Epic Mickey, epically forgotten

I received Epic Mickey for Christmas, and since then I’ve played it twice. Two times, people. One…two. That kind of says it all, but this is Grinding Down after all, and I always like to say more than is probably necessary.

Epic Mickey is a sad game. It’s sad for many reasons; sad that it can’t be what it wants to be, sad that its controls don’t work like we’re told how they’ll work, sad that its camera is disgruntled and ready to quit at any moment, sad that its best aspect has nothing to do with gameplay. Just sad, sad, sad. And for a Disney product, that’s astounding. Certainly, this would have been much more stellar with all the in-game levels removed, the controller denied access, and released as a straight-to-DVD bargain bin flick. It’s a great story. It would make a great family film.

And here’s a summary of the story: Epic Mickey is set in a world crafted by the wizard Yen Sid (pssssst, that’s DISNEY backwards) which houses all of Walt Disney’s forgotten characters.  Our titular hero Mickey Mouse accidentally spills paint thinner on a page containing the world and is dragged inside. Here, he’ll discover the Phantom Blot has been manipulating the world in very evil ways. Using paint and paint thinner, it’s up to Mickey to set things right (or maybe not at all). Also, Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, Walt Disney’s first ever cartoon hero, who hates the Mouse with unbridled passion, is out for revenge. See, it’s good stuff. It has layers, and it’s a real treat to see many of the forgotten characters actually dealing with their depression and anger. And poor Mickey is just kind of thrown into the mess of it all. Storyboard-style art really helps bring to life the characters and world, and I wish someone else would come over to my apartment, play the game to unlock all the movies, and then go away so I could just watch them one after the other. Yes, that is my wish.

The story is not Epic Mickey‘s problem. In fact, it’s its only sparkle of light. I’ve never been excited over using the Nintendo Wii for anything other than Wii Sports as the WiiMote and Nunchuk are prime examples of masochism. Pure hate against the consumer. They are the worst controllers in the galaxy, and playing anything with them is a minigame on its own. Using the WiiMote to aim the paint/thinner weapon is pointless because even if you do aim it right, the game doesn’t shoot the paint/thinner where you are aiming at. It always falls short. So that’s fun to work with. The controllers also don’t make general platforming easy, especially with that camera that Epic Mickey game designer Warren Spector won’t even admit is more horrid than Goofy doing disco. And good platforming is kind of key for a…platformer. I mean, when I say that I can’t get any further in the game, I mean that in the sense that I physically can’t get Mickey to where he needs to be because the jumping and climbing and clinging controls are broken and he keeps falling to his death. Looks like Mickey is doomed to the same fate as Smee and Oswald, abandoned, stuck in limbo, forever forgotten.

Alas, Epic Mickey is not the second coming of Mickey Mania.

Over at The First Hour, Nate answered with “doubtful” to if he’d continue playing Epic Mickey, and I have to echo his sentiments though I might give it one more try. An epic shame in the end.

Games Completed in 2011, #5 – Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood

Developer: Ubisoft Montreal
Publisher: Ubisoft
Platforms: Xbox 360 [reviewed], PlayStation 3, PC
Genres: Stealth, action, historical timefunk, silent stabby stabfest
Modes: Single-player, online multiplayer
Hours clocked: Around 15 to 20 hours

Well, I honestly didn’t expect to complete Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood as quickly as I did, but basically once you’ve reached DNA Sequence 7, the game pushes forward at a tremendous pace, allowing no pauses or breaks or wild meandering across Roma. Sucks to be Ezio, I guess. Sucks even harder to be Cesare Borgia.

