Okay. So there’s a game called QWOP. Which might stand for Quit When Opening Program. Or maybe Quizzically Weak Obstinate Pinion. Actually, no. None of those. It’s called QWOP because that’s the keyboard keys you use to move a runner’s calves and thighs in order to get from one side of the screen to the other.
Sounds easy enough, right?
Well, according to the below video that’s spreading like wildfire, it’s pretty much impossible to do. Thankfully, it’s pretty much hilarious to watch someone try though. Enjoy!
One of Grinding Down‘s most active posts is Sly Cooper 4…, wherein I ponder the existence of this game and talk a teeny bit about how much I need it sooner than later. Guess I’m not the only one in love with this series and wondering when it’s going to pop back into our collective gaming hearts.
Well, good news, dear readers! Turns out that the recently released Sly Collection for the PlayStation 3 also had a teaser trailer for Sly 4 included deep within the game, available only to those that unlocked all the Trophies. Well, the video has, naturally, hit the Internet, and here it is:
Not much to dissect, but the visuals look both impressive and about the same, which is a good thing; the cel-shaded look of the characters and world was what initially drew me in, and the great stealth and open-world gameplay kept me around for the longhaul. I’m also going to guess that Sly 4: Question Mark of Doom will still be a PlayStation 3 exclusive, which is bad news for me. Looks like I’ll have to start saving up for that system now too.
Developer/Publisher: IO Interactive, Magic Pockets/Eidos Interactive, Warner Bros. Platform: PlayStation 3, Microsoft Windows, Wii, Nintendo DS, Xbox 360 [reviewed], Mac OS X Genre(s): Action-adventure, stealth Mode(s): Singe player Rating: ESRB: E10+ Time clocked: Around five hours
Ninjas never have it easy. Not even mini ones.
See, many moons ago, an evil samurai warlord was banished after too many evil deeds, and the empire in feudal Japan sat in peace and tranquility for a good, long while. But we all know that could only last so long; dark storms began to brew over distant mountaintops, floods and earthquakes became common happenings, and mysterious figures were caging wild animals for unknown purposes. Guess who’s back? Evil Samurai Warlord™, duh.
Growing worrisome, the Ninja Master, the classic relic-old being of supreme skill and wisdom seen in every ninja-related medium ever, sends out his best ninjas to discover the truth about the storms and what evil is stirring nearby. However, none return. With only two ninjas left under his chest-high belt, he reluctantly puts Hiro and Futo to the task of rescuing their friends and saving the world.
And that’s the plot in Mini Ninjas. There’s not much to it; no surprises, no twists, no explanations whatsoever on what these evil soldiers plan to do with all their caged animal friends. As Hiro, you sneak/fight forward until you battle one of the Evil Samurai Warlord’s henchmen, defeat it via a Quick Time Event (sigh), and continue on until the end of the game. The levels are structured as pseudo-open boxes, with multiple paths to explore, but ultimately only one will lead you to its end. A couple cutscenes show the ESW getting mad at his peons, offering a pinch of humor, but other than that, there’s little story being actually told here. Evil is evil, and good is good, and when they throw down arms, good will defeat evil (but only for a limited time).
There are six ninjas to play as, and unfortunately you don’t get the best one until near the game’s end. Each has their own set of skills and uses. Hiro can use Kuji magic and target multiple enemies at once; Futo wields a mallet and rolls into a ball to attack; Suzume plays an enchanting flute song; Shun specializes in bow and arrows, sniping soldiers from afar; Tora is part-tiger and a waste of character selection space; and lastly, Kunoichi, the spear wielder, is the best ninja next to Hiro thanks to her far reach. Each ninja is adorably designed, and unlocking them in-game rewards you with a special bonus video to watch that shows how they arrived at the Ninja Master’s dojo. These are so beautifully animated that it is jarring to the in-game’s visuals, which are, well…maybe a centimeter above the Nintendo Wii. My personal favorite character trailer is, not surprisingly, Kunoichi’s, as shown below:
Unfortunately, the challenge to save the world is no challenge at all. I started my playthrough on medium difficulty, the standard as it were, but switched to hard by midway through and found there to be little difference. The only time I ever died was when I miscalculated a ledge jump and plummeted down the abyss; only I didn’t actually die, but rather respawned on the ledge with one less heart to my name. So, uh, guess that doesn’t count. The enemies are not very tough, and only a couple require a specific strategy, such as the big guys or the stealthy ones. Plus, the alchemy here allows one to make a ton of healing potions, and there’s always a tree or bush of fruit at arms’ length. No worries, really.
