Find your way in Fez, go right here and do this in Metroid Fusion

Currently, I’m playing two videogames that are the polar opposites of one another: Fez and Metroid Fusion. Well, there are some ways they are similar. Both are platformers, asking the player to navigate rooms and levels, either by traversing left or right or up and down or via secret paths. Both feature relatively retro graphic styles that are pleasing to the eyes. Both have lackluster jumping, with Gomez feeling very floaty and Samus being too finicky. But that’s kind of it.

Otherwise, one game demands you put in the time and cranial crunching to figure out where to go next and what to do, and the other…well, there’s a computer program that marks your next destination and objective extremely clearly on your mini-map. One requires you to take notes, the other does it for you. One has electrified water, one has water levels you can raise and lower with a turn-switch. If you didn’t know which one is which, Fez is the open field of daisies and Metroid Fusion is the gust of wind pushing you down the path to the market.

I find both styles of gameplay pleasing and frustrating. Various reasons exist, of course. For Metroid Fusion, which I’ve been playing in small bits in bed before the Sandman takes me away, it’s been real nice to have a clear goal, a place to go to, a boss to kill, and a save room right after it. That’s not to say that, across the grand scheme of the Metroid franchise, it’s not disappointing to see such heavy hand-holding, especially when Super Metroid kept its distance from beginning to end, allowing the player to live and learn via trial and error. In Fusion, specially named Navigation Rooms fill out your entire map, whereas you once had to do that on your own. But it’s fine for now. The A.I. commander nicknamed “Adam”  tells me what my next objective is, and if I somehow forget, I just click the objective button on the map and get refreshed. It’s linear and predictable, but the game was originally made for the GBA, which means it was designed to be played portably, and in that it is extremely successful.

In Fez, I wander. I wander, and I wonder. I spend a lot of time looking at walls, spinning rooms, jumping and spinning rooms to little effect. There is little instruction doled out, and even your floaty companion is little help, as it is just as cryptic as the alien-esque hieroglyphics. You see things that may or may not be important, and you move on, promising to return when you have further knowledge. At one point, I came to the conclusion that I needed to take notes, and these scribbles did little to explain the way of Fez‘s world, but it felt important, felt necessary. At certain places, such as the bell or the clock, my note-taking just felt stupid and pointless and that I would never understand what was probably right in front of my face.

I started writing this blog post on Wednesday and then managed to “beat” Fez last night. I found the “kill screen” by using 25 cubes and 7 anti-cubes (as well as a handful of treasure maps, one unused key, and one single artifact). I have some thoughts on all that, but I think I’ll save it for a separate post. Guess that’s another difference between it and Metroid Fusion; the latter isn’t special enough to warrant further thinking.

Crash Bandicoot is the ruiner of all relationships in Felicity

Videogames are just the evilest. At least that’s what TV shows want to say, as every now and then an episode pops up to remind us all that these digital universes are gateways through Satan’s butthole and that they consume human life just as swiftly as someone falling into a woodchipper. I remember Full House doing it. CSI: New York did it with little intelligence or Googling. South Park did it with great jest when World of Warcraft was infecting fans left and right. And now, as of this weekend, I learned that Felicity–yeah, that show from 1998 to 2002 about a hairy girl going to college and finding herself–also partook in educating viewers on the damaging voodoo magic of controller-powered entertainment.

The episode “Crash” from Felicity‘s second season is described as so:

When Julie suggests that dating B-list people is a good way to get over her breakup with Ben, Felicity agrees to Prof. Sherman’s request to try dating her son David (Henri Lubatti). Meanwhile, Ben and Maggie (Teri Polo) shift to a more intimate relationship despite her concerns over their age gap; and Noel and Elena become obsessed with a video game.

See that last part? Yeeeeeah. The videogame in question is none other than Crash Bandicoot, the mascot that never came to be for the Sony PlayStation. It starts innocently enough and almost feels like a blatant advertisement for the game, with Noel gushingly playing solo, eyes wide and unblinking, remarking about how great these graphics are and how fun the game is and how much he ate up Super Mario Bros. one summer. Immediately, there are problems, with the constant habit of having gamers move erratically while being filmed, as if they themselves are dodging bullets or rolling boulders. Plus, the sneering from Elena is unfortunate.

