Our latest and greatest videogame purchases

Tara and I went shopping over the weekend. I bought jeans and two flannel-infused shirts that go well with–wait, what? You don’t care about the good deals I got on clothes from Kohl’s? Hmph. I see how it is. Bunch of anti-fashionistas. I guess you’d prefer me to talk about all the many videogames purchased this weekend. I guess your wish is about to get…granted!

Warning: this list of games bought is going to blow your mind. Can’t say from what. Surely not the total awesomesauce. Maybe more from the randomness, the WTFs. Steel yourself!

Paul’s Purchases

It was selling for a cool $39.99, and the Internet will not shut up about how good it is. Haven’t touched the multiplayer except for the tutorial level. Oh, I tried. Waited for 15 minutes to have it log me into a new session…and then summarily kick me out. Boo-hoo. Single-player is a much improved performance over the original Assassin’s Creed. Never got to play Assassin’s Creed II. Anyways, if anyone wants to help me give online multiplayer a try, my Xbox Live Gamertag is PaulyAulyWog. Please?

It was dirt cheap. I’ve played maybe an hour of it and also tried Firefight by myself. I’m a smidge above a vacuum. Meh.

Oh man. Where do I begin? Actually, let’s just keep this short. Now that we have our Nintendo Wii set up in the Leaky Cauldron, I’d like to catch up on some GameCube games I never got to play. Such as Pikman and Windwaker and Luigi’s Mansion. All in good time though. And I believe I’ve also previously mentioned my obsession with all things Lord of the Rings. Now, here’s the real tough question; did this version of The Hobbit cost me $1.99, $2.99, $3.99, or $4.99?

It cost less than The Hobbit, and its cover made me laugh.

Tara’s Purchases

This is now our third version of this game owned. Tara’s more interested in it than the Wii version because the controls are simpler. Plus, I heard that you can actually play old Nintendo games within this game–wicked! She liked the sound of that, too. It’ll be curious to experience this version last, seeing as I started out on Animal Crossing: Wild World and then moved on to Animal Crossing: City Folk. Granted, they are, more or less, the same game, but the minute differences are actually where it counts the most.

Mmm…LEGO games.

And those were our big purchases. The funny/annoying thing is that I assumed one could use the Wiimote to play GameCube games on the Nintendo Wii. Y’know, turn it sideways like a traditional controller. Nope. Because the GameCube controller was freakish and had so many random buttons. So we haven’t got to try any of our GameCube buys just yet. We also need an old memory card. The only good thing the Wii does is…uh, let you put the CD into its slot. Geez, it might have been easier just to buy an old GameCube system, but truthfully, we’ve run out of outlets and the back of our entertainment stand looks like the Great Cthulhu, but with wires instead of tentacles. Truly nightmarish.

Pretty sure Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, Fallout: New Vegas, and some other games will be able to keep my attention busy until February, and then it’ll be time to travel through alternate dimensions in Radiant Historia.

ATHORE COMMENTS AL TOTOL LIES

Okay. So, there’s this Flash-based RPG called Super PSTW Action RPG (which I’ve never played and most likely never will), and someone under the username of AXMAN13 did not have a good time being super in an action RPG. Snartleblast, right? Naturally, this reviewer left his thoughts behind for all to read, but Newgrounds users RicePirate and D-Mac-Double decided that these snippets of poetry and fine 18th century literature were better suited as a typography video. In short, a Flash video of a review of a Flash game. It’s pretty superb with some amazing voice work and sound effects, and I’d love to see all negative reviews, whether justified or not, whether written by 13-year-olds or actual gaming journalists, brought to life like so.

Go watch: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/558516

If Radiant Historia and Radiata Stories had a baby, it’d be called Radiatant Histories

History lesson time!

Atlus made Radiant Historia, which comes out in February 2011 and looks to be a delicious new addition to my Nintendo DS RPG collection. A few members from tri-Ace also worked on it. Tri-Ace made Radiata Stories, a PlayStation 2 RPG that never got a ton of love, but enough love to be remembered. And thus confused over now that a similarly titled game is coming out. How do I know this? Well, here’s two search terms that constantly brought readers to Grinding Down over the last week or so:

• radiata historia
• radiant stories

If you’ve been paying attention so far, you’ll know that both of those titles are incorrect and do not exist. Good thing Radiant Historia and Radiata Stories aren’t releasing at the same time; I can only imagine the looks of disappointment on young gamers’ faces as their parents purchase the wrong title for them, and then they’re stuck roleplaying the life of one snippy Jack Russell.