What Mini Ninjasis though is charming and stylish, but a bit bland. Co-op (both local and online) is missing, and that’s a shame because it’s clearly a videogame designed to be played by parents and their kids. It would’ve been awesome for one player to scout ahead and another to circle around until the signal sounded and then they both attacked at once. I loved the tranquil music and style of it all, but found myself moving through it very fast, as well as a bit disappointed. The boss battles are a smelly joke, and yes, Boss Windy Pants, I’m talking mostly about you. I’d probably be even more disappointed if I shelled out $60.00 for this when it was first released, but I got this copy for around $20.00, and so it was a decent filler, a mediocre platformer, and a healthy reminder that not all good things come in small packages.
I can’t recall if there ever was a TV commercial for Fallout 3, but kind of doubt many would’ve seen it anyways despite the huge hit that game came to be in 2008. This one above, however, should get a lot of love. It’s a mix of CG film and in-game action, all set to some snappy, jazzy Vegas tunes, and I’m gonna definitely try to keep an eye out for it…though I really don’t watch a lot of television these days. Wonder what channels/shows this will pop up around.
Also, woo…dynamite!
We’ve got 23 days to go…
Granted, that’s just a countdown until Fallout: New Vegas is released. I’ll be on my honeymoon then and won’t get to really play it for several more days later. Kind of a mix of happy/sad on that one, y’know?
It took tears and sweat and countless piles of uncooked scientist steaks, as well as some mild swearing, but I finally beat ‘Splosion Man:
You’re the Best Around! (25G): Complete the Single Player game.
You bet your exploding ass I’m the best that’s around! Actually, no. I’m not that great. I had to turn off the game several times, and there were many moments where I experienced pure ultimate cruelty and vowed to give this up for good. Like, in my mind, I kept repeating, “It’s not worth it! It’s not worth it!” Alas, it never happened. I soldiered through. It took several nights, but I did it. Feel free to give me some slow golf claps. And that Achievement above proves I did it without using the “Way of the Coward” cheat to skip levels that were much too hard (here’s looking at you, 3-17). Trust me. I wanted to skip. A zillion times…because ‘Splosion Man is a toughie, requiring precise timing and quick hand-eye coordination. Limbo, a puzzle platformer strikingly different in tone and style, also required the same skills, but it never got me this frustrated. Stuck, sure…but I could work through it…or look up the solution online. The thing is, even if you know the puzzle’s answer, you still have to be really good at controlling ‘Splosion Man’s jumps and timing them just perfect. Otherwise, it’s lights out.
But don’t worry. You’ll be rewarded for all your hard work. ‘Splosion Man has one of the most bizarre and memorable endings to date, as well as really scary end credits. I watched them for the music, but I stayed out of pure fascination and fear. It’s the stuff of nightmares. If you don’t want to put in the hours, check it out below then:
Yup. You’re welcome.
I’m sure I have more to say. Maybe a full review later on? Magical eightball says…EXPLOSION!
The Fable series sure loves its chickens. Well, I can’t actually speak for the first game as I’ve never played it, but Fable II had a lot of chicken-related things going on. You could kick them for an Achievement, kick them for a bonus in the Coliseum battle place, you could sacrifice baby chicks to represent how true evil operates, and you could dress up like one because…well, everybody has their quirks. But yeah, they were there, hopping around some of the towns, adding life and personality.