Anyways, the other plots of the show move along with little interference. At some point, while Noel is on the phone, Elena picks up the controller and begins to play. When Noel sees this, he ejects, “You’re ruin my lives!” Which makes no sense as a videogame-related phrase and something a girl he is interested in overhears on the phone. Then he begins shouting at Elena to “repause” the game. “Repause!” he cries. “REPAUSE!”

Um…what? How about just “pause”? Sigh. And it gets worse.

After a really bad blind date, Felicity swings by Noel and Elena’s apartment only to discover them engrossed in the glow of the TV screen. Apparently, there were original plans to all go out, but now the two of them can barely mumble a response and Felicity leaves, but not before making a smarmy remark about “going outside” to her gaming friends. Eventually, the two of them get stuck on the final boss of Crash Bandicoot; Elena mentions she “knows a guy” who can help get them past it and grabs to the phone. The tips don’t help, and Noel ends up calling the guy a moron, which brings up tears and the revelation that the guy is no guy, but a seven-year-old kid, commenting again on the fact that videogames are just for younglings.

In horror, they turn the PlayStation off, and in the morning, Noel tells Felicity that he’s “too mature” for those things and regrets what it did to him and Elena. Sunlight warms their collective skins. Everyone’s diseases are cured. The horrible beast has been flayed. Cue happy song–something by Sarah McLachlan. The end.

Yeah. This was an infuriating episode to watch, to listen to. The way Noel talked about Crash Bandicoot was not even borderline close to how a normal college kid would talk about games. I would know. I did it all the time, with Final Fantasy X and Jak and Daxter and more being discussed amongst friends. You talk about them like you would a movie or a book or a class or a person or anything really. There’s no need to throw hundred dollar terms around or speak about processing chips. They are experiences, good or bad, and they can be shared without a feeling of shame, without rolling up excuses as to why I spent my Saturday night collecting the last Power Cell or whatever.

Ugh. I don’t watch much TV these days so I don’t know if the treatment of videogames has gotten any better. But in 1999, with Felicity, it was just the worst. Still not as bad as when she chopped her hair off though…

George Banks is saying no to indie videogame bundles

To be honest, I’m pretty proud of myself. Over the course of two days, I said “no” to two entirely different videogame-based bundles. Packages that are light on price and heavy on material. Deals that truly should not be missed out on, some might even say. But I just can’t anymore. I have barely touched games for bundles I bought last year. So, no more…for now. But let’s take a look at what I am not adding to my backlog, and whether that’s a good or bad thing.

First, there was the Spring Bundle from Indie Royale. In this package, you can get the following: Unstoppable Gorg, Depths of Peril, Tobe’s Vertical Adventure, Inferno+, Slydris, and Ballistic. If you beat the minimal price, you also get some chiptune soundtracks. Upon initially reviewing what was being offered, I only recognized one game–Unstoppable Gorg–and that’s because Giant Bomb did a Quick Look of it. The majority looked uninteresting to me, with only Depths of Peril seeming appealing with its single player RPG elements. And that basically meant I’d be paying whatever price I chose for one game, as I might never touch anything else in this pocket. Not a complete waste of money, but a complete waste of my headspace and computer space, and so I am passing. No big loss. If, ultimately, I really do want to try out Depths of Peril, it’s available on Steam.

Then, the very next day, Humble Indie Bundle busts out a new collection for whatever you want to pay: the Humble Botanicula Debut. It’s tagline is “Pay what you want for Botanicula and save the rainforest,” which makes this extra hard to turn down. Way to heap on the guilt there. I actually fear that I’m going to go against myself before the weekend is over and snag a cheap copy, but for now, for the moment, I am saying no. I generally rush to buy these bundles, and Botanicula looks absolutely fantastic. The hurdle? This bundle holds four games (and a movie), and I already own Machinarium and Samorost 2, and am not interested at all in Windosill as there are enough puzzles in my life currently. So again, I’d be paying whatever I want for one game–granted, Botanicula is looking good, and I do like my unique adventure games as of late. But still, it just doesn’t seem necessary to do so right now.

