Nintendo is stealing my ideas

Now, normally, I like to begin each blog post with some kind of image, whether it’s from the game I’m going to be talking about today or somehow related to the topic at hand, and then I write on top of it. Just a couple of words. I usually try to be witty and not repeat whatever hook I use in the blog post’s title. I can’t recall exactly why I decided this was going to be the format of Grinding Down, but it’s worked out, helped make it a little different than other bloggy blogs out there (I hope!), and gives me a chance to play around in Photoshop every day. Also, I love LOLcats. The font I use is called Showcard Gothic, and it’s a nice, thick font which works well for standing out strong on top of videogame screenshots.

I don’t own this process. It is not trademarked by me, and it’s not against the law if anything wants to start doing exactly the same thing I do, using the same style of pictures and fonts and words. I get that. Go, America and Freedom Fries and all that jazz. Still, the scenario that follows has me a bit befuddled…

So, this weekend, I logged onto the Nintendo eShop to add some more funds to my account and see if there was anything worth getting. I downloaded Inchworm Animation, but haven’t gotten much time to fool around with it; seems promising though, with plenty of options for drawing and animating silly doodles. I suspect if I get amazing at the app I’ll have to invest in an SD card reader so I can get all my wonderful creations onto the Interwebz. Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins looks like fun, but I can’t remember if I played it back as a wee lad or not–still, I’m kind of tired of getting just the newest (and I use that term loosely) Mario or Zelda title ready for download. There’s so much more available. Gonna keep looking, and as I was perusing the eShop’s storefront, I came across a menu that grouped a bunch of games together under the title of “For Your Bus Ride Home,” with Earthworm Jim getting the limelight. See here:

Sorry about the shoddy photo work, but notice anything odd about that image up there? It certainly looks like something I’d have created for Grinding Down‘s purposes, that’s for sure. Checking my archive, I can confirm I haven’t made an image like this. But if I had, I’d have done just as so. Nice, clean image of Earthworm Jim shooting up some crows, and then a perfectly placed block of text, telling you what this is all gonna be about.

Hey, Nintendo. STOP STEALING MY IDEAS.

Or, at the very least, hire me. I could write words on top of images all day long, and just think of how special your storefront would be under my beck and call. Any Nintendo reps reading this and nodding their heads in agreement can contact me by email via pdabbamondi[at]gmail[dot]com. My rates are cheap, my work is strong, and clearly, we are of the same mindframe. It’s go time!

No sneaking past those boss fights in Deus Ex: Human Revolution

From the very beginning of Deus Ex: Human Revolution, I neglected all lethal weapons. Sneered at them, in fact, as I crept on by. A tranquilizer rifle and close-quarters takedowns were my tools of destruction. And, if need be, a flash grenade to confuse and create chaos. Surely those guards that I knocked unconscious were a bit confused to find their shotguns and deadly assault rifles still by their sides when they came to, but that’s just how my Jensen rolls: secretively, silently, stealthy.

Unfortunately, you can’t sneak past everyone. Specifically, the game’s bosses, and the first one, Lawrence Barrett, that meathead with a machine gun for a hand, has proved extremely troublesome so far. Upon entering the door that starts the fight, I realized that my wholehearted dismissal of all lethal weapons was going to hurt me here. Hurt me hard. I tried hitting Barrett with a few tranq darts as he blew my cover to shreds. Nothing happened, and by that I mean he came up, grabbed Jensen, and punched half his health away. A few more shots later, and I was reloading my latest save. Which, sadly, is right before I go through the door that starts the boss fight. Sigh…

If I run over to the left, in a small side room is a pistol and some bullets. However, before I can pick it up, I need to rearrange my inventory to make room for such a murderous entity. And then comes the arduous task of trying to shoot somebody, with a gun made for shooting on repeat; see, with the tranq rifle, it was pop out, fire, pop back into hiding spot, wait for body to drop. That strategy doesn’t work here. Barrett has to reload his machine gun-hand thing, giving you precious seconds to either fire or move to safer cover. Staying in that room for too long isn’t wise as he eventually begins tossing grenades your way.

