?!

Anyways, it’s definitely my kind of RPG. All the numbers, dialogue options, and inventory managing warms my heart. I hope the mage was a good choice though; the magic spells does seem pretty potent, but there was a couple instances where I got knocked down and had to heal really fast or buy the farm. We’ll see how it all pans out…

GAMES I REGRET PARTING WITH: Uniracers

Uniracers is a quirky if simplistic racing game, but above everything it was fun and fast. You might’ve thought you experienced blinding speed playing F-Zero at the time, but you were most definitely not prepared for this 1994 SNES release. It was, in fact, a glove-slap to SEGA’s speedy Sonic series (say that five times fast!), but Uniracers turned out to be more of a miss than a hit with gamers. A shame as it was a blast to play!

Judging by screenshots alone, the graphics aren’t too impressive…but they work for this kind of game. You control a riderless unicycle and move along multicolored circuit tracks, gaining speed, avoiding obstacles, and nailing as many tricks as possible, which leads to speed boosts and the chance for more trickery. There’s no plot to this madness, and that’s a good thing, but one does have to be careful of obstacles on the course. Hand/eye coordination is key here.

Uniracers offered two player, split-screen action, which was always a hoot, and the ability to minimally customize your cycle was a welcomed addition. What I remember most though is the frenetic music. It was bouncy, it was laden with kooky sound effects, and it was perfect for zooming through corkscrews and doing three backflips in a row.

However, I never did get to race against Anti-Uni, the last challenger for the game’s final circuit. It seems this cycle had a few tricks up its metaphoric sleeve, causing the track to go invisible or the game’s controls to reverse. Sounds like fun!

I doubt we’ll ever see this series reborn, but if so, the Nintendo DS is the perfect spot for it. You could steer the cycle with the D-pad and then manage tricks with the stylist. Wouldn’t be too hard to do actually, but I’m not going to hold my breath on this one.

In the end: Uniracers, I miss you.

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GAMES I REGRET PARTING WITH is a regular feature here at Grinding Down where I reminisce about videogames I either sold or traded in when I was young and dumb. To read up on other games I parted with, follow the tag.

Blowing up Megaton ain’t so easy

The Power of the Atom quest in Fallout 3 gives the player three choices: blow up Megaton, defuse the atom bomb, or ignore it altogether. During my first playthrough as a wholesome, good-natured chap fresh from Vault 101, the answer was easy. I defused the atom bomb in the center of town and, as a reward, got a shack to keep all the cool stuff I found out in the Capital Wasteland safe. Throughout the game, Megaton was my hub. I returned there often to both sleep (and get the “well rested” bonus before adventuring) and sell extra gear. The citizens would give me things now and then, and I truly felt like it was my town, my home. I couldn’t imagine playing Fallout 3 without it.

And now I have to.

I’m working on my evil run and actively avoided completing the quest for a number of reasons: first, I wasn’t finished with The Wasteland Survival Guide quest; second, my lockpicking/sneak skills were not high enough to get me into the sheriff’s house to snag the Strength Bobblehead; third, I was pretty good throughout the game at not picking up every single item, but eventually started getting weighed down by too many weapons and pieces of apparel that I didn’t want to give up. So finally I was able to pickpocket Lucas Simms, bust into his home, grab the Bobblehead, and then…I got caught by his son trying to steal a skill book. Asdfghjkl. Now the whole town hated me immensely, over a book, too; bitter, I ran straight back to Tenpenny Tower to press a button. The button. The one that will completely change the way I finish Fallout 3.

I watched the mushroom cloud until it faded away, until there was nothing left but discolored sky and the wind whistling below. My prize? Some caps and a very nice pad in Tenpenny Tower. I then bought the love theme, which puts a heart-shaped bed smack in the middle. It doesn’t feel right. I’m a horrible soul. And I haven’t gone back to the crater once known as Megaton, but I’ll have to eventually if I want to complete The Wasteland Survival Guide quest. I appreciate the irony there, that that quest is still available after detonating an atom bomb, but I’m not looking forward to seeing the destruction I helped create.

Alabama college shooting suspect also roleplayed

Last week, Amy Bishop Anderson, a University of Alabama biology professor, killed three faculty members. According to BostonHerald.com, she also enjoyed playing Dungeons & Dragons, that popular dice-and-paper game sponsored by Satan himself.

Y’know, it always depresses and bothers me to see games (both video and boardgames) as a blaming post for these sorts of acts; I mean, I bet this woman also liked eating a certain type of pizza and had a favorite movie she could watch over and over, but these have yet to be highlighted as driving forces for her horrific crimes. Because if they were, well, I’d like to think most people would go, “Um, that’s stupid.”