Either way, there better be a third game called Radiatant Histories that’s not even related to the first two games. If not, the world is missing out on a golden opportunity to actually infect consumers with small doses of dementia.

Sorry, I know…words are confusing. It’s a problem. Best of luck searching for the correct game title!

The Top 10 Games I Didn’t Get to Play in 2010

Well, another year is coming to a close, and this is the time I like to look back and see which games I wanted to play, but really never got to. This is because I’m usually always late to the party and am willing to wait out big blockbuster releases until they drop in price or GOTY editions are released so I don’t have to scrounge around for miscellaneous add-ons and such. Plus, I mostly play RPGs, meaning that I could potentially play a single game for a very long time (i.e., Fallout: New Vegas).

In short, 2010 was quite a year for videogames. Lots of AAA titles, lots of indie tryouts, lots of RPGs for handheld devices. I didn’t play many of them. Trust me, I wanted to. Oh so many of them. But there’s only so many hours in a day, as well as so many dollar bills in a bank account. Thankfully, I do have some Christmas money for GameStop, but I think I’m gonna actually save it for Radiant Historia, which comes out in February 2011 and looks to be right up my alley. Yay, another RPG to sink my teeth into!

And so, without any further fluffing, here’s the 10 games I didn’t get to play in 2010:

10. Shantae: Risky’s Revenge

Classic platformer gameplay and some of the most gorgeous looking animation work for a videogame–supposedly that’s what Shantae: Risky’s Revenge is. It initially didn’t jump out as me as something I’d like for my Nintendo DS collection, but I’ve seen its name constantly referenced over the last few months, in a good way, and now I’m pretty put off that I didn’t seek it out sooner. If anything, the Super Metroid-like map in the bottom right corner is appetizing.

9. Final Fantasy XIII

Now here’s something ironical. Final Fantasy XIII was one of my most anticipated games for 2010, and then it came out and I completely paid no attention to its existence for awhile. When I did start to read up on it, the news wasn’t good. It seems like the game didn’t start to get “good” until about 17 hours in, and that it was linear, town-less, and uninventive. A shame really, as I always used to want to play the next Final Fantasy game no matter what; going forward, I’m gonna have to be more cautious with the series.

8. Red Dead Redemption

I love the freedom and span of Grand Theft Auto IV. That said, I absolutely hate the story, its characters, and the frustrating-as-all-gets mission structure. A switch to the Wild West had me from the get-go, and it seems like a lot of cowboys and cowgirls really enjoyed riding horses and shootin’ vermin. Oh well. Maybe in 2011.

7. Heavy Rain

Sure, I’m not thrilled about a game that is brimming with mundane actions, but I love the suspense around the edges and the weight of one’s decisions and how they factor into the murder mystery slowly unfolding. Granted, a stupid message board poster already spoiled the game for me, but I’d still love to play it and see for myself if everything clicks.

6. The Lord of the Rings: Aragorn’s Quest

Shut up. I love anything LOTR-related.

5. Fable III

Fable III, like Final Fantasy XIII, was also a game I was eagerly anticipating for this year. Alas, it was released right around the same time as Fallout: New Vegas, and between those two, I’d rather shoot ghouls in the face than fart on citizens. And so the kingdom of Albion will have to wait.

4. Costume Quest

A bite-size RPG? And I didn’t gobble it up? For shame! Granted, this was released around the time I had just gotten married and gone on my honeymoon. It’s about kids on Halloween dressing up and turning into their actual costumes when it comes time to do battle. A fun, quirky idea, and it’s also been getting some DLC love as of late, which is good for the longterm.

3. Alan Wake

It’s been awhile since I’ve played a scary game, and so Alan Wake would be right up that alley. It’s also about writing. Well, a writer writing. A writer writing about a writer also writing about a writer. I think. I don’t know. This is just stuff I’ve heard. But I heard it’s pretty good. Reminds me a bit of Stephen King’s Bag of Bones, but only loosely.

