Naturally, ‘Splosion Man ends with a bang

It took tears and sweat and countless piles of uncooked scientist steaks, as well as some mild swearing, but I finally beat ‘Splosion Man:

You’re the Best Around! (25G): Complete the Single Player game.

You bet your exploding ass I’m the best that’s around! Actually, no. I’m not that great. I had to turn off the game several times, and there were many moments where I experienced pure ultimate cruelty and vowed to give this up for good. Like, in my mind, I kept repeating, “It’s not worth it! It’s not worth it!” Alas, it never happened. I soldiered through. It took several nights, but I did it. Feel free to give me some slow golf claps. And that Achievement above proves I did it without using the “Way of the Coward” cheat to skip levels that were much too hard (here’s looking at you, 3-17). Trust me. I wanted to skip. A zillion times…because ‘Splosion Man is a toughie, requiring precise timing and quick hand-eye coordination. Limbo, a puzzle platformer strikingly different in tone and style, also required the same skills, but it never got me this frustrated. Stuck, sure…but I could work through it…or look up the solution online. The thing is, even if you know the puzzle’s answer, you still have to be really good at controlling ‘Splosion Man’s jumps and timing them just perfect. Otherwise, it’s lights out.

But don’t worry. You’ll be rewarded for all your hard work. ‘Splosion Man has one of the most bizarre and memorable endings to date, as well as really scary end credits. I watched them for the music, but I stayed out of pure fascination and fear. It’s the stuff of nightmares. If you don’t want to put in the hours, check it out below then:

Yup. You’re welcome.

I’m sure I have more to say. Maybe a full review later on? Magical eightball says…EXPLOSION!

Half-hour reviews take longer than a half-hour to write

Last night, I found some time, sat down, and finished up a half-hour review of Broken Sword: Shadow of the Templars for The First Hour. Will probably go up live sometime next week. One puzzle frustrated me to the point of cheating. Stay tuned for that.

I do find it interesting that writing a half-hour review of a videogame took me over two hours to do. Why’s that? Well, for starters, I use a stopwatch and take notes as a I play. I am constantly stopping time, writing down some quick notes, starting the time again, and then playing some more until another note-taking session demands my soul. That means my half-hour of gametime is never straight through; it’s choppy as the Artic Sea and maybe just as frenetic. Also, there were a couple of phone calls during my play session, which I needed to answer–so everything went on pause then. After a full thirty minutes were played, it was time to review my notes and clean them the frak up. Nobody could read my drivel, but after some copyediting and writing, the minute-by-minute playthrough is much more readable. Hopefully, enjoyable too. Plus, then I have to write beginning copy as a lead-in to the review, and a summary of things that happened over the past half-hour. Sometimes writing comes naturally; other times, it’s like pulling teeth…out of a bulldog.

And now you know my process. As offbeat as it is. Truthfully, it works best for Nintendo DS games than anything else as taking notes while playing a console game (and using a stopwatch to keep track of time) is slightly tougher to do because of my entertainment setup.

I will spoil y’all now and tell you that my answer to the Will you continue playing? question is a yes. In fact, I’m playing it as I write this blog. If anything, these reviews are strengthening my multi-tasking skills.

Here’s some adjectives to describe Super Scribblenauts

Adequate, all right, convenient, fair, fine, good, in order, middling, not bad, okay, passable, so-so, surely, tolerable, ceaseless, constant, continual, dull, insistent, monotonous, repeated, absorbing, affecting, alluring, amusing, arresting, attractive, captivating, charismatic, compelling, curious, delightful, elegant, enchanting, engaging, engrossing, enthralling, entrancing, exceptional, exotic, fascinating, fine, gracious, gripping, impressive, intriguing, inviting, lovely, magnetic, pleasing, pleasurable, prepossessing, provocative, readable, refreshing, riveting, stimulating, stirring, striking, suspicious, thought-provoking, unusual, winning, pathetic, comatose, dallying, dilatory, drowsy, dull, flagging, idle, inattentive, indifferent, indolent, inert, lackadaisical, laggard, lagging, languid, languorous, lethargic, lifeless, loafing, neglectful, out of it, passive, procrastinating, remiss, somnolent, supine, tardy, tired, trifling, unconcerned, unenergetic, unindustrious, and unpersevering

Was that enough adjectives for ya? They’re a mix of interesting and lazy and par for the course. This spurt of words was inspired by a recently released new trailer for the game. Check it out below:

Also, I can’t help but find it funny that the trailer has to highlight the fact that there’s now d-pad controls in Super Scribblenauts. Sure, that was, by and far, the original game’s biggest downfall, causing many unwanted deaths to our leading rooster-hatted lad, and the fact that it’s been upgraded is nice and gets me feeling better about buying, more or less, the same game again…but still. Not many other games make a big deal about their control schemes. It’s not bullet point material, and the only other Nintendo DS game I can think of making a mountain out of a molehill here is most likely with The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass with its touchscreen-only controls.