Also, coming soon…Bundle in a Box. Which has just been confirmed as an “adventure game” bundle. And depending on who is involved and what the games look like, I might struggle with saying no. Though I am definitely saying it now, when it’s easy to do so.

I’m working on a big blog post. It’s a work in progress, truly. I am gathering up all the videogames currently in my collection that I’ve not yet played. It’s pretty scary, seeing the amount. I guess, at some point in the last few years, I became more of a collector than a player. That does make sense when you realize that I’m no longer carefree and 17. I am 28, married, with a job and a comics-related dream. I play when I can, but it’s never enough. Especially when it’s a session of Skyrim and three hours have gone by and all I’ve done is cleared a cave or two and sold some loot. Hopefully I’ll get that post wrapped up soon before I accidentally (or masochistically) acquire further titles.

But right now, I really don’t need more games. I have plenty still to do in the games I already got. I have assassinations and vehicles to acquire in Saints Row: The Third. I need to get married and put an end to the Civil War in Skyrim. I still need to link all the connections in episode two of Hector: Badge of Carnage. I need five or six more cubes to open that “32 cubes only” door in Fez. I have a laundry list of fetch quests for Professor Layton’s London Life. I have to, uh, stop the bandits and mutants in Rage. I have work, and I really do need to work at whittling this voluminous list down. Wish me luck and give me strength as I say “no” to more and “yes” to what I already got under my wings.

When the timing is right, a fetch quest is pure delight

Sometimes, I need a little direction. Clear yet brief instructions, a visible path to and from, a small purpose, and a jingle to indicate conclusion. A short spurt of work and reward. All of these elements wrapped up together and tied shut with forest green string equals a wonderful present in my eyes, but one that I only want when I want it. I can handle open-ended, freedom, and robust ambiguity just fine, but again, sometimes, I need a little hand-holding. I require it. And I find it in…fetch quests.

Fetch quests come in two forms: hated and accepted. To start, let’s try and define exactly what a fetch quest is: a short quest, which involves sending the player out to collect a certain number of items and return them to complete the quest. That’s kind of it. Think of it as almost an errand. Like, go deliver this cup of sugar to your neighbor down the street. Or, Joe Shmoe needs some new shoes from the store, gives you some money, and then you are off. Fetch quests are a staple of RPGs or videogames with RPG elements, though they do occasionally pop up elsewhere. They are meant to be short tasks to do between major quests, ones that are certainly more involved than “tell Tucker his friend hid some money in a bush down by the river” kind of thing. Quick bits of work for small bits of money or treasure or maybe nothing at all save for the feeling of completion pulsing in your chest.

Now, there are a few games where the fetch quests become unbearable, a real grind, and those are worthy of their heaps of hatred. Off the top of my hairy head, I can think of the Claptrap’s New Robot Revolution DLC from Borderlands, which has you going back and forth, collecting countless claptrap parts–actually, I did count ’em up. I also had some problems with the fetch quests in The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening in that it was rather difficult to figure out who needed what to progress the story–and then find said item. I think I stopped playing after I couldn’t figure out how to get the walrus guarding the entrance to Desert Lanmola to move. Again, give it to me straight.

But lately, anxiety and stress have been creeping in, and so I have not been able to concentrate a whole ton on large and long quests in RPGs, making a bee-line towards fetch quests. Granted, I did just finish the Companions questline in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim–which I plan to write about soon–but I wouldn’t really call that large or long. Instead, while playing and enjoying the latest patch that adds kill cams for ranged weapons, I’ve decided it was high time I took a whacking to the miscellaneous quests list. I delivered a sword to some dude in Whiterun, I collected bear skin pelts for some lady, I killed a bandit leader in a cave, and I continued to look for Nirn roots and flawless sapphires. You can argue whether some of those are “fetch” quests, but you will just be arguing with yourself on the Internet, so I don’t recommend it. Overall, it was a nice time, with each task taking only a short while to complete. I expect I’ll keep meandering and doing small tasks until bigger DLC is announced.