I’ve tried beating him now three times with no luck. Contemplating backtracking far enough to maybe pick up a better weapon. Or maybe giving up my dream of being a sneaky Jensen, restarting the game, and putting all my Praxis points into combat skills instead of hacking skills. That would be lame, but if I can’t get past Barrett soon, it’s my only option.

If the developers wanted this to be the next Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, maybe they should have played that game and saw how awesome boss battles should be crafted. Specifically, The End. One day I’ll talk about how I tackled that fight. One day.

Remember, Deus Ex: Human Revolution is a game that lets you play any way you like, except when it’s time to take down some cheesy super soldiers.

Mafia II is all about the money

I understand the concept of money as a motivator. It’s what fuels a majority of life, from food to gas to bills to pleasure. You can buy everything but love with it, if songs are to be trusted. But for me, within the context of videogames, it’s not enough to warrant doing horrible, atrocious acts of violence. I mean, it’s not like real money is being printed out of the Xbox 360’s disc tray; this is digital money to purchase digital things, and while I don’t mind doing miscellaneous tasks like writing fake blog posts or trimming Tara‘s bush in The Sims Social for some Simoleons, stealing cars and murdering those in wrong place at the wrong time for, um, $300 is not what I’d call justifiable. Unfortunately, all Mafia II has as a motivator is money.

Vito Scalleta is a war hero–that’s according to his childhood friend Joe, a crook and crooked man that eventually gets our young leading lad mixed up with the mafia. It starts out innocently enough, with Vito returning from World War II to snow and Christmas songs and the bad news that his sister and mother are still trying to pay off his father’s debt. Vito immediately wants to help, which shows off his good quality, but he’s willing to simply murder men trying to stop him from carjacking their ride, which shows off his videogamey quality.

I’ve only completed chapters one, two, and three so far, having started chapter four at this point. Vito is now tasked with sneaking into an office building and stealing gas stamps, and he’ll be rewarded better if he goes undetected. My kind of mission actually despite all my latest stealth failings with Deus Ex: Human Revolution. However, those first two chapters did not leave me excited about how Vito will grow as a character; basically, at this point, I’m writing him off as yet another Niko; oh hey, look at that, their names are similar too.

In chapter three, after meeting with the man that Vito’s father owes a ton of money, Vito was given the job to move some crates on to the back of a truck. For $10, which, I dunno, in the late 1940s, could probably get you a lot of thingies. Bread, milk, a porno mag. You go up to the crates, press X to pick one up, walk it over to the truck, press X to put it down, and repeat the process all over again. Mundane, but that’s how a lot of grunt work is, and while there were probably something like 4o to 50 crates, I was willing to carry them all back and forth because a job is a job, and I’ve always done whatever job I’ve been given. Vito, however, was not having it, complaining with each crate until he simply refused to carry any more; I was given the false decision to leave when he’d had enough, and with nothing else to do, I had to play into the role of Vito, who was not interested in doing what he dubbed “slave labor” for a measly $10. For shame, man. However, beating the crap out of warehouse employees not willing to chip in for a mandatory haircut collection is more wholesome work, mostly because it pays better. Sigh…

Fantastic tunes on the radio though. More games need this much Dean Martin love. And there’s a great attention to detail here, with the city looking very much alive, just like L.A. Noire. But at least that game had a likable main character, one with a soul, as flawed as it became. Here, with have Vito, who will do anything it takes to make money. Again, these sorts of people do exist, but they aren’t fun to roleplay as there is only one path to follow. Heed the words of Benjamin Franklin: “Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants.”

Achievements of the Week – The Zippily Squat Edition

As predicted during last week’s Achievements of the Week, I did not get to play any Xbox 360 this week. Strangely, it was not just due to not getting Internet set up in our new home, but more of the blame goes to Hurricane Irene, who flooded our basement and restricted us from having power restored. Meaning we couldn’t live in our new home unless we liked staring at the walls and sitting in the dark and drinking lukewarm water. Even today, nearly a week later, power has yet to come back to Grimmauld Place, and that makes me sad, frustrated, and a host of other adjectives that I will refrain from spewing on Grinding Down. Especially considering that there’s an untouched copy of Deus Ex: Human Revolution in my messenger’s bag just begging to get some attention. Soon, my dearie. Soon…

I guess I did unknowingly unlock this little zinger:

Hurricane’s a Big Ol’ Pain (0G): Survived Hurricane Irene in 2011, but had to live without your Xbox 360 for like a week straight.

