It’s the age of industry in Fable III, and the chickens aren’t pleased

The Fable series sure loves its chickens. Well, I can’t actually speak for the first game as I’ve never played it, but Fable II had a lot of chicken-related things going on. You could kick them for an Achievement, kick them for a bonus in the Coliseum battle place, you could sacrifice baby chicks to represent how true evil operates, and you could dress up like one because…well, everybody has their quirks. But yeah, they were there, hopping around some of the towns, adding life and personality.

Times are a-changing for Fable III. The kingdom of Albion is embracing the age of industry, and cogs and machines and factories are just about everywhere. But chickens always remain constant, and as our narrator tells us, the oppression of the common person is at the heart of the story. Thus, the chicken. It, too, can be oppressed, be a hero, and it just takes one hero to get an uprising started. The intro shows just how far one can fight back, and it certainly is an interesting journey to watch unfold.

Check out the opening cinema sequence from Fable III due out this Fall:

I think for lunch today I’ll get a crispy chicken sandwich in its honor. Wait, what? That’s not how “honoring” it works? Too bad. No arguing with my tummy. Om nom nom…

The Top Five Punniest Monsters in Dragon Quest IX

Look, if you’ve been hanging out here at Grinding Down for some time now, then you know one certain thing about me: I love puns. Heck, I even tag a bunch of my entries with “pun” so I can quickly go back and chuckle at my–or someone else’s–witty writing. It’s a writer thing, and I probably have Piers Anthony’s Xanth series to blame; I devoured every book I could buy by him in high school, finally stopping around book #24, The Dastard. Seems like more have come out though, but I’ve outgrown his writing.

So it’s a good thing I love puns because otherwise…Dragon Quest IX would be nearly unbearable. It’s safe to say that the tiny DS cartridge is bloated with puns, both good and bad, and they are around every corner, whether it’s a town’s name (::cough cough:: Alltrades Abbey ::cough::) or people like Edwinn and Erinn, inn runners and Inny winners, or even at the very beginning of the story, at a place called Angel Falls, whereat the main character, an angel, falls down to after some havoc happens up above.

Where the puns really come out in full zombie mode though are with the monsters. An RPG has to have monsters to battle, and there’s a lot here, the majority pun-heavy. Some are better than others, and yes, I’ll openly admit that many are big ol’ groaners. But there’s a few that make me smile each and every time I run into them. Let’s review, shall we?

5. Cruelcumber

Oh my goodness! Just look at it! I want to hug it and smother it with love and then slice it into a dozen pieces for my salad and tuna fish sammich. It has a goofy look, sure, but it also has the best death animation. The Cruelcumber bounces onto its back, spear flying high into the air and then piercing its vegetable heart. But yeah, plant-based monsters really do get the pick of the crop…when it comes to puns. Nyuck nyuck nyuck!

4. Sacksquatch

I couldn’t find a picture of this monster online, sadly. Basically, it’s a sack, like a sack of grain or flour, and it is spewing life from a huge hole in its body. I guess it is its mouth, but it does kind of resemble a certain mysterious beast of the forest.

3. Betterfly

Betterfly is a stronger version of Batterfly, a monster modeled after a butterfly. It’s an easy pun, yes, but it works. I mean, you can’t go around calling butterfly monsters things like Evil Butterfly or Death-from-Abovefly or 666erfly. Just doesn’t work. Alas, there is no Bitterfly in the game. I checked.

2. Cyclown

It’s a clown-like monster cycloning its way over to kill you. Come to think about it, that’s actually quite terrifying. Run!

1. Knocktopus

No picture found, but it isn’t anything special to look at. Just another octopus monster you’ll fight once you get a boat and start heading for open waters. But this punny name makes sense. I mean, they have eight arms…there’s bound to be some knocking around when words no longer settle arguments. A later cousin monster is, embarrassingly, called Shocktopus, which I won’t even touch upon.