2. Donkey Kong Country Returns

2010 was heavy on nostalgia, giving us games like the retro Scott Pilgrim VS. The World: The Game, as well as updated versions of Kirby and Donkey Kong Country. As an SNES kid, I was a Donkey Kong Country junkie. I played the levels again and again, learning all their secrets, trying hard to get that elusive 100% (or was it like 103%?). And so this new version looks to be much of the same, if a bit more difficult. Would be a perfect game for Tara and I to tackle together.

1. Mass Effect 2

This being #1 on the list will either make Greg Noe very happy or very angry. He loves his massive effects. Anyways, I did play through Mass Effect once, enjoying its story and world. The sequel came out and was instantly loved by fans. It seems as BioWare knocked it out of the park galaxy. The only thing that concerns me is that the RPG elements were turned way down for simplifying purposes. I did play Mass Effect 2‘s demo and had a good time, but now I think I’m just waiting for a Game of the Year edition to drop before Mass Effect 3 surfaces since there’s like 196 pieces of DLC floating around, and I’d hate to miss anything cool or stellar.

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Okay, that’s it for the list. Here’s to 2011 and the games I won’t play then as well!

The Worst Box Art of 2010

If only everything in the world was beautiful. Alas, not all can claim such a stature. Especially not videogames. So I came up with a small handful of 2010 videogames with horrible box art, and you can see my delightful picks over at The First Hour.

Go read and tell me which one wins the ultimate Frown Crown!

QWOP, the hardest game you’ll ever watch somone else play

Okay. So there’s a game called QWOP. Which might stand for Quit When Opening Program. Or maybe Quizzically Weak Obstinate Pinion. Actually, no. None of those. It’s called QWOP because that’s the keyboard keys you use to move a runner’s calves and thighs in order to get from one side of the screen to the other.

Sounds easy enough, right?

Well, according to the below video that’s spreading like wildfire, it’s pretty much impossible to do. Thankfully, it’s pretty much hilarious to watch someone try though. Enjoy!

Ragdolls have more anatomy than this!

It should really be called New Coin Battle Mario Bros.

New Super Mario Bros. for the Nintendo Wii is all about co-op play, as well as co-op murder rampages spawned from the nine-times-out-of-ten frustrating co-op play. But that’s actually only accurate towards traditional co-op. Let me explain further.

Recently, Tara and I visited her brother and played some New Super Mario Bros together. He was Mario, and Tara and I each played as the mushroom dudes. We picked a few levels, and it was clear that we were not destined to get to the flagpole together. Maybe one could make it, but not all of us. We ended up hitting each other with thrown turtle shells or knocking each other down death-holes. Sometimes power-ups would get stolen or friends left behind. It was especially tough on levels that moved, especially ones in the clouds where timing jumps was crucial to survival. Having your co-op partner blocking your way never helped. Eventually, we just gave up on all of this and switched over to the Coin Battle co-op thingy.

In this, the goal was not necessarily to make it to the end, but rather to collect as many coins as possible. Once all players were dead…or all hit the flagpole, coins were counted up and the player with the most won that “round.” We set an attainable goal of winning 11 rounds, and went right to it. Well, first, I switched over to Luigi, but otherwise we went right to it!

Coin Battle can be described in one word: murder.

Yup. Murder is key. Pick up once-your-friend Mario, throw him down a hole, and steal all the coins he was after. Then, if you got more than everyone else, kill yourself and win the round. It was amazing to see strategies forming on the spot; for instance, getting Yoshi can be an extremely winning tactic. That dino you ride can swallow up another player in his mouth until you are comfortable enough to spit them out where they most certainly don’t want to go. This Coin Battle game turned out to be a blast, chaotic as anything, and I think it ended like so:

Sean: 11 wins
Paul: 10 wins
Tara: 4 wins

I’ll win next time, I swear!

But yeah, I have a hard time believing that anyone can actually play successfully the main game with co-op partners. And if they can, well…they deserve a medal.

Clearing up the confusion between Radiant Historia and Radiata Stories

There’s a new Nintendo DS RPG from Atlus USA coming out in February 2011, at least according to a 1UP article, called Radiant Historia. I know nothing about it, but I want it, and I think I can sort of explain where this “do want” impulse is coming from.

