Resident Evil: Revelations is portable horror and so not for me

I’m attracted to horror games from a distance. Truly, I am. I just don’t enjoy playing them, and this is pretty evident with the fact that Silent Hill 2 still remains unfinished despite Tara keeping me company through all the fog and static-laden radio noises and creepy monsters that want to spray me with their evil juices. I love the atmosphere and story and crazy enemy designs in horror games, but I just can’t handle the packed-in stress, the long stretches that build between scare A and scare B, the way tiny sounds like turning a doorknob are deafening and that general feeling of utter helplessness.

Also, a quick gander at my backlog confirms a solid lack of horror videogames. Yes, there’s BioShock, which I played and completed, but struggled with for awhile, often just standing still for long periods of time thanks to a “turn invisible when not moving” Plasmid and listening to my surroundings. I’ve dipped my toes into the terrifying pools called Penumbra: Overture and Amnesia: The Dark Descent, but have no desire to go swimming. And in my younger years, yes, I played a few Resident Evil games, but those were social affairs, adventures that my best friend and I would go on together, with chips and drinks and puppy dogs at our sides to make the real world as safe as possible in lieu of the dangerous digital version; the vivid memory of a licker bursting threw a one-sided mirror still makes me tense up.

That said, after a busy day of drawing journal comics every hour on the hour, I downloaded the demo for Resident Evil: Revelations on my 3DS–yes, the system now supports demos; praise be to the Maker, it must be the year 2012–and give it a whirl. To clarify, the last Resident Evil game I played with passion and purpose was probably Resident Evil 2 though I did try a demo for Resident Evil 5, which was lame.

Firstly, this is a gorgeous-looking game. The graphics definitely show off what the 3DS can handle, and the 3D slider flicked slightly up creates a fantastic look, really drawing me in, as if I’m walking right behind Jill as she badly shoots zombies on a haunted cruiser ship. Well, no. Not zombies. Scary, mutated monsters. Secondly, without that crazy Circle Pro Pad attachment, this game controls horribly, especially during the moments when quick, precise turning is needed. You know, like when a monster is trying to eat your face off. See, without a second circle analog pad, you both move Jill and move the camera at the same time with the one circle pad you got. It’s horrible; I’d switch over to first-person shooting mode to pop a monster in the middle of its temple only to have my aim swirling around out of control. Thirdly–and lastly–this game can manage scares just fine. You’d think, being on a brightly teal-colored handheld device, which has a number of lights on at any given time, it wouldn’t be able to create such an atmosphere, but it does. One monster jumped down from the ceiling, and I emitted a sound. I will not describe it.

And then I ran out of ammo. And then I died in a foggy room filled with scary things. I exited out of the demo and saw that I now have 29 more chances to get scared. No thanks. But I can see why many would like Resident Evil: Revelations: high production values, quality scares, beautiful graphics, and an actual story to follow. Alas, this type of game is still not for me even when playing safely under the blankets with warmth, cats, and a wife to keep me safe. Oh well. Good thing for demos.

Daggerdale, quest progression, and respawning barrels

I couldn’t really think of a zippy title for today’s post so instead I just listed what I was specifically going to talk about in relation to Dungeons & Dragons: Daggerdale: quest progression and respawning barrels. One’s more of a problem than the other, but both stick out enough that they get me all grumbly inside, and thus, I’m writing these words in the early hours of the morning.

To start, I’m still on the first main chapter of Daggerdale, where the quest “Rift in the Ruins” asks that my hero, the ever stoic halfling wizard Wiltirn Soldshort (see the 7:45 PM comic for a real zinger from Tara), goes out deeper into the cavern-like dungeon and destroy eight goblin mine shafts. Not a terribly challenging task, but the snag I kept running into was that I would play Daggerdale on my lunch-break, get two or three mine shafts destroyed, and have to stop due to being needed back at work. Naturally, I saved my progress and shut the game off. Upon reloading my save slot later, I had to start the entire quest over from the very beginning. Grrr. Yet, seemingly, everything else saved, such as my character’s level experience, new equipment, gold, skill upgrades, and so on. Just not whatever you’ve done in the current quest. This has happened twice now. So yesterday I made sure to schedule enough time to complete the quest fully so I wouldn’t have to mindlessly murder oodles of goblins yet again.