And so, a game like Professor Layton’s London Life from Professor Layton and the Last Specter, has been pure bliss for me these last few weeks. More or less, it’s all fetch quests, with a pinch of room decorating to boot. I’ve done enough going and returning to earn a new apartment, which is much bigger. But there’s something really special about waking up every day in-game, reading the newspaper, and acquiring a list of quests. None are especially hard, except for when someone wants a fish, but that’s only because the fishing minigame is the absolute worst, and five or six can be easily completed in under ten minutes. But I don’t do that. I pace myself, or think of ways that I can do two back-to-back or how if I am going to go the museum I should buy that piece of candy that someone at the college wants since they are right next to each other. The quests remain small, but I build them up in my head to be more than that. At some point, London Life will run out of new fetch quests, with only repeats available, and then I’ll be sad and pretty much done with the minigame. Until then, I’ll keep at it, one straight-faced mission after another.

Sometimes, I need a little direction, and it doesn’t hurt to know where you’re going. Thank you, fetch quests.

Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden is like a joke

There’s a new Indie Impression up over at The First Hour, and I participated in it despite my disinterest in all things basketball-related. However, Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden is more than an annual sports romp; it’s a fan-made, freeware sequel to Barkley, Shut Up and Jam!, which was, by all accounts, a traditional two-on-two street basketball simulator for the SNES. Except the silly minds behind it created something truly unlikely: a post-apocalyptic basketball RPG.

Um…

I didn’t understand it and never even got to see a turn-based fight. I shut the game down when I…well, you’ll just have to go over to The First Hour and do some reading to see where Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden lost me. I have to imagine one would have to have both an interest in RPGs and basketball to really enjoy this Frankenstein’s monster, and that person is not me. However, when they ultimately make Barkley, Be Quiet and Tee Off: Redemption…please, please, let me know.

30,000 Gamerscore, and I feel fine

I never really planned to hit 10,000 Gamerscore on the mark, but it happened, and I thought that was kind of a neat milestone. Then came the time for 20,000, and I actually went out of my way to figure out the best combo of Achievements to hit that nice ol’ rounded number on the dot. It became very meta, and that’s okay, as doing some math and using these fickle things called Achievements for an actual purpose was certainly refreshing. Also, as someone in the comments mentioned, Fallout 3 and Fallout: New Vegas played a crucial part in both sets of fireworks, and there’s no beating that. Now, here we are again, a year and change later, some 10,0o0 Gamerscore richer, with a total paperweight of…30,000. Take a look:

Yowza.

Alas, I didn’t get there with the help of Fallout: New Vegas, instead using the recently acquired Jurassic Park: The Game to up the ante and then two planned Achievements from Rage to seal the deal. Unfortunately, the last Achievement to tip the scale was based on luck: in Rage, there’s a mini-game called Tombstones, and if you roll four attacks on your very first turn, you get an Achievement. Since rolling is random, it just required sitting on the couch, petting my kitty cat, and hitting A over and over until the dang thing popped. When it did, I shouted in jubilation to Tara that I was successful and immediately shut off the Xbox 360, worried that I might accidentally unlock something else and ruin such a pretty, pretty number.

And I know–I mean, I kn0w–none of this matters. Some of you have probably already pre-judged me as an Achievement whore, but I think there is most definitely a difference between someone playing Rapala Tournament Fishing! just to get more Gamerscore points and somebody who looks at the whole process as a mini-game in itself, going after the ones worth going after, and celebrating little milestones along the way. I have to wonder if I’ll hit 40,000 in about one year or so as well. Maybe not as there just does not seem to be too much coming out this year on my “must buy” list, other than The Witcher 2 and A Game of Thrones: The Game. Keep following Grinding Down to find out how my turtle race to the top continues on…

Achievements of the Week – The Debunked Mr. Oddjob Smells Funny Edition

Last edition of Achievements of the Week was all about Saints Row: The Third. That makes sense to me, but I do aim for variety throughout the week despite my limited hours, and so I am pleased to announce that this week’s entry is about Saints Row: The Third…and Rage. Hmm. So, two games is better than one. Maybe I’ll cover three next week as I am itching to play a little more Mass Effect 2, what with that newest space romp hitting stores a few days ago and everyone talking about it like there’s no tomorrow. Spoiler: there’s a tomorrow.