Either way, I’m interested and always will be in games that use words as a means to get things done, but I think I will wait to hear what reviews have to say about this one. Graphically, not much has changed, so now it needs to be seen in the d-pad switch really makes the experience better, and if the devs added more Fun Stuff throughout. Otherwise, I’ll just have to continue toughing it out with the original. I think the third game should be all about onomatopoeia. Super Scribblenauts Splut, perhaps?

The times, they are a-changing

I missed updating Grinding Down this past Thursday and Friday. There’s a reason for that. It wasn’t just because I had nothing to muse about (I generally always do), and it wasn’t because my head just on a Scott Pilgrim holiday or anything. It has to do with something I can’t talk about publicly.

I’ve tried to create a schedule of sorts here. The plan, never truly laid groundwork, was to always update once a day, every weekday. Not too hard, really, considering I’m usually always playing videogames the nights before and have lots to say. It could be a review or just some open commentary or even a Top 5 list thingy. However, currently, I can’t do that kind of schedule any more. I will, however, continue to publish posts when I can. Like right now. And maybe another tomorrow. It’s all gonna be a mystery now. Just be aware that these changes are actually for the better; for instance, I’m getting married in almost two months!

But yeah. Some stuff that I’d like to talk about real soon here includes:

• The Secret Armory of General Knoxx DLC
• Random battles, the good, the bad, and the unneeded
• Doing a first hour (well, first 30 minutes) writeup of a borrowed DS game for The First Hour
• Grinding (gee, what a shock!)
• Scott Pilgrim VS. The World (the movie, not the game just yet)

Keep your eyes peeled, dear readers. Just not every weekday.

ClapTrap’s Robot Revolution set to take over Borderlands

Hey, remember all those broken robots in Borderlands you fixed to get backpacks to increase your inventory space so you could carry more crazy-colored loot? Well, they’d like to say thanks. All of them. Plus some new friends. By shooting you in the face. Repeatedly. Hey-o!

That’s right. There’s even more DLC coming to Borderlands, and it’s playing off of something hinted at once the final boss was taken down. Personally, I thought that was gonna be what the sequel used as inspiration, but I’m okay with DLC as it means less money to spend, but more gameplay to devour. Seems like it’s about an army of ClapTraps that want to wage war against the Hyperion Corporation. The Vault hunters just kind of get caught in the middle of everything. There will be 20 new missions, along with new robot-themed enemies including Crab-traps, Skag-traps, and Raak-traps. What, no Badass Pyscho Midget-traps? Hmmph. Ten more skill points can be earned, as well as three extra backpack slots for extra extra loot. Mmm. I’m guessing there’ll be new Achievements, too.

This is so awesome. I love me some ClapTraps. Heck, I even drew one dancing back in the day when I first got the game. See:

Oh yeaaaaah. I’m dancing, too.

ClapTrap’s Robot Revolution will hit PC, Xbox 360, and PlayStation 3 in September, where it’ll cost $9.99. I hope to have the General Knoxx DLC completed by then, with my Soldier dude hopefully around LV 53-55.

If I was on LOST, I’d most certainly get blown up

So…Wordpress decided to change the Cutline theme, which Grinding Down has used since its very birth, replacing it with what you see now. Very similar, but there’s also some minute changes. Plus, all my sidebar widgets got thrown out of whack, and now I need to redo them all. Ugh. Annoying as all gets. But it’s not going to happen just yet. I will fiddle around with it later on, so don’t mind the mess, dear readers, as it is.

To add to the explosion heap is, well, craziness at the dayjob–which I can’t discuss–and then so much to do every minute of every day to get this wedding in order, as well as life, and the life of others. Seriously. I have this to-do list written down, and every time I cross something off…I add two more items. That’s not how sanity works, ‘kay?