It stems from a love/hate relationship I have with a rather unknown PlayStation 2 RPG dubbed Radiata Stories. Not really sure if these two are connected in the slightest; Radiata Stories was developed by tri-Ace and then published by Square Enix, and Radiant Historia is in the deft hands of Atlus USA. All previews go without mentioning a connection, but something about their names forces me to think of them as siblings–or rather just close friends. If anything, Radiant Historia is likened more towards that of Chrono Trigger, with its style and focus on time traveling. Oh well. Let’s sequeway back to that other RPG then…

Right. Radiata Stories. It’s a game my sister passed along to me after she found herself giving up on it; I think I gave her Dark Cloud 2 and Suikoden V to fix her RPG slump. I hope to one day get those babies back (are you reading this, Bitsy?). Anyways, Radiata Stories is a punny, action-based RPG, with a huge focus on character recruiting, kicking things, and a day/night system. You are Jack Russell, a fiesty teenager who just joined the Knights of Radiata to make his not-around-anymore father proud. Things go as expected until things go unexpectantly amiss, forcing Jack and his friends Ridley and Ganz Rothchild out of the army and on their own. Supposedly, it all eventually leads up to a point where Jack has to choose sides in a waging war; I never made it that far, and I’ve restarted my save slot at least three times.

Like the Suikoden series, the biggest draw here, for me, is in character recruitment. In total, 175 characters can be recruited and added to Jack’s friend list. From this, he can add them to his active party to help gain levels, money, and experience. Some characters are better than others, but the OCD nature of “gotta collect ’em all” is enough to get me scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of strong, worthy fighters. It’s gets even more tricky though as some characters can only be recruited at specific times or places with specific people in your party. Others might give you a quest or ask that you visit them X number of times. It’s imposible to recruit everyone on one’s first playthrough, and if the Internet is to be trusted, Radiata Stories has post-game content as well as a new game+ feature where they allow all previously recruited characters to stick around for game #2. I want that so bad.

But I seem to lose steam and motivation in all three playthroughs right around the same part. Eventually, the plot will fizzle down slowly, and Jack is given freedom to do what he wants for a bit–explore the city, surrounding landscapes, level up, gather friends, and so on. This is where it all falls apart for me. I start gathering friends and quickly forget about the bigger picture, and after struggling to get some specific dudes, I put the game down and never come back. And that’s a shame. The three main characters are greatly designed, especially Ganz, and I’d love to know what happens with the main storyline more.

Maybe playthrough #4 should be a straight beeline to the end, with whatever recruited characters I can get easily. Maybe…

Anyways, this rambling post is supposed to be me about making a connection–if any–from Radiata Stories to Radiant Historia, and it seems like there isn’t one at all. Except for maybe some tri-Ace designers having worked on both games. Oh well. Still, I want to play both, each for their own reasons. Even though the battle system in Radiata Stories is lame and horrible. Here’s to some motivation to hook up the PlayStation 2 again…

So far, a severe lack of Fran in Final Fantasy XII: Revenant Wings

Granted, I’ve only played roughly an hour and fifteen minutes of Final Fantasy XII: Revenant Wings so far…but come on! Out of that time chunkage, Fran was only on screen for about less than 60 seconds, uttering maybe two lines or so of dialogue. The Mist made her woozy. Yeah, it always does that! She’s allergic! Then her and ever-charming friend-at-hand Balthier disappeared from the story as Vaan and his cohorts went on adventuring and stealing an airship of their own.

As the only non-Hume character playable in Final Fantasy XII, Fran really stood out. Also probably because of the bunny ears, revealing outfit, long legs, and devilishly good lisp. Seriously, one could listen to her talk all day. Get that woman a phonebook to read from! She made playing FFXII feel like an actual fantasy game; sure, the other citizens of Rabanastre helped, as did magically ornamented locales and flying ships…but Fran, as a part of your active troop, helped seal the deal that you were on a quest of a special kind, with a special kind of people. Visiting her fellow viera in the hidden land of Eruyt Village was one of my favorite parts of the game.

And so, Revenant Wings is not doing her justice. Not one lick. Spoiler alert for an old game!