All right. Let’s get this non-televised show on the road.

From Saints Row: The Third…

Flash the Pan (10G): Destroyed all Gang Operations.

With the F-69 VTOL, this was easy clean-up work, though it did take me some time to figure out there was one gang operation on the roof of a tall building.

Your Backseat Smells Funny (20G): Completed all instances of Escort.

There, there. Nice, tiger. Calm, tiger.

Bright Lights, Big City (80G): Completed all City Takeover, Steelport is yours!

From Rage…

Passive Aggressive (30G): Get 3 kills with a single Sentry Bot

I love the name of this Achievement as it describes me and my play style perfectly.

Debunked (10G): Complete Shrouded Bunker in the Campaign

Mr. Oddjob (40G): Complete 5 Job Board Quests in one play-through

—

I have now crossed the 29,000 Gamerscore checkmark, with a perfect 30,000 definitely in sight. Less than 1,000 points to go. As I’m wont to do, I’m going to try to hit that number on the spot, so watch from afar as I creep closer and closer and pay even more attention to the number of points each Achievement gives me. Oh yeah, it’s gonna be wild.

What have y’all been up to? Want to share any cool Achievements from Mass Effect 3? If so, you know where to do it. Psst. Right below here.

Achievements of the Week – The Who Loves the American Dream Edition

Due to some recent traveling, I was unable to do an Achievements of the Week post two times in a row. Which is fine, actually, as during those car- and con-laden days I was most definitely not gaming on my Xbox 360, but rather standing behind a table and selling copies of my bad comics to curious onlookers. With that said, today’s entry is going to be a little lean on variety as all I’ve really played on the ol’ Xbox 360 over the past twenty-one days is Saints Row: The Third–and in short spurts at that. Usually while waiting for water to boil for tea or Ramen. Sure, I’ve dabbled in a lot of Steam games as of late, but I don’t think I am going to include those ones much in these weekly roundups.

Okay, here we go with the purple pics then.

From Saints Row: The Third…

The American Dream (10G): Pimped out 10 vehicles.

Who Loves Ya Baby (10G): Killed 50 brutes, they just wanted hugs you jerk!

Hanging With Mr. Pierce (25G): Took control of the entire Downtown district for the Saints.

There’s a couple more, but that’s good enough for now. Besides, I kinda already covered them right over here.

—

This weekend is all about comics and scripting and getting my car registered in Pennsylvania, but I am sure I will sneak away for some gaming time. I mean, I’m about an hour and a half away from the Achievement that you get for playing Saints Row: The Third for at least thirty hours. Oh boy. I can do it.

What are your Achievement goals this week? Trying to finish up Mass Effect 2 in preparation for Mass Effect 3? If so, I’m jealous. I will probably finish my Mass Effect 2 playthrough by early 2056 at this rate. Well, let me know.

Starting Shank’s story of sadistic and senseless slashing

The story of Shank: gang kills former gang member’s wife, said man kills everyone in the gang. At least that’s how I assume this will all go down. I’ve only just begun, but I mean, yeah. It’s all there. I’ve seen Kill Bill plenty of times to know what a tale of vengeance looks like. And I guess that’s fine. Really, this could be the story of a man named Shank that suffers from dementia and whittles pretty birdhouses during his flex time at Brookside Senior Citizens–so long as it looks this pretty.

As an artist, I love a game that revels in its artness. Like Prince of Persia and Bastion and Limbo and Odin Sphere and so on. If it looks hand-drawn, I’m in. If it’s colorful or has hints of cross-hatching or bold, thick outlines, I’m also in. Highly realistic graphics are uninteresting to me, and only help to make me feel more uncomfortable when shooting people that look like real, honest-to-goodness people in games like Call of Duty or Battlefield 3. No thanks. I’d prefer to blast apart something with tentacles.

But man, Shank. It’s a visual treat and like playing an episode of something—Samurai Jack, perhaps–on Cartoon Network or Adult Swim. You control Shank in 2D, moving from left to right and jumping up and from platforms; the background goes deeper than that, with details like graffiti on buildings and telephone poles and a dreary and muted skyline that look absolutely gorgeous, especially to see it all in motion. Character models pop in that they are much more colorful and animated than everything else, slick with polish and personality. And story beats are covered in dramatic cutscenes and smaller scenes that actually take place directly during gameplay, which is a fun little trick that keeps the game’s pace frantic and fun.