Runner-ups include: Badboon, Salamarauder, Zumeanie, Bewarewolf, and Expload

To see a whole bunch of monster art, visit the official Dragon Quest IX Nintendo website.

Level up, level down, level me all around

Right. There’s a slew of games in my collection that are demanding I level up my character(s) to a set mark. Most of these are just to get Achievements, but they will also help bring about closure in my mind, as sense of completion, and then I can move these games aside and tackle other projects. Let’s take a look at few in my collection and see what they need of me…

Borderlands

There’s three checkmarks I need to hit by leveling up now, and they are Level 50, Level 51, and finally Level 60. It’s gonna be a slow climb, especially since I played some single player Knoxx DLC last night and managed to only go from Level 43 to a wee bit into Level 44. Might need some co-op help here. Hmm…

Shadow Complex

Gotta take Jason Whateverlastname up to Level 50. This one has been frustrating because it’s the last Achievement I need to unlock to get the full 200 Gamerscore. But I’ve played the game three times now and it’s just not as much fun running back and forth shooting the same dudes over and over and over…

Fallout 3

Besides one Achievement that puts me to the annoying task of finding 100 steel ingots (ugh), I also have to hit Level 30 with evil karma, and then play through the game a third time for the neutral karma Achievements set to ping at Level 8, Level 14, Level 20, and finally Level 30. I’m worried I won’t ever get the time and passion to do this. And I love Fallout 3. But it’s all about the time management right now.

Dragon Age: Origins

There’s three level-specific Achievements in this one, and I was lucky enough to unlock one of ’em during my first playthrough. The other two are for reaching Level 20 as a warrior and rogue. Considering how long the game is (and slow)…I just don’t know if this is feasible. Every time I think about having to do that Circle of the Magi loyalty mission again my body caves in on itself. Seriously, being stuck in the Fade for like three hours? Who thought this was a rockin’ good time? Speak up!

Mass Effect

A character–doesn’t have to be Shepard, I think, but most likely will be–still needs to hit Level 50 and Level 60. Hahaha. I think I’m somewhere around Level 40ish on a second playthrough that I walked away from some months back. There’s still so much I need to do in this game that it’s kind of crazy I even completed it once.

Dragon Quest IX: Sentinels of the Starry Skies

In order to obtain extra side missions, I need to reach certain level checkpoints with specific vocations. It seems the sweet spots right now are for Level 15 and then Level 40. Got a ways to grind still. I don’t mind this for the vocations I currently am using, but the idea of switching jobs and resetting to Level 1…it’s not that the game isn’t fun, it’s just that that kind of devotion doesn’t exist inside of me. Same reason I’ve only collected 90 or so Pokemon in HeartGold; there’s playing a game and then there’s completely obsessing over obtaining every item, every spell, every skill, and so on. I used to do this (hello, Ratchet and Clank!), but can no longer…sadly.

—

Maybe this is my just desserts though for enjoying and playing way too many RPGs.

Here’s how the Dragon Quest IX meet-up party went down

I had it all planned out.

My car, Bullet, is due for inspection this month of August. It’s very first inspection, actually, and since the beginning of the spring I’ve noticed my steering wheel shaking a lot when I’d tap the brakes after doing 50 mph or higher. Kinda scary, most likely an attribute that could get Bullet failed. So I decided to bring it over to the mall and drop it off for some maintenance work. No biggie, because this was also the day that Nintendo-sponsored Dragon Quest IX event parties were happening nationwide in GameStops high and low. I’d just bring my DS with me and kill some time that way…while also grabbing a rare treasure map. That’s all I cared about; sorry fellow DQIXers, but I don’t want to go co-op questing with you.

So, the event, which I only knew about from the Internet and even then knew very little about it, was to start at 12 and go to about 4:00 in the afternoon. I had about an hour or so to blah-blah away so I went into the mall, found a comfy couch, and sat down to grind for XP and alchemy items. I must have been playing for about 30 minutes before I looked up and to my left. This is what I saw:

I laughed out loud. The old lady across from me sneered.