Moving on…barrels. Daggerdale has them in droves, and they are just asking for you to smash them into bits. Sometimes they contain a healing potion, and sometimes they contain nothing at all. Most of the time they drop a pinch of gold. That’s all well and good until you discover that those numerous barrels you destroyed in the entirety of the underground dwarven city-state of Mumblehall all respawn whenever there’s a cutscene or loading screen or any kind of smallish transition. And, having videogame OCD, I then have to go back around, slashing and stabbing, until all barrels everywhere have spilled their literal guts. It’s sickening and funny and I guess a means to filling up my pouch with gold, but it really doesn’t make that much sense.

It’s an okay hack-and-slash dungeon crawler. The loot is good, but not as interesting as it was in Torchlight, and the action is less chaotic. Maybe that’s a good thing. Going solo as a halfling wizard was probably not the best idea, as my dude gets pounded on constantly when he can’t keep swarms at bay, but whatever. I am a stubborn hobbit in real life, and so it is. I’ll keep going at it for a little longer, especially now that I know a quest needs to be fully completed before I save and shut down for the night. That part was a total mindmess as I kept second-guessing myself, believing that I wasn’t using the save button properly. Nope. That was just Daggerdale, missing its saving throw.

::cymbal hit::

Thank you, thank you!

Dungeons of Dredmor hides its death behind doors

A new type of article is slowly going to be popping up over at The First Hour, and it’s called Indie Impression. I’m sleepy and still need way more coffee in me, so instead of describing it in my own words, I’ll just use Greg Noe’s:

Welcome to Indie Impression, a brand new type of article for 2012. As the name implies, these articles will be impressions on some of the numerous indie games that have been rapidly appearing recently. We here have built ourselves very large collections through cheap package deals via Steam, Humble Bundle, Indie Royale, and more. Some have amazing production values, some don’t. Some are incredibly fun, some aren’t. But without question, these indie games generally offer creativity vastly beyond anything you’ll find in mainstream gaming and will likely be the main driver behind industry innovation for a long time.

And as our indie backlogs have grown exponentially, we’ve decided to start sorting through our games and trying them out to get a good impression of each. To add credibility to our impressions, we will try to have at least two people play each game until they feel they have a solid, concrete opinion for writing. Impressions may be from ten minutes of gaming to ten hours, but in this case, we feel like it’s important enough to have multiple strong opinions on each game. With that out of the way, let’s continue to our very first candidate, Dungeons of Dredmor.

Basically, all those countless indie games we’ve been acquiring over the years are going to get some coverage, but not simply first hour reviews. Quicker coverage. A lump sum of impressions and thoughts. Fine by me, as I’ve struggled lately to sit down and take notes for an hour as I play new games. This was more off-the-cuff writing, which is to my liking.

However, I was saddened to discover that, upon the purchase of the indie bundle that contained Dungeons of Dredmor, I was unable to play it on my flailing Macbook. I recently blew my Christmas bonus (keep it clean, kids) on a new Windows-based laptop, and can now run a ton of games I once could not. It’s exhilarating and also kind of funny to watch me get excited over the fact that I now have a computer that can run Diablo II at a decent clip. Yeah. Which is good, because if I’m going to play a dungeon-crawler, I’m probably gonna play one that doesn’t kill me immediately after I go through a door.

Just read my impressions on Dungeons of Dredmor.

It’s been suggested that I give the tutorial a spin, which I might…but not in the near future. I can see why many like this type of masochistic RPGing, but it’s not clicking with me.

Games Completed in 2011, #38 – Half-Life 2: Episode One

Much to my disliking, I was unable to finish Half-Life 2 due to an annoying switch glitch, and had to move on to the next adventure in the series in a non-traditional manner, with large gaps jumped and story bits left behind. Upon starting Half-Life 2: Episode One, I was pretty confused plot-wise and spent the first hour or so trying to piece everything back together, much like Gordon and Alyx were doing in-game.