Anyways, Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood is a direct sequel to Assassin’s Creed II, a game I did not play, and I think I suffered a little bit from missing out on Ezio’s original adventure. Not a ton, mind you, but enough to get me wondering what some of his remarks meant and why he trusted person X or distrusted person Y so vehemently. A string of events take Ezio to Roma (or Rome, as I call it), and it is here that he will begin to build his own guild of assassins to take down the continuing Borgia threat and steal back the Apple of Eden from Cesare Borgia. On the flipside, Desmond and the other Scooby-Doo people are trying to get a password out of Ezio’s memories to find out where he safely hid the Apple. It’s a decent story with some possibly interesting characters, but a lot of folk are dropped and forgotten about after their sole mission. A shame, really, especially when concerning Ezio’s sister.

There’s a lot to do in Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood. I’ve discussed this before. In fact, there’s so much that I did not get to finish it all before being forcibly pushed forward to complete the game. Thankfully, after the credits roll, you’ll be able to return to virtual Roma to continue burning Borgia towers, collect flags, and open up shops. This is good; this is very good. Now I can play and run around the world without quests getting in the way. That might seem like a weird thing to say, but the worlds Ubisoft constructs for its Assassin’s Creed games are just so wonderfully dense and detailed that it is fun just living in them. Don’t need to do anything special. Heck, that’s why some of my favorite missions were when Ezio had to follow a person around the city without being detected; sitting on benches never felt so great.

Having never played Assassin’s Creed II, I can only compare this new outing to the original. The controls are much smoother, but having Ezio jump in a specific direction is touch-and-go; sometimes he does a cool leap, and sometimes he just leaps to his death. The fighting…has actually been made easier, which is a letdown. Once a killing animation begins, Ezio can basically chain together five to ten more instant kills with the touch of one button. Sure, it looks freakin’ fantastic and shows off the uniqueness of every weapon, but it makes fights a little on the bland side. I failed more missions from being detected than from dying in a fight, especially since you can loot medicine from fallen soldiers’ bodies.

Upgrading Roma is an addicting thing. The minute I see a closed shop, I need to buy it so I can increase my income. If it’s under the shadow of a Borgia tower, down goes the tower. Some shops even have quests, which require you to find a specific number of items from hidden treasures and rewards from assassin contracts. And speaking of contracts, man…having your own brotherhood of assassins is great and crappy. The great comes in from summoning out of nowhere to do your bidding; the crappy refers to the, uh, text-based minigame of sending them off to do contracts to gain XP and level up. It’s a neat idea, but it’s presented uninterestingly in menu form only, and I can guarantee that people stop actually reading contract text before long.

So I have a few flags, shrines, and Borgia towers to unearth yet, as well as Subject 16’s puzzles. After that, I probably won’t head back into Roma, but I definitely will give the Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood multiplayer much more devotion. Currently, I’m a level 7 and loving it. Have only played the Wanted mode, which is a cat-and-mouse game of hunt and be hunted, but it’s a blast. Unlike anything else I’ve ever played online. Considering I love just walking around and blending in with crowds, it’s perfect for me. That said, I’m not great at it. Haven’t figured out how to do a stun yet, but I was able to assassinate a target from hidden in a hay pile. Will write about that and more multiplayer musings in another post.

All in all, I was surprised by the quality in Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, as well as the amount of things to do. It may be a sequel to a sequel, and even just a torso for the multiplayer legs, but it’s still a wholly entertaining experience. Considering I got it for sale at $39.99, I’m pretty satisfied. So, Assassin’s Creed III…where’s Ezio off to next?

Here are some videogames I want in 2011

Good morning, February! One month down for 2011, and eleven to go. A few big retail games came out in January, but none really interested me. Sorry, Dead Space 2…I’m too much of a scaredy-cat to enjoy you. Maybe when I finally conquer Silent Hill 2 we can talk? Maybe, maybe. Heck, there were even parts of Fallout: New Vegas that made me jump! Survival-horror is just a genre I don’t feel comfortable walking around in. And that’s kind of funny, considering that’s mostly what one does in a survival-horror game. Moving on…

There are some other games coming out this year that I do want, and I do want them badly. These are most likely automatic purchases. Goodbye money, hello sweet entertainment.