Noon hit, I entered Tag Mode and put my DS in my pocket, and then shuffled over to the nearest GameStop, hoping to pick up the map or tag some random adventurers and then get out quick. There was no one in the store. I felt kind of odd just going up and down the aisles. Eventually, I left, returned to the couch, and checked my DS to see how much awesomeness I had downloaded: 0%. Ouch.

Tara and her mom were coming back past the mall after doing her wedding gown fitting at David’s Bridal so we all had lunch together. I nom nommed on a Subway sandwich and also heard back from the car place; my drum rotor needed fixing and it would probably be completed by 3:00. Tara’s mom left to head home, and then Tara and I took a walk around the mall, eventually heading back to that GameStop from before (note: this mall has two GameStops, one on the first floor and one on the second floor, and it seems a bit overdone if you ask me). I asked the guy behind the counter if they were participating in the Dragon Quest IX meet-up party event thing, and his expression showed pure confusion. He had no idea. Looking up stuff online, which took a bit because they don’t actually have full Internet browsers there, he learned that the GameStop outside the mall and down by Walmart was the one hosting an event. Ah…okay.

I figured if I didn’t get there and get the silly little map then no biggie. It’s just a game. Tara and I then headed over to PetSmart (or is it PetsMart?) because they were having an adoption day. So many adorable dogs and cats, and if I had the room and time and money to care for them, I’d catch adopt ’em all. Then we hit up Target for a bit, finally making our way back to Sears to see how my car was doing; it was done, almost exactly at 3:00, as if magic was at work.

Sheepishly, I asked my fiancée something like this, “Can we just stop real quick at the other GameStop so I can get this DQ map? I’m sorry you’re marrying a little boy.”

She said yes. It has to be clear why I love her so much, right?

This GameStop was much more active, and it was obvious from stepping inside that an event of some sort was happening. I entered Tag Mode in my car before coming in, and as soon as I checked it I saw I had canvassed a guest named NOA1. A Nintendo rep in a blue slime shirt came over, explained what to do next after bringing in NOA1 to my inn, and chatted a bit about the event so far. He said some kids came in earlier with all LV 99 characters; my LV 26 Hadwynnn openly weeped. After getting the treasure map, the rep gave me a poster and some stickers. Tara and I left after that because, as I mentioned before, I was just there for the map and not really to socialize, but it looked like there was plenty of that going on already.

So yeah, it had some hiccups, but the event worked out pretty well. I know DQIX is a much harder sell here in the United States than in Japan, but I think these weekly events can only do good for the game. Next week, there’s one at Best Buys around the country. We’ll see if I can make it to that one, too…

Oh, and that rare treasure map? It’s basically an epic boss fight, and this boss wiped out my entire party in two turns. Don’t think I’m ready for it just yet. Maybe I never will be. But I’m glad to have it in my collection nonetheless.

Co-op in Dragon Quest IX is kind of a flop

So, over the weekend, I got to try a little co-op adventuring in Dragon Quest IX: Sentinels of the Starry Skies. And I have to sum up my experience in the very words of the many dogs you’ll meet during your journey to collect seven fyggs (magical fruit that have been eaten by townspeople only then be returned to you whole and untouched…if that is even possible): nng nng nnnnnggg. In short, co-op is kind of a flop, but then again, I suspect I know why.

See, my sister and I got the game on the same day, its release day at that, and we played for a good amount later that evening. But then I had to return to the hubbub of life up north, and she stayed home in South Jersey on a mini-cation, wherein she got to play a lot more DQIX than I did. Needless to say, by the time we got together again for some co-op play, she was double my levels (37 or so to my paltry 16s) and nearing end-game material. This made for lame co-op questing since…I was not there yet.

