Breaking news: I bought the farm

…and by that I mean I removed the FarmVille app from my Facebook profile and no longer have to click, click, click until every crop has been harvested, every animal has been tended to, and every job has been done. It’s quite a relief actually, but truth be told…I was never a good farmer to begin with.

I signed up for FarmVille like countless others did sometime last year, curious to its appeal. I quickly found myself plowing some land and planting my first seeds. The crops grow in real time, meaning eight hours means eight actual hours. So once you plant your crops, you basically have to wait to get more money to plant more crops. Yup, it’s a cycle, and the cycle certainly can be addicting if you’re into that sort of work/reward process. While you wait, your avatar can decorate your farm with an assortment of farm-like and unfarm-like items, ranging from barns to hot air balloons to themed statues. You can also visit your neighbors (i.e., Facebook friends) and check out their farms, fertilizing their crops and feeding their chickens. But other than that, you must wait. And this will be how you play FarmVille for the first few weeks. It’s not until you level up considerably and get a decent chunk of change can you really design your farm to your heart’s content and focus on the crops you most enjoy growing.

But then the game plateaus. For me, this was around level 25.

At this point, FarmVille tried too hard to cater to every kind of gamer, casual and not. It threw in collections and ribbons (basically Achievements) and co-op gameplay and pet owning and headshots and tea-bagging and so on. The game also basically made it really hard to play without interacting constantly with neighbors and posting BS to your Facebook’s wall. In all of my 33 levels of farm powers, I might have posted a total of four items publicly; my sister made me do it. It’s not fun to do, and I feel annoying even just thinking about it. Sorry, Facebookers.

And so, just recently, I realized I hadn’t logged into my farm for a few days. My crops surely had withered away. My trees were most certainly all full of fruit, all ripe for the picking. I can see all my animals, all of them stuck forever in place, waiting for me to collect their feathers, calm them down, or gather up ice cubes. It seemed like too much for me, and I was not ultimately happy with the layout of my farm, feeling stuck; that said, I was also too lazy to start anew, and so my next option was to cut loose, set them free, and find something else worth clicking about on.

The app was removed in a matter of seconds, no bells and whistles, no hoops to jump through. Surprisingly easy.

I’ve always been curious about the Harvest Moon games, and I might have to try one of them out soon. Farming simulation can be fun, but for me…I need a little more direction than just plant, harvest, plant, harvest, plant, harvest, and plant, harvest.

Celebrate Pac-Man’s 30th birthday with Google

To celebrate Pac-Man‘s thirtieth birthday (that’s three followed by a zero for my fellow mathematicians), Google has redesigned their logo in its honor. Very, very cool. But wait! There’s more. You can play Pac-Man, too, right there and then, thanks to some magical widget voodoo. Click “insert coin” and use the arrow keys to move around. Click “insert coin” a second time, and you can control a second Pac-Man on the board. Niiiiiice.

Seriously, no one will do any work today, and Google is to blame. Not Pac-Man. Pac-Man doesn’t kill work efficiency; Google giving us quick and easy Pac-Man kills work efficiency.

Don’t try clicking “insert coin” in the above image. Head over to Google right now for the real thing!

One, the loneliest of numbers

Running around by myself and shooting skags, bandits, and spiderants in Borderlands is fine…if a bit repetitive, a bit predictable. A little lonesome. But the game clearly demands co-op action during it’s boss battles, something I don’t have access to, making these grand set pieces either extremely hard or totally lame.

Take for instance the Rakk Hive, the wondrous beast shown above. I love it’s design, and the eyes on the thing remind me a lot of the Ohmu from Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind. Except this is no gentle beast; it’s a monster of a monster and will attack you in a variety of ways, spewing Rakk from its body, too. I’m guessing a great co-op strategy would be to divulge tasks, meaning one player handles the flying Rakk, the other goes for the thing’s eyes for critical hits, and the rest can move around to distract it or protect their fellow teammates. What did I do all by my little soldier self? I stood behind a rock and shot. Then I reloaded. Then I shot some more. Reloaded. Shot. Reloaded. Pew pew pew. Reloaded. Shot. Shot. Shot. One more shot. Oh good, it’s falling over now, dead. Level up!

It was not very exciting, I’m sad to say.