However, I think that was my favorite aspect of this bite-sized experience. Not that it was straighter, stronger, and had less driving sequences, but that it paired Gordon and Alyx together for nearly the whole time, and she’s one of the better AI companions I’ve had the pleasure of working with. Her dialogue is believable and delivered emotionally, and it made going forward a less lonesome affair. Plus, y’know…appropriately punny jokes. A digital woman after my own heart. Gameplay still involves shooting enemies until they fall down and solving some light puzzles, mostly involving the Gravity Gun. It’s all very polished, much like in the former Half-Life 2, but just condensed into a nicer-sized package, perfect for running through in a single afternoon.

I think it took me about four hours to complete Half-Life 2: Episode One, and those four hours were amazingly strong, save for a tiring elevator sequence that saw me trying and trying and trying over again to not let falling debris crush Alyx and Gordon to death. Eventually I solved it, but man–it took a handful of attempts. Otherwise, it’s generally clear where to go and what to do next, something I’ve struggled with in Valve’s games up to this point.

At some point, I’ll give Half-Life 2: Episode Two a spin. And maybe even see if I can get past that broken switch in the larger, original game. Maybe. I dunno. I really don’t want to play the majority of that game again, naming the driving sequences and shooting down those attack choppers. Seeing as the Internet is constantly salivating over any and every slip about Half-Life 2: Episode Three/Half-Life 3, of which are constantly turning out to be red herrings, I’m in no rush.

Also, this is the final videogame I completed in 2011, bringing the total number to thirty-eight. Not too shabby, I guess.

Activities from Saints Row: The Third in order of fun

Last night, as I continued to chip away at slowly conquering all of Steelport in Saints Row: The Third, as well as earn that Achievement for playing for at least thirty hours, I finished off another activity fully, earning this little prize with a funny name:

Porkchop Sandwiches (20G): Completed all instances of Trail Blazing.

At around 83% completion and a logged 23 hours, I’ve now done all instances of three activities: Guardian Angel, Professor Genki’s Super Ethical Reality Climax, and Trail Blazing. The first one is completed by just playing the story as there is only two instances of it, and the other two had six instances each, but were ones that I actually enjoyed playing, meaning I sought them out. The other seven activities are…eh, not terribly entertaining. And some are just downright difficult, and it’s always frustrating to get to the very end of an activity and fail by some small mistake.

And so, because I’m in the mood for a list, here’s what I think are the best activities in Saints Row: The Third, from most fun to least fun:

• Professor Genki’s Super Ethical Reality Climax – It’s a gameshow, wherein you run around, shot mascots, and dodge fire/shock traps. When you’ve earned enough points, the exit opens up. It’s quick, tense, and padded with colorful commentary.
• Trail Blazing – Riding around on a deadly quad, hitting checkpoints, as well as innocent civilians and vehicles for bonus time. When stuff starts exploding, it’s just pure chaos.
• Mayhem – You get a time limit and a bunch of deadly toys to hit a threshold of damage points. I’ve tried this one instance of it over and over, but I keep dying at the very end. Me thinks I need to wait until I have unlocked the “take no damage” perks.
• Tank Mayhem – Like Mayhem, but you’re in a tank. One might think this would be more fun than generic mayhem, but it’s just way too easy to rack up points in a tank. You don’t even have to look at the screen to win.
• Guardian Angel – Watching over a friend with either a sniper rifle or rocket launcher. I’m not the best sniper that ever sniped so this wasn’t a stellar session.
• Escort – This comes in two forms: tiger and non-tiger. You basically have to drive someone or some animal around, keeping them calm while every car tries to sideswipe you.
• Snatch – Rescuing hookers. I couldn’t figure out how to get them to get into my car. They just stood there.
• Trafficking – You ride around as the passenger as your ally drives to and fro to take care of some business. Just protect them for as long as you can. Need “unlimited ammo” and “instant reload” perks to make this much easier.
• Heli Assault – Helicopter controls are the worst. It’s like controlling a balloon of swooshing water. I hate it, and end up hitting my homie’s car more often than not with tossed rockets.
• Insurance Fraud – Throw yourself into traffic and earn points by bouncing off cars. It’d be nice if there was actually traffic to throw yourself into, but every time I get to a “hot spot” it is devoid of automotive life. Meh.