It’s something. Next week’s edition should hopefully feature a ton of cyberpunk-themed Achievements. If not, I’m blowing up the universe. If I can’t have power, none of y’all can.

What have you guys and girls unlocked during these past seven days? Speak up in the comments section below!

Changing discs and stopping crimes in L.A. Noire

Last night, as I progressed towards reaching the highest law rank and stopping all street crime cases in L.A. Noire, I found myself constantly changing game discs and wondering if I had somehow slipped through a tear in the universe and traveled back to the days of massively epic RPGs on the original PlayStation. Nope. I checked my computer. It was 2011, it was the age of industry, and I was playing a game on the Xbox 360. I didn’t count, but I’d venture a guess that I got up from my comfy armchair to change game discs at least more than five times–within a ten-minute timeframe. Let me explain the why though.

See, I’ve already beaten L.A. Noire, but wanted to go back and finish up all the street crime cases that I skipped during my intense, focused playthrough. I did a few of these petty crime cases in the beginning, but as the main story cases got more crazy and Cole began to lose himself in his work, so did I, letting many of these appetizers fall to the background. Thankfully, via the main menu screen, you can go back to each desk’s respective section and free roam in that world, gaining the chance to find locations, golden film reels, and stop criminals in quick, bite-sized side missions.

The problem is that since L.A. Noire on the Xbox 360 is so huge, it had to be expanded onto three separate discs, with the different desks divided up like so: Patrol and Traffic on disc one, Homicide on disc two, and Vice and Arson on disc three. My quest forward began with me popping in disc three and doing some street crimes from the Arson desk; once those were done, and the map was seemingly empty of red markers, I went to the Vice desk to do the same thing. A message popped up that said I had finished all the street crimes for this desk. Cool, thanks for that. Off to the second disc then, to play the Homicide desk. Did a few more crime missions, creeping closer to all 40 completed. No more markers on the map, but no message like before had popped up either. Oh well. Off to see what I missed during Cole’s time on the Traffic desk (Patrol has no “free roam” option). Upon starting free roam for Traffic, I got that message indicating all street crimes were complete for this desk. All right. Back to Arson desk then, switching the discs out. Load up free roam and can’t find any red markers on the map that highlight available street crime cases. I drive around for a bit and the police radio chatter cranks up, alerting me to a nearby crime in progress. Off I go…only to discover it’s a street crime case I had already completed. Grrr. Okay, maybe I missed something on the Homicide desk. Same thing happened, with no map markers, but getting called to a mission I had previously done. At this point, I only need to finish up two more street crimes to brush them all under the rug, and this is driving me mad. TO THE INTERNET, ROY EARLE! YOU CAN DRIVE.

…

Oh. Duhhh. Discovered that some street crime missions are only available at specific times of the day during each desk, meaning some during daylight and some at night. I had no way of knowing that.

Asdfghjkl!

ASDFGHJKL!

ASDFGHJKL!

Basically, for the Homicide and Arson desks, I had to drive around for a good amount of in-game time, waiting for the sun to set/rise, and then–and only then–did the last two street crimes become available. They were easy ones, a car chase and a hand-to-hand brawl. I just wish that there had been a better way of keeping track of completed street crimes in the game. Like, why not have the stats printed next to the “free roam” option in the respective case folders so we wouldn’t have to load and switch out discs so much? Makes sense to me. Unfortunately, this experience does not instill me with a sense of excitement towards chasing down that final newspaper, the remaining 25+ cars, and, uh, 49 golden film reels. Yes, forty-nine. Throughout my entire L.A. Noire experience, I only stumbled across one out of those fifty collectibles.

Anyways, here’s my reward for all the back and forth disc-changing madness:

The Long Arm Of The Law (30G): Complete all street crime cases.