Let’s look at another boss battle: Baron Flynt. Man, what a toughie. And the quest was marked at a difficulty of normal, but still…a toughie. Flynt wields The Boom Stick, a deadly combat shotgun that can deplete your shield in about two hits. He’s also quick on his feet. The battle zone is multi-tiered, making it easy to avoid him by dropping low or running high, but if you don’t attack him constantly he shield recharges and then what’s the point of it all. This would have been a good time–nay, a vital time–to have another player in the mix to shoot him from behind or toss grenades or whatever, but alas I had to resort to a lot of hiding and running. Thankfully, I’m Roland and have the turret action skill, which, as he says from time to time, “It’s like having another soldier on the field!”

Yes, my co-op partner is a stationary turret gun. Wee!

It took me about 30 levels to truly see that Borderlands is a co-op game, through and through. When I bought it, I was hoping it had a deep enough–and fun enough–single-player mode to warrant the purchase. Alas, it’s thin. Rakk wing thin.

But I’m soldiering on (pun intended) because the numerous quests do keep me busy, and I do see myself becoming a much better FPS player with each level earned. That or I have just found powerful enough guns to keep me alive and well through most firefights. Also, as of last night, I found my first orange-colored weapon. That’s pretty exciting…except it was a shotgun, and I am not interested in using close-range weaponry. I prefer shooting from a distance. But I think I’m getting closer to the Vault; I just hope I can make it through by myself.

Planning out the next set of purchases

So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about time and money and videogames. Because, as most of us know, they all go hand-in-hand with each other. You need money to play games; you need time to play games. You also most likely need a job, but the Catch 22 of that is if you have a job, you have less time, but more money.

To be truthful, I have enough money for games, but not enough time, and that therein causes me to feel guilt about buying new games when I’ve yet to get through a good chunk of my collection. I mean, I did toss down $5.00 for six games thanks to the Humble Indie Bundle, and of them, I’ve only played a few hours of Aquaria. Haven’t even touched the others yet. Problem? Problem. Plus, I’m still working on Borderlands, Pokemon HeartGold, playing Dragon Age: Origins a second time, and a slew of other abandoned children.

Right. Chances are I’m just babbling here, but basically, I’m not going to be making a Purchase of the Month for May 2010. Generally, I allow myself to buy one new videogame–often ranging in the $30 to $40 range–each month as a reward for working hard and staying alive. However, I have more than enough on my plate right now, and there’s actually nothing terribly new calling out to me…save for Red Dead Redemption, which a lot of reviews are giving the thumbs up on. Yet…I still do not enjoy GTA IV and think maybe, just maybe, I should stay away. Who knows. I might cave over summer; I’ve always wanted to ride a donkey into the sunset.

I do, however, know with certainty some of my next purchases. And here they are:

• June 2010: LEGO Harry Potter: Years 1-4
• July 2010: Dragon Quest IX: Sentinels of the Starry Skies
• August 2010: ???
• September 2010: ???
• October 2010: Fallout: New Vegas

And that’s really all I know at this point. Nothing else on the radar. Nope, not even Fable III. Feeling kind of meh about it at this point. But I do like having a battle plan and things to look forward to…

Do not invite Crusty Demons to your Dream Day Wedding Destination

Tara and I went to GameStop yesterday to pick up a gift card for my mother as it’s her birthday real soon. The original plan was to find her a new Nintendo DS game, but she seems to buy more games than I do, and I have to admit to losing track of what she has in her collection versus what she used to have, but traded in. So…a GC it was. That way, she can pick what she wants, and I do believe a yardsale hidden objects game comes out on her very day of birth…so there we go. Though Tara and I did see a hidden objects game all about planning one’s perfect wedding:

Oh man. Doesn’t that look exciting?! We thought this would be hilarious to give to her, but I told Tara that I didn’t think I could physically carry the case over to the counter and then pay money for it. Maybe next time? Most likely not.

Also, while perusing the shelves of old Xbox games (they had a deal of buy one, get two free, but I didn’t buy anything as I really have no clue what games are backwards compatible on the Xbox 360), a title caught my attention. And made me laugh. Out loud. In front of total strangers. Now, these games were lined up like books, spine out, so all I had to go off of was the title alone, but man did it make me pick up the game. Are you ready? I don’t think you’re ready for it.

…

What? You’re dying to know? Hmm…

Okay, okay. Here it is:

Ah ahahahahaha. Crusty Demons.

Sadly, this was not a videogame about a fantasy land dastardly overrun by…crusty demons. Instead, it’s about–I guess–some people riding bikes and doing daredevil-like tricks. What a tease!

In short, some videogame covers are just plain silly.

A short spurt of success in GTA IV

Something strange happened recently; I beat a couple of missions in Grand Theft Auto IV.