For co-op play, you can do two things: let someone into your world, to help you on your quests, or travel to someone else’s world, to help them on their quest. Experience and gold is shared, and visiting adventurers can open as many blue treasure chests as they want. Now, if you want their help in battle, you have to make room in your team, basically dropping off a party member or two. This also means that, while adventuring in my sister’s world of really high-leveled enemies, if caught in a battle too far away from her, it’d just be me, solo, fighting against the devil’s army. Sure, I could call her into action, but it wouldn’t work if she too was already in a battle, now a fighter short. So we had to stick together, and I basically just visited some of the new towns and grabbed some early recipes since I couldn’t afford anything. Then she came into my world to help me beat Leviathan, which was nice of her to do. Other than that, there wasn’t anything crazy exciting about the experience. She also got some additional quests from me since I was to DL them from WiFi and she was not.

I can see where the co-op would work best. Either playing together from the start, or playing together for all the post-game quests and treasure maps and so on. Those are probably the best options, but I doubt it’ll happen again for me. Still gotta figure out how this “tag mode” works as there’s a special event coming up at the local GameStop…

Please leviathan me alone

It’s time now for another rousing edition of…True to Life Phone Calls, starring Paul and Tara and brought to you by a cup of mediocre Green Mountain coffee.

Tara: So, what are you doing for the rest of the night?
Paul: Playing Dragon Quest IX. I’m trying to beat this one boss before I go to bed.
Tara: Ooooh.

Yup. Only…I failed. I did not beat said boss, and I still went to bed. Talk about being a quitter. Actually, no. I was really tired. I had a day of work and then an evening of Scott Pilgrim mania, as well as food and coffee drinks and musing about comics and slushing stories for Clarkesworld and so on and so on.

But I did try to beat Leviathan twice in a row, and that should count for something; he’s a boss you’ll come across shortly after you complete the vocation quest in Alltrade Abbey, and basically, he’s a pain in the ocean-butt. At least, he is for my team of scrabblers. See, he only attacks once per turn–unlike that jerk Jack of Alltrade–but two of his main attacks are the kind that target all four of my team members at once. There’s a tidal wave attack and tail sweep attack, both of which do a good amount of damage. The biggest problem with this is my lack of healing, and I don’t have any group heal spells or buff spells save for Accelerate. I was hoping my mage would’ve learned one by now, but I guess he’s more aggro than anything. Looks like I will have to put Andy on the back burner and create a new character with the priest vocation. Please submit name suggestions. Since my martial artist and thief are both women, my priest character will be a hardcore dude.

I actually don’t mind the fact that I will have to create a new character and grind him/her up to a decent level to help beat Leviathan. Why’s that? Well, for one thing, the grinding isn’t terribly annoying in Dragon Quest IX. Each battle gets you more XP, more gold coins, and the possibility of more items for the alchemy pot. Plus, upon returning to previous towns, you’ll find new characters there ready to give out sidequests. Now, some of these are absurd and difficult-sounding, and others are of the “kill X monsters” breed. Also, rumor has it that previously visited dungeons now host new treasure chests like mini medals and harder enemies. It’ll be good to take these missions on and build up my priest at the same time. He better get a heal all spell, and he better get it fast, as it seems I can’t go forward with the actual story until I take down Mr. Fishface.

And if this tactic doesn’t work, I’ll just recruit my sister this Friday as we give local co-op a chance.

Deathclaws are all about death and claws

I played some more Fallout 3 last night, still on my quest to collect the remaining Achievements, with the one for hitting Level 30 as a totally evil lady in sight. Just got to get some more experience, and the best way to rack up some XP is through doing main storyline quests and shooting big baddies like Deathclaws.