Radiant Historia

Release date: February 22, 2011
Why I do want badly: Being a solid Atlus fan, as well as an admirer of tri-Ace’s work, I’m excited about a time-traveling RPG that, from the sounds of it, really does let you mess around with its timeline. I’ve got a GameStop gift card saved from Christmas just for this! My deepest apologies, Dragon Quest VI: Realms of Revelation and Pokemon Black/White, but you’re too much of the same-old, same-old RPG to light up my eyes at the moment.

Torchlight

Release date: Spring 2011
Why I do want badly: It’s been a long time since I played Diablo II, and this seems to be an excellent, current gen console take on the whole kill, quest, loot gameplay. I’ve heard only good things about the game, and I’m excited to see it being ported to the Xbox 360 as I don’t have–and never will–a decent gaming PC.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Release date: November 11, 2011
Why I do want badly: I was surprised to find myself so bored with Oblivion early on. This next entry seems to be all about randomly generated quests and caves, and that could keep things spicy. Plus, it’s the next entry in the Elder Scrolls series. You just know it’s gonna be an epic epic of epic epicness, especially now that we know it’s using a brand new engine. Plus, you get to shout at dragons.

And here’s a couple other games I do want this year, but who knows if they are even in the works: Mass Effect 2: Game of the Year Edition, Borderlands 2, and LEGO Harry Potter, Years 5-7. And I’m sure I’ll be picking up some older, used titles here and there. Case in point, I’ve been enjoying the heck out of Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, and I know a new copy of Assassin’s Creed II is only running for about $20.00.

I can’t believe I ever told my wife that I wanted to play less videogames in 2011. Who the frak was I fooling?!

Games Completed in 2011, #4 – Dragon Quest IX: Sentinels of the Starry Skies

::deep exhale::

If I had cool technology, a better cell phone, or awesome lighting, I’d take a picture of my Nintendo DS screen that listed all my stats for Dragon Quest IX: Sentinels of the Starry Skies at the time I kicked the end boss to the mortal curb. Alas, I failwhale in that department. You’ll just have to lovingly accept what I give you here as proof that I worked–and am still working–hard to do everything possible from Angel Falls to the Realm of the Almighty:

Time spent playing: 103: 39
Time spent in multiplayer: 01:35
Battle victories: 3,071
Times alchemy performed: 170
Accolades earnt: 43
Quests completed: 41
Grottoes completed: 12
Guests canvassed: 2
Defeated monster list completion: 74%
Warddrobe completion: 37%
Item list completion: 56%
Alchenomicon completion: 33%

Hmm. I know. It’s not as pretty as a screenshot, but it is, as a whole, a wonderful way to sum up my experience with Dragon Quest IX. My fab four, Hadwynnn, Tarla, Kingsley, and Juniper, who I’ve pretty much had since the very beginning of the game, have done a lot; conversely, there is still a lot yet to do. “Beating” the game is a hollow experience. Sure, there’s an end boss, some loose plot resolution, and an ending eeriely close to Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past‘s, which shows us how all the famous locations are going about their days now that true evil has been vanquished. But it’s only then, after the credits roll on by, that the game really opens up.

New quests unlock, and there’s also the bonus content gained from using the DQVC and such. I think I have over forty quests titled ????? just sitting pretty, waiting for this day to come. More grottoes to clear, more clothes to collect, more fiendish thingies to make, and I’m also contemplating changing my main character’s vocation now that he is capped at 100 in his whip skills. Maybe something that lets him wield a boomerang? Evidently the new story-related quest I’m on now, the first post-game one, will net me my own personal flying train to let me travel around the map kind of like the magical phoenix form from Dragon Quest VIII did. That’s gonna be sweet because I know a few unreachable spots on the map have been teasing me for far too long.

Unfortunately, this quest is a bit of a mindmess to put it politely. Let’s take a looksie at what exactly we’re being asked to do:

Quest #039 – Follow That Fish
Location: Porth Llafan
Request: Summon Lleviathan by wearing a Watermaul Wand, Flowing Dress, and Silver Shield and then defeat him.