Now, I had not played the game since admitting to the rage it caused me back at the end of April 2010. Other games became my distraction, and I soon lost interest in moving Niko’s revenge plot forward. But then, recently, Red Dead Redemption was released, and all the buzz about it reminded me that I really do love an open world and that Rockstar can make a decent game, and so I popped GTA IV back into my Xbox 360, totally expecting to just drive around a bit and see the sights.

But I took a chance again on that mission “Museum Piece,” which had previously caused me a lot of heartache after failing it three times. I prepared myself by loading up on ammo, grenades, and armor, and then procedded to take my time clearing out the museum. Once outside, I stayed in the park as I remembered that taking to the streets was instant death. Here’s where it got tricky…and I got lucky. I could not see the two cars trying to run me over, but they kept bashing into the park’s gated walls, and several cop cars had shown up to assess the situation. I tossed grenades like hot potatoes and took those two (of three) targets down. The third guy was on foot in the park, a shotgun in hand, but I made a mess of him quickly. Now to lose my three stars. I grabbed the car I drove to the mission with and hit the street, trying to find a Spray ‘n Pay shop. Luckily, I didn’t need it, and made it to safety before getting there. Ping, Achievement unlocked!

Impossible Trinity (10G): You completed the mission “Museum Piece”.

And then I took on the next mission from Italian Ray…and successfully completed it. And the one after that. I think at some point, I pinched myself, but all of this was happening. I was doing well!

Until I had to chase a guy on a scooter around a park…on a scooter, too. Scooters are motorcycles’ demon babies. They handle horribly, and one mess up and your target will escape with ease. Grrr. So I failed that mission…twice, saved, and shut off for the night.

Maybe I’ll wait two more weeks to play GTA IV again. I guess I gotta save up a whole bunch of success and then spend all in one shot.

Currently, my favorite gun in Borderlands: The Spy

Isn’t it pretty?

Given as a quest reward for putting King Wee Wee in Tetanus Warren six feet under, The Spy is a crazy good gun. Cah-razy good. It’s a Hyperion SMG (or maybe it’s considered an assault rifle?) with a highly effective scope, making it almost pass for a multi-clip, fast-damaging sniper rifle. Almost. There’s definitely perks to using a sniper rifle to snipe from a distance, but The Spy can hold its own, too. It also takes out shields relatively fast.

Now, I’ve written before about my distaste for big guns, so I sell every rocket launcher I pick up. Otherwise, I do try to swap a lot of my guns in and out of my hand to try them all. Borderlands claims it has a godzillian amount of weapons, and though a lot will look the same, most will perform completely different. It’s good to give each one a test run, even the silly repeaters. But The Spy has not been swapped out since I got it. It’s too good, especially for the character I’ve built; my soldier has a high capacity shield that also regenerates health over time, as well as a class mod that regenerates ammo at a good clip (pun intended). That means I can basically sit back and fire at a decent distance thanks to The Spy, and throw down my corrosive-laced turret for extra support.

There’s a couple other guns that I like to use, like Krom’s Sidearm and an assault rifle that likes to make things explode, and they all have a time and a place. By chance, The Spy seems right for each of these except when I’m getting mobbed by three crazy suicide pyscho bandits. Then I have to rely on grenades and hiding and mixing it up.

I guess if there’s one good thing to playing this game all alone is I don’t have to fight over awesome loot like the above. It’s just mine, now and forever.

It’s a bird…it’s a plane…it’s Super Scribblenauts!

Honestly, I totally expected the sequel to last year’s fun-but-flawed Scribblenauts to be…Scribblenauts 2. Completely boring, but that’s usually how this industry works. Thankfully, that’s not the case. It’s titled Super Scribblenauts, and that title should key you in on the game’s new focus of adjectives.

Throwing in words like fuzzy and purple and incandescent will now allow your rooster hat-wearing character to modify the things you create to solve the numerous puzzles the game will toss at you. This could definitely be a recipe for even more random fun, but the core problems found in the original Scribblenauts need to be fixed, and they need to be fixed hard before I even come close to considering picking up this sequel. Namely, the controls. Just let us use the d-pad…please! Puh-lease!

That said, enjoy some new screenshots below, which show off the love of adjectives:

Naturally, people are scared of zombie dumptrucks.

Telekinetic-Man, Telekinetic-Man, does whatever a Telekinetic-Man can.

Pop culture and its effect on Achievements

Over the weekend, I unlocked a very random Achievement in Borderlands:

You’re on a Boat! (15G): I bet you never thought you’d be here.

