The Top Five Punniest Monsters in Dragon Quest IX

Look, if you’ve been hanging out here at Grinding Down for some time now, then you know one certain thing about me: I love puns. Heck, I even tag a bunch of my entries with “pun” so I can quickly go back and chuckle at my–or someone else’s–witty writing. It’s a writer thing, and I probably have Piers Anthony’s Xanth series to blame; I devoured every book I could buy by him in high school, finally stopping around book #24, The Dastard. Seems like more have come out though, but I’ve outgrown his writing.

So it’s a good thing I love puns because otherwise…Dragon Quest IX would be nearly unbearable. It’s safe to say that the tiny DS cartridge is bloated with puns, both good and bad, and they are around every corner, whether it’s a town’s name (::cough cough:: Alltrades Abbey ::cough::) or people like Edwinn and Erinn, inn runners and Inny winners, or even at the very beginning of the story, at a place called Angel Falls, whereat the main character, an angel, falls down to after some havoc happens up above.

Where the puns really come out in full zombie mode though are with the monsters. An RPG has to have monsters to battle, and there’s a lot here, the majority pun-heavy. Some are better than others, and yes, I’ll openly admit that many are big ol’ groaners. But there’s a few that make me smile each and every time I run into them. Let’s review, shall we?

5. Cruelcumber

Oh my goodness! Just look at it! I want to hug it and smother it with love and then slice it into a dozen pieces for my salad and tuna fish sammich. It has a goofy look, sure, but it also has the best death animation. The Cruelcumber bounces onto its back, spear flying high into the air and then piercing its vegetable heart. But yeah, plant-based monsters really do get the pick of the crop…when it comes to puns. Nyuck nyuck nyuck!

4. Sacksquatch

I couldn’t find a picture of this monster online, sadly. Basically, it’s a sack, like a sack of grain or flour, and it is spewing life from a huge hole in its body. I guess it is its mouth, but it does kind of resemble a certain mysterious beast of the forest.

3. Betterfly

Betterfly is a stronger version of Batterfly, a monster modeled after a butterfly. It’s an easy pun, yes, but it works. I mean, you can’t go around calling butterfly monsters things like Evil Butterfly or Death-from-Abovefly or 666erfly. Just doesn’t work. Alas, there is no Bitterfly in the game. I checked.

2. Cyclown

It’s a clown-like monster cycloning its way over to kill you. Come to think about it, that’s actually quite terrifying. Run!

1. Knocktopus

No picture found, but it isn’t anything special to look at. Just another octopus monster you’ll fight once you get a boat and start heading for open waters. But this punny name makes sense. I mean, they have eight arms…there’s bound to be some knocking around when words no longer settle arguments. A later cousin monster is, embarrassingly, called Shocktopus, which I won’t even touch upon.

Runner-ups include: Badboon, Salamarauder, Zumeanie, Bewarewolf, and Expload

To see a whole bunch of monster art, visit the official Dragon Quest IX Nintendo website.

Here’s how the Dragon Quest IX meet-up party went down

I had it all planned out.

My car, Bullet, is due for inspection this month of August. It’s very first inspection, actually, and since the beginning of the spring I’ve noticed my steering wheel shaking a lot when I’d tap the brakes after doing 50 mph or higher. Kinda scary, most likely an attribute that could get Bullet failed. So I decided to bring it over to the mall and drop it off for some maintenance work. No biggie, because this was also the day that Nintendo-sponsored Dragon Quest IX event parties were happening nationwide in GameStops high and low. I’d just bring my DS with me and kill some time that way…while also grabbing a rare treasure map. That’s all I cared about; sorry fellow DQIXers, but I don’t want to go co-op questing with you.

So, the event, which I only knew about from the Internet and even then knew very little about it, was to start at 12 and go to about 4:00 in the afternoon. I had about an hour or so to blah-blah away so I went into the mall, found a comfy couch, and sat down to grind for XP and alchemy items. I must have been playing for about 30 minutes before I looked up and to my left. This is what I saw:

I laughed out loud. The old lady across from me sneered.

Noon hit, I entered Tag Mode and put my DS in my pocket, and then shuffled over to the nearest GameStop, hoping to pick up the map or tag some random adventurers and then get out quick. There was no one in the store. I felt kind of odd just going up and down the aisles. Eventually, I left, returned to the couch, and checked my DS to see how much awesomeness I had downloaded: 0%. Ouch.

Tara and her mom were coming back past the mall after doing her wedding gown fitting at David’s Bridal so we all had lunch together. I nom nommed on a Subway sandwich and also heard back from the car place; my drum rotor needed fixing and it would probably be completed by 3:00. Tara’s mom left to head home, and then Tara and I took a walk around the mall, eventually heading back to that GameStop from before (note: this mall has two GameStops, one on the first floor and one on the second floor, and it seems a bit overdone if you ask me). I asked the guy behind the counter if they were participating in the Dragon Quest IX meet-up party event thing, and his expression showed pure confusion. He had no idea. Looking up stuff online, which took a bit because they don’t actually have full Internet browsers there, he learned that the GameStop outside the mall and down by Walmart was the one hosting an event. Ah…okay.

I figured if I didn’t get there and get the silly little map then no biggie. It’s just a game. Tara and I then headed over to PetSmart (or is it PetsMart?) because they were having an adoption day. So many adorable dogs and cats, and if I had the room and time and money to care for them, I’d catch adopt ’em all. Then we hit up Target for a bit, finally making our way back to Sears to see how my car was doing; it was done, almost exactly at 3:00, as if magic was at work.