Yeah, sounds simple, right? It’s not. Two of the three items require rare ingredients to create. Thankfully, I already acquired a Watermaul Wand earlier on. I was able to use the Krak Pot and make a Flowing Dress. Really hope my male character doesn’t have to equip that to bring about Lleviathan. The problem I’m having now is that I don’t have enough items to make a Silver Shield. My next best option is to buy it new from the upgraded shop in Stornway, but it’s around 30,000 gold. So, my options are as such: 1) grind until I get 30,000 gold or 2) grind until I get enough alchemy items to make it myself. Either way…uh, grinding.

At least this game continues to keep me busy, keep me interested. That said, I’m really not looking forward to battling Lleviathan…again. But yeah, this is going on the “2011 games completed” list because 103 hours is far too many hours to devote to a single piece of media and not feel like you’ve done far and above what was set. I can’t ever imagine re-playing Dragon Quest IX a second time, but the good news is I never will have to…I can just keep on playing it from my very first time, from way back in July 2010!

Bang! Splash! Kaboom! Boom!

Despite the bulk of activities in Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, I can easily name my favorite quests. And that’s pretty bold of me, considering I’ve not yet completed the game and am only around DNA Sequence 5, meaning I’ve not experienced everything there is to experience just yet. I mean, who knows…maybe Ezio is tasked with assassinating some distant relative of Julius Caesar. That’d be cool. Et tu, Brute? But it matters not! For Leonardo da Vinci is in da house!

That’s right. The da Vinci, that very dude that painted Mona Lisa and invented things like the hang glider and thought about many-a-things and inspired Dan Brown to write a really hokey novel. I guess he was also in Assassin’s Creed II, but I skipped that game and went right on to Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood. Right now, the Borgia soldiers are forcing da Vinci to create war machines for them, and the famed Florentine painter seeks out Ezio’s help in destroying these devices. Glad to be of service!

Bang! (20G): Destroy the Machine Gun.

Splash! (20G): Destroy the Naval Cannon.

Kaboom! (20G): Destroy the Tank.

Boom! (20G): Destroy the Bomber.

I will, for the sake of Grinding Down‘s dear readers, not reveal too much about each mission da Vinci gives to Ezio to destroy one of his inventions, but man-oh-man-oh-man. They are fun. I think part of the reason they’re so enjoyable is because you’re taken away to a new location, stripped of your recruited assassins’ help, and forced to really think about how you move about the land. For each mission, being spotted by a guard is an instant desynch. This taught me how to assassinate while hanging from a ledge more, as well as the potent power of smoke bombs and the crossbow. On main storyline missions, I’d either rush in for the kill or just summon an arrow storm and sit back to watch all the mayhem. Each da Vinci mission is threefold: (1) find the war machine’s blueprints without being detected, (2) locate the war machine, and (3) use said war machine against its makers to show them who is boss. The last part of each mission is very cinematic, especially the one for destroying the machine gun. Pew pew pew! Sorry, horsies!

Ezio’s reward, besides bringing the Borgia movement down a notch, for destroying all of da Vinci’s war machines is another invention from the man of the hour: a parachute. I’ve yet to try it out, but I imagine it’ll be great for silent, death-from-above assassinations. However, I’m sad that there’s no more da Vinci missions left. Guess it’s back to burning Borgia towers and unearthing treasures for Ezio…

The Bulletstorm demo is for dick tits and dick tits only

I’ve talked about my prowess before when it comes to run-and-gun first-person shooters; in short, I’m usually no good. Can’t target quick enough, can’t figure out how to snipe and stay on the move; can’t really work with a team. I like to play much slower than that, planning everything all out, meticulous inch after inch. Still, I had heard some interesting things about Bulletstorm, a new FPS from the makers of the Gears of War series, which I’ve never touched, and a demo recently hit Xbox Live for GOLD members. Gave it a download, and then I gave it a play. Here’s an account of pretty much how it went.