Times are a-changing for Fable III. The kingdom of Albion is embracing the age of industry, and cogs and machines and factories are just about everywhere. But chickens always remain constant, and as our narrator tells us, the oppression of the common person is at the heart of the story. Thus, the chicken. It, too, can be oppressed, be a hero, and it just takes one hero to get an uprising started. The intro shows just how far one can fight back, and it certainly is an interesting journey to watch unfold.
Check out the opening cinema sequence from Fable III due out this Fall:
I think for lunch today I’ll get a crispy chicken sandwich in its honor. Wait, what? That’s not how “honoring” it works? Too bad. No arguing with my tummy. Om nom nom…
Work progresses slowly on The Saboteur as I sneak and sabotage my way to eliminating more and more white dots, also known as ambient freeplay missions. I try to focus on pockets of them, but do occasionally get sidetracked when escaping Nazis in pursuit and end up in a different area of the map than previously planned for. However, with a headquarters located in a church in Le Havre, I decided to try my luck clearing out the place, knowing that if Sean was killed in action, he’d respawn pretty close by so I wouldn’t have to trek back across the countryside and could easily stock up on grenades and such. This plan took some time, a lot of dynamite, and too much frustrating on having to constantly fight the same Nazis in the same spots after dying and returning to the scene, but it worked. See:
Coast Guard (15G): You completed 76 ambient freeplay in Le Havre.
Yeah. 76 is a lot of white dots. I’m sure I took out a few when playing the main story missions, but there was a good chunk I had missed. None were too hard to destroy save for three dots inside the fortress atop the hill, which, as you can see from my now unlocked Achievement, were not needed.
Le Havre is a nice little port town in the upper left corner of France. There’s docks and boats and a wharf and seagulls. It’s quaint, something out of a literary classic, and I like that. I can only imagine what it’s like now, in 2010, with iPads and tourists and sneakers with power laces. Maybe not as quaint, maybe not as literary. I almost felt bad when some citizens would spy me placing dynamite and go running off, shrieking, “He’s got a bomb!” as if I was ruining everything. My bad. Only trying to free y’all from Nazi oppression. I can just go back to drinking if that’s what’s preferred. Sorry, Jules.
My next Achievement target is for clearing out 53 white dots in Saarbrucken. Should be a piece of cake in comparison to Le Havre. I got a few last night before getting too sleepy. The problem this time around is that there isn’t a local HQ in the area, nor a weapons dealer. So, I need to stock up and go in prepared, not wasting a single grenade or bundle of dynamite. Otherwise, it’s a lot of back and forth, back and forth, and that’s just not fun. Yeah, if anything, The Saboteur could use a fast travel system. I understand why it’s not there–those Nazi checkpoints exist to keep you on your toes and give you something to run from–but it would sure make this end-of-game grinding a lot more feasible. Oh well. Still having a great time, and that’s nothing to complain about.
See? It’s gonna be great. Don’t bother arguing. I’m not in the mood, and you’ll just be wrong. Did you notice the Pac-Man graffiti art at around 54 seconds, as well as the word hamburger scribbled affectionately on the wall? I suspect there’s going to be a ton in-game jokes and nods, which is much appreciated. There might be another gameplay trailer on the Interwebz somewhere because I distinctively remember seeing Kupek written on a wall too; for those not in the know, Kupek is the name Scott Pilgrim mastermind Bryan Lee O’Malley records music under.
But yeah, it’s a four-player co-op Streets of Rage kind of side-scrolling brawler, and I’m totally down with that. The sprites look great, the sound is chippy and bitty, and I love seeing scenes and locations drawn straight from the book (rather than the movie). There’s just one problem.
Currently, it’s a PlayStation 3 timed release. That means, for some time–weeks, months, maybe a year–it’s only going to be available on the PlayStation 3. ::mega sad face::
Hopefully it’ll make its way to the Xbox 360 as soon as possible as it does look like a lot of fun, and I know it’s the kind of game better suited for Tara and I to play co-op. We’re very much invested in the books and the world, and in fact, our very first wedding gift has something to do with the final volume of O’Malley’s epic. Let’s all say a prayer to Young Neil that this gets released on the Xbox 360 real soon because I don’t want to have to buy a PlayStation 3 just to experience kicking a vegan’s butt.