If I was to relate the above image to something videogame-like, I’d mention that I played some more Red Faction: Guerrila last night. And things exploded. Felt good. I just needed to run around and knock buildings over. Let me be. Maybe tomorrow there will be more interesting content here, but I can’t promise y’all the world.

Paul, out!

[Full Gamerscore] UNO

So…full Gamerscore earned for UNO; all 12 Achievements pinged and proudly captured; blah blah blah yadda ya I’m the man blah blah. It happened last night, and I slept quite soundly thanks to it. I polished off a few more rounds of online multiplayer, thus securing the final Achievement and telling the world that, yes, I am a UNO shark. Feels good to finally have another game fully completed that isn’t LEGO-based.

Anyways, reviewing the list of Achievements, it’s clear this isn’t exactly a tough 200 to get. Most just come naturally with time, and the ones that took the longest for me involved playing online games…because I was a Silver member of Xbox Live for a great while.

Favorite Achievement

Skip to My Lou (15G): Play 40 Skip cards.

Skipping an opponent is a lot of fun. I enjoy it more than Reversing or even making them Draw 4 and lose a turn. Skipping just has this quick satisfaction to it, and I love the Achievement’s artwork. Makes me want to throw some rocks across a lake now.

Easiest Achievement

UNO! (10G): Successfully call UNO! and win the game.

This is basically how you win a game…though I guess you could win without calling UNO! but that might get you in trouble with other opponents, forcing you to draw two more cards. Best to just call it and then seal the deal.

Hardest Achievement

UNO Shark (30G): Win ten 4-player games of UNO®, in any mode, on Xbox Live.

It’s the last one I got. Some nights, I’d play two to three games and not win a single one. This is because some people like to play up to 250 points, which is not easy to win in one fell swoop. Other times, I’d be in a game where the first person to go out wins, and that made things easier. Either way, this one required patience and a lot of diligence.

Yay…full Gamerscore! UNO! It excites me to now see a new entry on my Xbox Live dashboard under the fully completed titles section. Maybe I should try to finish up Shadow Complex next, since that’s the closest. Or Winterbottom. One of those. We’ll see. So much more games to play, so little time and sanity left.

It’s the age of industry in Fable III, and the chickens aren’t pleased

The Fable series sure loves its chickens. Well, I can’t actually speak for the first game as I’ve never played it, but Fable II had a lot of chicken-related things going on. You could kick them for an Achievement, kick them for a bonus in the Coliseum battle place, you could sacrifice baby chicks to represent how true evil operates, and you could dress up like one because…well, everybody has their quirks. But yeah, they were there, hopping around some of the towns, adding life and personality.

Times are a-changing for Fable III. The kingdom of Albion is embracing the age of industry, and cogs and machines and factories are just about everywhere. But chickens always remain constant, and as our narrator tells us, the oppression of the common person is at the heart of the story. Thus, the chicken. It, too, can be oppressed, be a hero, and it just takes one hero to get an uprising started. The intro shows just how far one can fight back, and it certainly is an interesting journey to watch unfold.

Check out the opening cinema sequence from Fable III due out this Fall:

I think for lunch today I’ll get a crispy chicken sandwich in its honor. Wait, what? That’s not how “honoring” it works? Too bad. No arguing with my tummy. Om nom nom…

The Top Five Punniest Monsters in Dragon Quest IX

Look, if you’ve been hanging out here at Grinding Down for some time now, then you know one certain thing about me: I love puns. Heck, I even tag a bunch of my entries with “pun” so I can quickly go back and chuckle at my–or someone else’s–witty writing. It’s a writer thing, and I probably have Piers Anthony’s Xanth series to blame; I devoured every book I could buy by him in high school, finally stopping around book #24, The Dastard. Seems like more have come out though, but I’ve outgrown his writing.

So it’s a good thing I love puns because otherwise…Dragon Quest IX would be nearly unbearable. It’s safe to say that the tiny DS cartridge is bloated with puns, both good and bad, and they are around every corner, whether it’s a town’s name (::cough cough:: Alltrades Abbey ::cough::) or people like Edwinn and Erinn, inn runners and Inny winners, or even at the very beginning of the story, at a place called Angel Falls, whereat the main character, an angel, falls down to after some havoc happens up above.

Where the puns really come out in full zombie mode though are with the monsters. An RPG has to have monsters to battle, and there’s a lot here, the majority pun-heavy. Some are better than others, and yes, I’ll openly admit that many are big ol’ groaners. But there’s a few that make me smile each and every time I run into them. Let’s review, shall we?