You’re given access to only one Echo. Not sure what an Echo is, but there’s more than one of ’em. Anyways, before you can kill with skill, you’re treated to a cutscene of sorts that plays as a tutorial and introduction to Bulletstorm. It’s self-aware, voiced by space pirate Grayson Hunt, who I can only describe as a generic meathead, and totally full of itself. Tara’s response the minute it was over? “Laaaaaaame.” You heard it here first, dear readers. Lame-a-rama. Actually, it’s also offensive and crass, as well as perfect for serial killers in training.

Your character is partnered with two computer-controlled players, and you basically explore different sections of a collapsed building, shooting brainless enemies and racking up points. Points are the point. The whole “kill with skill” is a strong concept except you’re not really rewarded for being clever. Rather, so long as you have a high cruel streak, you’ll begin earning points for kicking an enemy and then blowing his head off or throwing them into a spiky ceiling or even sending a train right through an entire line of ’em. These are called skillshots, and each has its own point value. Evidently, you can also shoot right up their asshole, but I was unable to achieve this. The guns are very ho-hum, but Grayson does have a neat electric leash that can toss enemies your way, prime for the kicking or shooting. That leash kind of made the demo worth it. Kind of.

There are 45 skillshots available in the demo, and over 130 in the final build of the game. Some that I earned include Voodoo Doll, Boned, and Flyswatter. Fun names for devasting actions.

And that’s the demo. Ten minutes or so of shooting, moving forward, shooting some more. I think I got like around 3,000 points or so. Yup, total n00b fail! But I really worry for the game because I can see the demo being the entire game with a hapdash of a “story” tossed in for no one’s sake. I can only imagine that Bulletstorm goes like so: cutscene, shoot up a section of dudes, cutscene, shoot up a section of dudes, cutscene, and so on. The variety is in how you kill enemies, but that’s probably all you will do. Kill enemies with weapons. For hours on end. Maybe to some that’s enjoyable, but repetitive gameplay, by nature, gets stale fast.

Bulletstorm is irrefutably juvenile, and the demo is all I probably needed to experience…ever. And for fun’s sake, here’s some phrases used affectionately during the demo to hit home their target audience: pasty, bean bag, butt hole, and, the new cult favorite, dick tits.

Sympathizing with mages since 1983

I completely forgot how long quests in Dragon Age: Origins are, especially “Broken Circle,” which is the one where our dashing Grey Warden has to go to the Circle of Magi and try to recruit the templars or the mages to help fight off the darkspawn. Blasted quest took my entire night, but at least I was successful:

Magic Sympathizer (20G): Sided with the mages in “Broken Circle”

During my first playthrough (and only complete one at this point), I sided with the templars, but always felt bad about that. They’re kind of racist jerks with puffed out chests and arrogance on their chins shining like stars. I had, however, already had some bad experiences with a former friend who went down the blood mage path, and decided that they–as well as all other mages–needed to be washed clean.

The most frustrating part of “Broken Circle” is that it is surprisingly longer than necessary. See, the first part of the quest has the Grey Warden going up the tower, killing darkspawn, abominations, and evil blood mages. Standard stuff. Kind of mindless. Eventually, you can recruit a new character named Wynne, which I did this time around. She’s a bit wrinkly and old, but has a good heart; I suspect I’ll never use her, mostly because she’s not a sex option. Booooooring. Anyways, eventually you’ll get to the tower’s top and find yourself ready to do battle with a giant sloth demon. Three, two, one…FIGHT!