I think it’s official: Grand Theft Auto IV makes me videogame rage. Not like this or this, mind you, but it seriously gets on my nerves and even has gotten me uttering phrases like “Oh come on!” and “Fuuuuck!” when alone in my apartment. That’s not a good sign. Just ask my neighbors.
Last night, I spent 40 minutes on a single mission–it’s called “Museum Piece” and it involves escaping a museum heavy with enemies and then avoiding further detection from them once outside in the public park–and then failed thanks to unclear directions. Inside the mansion, I meticulously took out every goon shooting a gun my way, a process which took some patience and a lot of crouching. I’d already previously failed the mission for running blindly around a corner and was not going to let that happen yet again. But it was worth it because I had a full thing of body armor still and was ready to venture outside.
So I exited the park in hopes of hi-jacking a car for getaway purposes. My original ride got blown to bits from a tossed grenade. I don’t get three steps across the street before two black cars zoom by and run me over. As Niko slowly gets to his feet after this traumatic event two goons pump shotgun blasts into him. Body armor and health vanish instantly.
When you die, you are revived back at the hospital and pay a small fee. Not only that, but all the ammo I used on the mission is gone, as well as that 40 minutes of my time. I can restart via a text message or reload to at least get my ammo back. Neither option sounds appetizing after all that worthless work.
Seeing as I’ve done several posts on GTA IV and my hating on it, some might be wondering why I keep playing. It’s simple. I’m a masochist. Also, I bought the game with hard-earned money (eh, it was $12.00 used) so I might as well experience it.
Honestly, I’ve never griped about so much in a single game before. I could go on for days about GTA IV‘s faults. For instance, why did Rockstar design the Xbox 360 controls to be horrible? You press Y to steal a vehicle, but if you want to say take a tour or cab ride…you hold Y. But if you don’t press it down hard and fast enough, guess what? You just stole a helicopter and taxi cab when you were just trying to play the game. Fun, fun, fun dumb. Why not instead, just like when you want to buy a hot dog or soda, press the left bumper? WHY NOT?!
I enjoy Liberty City’s openess and the sandbox potential, but maybe I just have to take off the blinders and see GTA IV for what it is: not a game for me. The mission structure and harshness of lost time, money, and bullets for failure is just too punishing. Maybe Saint’s Row is more up my alley?
Recently, possibly out of boredom or for trolling, Roger Ebert decided to bring back his thoughts on the whole “videogames as art” topic, further cementing that, to him, in principle, games can never be art. You can read his full article here, which is in fact a faulty critique of Kellee Santiago’s TEDxUSC talk given back in March 2009. She responds back, echoing a lot my thoughts on the matter.
One could easily dismiss Ebert for being old and “not getting it,” and his tone throughout is rather that of a cranky curmudgeon, which does not help things. “No one in or out of the field has ever been able to cite a game worthy of comparison with the great poets, filmmakers, novelists and poets,” he repeats. Ouch. Maybe it’s because…he is a movie critic with movie critic friends? Seriously, talk to anyone in the videogaming business, and I’m sure they could make mention a few titles that would be hard to describe as anything but artsy. Yet it is his comments at the end of this critique that prove him beyond faulty and out of place to deem such claims, namely the ones about Flower. It’s evident he has never played the game, let alone many videogames.
Wow, that’s like me saying yoga isn’t a sport and having the world listen.
The question at the heart of this debate, now and forever, is can videogames be art?
And the answer is: of course.
Name-dropping Shadow of the Colossus, Heavy Rain, Katamari Damacy, Suikoden II, BioShock, and Myst, the harder question that continues to stomp around my brain every time this topic comes up is…how could they not be art?