I think  my next sit-down with Saints Row: The Third will be spent on getting the remainder of the collectibles–there’s like 10 left–and wiping out some more gangs. Eventually, I’ll get back to these activities. Yes, even the non-fun ones. It’s the completionist in me. At least this is all helping me get closer to the 30 hours Achievement. See, the silver lining. Sigh.

Playing the Ludum Dare 22 Winners, #5 – Stray Whisker

I don’t think Stray Whisker would’ve been as effective if it wasn’t for the fact that, just three weeks ago, Tara and I got two cats. Their names are Timmy and Pixie, and they are having a good time exploring and owning all the space within Grimmauld Place. I love them except when they vomit, poop, or put their smelly butt in my face when I’m trying to sleep. Conversely, I think they now love us, and I can say with confidence that one cat in particular–Ser Timmy of the Toylands–would go on a journey to find us if we ever abandoned him alone in the urban wilderness.

It’s a quiet game about just that though. A woman in pink leaves her kitty cat in a nondescript section of outside and just walks away. Maybe she can’t afford the cat anymore or doesn’t have room in the house with a new baby on the way or the cat threw up on her favorite pair of heels. We don’t know. We just know that, as the cat, we must get back to her. We must nuzzle her leg and be the greatest purr machine that ever purred. We must.

Gameplay is simple as it’s all controlled by the arrow keys. Left and right make the cat go left and right, respectively, and up gets it to jump. You can jump on to ledges and knock down pots in typical cat-like ways You are always moving right, and eventually you meet other cats and a not-so-friendly dog, but eventually you’ll find your master’s home, with your master at home upstairs. I got stuck here initially as I thought I was supposed to lead all the other strays back to the house with me, but that wasn’t it. Just had to climb into the house through the top window. Love achieved!

One moment in particular reminded me of Limbo, where you reach a new screen, get the quickest glimpse of your sister/owner at the edge of the opposite side, and do everything you can to reach her. It’s small, but effective, and made the reunion of cat and owner all the more precious. Also, kudos to Andrew Sum for the solid animation work. That cat’s tail is pretty authentic.

Total play time is under five minutes, unless that red ball really becomes a distraction. Get to it, cat fans.

Achievements of the Week – The Sideways Explorer Turns the Tables Edition

I’m too lazy to check if this is actually a first, but a goal I made on last week’s edition of Achievements of the Week was actually met. Which one? Um, keep on reading, loyal readers. I also did fairly well in some other videogames, but they don’t deserve the spotlight quite like Rhaegar does for hanging out in the Mojave Wasteland and shooting the crap out of evil automatons. Oops, guess I spoiled it.

Here we go!

From Fallout: New Vegas…

Curios and Relics (15G): Cause 10,000 damage with unique Mojave Wasteland weapons.

Last week, I knew I wanted to get this Achievement, but I had no idea how close I was to the actual 10,000 threshold mark. I’d been playing for some time at that point–maybe around 25 to 30 hours–and while I wasn’t using unique Mojave Wasteland weapons all the time, I was making a conscious effort to whip out That Gun as much as possible. Guess I was right near the finish line as it was only within an hour or so of playing again that this baby popped.

From Marvel VS. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds…

Excelsior! (10G): Perform 10 Team Aerial Combos. (Arcade/Xbox LIVE only)

Turn the Tables (10G): Land a Team Aerial Counter in a match. (Arcade/Xbox LIVE only)

No idea how I got these; I just mash those buttons like a crazy man.

From The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim…

Explorer (40G): Discover 100 Locations

Sideways (20G): Complete 10 side quests

Sure, these two Achievements seem like natural fits for unlocking after playing a game for over seventy-five hours. I can understand the location-based one, as I’m a homebody and creature of comfort and do not enjoy venturing out into the wild too much, content to spend time in my Whiterun house or within the secretive lair for the Thieves Guild.