Or rather, no, don’t fight. You deserve a rest. Go on, take a nap. The floor is nice and sticky. Let the scary demon sing you a soft lullaby. There, there…

Right, instead of fighting the sloth demon, you are put to sleep, only to wake up alone in the Fade. The Fade is a horrible, blurry place where dreamers go to be tortured and tormented. Along with the player. It’s dreary to look at, dreary to walk through, dreary to listen to. Alas, the Grey Warden won’t be escaping the Fade for some time. Here, we have to go back and forth between different island planes, collecting new forms to transform into that will allow us to access a closed off room or section. It’s repetitive, predictable, and, thanks to numerous loading screens, slow. The new magical forms are fun, especially turning into the Burning Man, but they are limited in what they can do, and it’s much easier to stay in Grey Warden form for battles. Once you’ve rescued all your companions, you can confront the sloth demon, but it’s more like six or seven demons in one. Yeah, that kind of boss battle.

Once you’re out of the Fade, you still have to go save the mages or destroy them. Here we get another boss battle. After that, the Grey Warden has to do some chatting before the quest can be considered complete.

So yeah, that’s like, two chunks too many for one quest. I guess the developers really wanted players that didn’t choose a mage class to experience the Fade; those sick, cruel bastards. I’m glad I actually did “Broken Circle” first during my second playthrough, as the others–“Nature of the Beast,” “The Urn of Sacred Ashes,” “A Paragon of Her Kind,” and “Anvil of the Void”–are not as lengthy. Or maybe they are. I can’t remember. There’s too much to remember about this game.

Up next for our dwarven Grey Warden is siding with the werewolves and, hopefully, having some good ol’ dwarf-on-woman sex with Leliana. I need to find some good shoes for her first.

Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood and the honeydew list

Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood is a perfect game for me. It allows me to do a bajillion things at once…or nothing at all. And along the way, I’m rewarded profusely, no matter which path I take. Progression is always building, and this progression is never lost as the game auto-saves like a nervous cokehead stuck fortuitously inside police headquarters. I love it. I can play it in quick chunks of 15 minutes or for hours at length.

Just like in The Saboteur, the overworld map is key to getting things done. Instead of just being bloated with countless white dots, Ezio has to stare at…countless icons. All of them different, all of them something to see, to do, to stab. Here’s just a small taste of everything I can do at this point in the game (DNA sequence 3):

• Kill Borgia captains
• Burn Borgia towers to the ground
• Collect Borgia flags
• Recruit assassins to the brotherhood
• Train assassins by sending them on missions across Europe or having them take out Borgia soldiers
• Buy famous locations
• Do mini quests for arts merchants, tailors, and weapons dealers to unlock special items
• Collect feathers
• Remove posters to lower one’s notoriety
• Take on assassin contracts
• Do sidequest missions for locals
• Start memory sequences to continue Ezio/Desmond’s story
• Read emails
• Replay memories for fuller synchronizations
• Purchase stores to upgrade Rome
• Buy paintings to fill out Ezio’s hideout
• Hire prostitutes, thieves, or mercanaries to help with missions
• Find and search the numerous hidden tombs of Romulus
• Solve Subject 16’s puzzles
• Collect from numerous treasure chests hidden throughout
• Destroy Leonardo’s creations
• Climb buildings and complete viewpoint synchs
• Train and earn medals via virtual reality sessions

Honestly, I’m sure that’s not everything. And I’ve excluded online multiplayer from the list. Seriously…this game gives you a run for your money, especially considering that I got it on sale for $39.99. And as I mentioned before, you can do all the above, a few things, or none at all. Sometimes I just like to climb buildings and look out at the city; other times, I enjoy riding horseback through the countryside. On occasion, I will simply sit and people-watch. Everyone everywhere is fascinating. The game can be, all at once, the most peaceful and violent experience presented, and I can’t wait to chip away it more and more.

Nice to meet you, 20,000 Gamerscore

So, I used to have this little widget thing over in my sidebar that kept track of my Achievements and recently played games. It was a nice thing to have, a quick reminder of where I sat Gamerscore-wise. However, I guess Microsoft recently updated its system, changing the way players’ gamercards looked, and all the code in my widget got thrown for a wild ride. In short, it ended up looking like this hot mess:

Don’t y’all just love my new hair color? Matches my eyes, I’m told.