Games Completed in 2011, #27 – Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part One

Hey, remember when I played a little bit of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part One for the Nintendo DS last month? Well, immediately after the alloted 30 minutes of review coverage was up, I actually came down with a severe case of sadisticaurus meh, a horrible fever-inducing infection that makes gamers play horrible videogames simply to add them to a “completed games” list.

Yes, I continued to play Deathly Hallows, Part One, all the way to the end credits, simply because I knew I could polish it off in a few hours, not at all because I was having a good time. If I was having a good time, I’d have played it to the end as well, but I wouldn’t feel so guilty, much like I do right now. Well, the first step in admitting you’re a completionist-whore is…admitting you’re a completionist-whore. Hi, my name is Paul, and I like to complete things.

What else can I say about Deathly Hallows, Part One that wasn’t said so viciously in my half-hour review?

Not much. It sucks. It doesn’t even try to grasp some of that Rowling magic, and it is beyond a waste of material. Throughout the game, there is still a lack of music, a lack of innovation, a lack of fun. I have to wonder if anyone outside the development team gave it a look before it shipped. Probably not. If you’re looking for a fun Harry Potter game on the Nintendo DS, this is not it. Go for the LEGO version instead. I beg you.

And that’s it. I refuse to spend more time and words on this matter.

::Apparates the funk outta here::

I can’t beat the second mission in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

I’m pretty sure no one likes admitting they suck, but here I am, all guts and no glory, telling the world (well, really just the select few that read Grinding Down) that I can’t even beat the second mission of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Trust me, I tried. I tried oh so hard. In fact, I attempted to complete “Big Smoke” roughly four or five times, but found that controlling Carl Johnson on a bicycle and avoiding a car filled with gangsters and guns is beyond tricky. From what I understand, that’s the whole mission, too: put CJ on a bicycle and pedal your way to safety.

The first few times I was focusing more on staying up to speed with my gangsta buddies, so as not to get lost in the sprawling cityscape of San Andreas, but that often led to CJ crashing into something, falling behind, and failing the mission. Other attempts ended with CJ pinned against a wall or another car, a hundred and seven bullets flaying his skin, pelting him with ire, turning him into a slice of Swiss cheese. There was no chance at fighting back, only avoiding the car, but here’s a little fact that many people might not know: cars are faster than bicycles. No matter how hard I tapped the X button, I could not pedal ahead of the car, which pulled up right next to me and opened fire.

So after my sixth failed attempt, I muttered a cuss and took to highjacking some random automobile and causing as much chaos as I could. At one point, Tara came home and was talking to me, and we were having a full discussion, face to face, as I held down the gas button; amazingly, without even looking at the screen, my car was still on the move, hitting people and benches alike, as well as avoiding cops with an insane amount of luck. My car refused to get stuck, refused to explode. Maybe that’s the secret to doing well at a Grand Theft Auto game–not looking at the TV screen. Might have to try that trick if I ever attempt “Big Smoke” again. Or maybe not. I’ve no heart left in me, and I’m spoiled from L.A. Noire‘s easier action missions (and the ability to skip ’em entirely if they prove too hard or not fun).

Anyone want to come over to the Leaky Cauldron and finish this mission for me? I’ll pay you in praise and pretzels.

Sadly, Mega Man Legends 3 has been cancelled

As I was inching closer and closer to completing George R.R. Martin’s A Dance With Dragons last night, I took a small break between powerful chapters to see how the Internet was holding up. Maybe I shouldn’t have as I already knew that the night was gonna get sad and frustrating once I closed the latest ASoIaF tome for good, but the Internet exists for checking, and checked it I certainly did. Scrolling through my Google Reader feeds, a headline popped out at me, and I read on, grimacing, trying to fathom the what and why: Capcom had announced that they were canceling Mega Man Legends 3, citing that certain criteria had not been met to push the project forward into full production. See Capcom community liaison Greg Moore’s words right here:

“Part of [the game development] process includes an assessment of whether the title will go into full production, and is based on a number of criteria with input from different sectors of the company. Unfortunately it was not felt that the Mega Man Legends 3 Project met the required criteria.”