The side quests one? Hmm, maybe that needs a whole blog post for explaining. Yeah, that’s it. More content spread out over this hip and happening place of mine. Stay tuned.

From Quarrel…

Just blogged about this wonderful wordy game and the three Achievements I unlocked this morning.

—

That’s it for this week’s edition. It seems like, with each week, Friday gets here faster than before. Go figure. And it looks like yet another busy weekend. We’ll see if I make any further progress with the almighty, all powerful, and all too important Achievements list.

For those readers out there playing Skyrim, have you hit 100 locations yet? Do you remember your 100th one? Mine was Broken Oar Grotto.

I have no quarrel with Quarrel

I am a word nerd. Always have been, always will be. I guess this is obvious if you know me in real life, as I’ve been a copyeditor for the past seven to eight years. I see letters, I see words, and for the last chunk of life, I’ve been correcting misspelled words. It’s a disease. I just can’t help but notice errors or better ways to write something. And so I was very delighted to see a Quick Look of Quarrel over at GiantBomb, which is a game that’s been out on other platforms for some time now, but I’ve never heard of it because my cell phone is pre-600 B.C. I was sold immediately, especially at the appealing price tag of $5.00 (or 400 Microsoft Points) on Xbox Live.

Anyways, Quarrel…it’s a mix of Scrabble and Risk. Maybe some Boggle, too. Basically, each player is given different cuts of land on a shared map, and to capture enemy territory, you have to create a better word than them from a mix of random letters. The size of the word is limited to the number of soldiers you have when attacking, which can be increased by making kick-ass words or recruiting them from other controlled slices. It’s also a race against time, as sometimes you and your opponent will enter words worth the same value, with the winner being decided by who was the fastest.

Check out the three Achievements I’ve unlocked so far, which clearly show off my supreme wordage skills:

A Rag Man (5G): You made your first ever Quarrel anagram.

Unbeaten! (20G): You capably captured Starfish Bay in Domination without losing a single quarrel.

Incrediword! (15G): You made a whale of a word worth at least 20 points.

The aspect that I’m loving about Quarrel so far is how quickly a match can swing from being in your favor to being your worst nightmare. Last night, before bed, I decided to do one more match, a four-way between me and three computer-controlled opponents: Malik, Caprice, and Dwayne. I got picked to go last, so I sat, watching as the other players duked it out, trying to make anagrams  during their fights. When my turn came, I began dominating, since most of my enemies’ territories were now down in size, squashing their “OH” and “IT” with “SCRUB” and “LAZY”. I was able to take out Caprice and Dwayne, stopping to earn some new recruits. Then it was a back and forth between Malik and I, with me eventually flubbing up one too many times, and then he destroyed me. Even if you have eight troops to make an eight-letter word, a player with a four-letter word can still pull the rug out from under you.

But yeah, Quarrel! I’m gonna play some more this weekend, hopefully. Seems like a great chaser between stress and trying to get done a thousand and five artsy things for MegaCon and MOCCA. It costs $5.00, and you should get it, and then we should wage war against each other with words. Seriously, find me. Message me at PaulyAulyWog. Word!

Animal Crossing 3DS and what we know

When the Nintendo 3DS and its potential blockbusters were first announced, the forthcoming game I was most excited for was Animal Crossing 3DS, which is not its official title, but could probably end up being so. The no-battery life handheld came out in March 2011, and GameStop, along with a number of other retailers, were claiming that the next iteration of the cutesy, addicting life sim was slated for Fall 2011. Right, so it didn’t make the launch lineup, wasn’t primed for summer, but an autumn release wasn’t too far off; I could wait. And I have.

Currently, it’s late January 2012, and there’s still no Animal Crossing 3DS. When’s it coming out? Who knows. There’s nothing. Nintendo is being extra quiet about this game–and I have absolutely no idea why. Just tell us it’s true name and when we can expect to play it. Simple as that. A new tentative release window says Summer 2012, but I no longer trust anything unless it is backed by Nintendo reps themselves.

Okay, I guess we do know some gameplay tidbits, which are enough to nibble on, but I’m hungry. I’m ready to eat. True fact: I’m always ready to eat.