But Dungeons and Dragons has a lot of stereotypes. Basement dwellers, Cheeto-tinted fingers, bad skin, horrible social skills, the creation of new smells, intense fights over dragon loot, loneliness, and so on. Some might apply, a lot might not. I’ve met people throughout life that I would’ve never guessed played D&D, and to some extent think that some people have trouble believing that I play it, too.

I could really say a lot about murder and linking games to it because the topic, sadly, comes up all the time. The debates will never end, and there will always be those that strongly believe that Grand Theft Auto IV taught them how to hotwire the neighbor’s car and then run over a prositute. Not mental unstability, no. Yet I only have one point: it’s not about the game, it’s about the person.

REVIEW: Hidden Mysteries Titanic: Secrets of the Fateful Voyage

Developer/Publisher: Activision
Platform: Nintendo DS (also available for the Nintendo Wii)
Genre(s): Point-and-Tap Adventure
Mode(s): Singe player, assisted suicide
Rating: Teen
Time clocked: Three to four hours

If Hidden Mysteries Titanic: Secrets of the Fateful Voyage could be considered a videogame then I’d consider it the worst videogame ever crafted. But it’s not a videogame; it’s an exercise in excessive tapping. And you’d probably have more fun going down with the iconic sailing vessel than solving these puzzles.

Press start to continue

Well, no…not really. But it sure feels like I’ve run out of extra lives after a busy, busy weekend. There was movie-watching, marriage courses, and heavy lifting. Not a lot of videogaming in the end, but hopefully I can make up for that over the week.

You want something to look forward to? How about a review of THE WORST VIDEOGAME EVER MADE BY MAN?

Stay glued for that one.

Liberty City, Home of the Minigames

I’ve been playing a bit of Grand Theft Auto IV recently. It’s a massive game, truly elephantine, and that’s kind of amazing to think about considering I’ve only experienced one island so far. There’s driving and escorting and TV watching and potential girlfriends and clothing shops and and and…minigames!

What? I’m a sucker for them, which is beyond clear when one sees that three out of my seven first unlocked Achievements are the following:

Pool Shark (10G): You beat a friend at pool.

King of QUB3D (15G): You beat the high score in QUB3D.

One Hundred and Eighty (10G): You scored 180 with 3 darts.

That’s right. Niko visited Liberty City, and all he got was this lousy t-shirt were some mediocre minigames. Only one I haven’t tackled yet is the bowling Achievement for three strikes in a row. But I will, oh yes, I will.

But yeah, the minigames aren’t really anything to write home about. I was looking forward to pool the most because I have oddly always enjoyed Flash-based pool games and such. Here, however, it was extremely difficult to tell solids from stripes, and lining up shots was frustrating, as well as determining power and angles. I did, however, unlock the achievement properly by sinking the eight ball, but I know it can also be earned by your opponent scratching at the end. Doubt I’ll go back and play pool, even if it is my date’s favorite activity ever. She’ll just have to learn to love something else. Like drive-by shootings?

That said, the missions, so far, are okay. Pretty GTA standard. Haven’t done many though, just a few side gigs for Roman and F-bomber Vlad. Love the cell phone integration. Can’t really control cars too well. When it rains, it’s just amazing looking and I want to steal someone’s umbrella and go for a stroll. And lastly, mopeds for life!

FIRST HOUR REVIEW: Odin Sphere

You-hoo, down here. Right. My take on Odin Sphere‘s first hour of gameplay is now live over at The First Hour. Do check it out. I wrote it mostly as an excuse to post amazingly awesome cosplay pics, as shown above. Seriously, this game was made for cosplayers. I won’t be playing much more of it after a repetitive hour, but there’s no stopping me from loving the game’s art style and profound effect on the cosplaying culture.

Cheap videogamer is cheap

Recently, New Jersey got some snow. Enough to close schools and offices and make driving around a bit like controlling Mass Effect‘s Mako. Now, my motto to people is that when they hear snow is coming to not buy bread and water, but rather a new videogame. You’ll have more fun that way.

And since I already knew to expect a heaping of snow, I visited the local GameStop the day before to see if there was anything worth buying. Sure, I am still planning to make my “purchase of the month” before February ends (most likely Dragon Age: Origins), but I wasn’t in the mood to spend a big chunk of change so I perused the bargain bin and found the following:

Grand Theft Auto IV – $11.99
SEGA Superstars Tennis – $3.99

Sure, why not. These games definitely don’t go hand-in-hand, but the prices were just right for me. I’ve never had much luck with the GTA games before, always growing tired of the missions looooong before I probably should, but for twelve bucks I figured it couldn’t hurt to see if Rockstar made it more fun this time around. And don’t ask me about the tennis game. I really can’t give you an honest answer on why I picked it up. Just remember: curiosity killed the cat.

Haven’t gotten too far in either of them yet. In one game, I sped down a highway and jumped out of the car to let it smash into oncoming traffic; in the other game, I served tennis balls with unseen tenacity. Feel free to play detective with those clues.