Sigh. That hurts.

There’s not much on the horizon that has looked appealing enough to warrant more use of my Nintendo 3DS, but Mega Man Legends 3 (and its Prototype Version demo thingy) were definite contenders for my gaming hands and eyes. I still swear I have a copy of the original PlayStation Mega Man Legends somewhere around my apartment, but have not gone looking for it yet; it’s a game that was different enough to be a Mega Man title and more. I liked it for how hard it tried to not be the same ol’ same ol’, and while I never got to play any more titles in the series after that I knew that I’d pick up MML3 and its demo on day one. A portable MML is enough to get me smiling. I was definitely bummed to learn that the Prototype Version wasn’t going to be available when the eShop opened, and I should’ve seen through that thin veil, that Capcom was out for revenge against Keiji Inafune, that they’d rather push less exciting franchises forward than give a series that, without a doubt, has its fans, has personality, has a thousand and five stories yet to be told.

I have to wonder what criteria wasn’t met. More than likely, we’ll never know. Farewell, Mega Man Legends 3. May your health gauge refill sooner than later.

Half-hour review of the horrible Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows DS game

Firstly, while on vacation, I played Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part One for the Nintendo DS for thirty Crucio-worthy minutes, as well as took notes on the rotten thing. You can read them by clicking this very sentence or the image above. You’re choice, and you’re also very welcome. So far, LEGO Harry Potter, Years 1-4 has been the finest and grandest treatment of the source material, and that’s a fact both amazing and sad.

Secondly, I’m sorry for the lack of content here at Grinding Down this past week, and the lack of content is certainly not due to…a lack of content. I have plenty of videogame thingies to talk about, such as the four most recent games I’ve completed (#25 – Yard Sale Hidden Treasures: Sunnyville, #26 – Super Mario Land , #27 – Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part One, #28 – L.A. Noire), as well as more topics from that 30 Days of Gaming meme. And, uh, Netflix on the 3DS. So what’s the hold-up then?

Me. Crippling depression and bouts of meh. Overall exhaustion. George R.R. Martin’s A Dance with Dragons. Moving from a tiny attic apartment into an awesome house. And the day jobbery. July is without a doubt our busiest month, and I’m up to my neck in work, which gives me little time to ponder about the silly and frustrating aspects of gaming and its industry, much as I want to. As always, the moment Grinding Down begins to feel like work is the moment I abandon it completely; just stay tuned, dear readers, and I promise some more content soonish. Until then, please do head over to The First Hour for great videogame coverage!

Old World Blues DLC for Fallout: New Vegas delayed until July 19, 2011

Notice that I didn’t say “scheduled for release” or “dropping on” or anything official or fun like that. That’s because, when all crime scene components are scrutinized and reviewed, when the coroner is done determining the cause of death, this is actually a delay, not an official release date. See, we were told some months back that a rush of Fallout: New Vegas would be hitting us after the lengthy quiet period from Dead Money until Honest Hearts. That last DLC add-on came out in May on time, and the next two–Old World Blues and Lonesome Road–were lined up to follow in June and July, respectively. Bing, bang, boom–one after the other after the other. As an admitted Fallout junkie, this sounded heavenly to me.

Part of the delay of Old World Blues is to make room for yet another patch to fix further problems in the game. That’s good and all, but now I have to wait until the middle of July or so to explore new content when, all along, I’ve been getting ready for such adventuring since the beginning of June.

Not gonna hide it, but I’m pretty bummed about this. I’m going on vacation next week, and it’s the sort of vacation where one just lounges around, drinking peach-flavored sangria and playing games and enjoying the peace and stillness, the walks to WaWa, the carpet beneath bare feet. I was hoping to purchase this beforehand and then spend some time kicking back in the Big Empty. Guess not. And it looks like Bastion also comes out right when I return from vacation. What a shame. Don’t gaming developers know my schedule and plan accordingly?!

Looks like I should try to save some L.A. Noire for vacation time then. One million bottle caps says that Lonesome Road doesn’t come out in July; more likely in October to help celebrate one year of the most unpolished game ever. I still like it though, but yeah…