Thus, I decided to tackle the Broken Steel missions, which take you through Old Olney, a destroyed little locale brimming with Deathclaws. Before heading out, if you spoke with Vallincourt, you can pick up the Deathclaw control scrambler device; this basically takes any Deathclaw under the Enclave’s control and puts it under yours…so long as you stay within its broadcasting range. Once freed, the Deathclaw will follow you around as a friend until time runs out and they go all explodey like that one kid early on in Battle Royale. This is great and all, but it only works on the Deathclaws enslaved by the Enclave, and actually does the opposite of what I wanted, as the Deathclaw steals XP from me by killing the Enclave soldiers and then blowing itself up. Oh well. Still fun to watch it run off and do your dirty work.

That said, Deathclaws are still the scariest things in Fallout 3. They are menacing, brooding, towering, terrifying, dangerous, and freaky. Plus a slew of other nasty adjectives. They look like devils on steroids and move with surprising agility. And there’s one part in Old Olney that I completely forgot about, wherein a Deathclaw attacked me from behind and scared the living light out of me. It’s kind of like Jurassic Park, Muldoon, and those plotty velociraptors; I’m sneaking down a hallway, totally in stealth, eyes on the prize, a Deathclaw at the end that is sharpening its claws like cooking knives. Then, without warning, my warning turns DETECTED red and I’m slashed from behind by a Deathclaw. I quickly hop into V.A.T.S., but don’t kill it quick enough with my Chinese Assault Rifle, and now the second Deathclaw is on the alert, sandwiching me in the worst sandwich ever: Deathclaw, evil woman, Deathclaw, and no tomato. Not yummy at all.

Had to break out the Alien Blaster (with limited ammo) just to survive. The funny part–if this can be considered funny–is that this same scenario happened more or less during my first playthrough. Guess I just forgot that at one point, there’s two Deathclaws in the same hallway. I promise not to forget during the third playthrough; if I do, maybe I deserve to be turned into shredded flesh-lettuce.

Having not played any previous Fallout games before Fallout 3, I have to wonder if we’ll see any Deathclaws in Fallout: New Vegas. Not too sure of their history and all, and I know that stealthy Super Mutants will most likely be the next enemy to freak me out. Either way, I’ll be glad to get past them in this section of the Broken Steel DLC even though they do offer up some delicious XP.

Save your game or be super lame, the DQIX motto

Hi, my name is Paul.

HI PAUL

Uh, hi. Recently, I forgot to save my game when playing Dragon Quest IX. I lost roughly thirty to forty minutes of progress, a good portion of which was grinding, finding alchemy recipes on bookshelves, and a boss battle against the Ragin’ Contagion. Not the game’s trickiest boss fight, but a time-consuming one nonetheless.

TIME IS THE GREATEST BATTLE OF ALL

Quiet, you. Anyways, I was planning on saving my game. I really was. Just had to get back to the church in Coffinwell. Other RPG games like Pokemon HeartGold and Fallout 3 really spoiled me with the whole “save anywhere, any time” thing, and if there was one aspect that really frustrated me with Dragon Quest VIII, it was its save system. You’d think Level 5 would have opted for a more user-friendly save system on the DS, a gaming device most often played on the go or in short bursts. Saving one’s progress is especially hard in the first ten hours of the game because the main character has not learned Zoom yet, a fast travel spell which is, thankfully, free of an MP cost.

But yeah, I was playing, totally prepared to save, and then my brother-in-law’s wife showed up with her babies and everyone was heading out to David’s Bridal to do some dress shopping. Well, not me. I was going next door to look at tuxedos and suits and get an idea of how I want to dress for my wedding. If only it was as easy as it is in Dragon Quest IX; you know, a wedding get-up would be like so:

If only.