See, at the end of FFXII, it’s believed that both her and Balthier perished during the final battle craziness. That terrible thought was dashed as Vaan later learned–much later, like almost a year later–that the two partners-in-crime were still at it, and that they wanted to meet up to go treasure-hunting, thus giving us the starting point for Revenant Wings. This really short meeting of Vaan and his old friends lacks oophm; it’s supposed to be the first time they’ve seen each other in awhile, since one party thought the other dead actually, and there’s no reunion-like talk, no “hey, remember how Ashe was actually the main character and not you, Vaan?”, nothing; only tips on being a sky pirate from Balthier, a complaint about the Mist from Fran, and then a TTFN (ta-ta for now) if ever there was one.

In short: NEEDS MOAR VIERA LOVELINESS.

The Top Five Most Annoying Videogame Sidekicks

Two’s a party, three’s a crowd. And sometimes even two is too much.

Naturally, I’m talking about sidekicks, and more often than not, they are annoying and useless and just there to get in the way. I mean, how often did Batman really truly need Robin tagging along? Or Wolverine with Jubilee? Granted, those are comic book examples, and videogames handle sidekicks much differently. Often, they are used to help give a tutorial on gameplay mechanics, offer up possible sidequest missions (think about Ratchet’s Clank here), or are just there to chat and fill in story gaps with heavy-handed exposition.

So, as we close in on the time of thanks and giving, Grinding Down would like to spin the world the other way around and moan and groan about some of the worst videogame sidekicks out there with hope that they never come to our aid ever, ever again.

5. The Adoring Fan (Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion)

Meet the Adoring Fan. Amazingly, this guy is your “reward” for becoming the Grand Champion in the Arena. He’s nothing special. He just follows you around and lovingly praises you. He won’t fight by your side as even a single rat is enough to get him running away. His voice is the very reason there is terrorism, and one can find countless videos on YouTube of players pushing him off the land’s tallest mountain. Frustratingly, he does not ever “die.” If killed, he reappears at the Arena a few days later, ready to follow you again, whether it is to his death or not. How annoying!

4. Navi (a whole bunch of Zelda games)

I think many gamers would agree that a box of scrolling text would’ve been a much better choice as a companion for Link than a hyped-up fairy that never shuts its airpiece. I mean, they’d both accomplish the same thing, but one is less obtrusive than the other. I think I’ve mentioned here before that I’ve yet to actually play any N64 Zelda games (gasp!), but I got to partially know Navi through The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass, and the small time spent with it was more than enough to convince me that Navi is Satan’s child, all razzed up on speed and insanity and the power to cling and never uncling. How annoying!

3. Daxter (Jak and Daxter series)

My PlayStation 2 days were filled with platformers. A trilogy of trilogies, I guess you could say. They were the Sly Cooper series, the Ratchet and Clank series, and the Jak and Daxter series. Now, all of them had sidekicks–Sly had Bently feeding him advice, Ratchet had Clank and all his crazy gizmos, and Jak had Daxter who…did absolutely nothing. Except get himself turned into a chatty rodent through the power of Dark Eco. For the first game–and, well, probably the next two–Daxter did little but make small quips when Jak “died,” as well as start trouble during in-game cinematics.

Unfortunately, Jak is one of those silent lead characters, forcing much of the talk on Daxter. How annoying!

2. Stella (Dragon Quest IX: Sentinels of the Starry Skies)

Not to be outdone by Navi, here’s another annoying fairy, this one more of an actual fairy…if inspired heavily by the now out-of-date ganguro craze. She has a horrible flappin’ accent, only cares about herself, and is constantly berating our main hero, as well as her old boss fatguts. There is no good to her, and she’s there for the entire ride through Dragon Quest IX. Occasionally, she awards you Accolades, but that’s nothing to get excited about. If you tap her on the DS touchscreen, she does not explode into a thousand fairy pieces, only gets slightly miffed. How annoying!

1. Your Mother (Pokemon HeartGold)

She tries to do good. She really does. See, in Pokemon HeartGold, one can give your mother some extra money and, while you’re out combing through tall grass for every last ‘mon, she’ll buy you some items. And then call you to tell you that these items can be picked up at the local store. This might seem all cool and great at first, but it’s only after awhile do you realize that the items she is buying you are stupid and a waste of money, and that it would break her heart if you told her to stop, considering it’s all she can do for you, and so you let her waste your earnings. It’s hard to even ignore her phone calls because…well, it’s a call from your mother. You can’t ignore something like that. How annoying!

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P.S. This top five article was inspired by this early morning tweet.