Playing Shank on normal allows for unlimited continues and nicely placed checkpoints, which means I can just try again after Shank gets overwhelmed by too many goons. Which happens a lot. See, I have to learn to not get locked into a crazy-cool 15x combo when baddies are also standing behind me. So it’s a learning process, seeing what weapons work best and when to grab someone and how to toss grenades and so on. There’s a surprising amount of depth here, and I can’t even begin to imagine anyone playing without a gamepad. Like, really. It has to be nigh impossible.

Hmm. Okay, it’s Steam Achievements in your face time!

Just Getting Started: Take out 20 enemies

Making a Name for Yourself: Take out 100 enemies

The Wrong Guy: Defeat El Raton

My hands cramped up during the moving train level due to too many dogs and not enough health drinks, but I’ll be hopping back into it soon. It’s fun and fluid and immensely stylized and even though I kinda know where it’s all going it sure is a blast juggling enemies with knives, guns, and a chainsaw finisher. The only complaint I have with Shank is that the developers gave names to all the dog enemies, and it is ten times more hard to chainsaw a mutt’s face off when you know he’s called Thrasher to someone. Poor, poor, mutilated Thrasher. You probably didn’t mean to be so evil.

Mario, Princess Peach, and Bowser are back at it in Super Mario 3D Land

We’re closing in on the one-year anniversary of the Nintendo 3DS launching in the United States, and I’m now ready to talk about the third retail game I’ve purchased for the handheld. Yes, I said third. One entire year has almost gone by, and I’ve only bought three physical games made specifically for it. If I was an esteemed mathematician with framed diplomas on my walls, I’d venture a guess that that’s not a good ratio.

The first 3DS game I got was Pilotwings Resort, and it was an impulse buy as I wanted something–nay, anything–to have for my new system to show it off to folks. The second 3DS game I bought was Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner Overclocked, and that was another impulse buy as it was right during Hurricane Irene and I wanted something new to keep me entertain while Tara and I went without power for as long as the handheld’s battery life held out.  The third 3DS game I got was Super Mario 3D Land, and I picked this up shortly before leaving for MegaCon as, again, I wanted something new to have with me on the road in case the hotel proved boring or I needed a distraction or whatever.

Hands down, between the three, Super Mario 3D Land outshines them all. It’s colorful and bouncy and filled with great nods to the past and neat uses of the system’s 3D gimmick. It starts out pretty slow and tame, but the difficulty ramps up with chasing ghosts and odd camera angles and my lack of skill with the circle pad for controlling our favorite plumber. I’ve gotten up to World 5 at this point, but need to collect a few more star coins before I can take on the boss level. Which is fine, as I definitely rushed through some earlier levels and can now go back to sniff out those shiny gold carrots on strings.

I’ve only ever played Super Mario 64 via an emulator on my computer and not for very long at that, and–to many disappointed gaming faces, I’m sure–I’ve never played Super Mario Galaxy or Super Mario Galaxy 2. Not a single second, and no, I’m not going to wait for you to pick up your jaw off the floor. I say this to stress the point that I don’t have a ton of experience in controlling Mario in a 3D environment. I am more use to running him from left to right, and it shows. I am constantly trying to run him in a straight line, which leads to problems like missing jumps or hitting enemies. It’s a learning curve for me, really.

And that’s fine. I’m in no rush. As with my 3DS Ambassador copy of Yoshi’s Island: Super Mario Advance 3, I like taking my level-based platformers slow. I do a level or two and call it a night. Supposedly, once you beat all eight worlds in Super Mario 3D Land, another eight appear. Oh man. That’s a lot of flagpoles to jump on. At least this retail game is providing enough meat for a $40.00 price tag, whereas Pilotwings Resort certainly did not and Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner Overclocked probably does, but I’ve yet to get very far into the game due to my negligible SRPG skills. I really am looking forward to playing more.