LIFE IS NOT A VIDEOGAME, PAUL

Well, it should be! And I thought I told you to be quiet. Whoever you are. Whatever you are. I’m talking about saving videogame progress here. And, uh, buying wedding attire. Anyways, Ellen and the babies showed up, and help was needed so I flipped my DS closed and dropped it in my pocket. I figured I’d save in the car as we drove to Wayne. Anyways, when I flipped open my DS later on, I found myself staring at two dark screens, void of life and animation and sound. Yes, somehow, most likely when I dropped the DS into my pocket, the power button on the side got hit, and off my game went. Goodbye, progress. I just couldn’t believe it. I even exclaimed to Tara about how much I couldn’t believe this. I mean, I’m a gamer…we’re trained from an early age to save often. Saving is what we do. I just couldn’t believe it, that I’d let myself get so distracted to not save, especially after a boss battle. I mean…what is wrong with me?

CLEARLY YOU HAVE FALLEN OFF THE WAGON

Hey, that reminds me! Man oh man, remember in DQVIII, remember when you had that silly girl horse and wagon and had to wait while your alchemy recipes cooked as you battled slime and slime knights. Now, in DQIX…it’s instantaneous! That’s just so great. A smart change. As was dropping the MP cost of Zoom down to 0 (I believe it was 2 or 3 MP in the previous game). A shame you can’t carry the alchemy pot with you though as backtracking to Stornway is (and most certainly will be as the game goes on) a tad annoying.

So yeah, if only they had updated DQIX with the ability to save anywhere. Because traveling to a church, speaking to the priest, selecting to confess, punching A through the same ol’ rambling text, selecting YES when asked to record data in priestly book of saving, and then selecting whether of not to continue playing afterwards…it’s a bit overdone.

THIS BLOG POST IS OVERDONE

You’re right, ominous voice. And so it ends!

More like the Illusive Demo from Mass Effect 2

Look, I don’t claim to know and fully understand how this videogame industry works. I just have opinions and thoughts and sometimes I put them down on e-paper here for a couple of people to read. But this is just plain confusing. Most videogames release a demo a few weeks prior to their shipping date so curious consumers can get a taste of what they’re selling and maybe–just maybe–decide that they’d really love to play the full experience.

Mass Effect 2 came out on January 26, 2010. The demo for the game hit Xbox Live this week. A-buhhhhhhh…

Right. Well, I somewhat enjoyed the first game and have been curious about what was changed for Mass Effect 2 so I downloaded the huge demo (I think it’s around 1.6 gigs) and…watched a lot of cinematic scenes for a bit. It opens like every episode of LOST, with a “Previously on…Mass Effect” as if this is some kind of high drama TV show that we’ve been watching for years. Our narrator tells us about Shepard and the things he/she did to better our galaxy. The beginning of this demo is basically the beginning of the actual game going off of Greg Noe’s first hour review. The Normandy gets blown to bits, Shepard dies, his DNA is recovered by the secretive Lazarus project, and he’s brought back to flesh through the miracle of science. And you thought you’d totally get to keep your level and hard-earned stats from the first game! Ha!

So, with a new Shepard, we can give him/her a new look. I choose to make him look very simian again, with a low brow and big pouty lips, plus an extremely bad complexion. Scars, pock-marked face, the whole thing. Dark hair and a chinstrap beard round him out perfectly. I was really surprised that the demo came with this as I fully expected them to just give us a static Shepard design to play with. After this, we see a scene with some scientists named Miranda and Wilson looking over Shepard as he suddenly wakes up. Drugs put him back down. The second time he wakes up, the entire base is under attack and he’s being ordered to get moving. Grab a pistol and some armor and then take cover behind some boxes; taking cover is very easy now with the press of a button. It feels natural and awesome at once.

The demo then shows me some stuff I already know, like how to fire my weapon and select a new one. These aren’t geth attacking us, but mechs on the fritz. Find some audio logs and listen to Miranda talk about the progress they made reconstructing me. The hacking mini-game is a bit different from Mass Effect, but not the worst thing in the world galaxy. I meet up with Jacob and Wilson and get a few answers to some burning questions, but we need to get to safety and find Miranda. Wilson believes she sabotaged everyone as the mechs were theirs and rewired to attack innocents. Hmm. I am a born-again Shepard so I don’t really know who I can trust at this point…

Well, for spoilers-sake, I learned that I can’t trust…Wilson. A shame, as that’s a great name. Miranda tells me a bit about her boss, the Illusive Man, and then we’re off this trashcan. Does it explode behind us like a good l’il cliche? Hmm, nope.