The biggest gameplay detail that is known is that you are no longer a mere resident of the animal-filled town you come to call your own. No, you are its mayor, a man or woman with power and dominating control. It’s not clear if you start out in this role or have to earn it by a number of miscellaneous character-building tasks, but whatever. And as mayor of all of Hobbitontown, you’ll certainly need some assistance. So, meet your new, private secretary:

Aw, she’s kind of adorable. And nameless currently. Alas, rumor has it that she can be extremely clumsy, but her role remains vital nonetheless. As your secretary, she’ll help point out parts of the village that look particularly good and parts that may need some extra work. So if there’s ever a lull in your daily minutiae, check in with her and find out what you can be doing to improve your town and your ratings before the re-election circuit hits.

Everybody’s arch-nemesis from previous Animal Crossings is back, but this time wearing some new attire. That’s right. Tom Nook is no longer selling stock. Instead, he’s selling houses. Not sure what this ultimately means, but maybe it has something to do with StreetPassing other towns. I suspect that you’ll still have to deal with him on a daily basis for some reason or another. I mean, he sells houses, and you’re in charge of a bunch of houses.

Other confirmed tidbits in a nice bulleted list because I’m getting tired of trying to think of interesting ways to phrase all of this:

• Benches and outdoor items, such as lamps, are now available
• Nintendo-themed items aplenty
• Players can go swimming
• Customization of the outside of houses is now allowed, and we’re not just talking about changing the roof’s color
• You can live in a tent
• Furniture customization to rule all
• There’s a mall, which I guess is akin to visiting the city as in Animal Crossing: City Folk
• You can take your shoes off
• YOU CAN TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF
• YOU CAN TAKE YOUR F*CKING SHOES OFF!!!

Woah.

Well, that’s all I got for now. I’m tired of speculating. Just give us some dang, honest-to-goodness solid details, Nintendo. I promise you, no matter what you say, I am buying this game the day it comes out. I just hope it comes out soon.

Wreaking havoc with unique Mojave Wasteland weapons in Fallout: New Vegas

Last week, I received some bad news. Which I misinterpreted greatly. The bad news remained bad news, but now I was all conflicted and confused and mad and angry and depressed with myself as a person, as a Pauly. I felt disgusted and in fear of a public shaming. So, desperate for some kind of comfort, I opened the disc tray for my Xbox 360, removed whatever game was currently in there, and quickly replaced it with Fallout: New Vegas. I needed a little time in the shadow of the valley, so to speak. Tara literally gasped with excitement when she came out to the living room and discovered I was back in the Mojave Wasteland.

At first, I just meandered around, no quests tagged as current, trying to remember who my character was and what he was trying to do. It slowly came back to me: a Mr. House run. But before that could happen, I took care of Boone’s personal sidequest to get him his new armor and such, and then headed back to the strip to begin the lengthy affair that is known as  The House Always Wins quests. I did most of these before during my first playthrough, but switched sides to Yes Man at the very end. You can’t tell from reading a blog post, but I got them shifty eyes. For The House Always Wins, II, the Courier needs to enter a secret bunker within Caesar’s Legion’s main base to turn some Securitrons to the dark side. Easy peasy, really, even with all the radiation creeping in.

Well, after shooting some guard robots in their metallic faces with That Gun, I finally earned this little zinger:

Curios and Relics (15G): Cause 10,000 damage with unique Mojave Wasteland weapons.

Don’t get the above confused with the Master of the Arsenal Achievement, which I popped way back in October 2011. Oh, and I also ticked off a one-star challenge. Woo, progress. Small progress, but still–it’s there.

At this point, now that I’ve unlocked Curios and Relics, I can hop back to using whatever weapon I desire, as I was constantly making a conscious effort to use only unique Mojave Wasteland weapons for as much as possible. That’s not to say I won’t use That Gun again–I will, as it packs a pretty (bullet) punch. But there’s some really nice rifles and shotguns in my inventory collecting digital dust. For The House Always Wins, III, I need to gain the help of the Boomers, which requires a number of mini-quests to earn their loyalty. Can’t wait to use some new weaponry to blow up a bunch of mutated ants.