Anyways, this wasn’t very upsetting, and I figured it would either fix itself in due time or I’d go looking for a new widget. No rush, no rush at all. Except, suddenly, without warning, there was a great need to make sure the world could see my Gamerscore! Great need indeed.

Last night, while playing some Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, I noticed that I was sitting comfy at 19,990 Gamerscore, ten points off from a perfectly pretty whole number. Well, looks like I had a new mission to accomplish then, one not involving finding treasure or assassinating bad dudes or even burning Borgia towers.

Scanning the list of still-locked Achievements in Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, I found only two worth 10 Gamerscore points exactly. One involved using a parachute, which I did not have yet, and the other required me to win some hand-to-hand fights. I knew exactly where that took place, headed over via the lovely fast-traveling tunnel entrances, fought my way through five easy rounds, and unlocked the following with little challenge:

The Gloves Come Off (10G): Win the highest bet at the Fights.

Mmm. So, math time! 19,990 plus 10 equals…uh…hmm. Hold on. Let me get some scratch paper. Let’s see. Carry the…one, and times everything by the denominator. Factor in the ratio of pi versus the radius. Wait, wait. No, I got it! It’s 20,000 Gamerscore! Look, look, thanks to the widget brainiacs over at mygamercard.net:

Sure, pretty meaningless in the grand scheme of things, but I have fun paying attention to it all. In fact, if any of my dear readers will recall, I was also able to perfectly achieve 10,000 Gamerscore when the time came near. Can’t wait for 30,000 Gamerscore to show up next!

Nintendo 3DS is now priced, dated, and overconfident

Long have we all wanted to know, and now that the day has come, I wish I could un-know all the details about the forthcoming Nintendo 3DS. See, before I learned that Nintendo’s newest piece of future tech was releasing on March 27, 2011 for a disgustingly gross $249.99, I was curious about the system. Genuinely interested in seeing how the glasses-free 3D worked, and whether any of the games were worth pursuing, in 3D, in 2D, in 1D. And now…not so much.

Alas, it comes down to price. No surprise there, as I’m always conscious about spending money and getting what money is worth. Two hundred and fifty bucks is about seventy-five to fifty bucks too much. I was very shocked to see a portable handheld gaming device priced higher than home-based consoles. The new wireless Xbox 360 is, I think, only $199.99 right now. I guess the 3D gimmick was enough to rack on some more dollar signs than needed. Also, analysts are suggesting that 3DS games could retail for $40 to $50. That’s sickening. Heart-breaking. I already feel grumbly enough buying a new Nintendo DS game for $35, believing that to actually be too much.

For the curious, here’s a list of confirmed launch titles:

• Pilotwings Resort
• Nintendogs + Cats
• Steel Driver
• Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor Overclocked
• Super Street Fighter 4 3D Edition
• Resident Evil: The Mercenaries 3D
• Madden NFL Football
• The Sims 3
• Pro Evolution Soccer 2011 3D
• Lego Star Wars 3: The Clone Wars
• Ridge Racer 3D
• Dual Pen Sports
• Super Monkey Ball 3D
• Thor: God of Thunder
• Crush 3D
• Bust-a-Move Universe
• Samurai Warriors: Chronicles
• Dead or Alive Dimensions
• Asphalt 3D
• Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon Shadow Wars
• Combat of Giants: Dinosaurs 3D
• Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell 3D
• Rayman 3D
• Rabbids Travel in Time

Yowza. A lot of pre-existing games with the 3D tacked on the end. Where’s Kid Icarus or that Zelda remake? Nothing there really shouts “launch title” or “killer first-party game,” demanding that this hardware being a must purchase. Least not for me. Maybe the world is full of closet Nintendogs & Cats fanatics, and all of them will buy out every Nintendo 3DS in every store in every state, starting riots and chaos and the end of the world sooner than predicted. We’ll find out in only a matter of weeks, and I’ll be watching very cautiously. I do hope to eat my own words.