5. Cruelcumber

Oh my goodness! Just look at it! I want to hug it and smother it with love and then slice it into a dozen pieces for my salad and tuna fish sammich. It has a goofy look, sure, but it also has the best death animation. The Cruelcumber bounces onto its back, spear flying high into the air and then piercing its vegetable heart. But yeah, plant-based monsters really do get the pick of the crop…when it comes to puns. Nyuck nyuck nyuck!

4. Sacksquatch

I couldn’t find a picture of this monster online, sadly. Basically, it’s a sack, like a sack of grain or flour, and it is spewing life from a huge hole in its body. I guess it is its mouth, but it does kind of resemble a certain mysterious beast of the forest.

3. Betterfly

Betterfly is a stronger version of Batterfly, a monster modeled after a butterfly. It’s an easy pun, yes, but it works. I mean, you can’t go around calling butterfly monsters things like Evil Butterfly or Death-from-Abovefly or 666erfly. Just doesn’t work. Alas, there is no Bitterfly in the game. I checked.

2. Cyclown

It’s a clown-like monster cycloning its way over to kill you. Come to think about it, that’s actually quite terrifying. Run!

1. Knocktopus

No picture found, but it isn’t anything special to look at. Just another octopus monster you’ll fight once you get a boat and start heading for open waters. But this punny name makes sense. I mean, they have eight arms…there’s bound to be some knocking around when words no longer settle arguments. A later cousin monster is, embarrassingly, called Shocktopus, which I won’t even touch upon.

Runner-ups include: Badboon, Salamarauder, Zumeanie, Bewarewolf, and Expload

To see a whole bunch of monster art, visit the official Dragon Quest IX Nintendo website.

Level up, level down, level me all around

Right. There’s a slew of games in my collection that are demanding I level up my character(s) to a set mark. Most of these are just to get Achievements, but they will also help bring about closure in my mind, as sense of completion, and then I can move these games aside and tackle other projects. Let’s take a look at few in my collection and see what they need of me…

Borderlands

There’s three checkmarks I need to hit by leveling up now, and they are Level 50, Level 51, and finally Level 60. It’s gonna be a slow climb, especially since I played some single player Knoxx DLC last night and managed to only go from Level 43 to a wee bit into Level 44. Might need some co-op help here. Hmm…

Shadow Complex

Gotta take Jason Whateverlastname up to Level 50. This one has been frustrating because it’s the last Achievement I need to unlock to get the full 200 Gamerscore. But I’ve played the game three times now and it’s just not as much fun running back and forth shooting the same dudes over and over and over…

Fallout 3

Besides one Achievement that puts me to the annoying task of finding 100 steel ingots (ugh), I also have to hit Level 30 with evil karma, and then play through the game a third time for the neutral karma Achievements set to ping at Level 8, Level 14, Level 20, and finally Level 30. I’m worried I won’t ever get the time and passion to do this. And I love Fallout 3. But it’s all about the time management right now.

Dragon Age: Origins

There’s three level-specific Achievements in this one, and I was lucky enough to unlock one of ’em during my first playthrough. The other two are for reaching Level 20 as a warrior and rogue. Considering how long the game is (and slow)…I just don’t know if this is feasible. Every time I think about having to do that Circle of the Magi loyalty mission again my body caves in on itself. Seriously, being stuck in the Fade for like three hours? Who thought this was a rockin’ good time? Speak up!

Mass Effect

A character–doesn’t have to be Shepard, I think, but most likely will be–still needs to hit Level 50 and Level 60. Hahaha. I think I’m somewhere around Level 40ish on a second playthrough that I walked away from some months back. There’s still so much I need to do in this game that it’s kind of crazy I even completed it once.

Dragon Quest IX: Sentinels of the Starry Skies

In order to obtain extra side missions, I need to reach certain level checkpoints with specific vocations. It seems the sweet spots right now are for Level 15 and then Level 40. Got a ways to grind still. I don’t mind this for the vocations I currently am using, but the idea of switching jobs and resetting to Level 1…it’s not that the game isn’t fun, it’s just that that kind of devotion doesn’t exist inside of me. Same reason I’ve only collected 90 or so Pokemon in HeartGold; there’s playing a game and then there’s completely obsessing over obtaining every item, every spell, every skill, and so on. I used to do this (hello, Ratchet and Clank!), but can no longer…sadly.

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Maybe this is my just desserts though for enjoying and playing way too many RPGs.