Well, it seemed random at first, but then it slowly dawned on me that it was actually an inside joke based off of the song “I’m on a Boat” by The Lonely Island, a silly yet extremely catchy tune made popular (and somewhat viral) last year on Saturday Night Live. Basically, while wandering around the coastline on Pandora, you’ll see a docked ship all by its lonesome, and upon hopping aboard and exploring it you’ll pop the above. There’s some money and I think a gun cache there, but then there’s also some…uh, porn magazines.

So, yeah, a bit random. Well, it’s a bit random today, being that of May 2010. I’m sure when the game was being produced and “I’m on a Boat” was just about everywhere last summer, this little Achievement got a lot of chuckles in 2K’s offices.

However, give the game a few more years, and I suspect no one will even know where this stemmed from. And that’s my problem with pop culture, especially when it invades music and games. It’s not forever. It’s only concerned with the now and current, and making a quick impression on you, trying to grab your attention with something that oh so recently already grabbed it. I believe there’s a Jason Mraz song where he sings about the love of his life and also drinking from a Starbucks cup; now, I am under no authority to say whether this coffee company will still be around in 2075 (it will), but who’s to say that someone listening to his album then might not get what he’s saying. Because they don’t know Starbucks. Or cassettes. Or payphones. Or whatever. They were not alive to see the culture to pop. It’s a great reason why The Beatles  and games like Suikoden II are timeless, and I now I’m meandering here–and especially over something so silly and trite–but I’m a planner, and I just don’t think You’re on a Boat! was planned out to be amusing in the longrun. If you didn’t pop it fast when the game launched, you didn’t get the joke when you were supposed to.

Y’know, I’m probably the only gamer to overthink something like this…

Two videogames beaten, but not over with yet

Over the past couple of days, I beat two videogames. Namely, Dragon Age: Origins and Pokemon HeartGold. Both will be getting full reviews from me in the near future, one most likely here and one most likely over at The First Hour, but I still want to talk a little bit about them at the moment…since their deaths are so fresh in my mind.

Both of these games are now beaten. I have seen the end credits roll. And yet, against my power, both of these games demand I continue playing them. In different manners, of course.

For Pokemon HeartGold, they are asking me to play the same game again. The only difference is a new skin to it with new Pokemon to collect, but the fundamentals are all the same: explore the land, collect pocket monsters, defeat gym leaders, and rise to the top of another league for ultimate bragging rights. I’m going to do it, but considering that I just did exactly that for 49 hours…well, I’m not terribly excited for déjà vu to set in.

For Dragon Age: Origins, it’s all about playing the game as drastically different as possible. Because what’s done is done. My Grey Warden character defeated the darkspawn (I don’t consider this a spoiler as, duh, you knew it was going to happen) and now there’s nothing else to do. Can’t reload and venture about Ferelden to do sidequests until the cows come home. Instead, thanks to the numerous origins and different classes and varied dialogue choices, one can play BioWare’s fantasy RPG a second time and experience the complete opposite of what they did before. That’s nice. And also, I didn’t do that Achievement boosting trick where you save before you make a big decision, unlock the Achievement, reload, and then unlock the other one. So I’ll be heading back in to side with the werewolves and help the mages in the Circle Tower and so on. To be honest, I’m looking forward to experiencing it all over again.

Now…about these games’ endings. They were totally lame, especially considering the hours spent to get there.

Pokemon HeartGold tossed an extremely tough battle in your face unlike anything your Trainer ever fought against, and I suspect a lot of players were in the same boat as me. Meaning…lots of grinding to catch up and be halfway formidable. And once that’s said and done, you’re treated to a short scene stating your awesomeness and then credits with little animated Pokesprites running around and being silly. Fade to black. Reload to discover you basically only “beat” 50% of the actual game. Laaame.

Talking about the ending in Dragon Age: Origins is a bit more challenging. I don’t want to spoil specifics, but I really felt like there was a lack of imagination in the final battle. Honestly, your team just moves from zone to zone, fighting wave after wave of darkspawn until you make it to the archdemon, and then you fight it and it releases wave after wave of support enemies and then you kill it and then you’re done. And treated to–and I’m not kidding here–static paintings with some tiny text boxes telling you about what happened to people and places in the years to come. BioWare couldn’t even shell out for some voice actor here after all the speaking that when down during my 41 hours of gameplay. Sigh. There may or may not be more to the game’s ending though depending on some choices you previously made. Time will tell in that department. Either way, it felt kind of lame. Like, that boss battle with that giant tentacle-wielding woman-thing was much more exciting (and original) than this. Oh well. Maybe my second playthrough will reveal something else.

But yeah, despite the fact I’m still going to be playing these for some time, they’re definitely getting crossed off the backlog list as completed.