This section of the demo ends, and I’m told that everything I’ve done so far has been saved and can be readily used once I purchase the full game. All right. The demo will continue (yay!), but anything else will not be saved progress, and we’re also jumping ahead in time. Text on screen tells us that the Illusive Man has given us the quest to collect a ragtag team of the most elite and deadly characters around. Miranda, Jacob, and I are visiting a prison cell planet called Purgatory (wink wink) to collect a biotic named Jack. There’s a pretty tense scene in the beginning where a turian (I think that’s their race; it’s been some time, people) tells me I can’t bring weapons on-board. I convince him otherwise, and I’m glad I did. Turns out it’s a trap, and we’re doing a lot of fighting here. There’s some larger mechs that are harder to take down, and I eventually died after releasing all the prisoners from their cells in order to free Jack, who is not what we expected. I’m sure the demo goes on a little more from there, but at that point I was extremely tired and decided to call it a night. Might have to give the demo another swing later on as a female Shepard; I’m both surprised and pleased at how much is given to us and how smooth the shooting is. Maybe, just maybe I’ll get a little excited about Mass Effect 2 in the near future.

From Bloodletter to Grand Champion in just 30 minutes

At this point, I’m kind of drifting. I’ve beaten several games now–Borderlands, Dragon Age: Origins, and Pokemon HeartGold to name a few–and don’t really plan to buy anything new until LEGO Harry Potter: Years 1-4 comes out at the end of June (though I’m not promising I won’t get something new if it is cheap and shiny enough to catch my eyes). I’m also having a hard time going back and replaying some previously beaten games; that said, I did pop back in Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion last night to see if there was anything worth doing.

And there was: the Arena.

I’m not sure why I didn’t tackle the Arena questline sooner. Maybe I was scared at what it would throw at me or maybe it was because I just was no good at confrontations during my early levels, mostly because I was relying too much on throwing fireballs. But this time around, as a bow-wielding LV. 19 Bosmer elf…well, I made quick work of all my enemies. Seriously, I went from being a Bloodletter to Myrmidon to Warrior to Gladiator to Hero to Champion to Grand Champion in under thirty minutes without getting attacked more than, oh, five times.

My strategy was simple. I zoomed in with my bow, waited for the gates to lower, and loosed an arrow or two before my challenger even got halfway across the arena. Then I hurried back inside, collected my monetary reward, and accepted the next battle to do it all over again. Rinse and repeat. Take a small break once to restock on arrows. The only fight I had trouble with was against three enemies: a soldier, an archer, and a mage, but they all fell to my glass arrows in time. Plus, my bow is powered by electricity. Don’t ask.

The last fight, the big one, the tune-in-and-watch, was against an orc. I guess he was supposed to be tough or intimidating. He wasn’t. He took four arrows to drop, but still, he didn’t even reach me at that point as I skated backwards to avoid his sword’s swing. Sigh. No challenge at all. And six easy, quick Achievements, but you really only need to see one to get the full effect:

Grand Champion, Arena (50G): Completed the Arena Questline

Upon exiting the Arena, you’re greeted by the Adoring Fan, who loves you and admires you and just wants to follow you around. Pretty annoying, and he only spoke a few lines. I told him no, but I might change my mind in the future and lead him straight into troll territory.

But yeah, Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. I should play you more. You do have a lot of “easy” Achievements left to unlock; by easy, I mean they are relatively straightforward and are just based off quest progression and not skill or luck or doing something random (like killing X deer or making X health potions with alchemy). Maybe I’ll try to finish up the Fighters Guild questline next. Or the Dark Brotherhood. Mwahaha?