Sheepishly, I asked my fiancée something like this, “Can we just stop real quick at the other GameStop so I can get this DQ map? I’m sorry you’re marrying a little boy.”

She said yes. It has to be clear why I love her so much, right?

This GameStop was much more active, and it was obvious from stepping inside that an event of some sort was happening. I entered Tag Mode in my car before coming in, and as soon as I checked it I saw I had canvassed a guest named NOA1. A Nintendo rep in a blue slime shirt came over, explained what to do next after bringing in NOA1 to my inn, and chatted a bit about the event so far. He said some kids came in earlier with all LV 99 characters; my LV 26 Hadwynnn openly weeped. After getting the treasure map, the rep gave me a poster and some stickers. Tara and I left after that because, as I mentioned before, I was just there for the map and not really to socialize, but it looked like there was plenty of that going on already.

So yeah, it had some hiccups, but the event worked out pretty well. I know DQIX is a much harder sell here in the United States than in Japan, but I think these weekly events can only do good for the game. Next week, there’s one at Best Buys around the country. We’ll see if I can make it to that one, too…

Oh, and that rare treasure map? It’s basically an epic boss fight, and this boss wiped out my entire party in two turns. Don’t think I’m ready for it just yet. Maybe I never will be. But I’m glad to have it in my collection nonetheless.

Talking about the hey days, olden times, way back when, the good old days

One thing that I’ve sadly slipped into here at Grinding Down is a routine, and that routine involves talking about all the new videogames I’m playing currently or the new games I want to really play once they are released to us savage animals the public. I mean, this isn’t the worst thing, as some times it’s fun to muse on about how much Niko Bellic is a jerk or what life is like in a little game called Fallout 3, but I also started up this videogame blog to talk about all kinds of games, especially ones from the yonder years, not necessarily Pong era, but older games of the last two decades that just don’t get touched upon much more because of all the 3D bullshit and hands-free console apps and whatever new shiny thing is put on a pedestal for us to look up at in awe and wonder. Can you tell I’m not terribly impressed with 3D witchcraft?

Maybe it’s thanks to E3 and its global domination plans to win over all gamers with nostalgia-limned titles like Donkey Kong Country Returns! and a Kid Icarus title for the Nintendo 3DS or that adorable and quirky Kirby’s Epic Yarn…you know what? Too many to list. I’m sure many of you can name the rest. Maybe it’s from all the “let’s play” articles I’ve been reading lately. Or it might have to do with my recent string of purchases on Xbox Live, with Street Fighter II Hyper Fighting and the arcade-like throwback of ‘Splosion Man. Lastly, maybe it’s because I can sometimes hear my yellow-faded SNES in the back of my closet calling my name from time to time to bust him out and have a go.

Either way, these games exist.

And I want to talk about them. Sure, every now and then I do a piece on games I regret parting with, but that’s not enough. And this is where it gets hard because you’d think there’d be nothing new left to write about, oh, say Final Fantasy VII or Super Mario Bros. or Suikoden II. Actually, I bet Greg Noe would agree that there’s not enough written about Suikoden II at this point; it is, after all, one of my top five games OF ALL TIME. Still, it’s not like you can write up preview reports for PlayStation 1 games or speculate about how awesome it’s going to be to play as Solid Snake all the way through Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty. I kind of like how things are done occasionally over at Verbal Spew, with articles more or less just exploring these games of the past, comparing them to the nowadays, maybe not even.

But yeah, hopefully soon I can put down some words about videogames that most likely aren’t even being thought about during this crazy E3 black-hole. I love my Xbox 360 and many of the current generation games, but I also love my SNES and PlayStation 1, a system I bought all on my own, as well as every game I got for it, making it extra special to me, a working boy in high school; these loves do not outbid the other; they are the same, as they really should be, and I just don’t ever want to forget the building blocks that got us to today.

P.S. I got the strangest sense of déjà vu when writing this post. It’s still tickling me now.

More like the Illusive Demo from Mass Effect 2

Look, I don’t claim to know and fully understand how this videogame industry works. I just have opinions and thoughts and sometimes I put them down on e-paper here for a couple of people to read. But this is just plain confusing. Most videogames release a demo a few weeks prior to their shipping date so curious consumers can get a taste of what they’re selling and maybe–just maybe–decide that they’d really love to play the full experience.

Mass Effect 2 came out on January 26, 2010. The demo for the game hit Xbox Live this week. A-buhhhhhhh…

Right. Well, I somewhat enjoyed the first game and have been curious about what was changed for Mass Effect 2 so I downloaded the huge demo (I think it’s around 1.6 gigs) and…watched a lot of cinematic scenes for a bit. It opens like every episode of LOST, with a “Previously on…Mass Effect” as if this is some kind of high drama TV show that we’ve been watching for years. Our narrator tells us about Shepard and the things he/she did to better our galaxy. The beginning of this demo is basically the beginning of the actual game going off of Greg Noe’s first hour review. The Normandy gets blown to bits, Shepard dies, his DNA is recovered by the secretive Lazarus project, and he’s brought back to flesh through the miracle of science. And you thought you’d totally get to keep your level and hard-earned stats from the first game! Ha!

So, with a new Shepard, we can give him/her a new look. I choose to make him look very simian again, with a low brow and big pouty lips, plus an extremely bad complexion. Scars, pock-marked face, the whole thing. Dark hair and a chinstrap beard round him out perfectly. I was really surprised that the demo came with this as I fully expected them to just give us a static Shepard design to play with. After this, we see a scene with some scientists named Miranda and Wilson looking over Shepard as he suddenly wakes up. Drugs put him back down. The second time he wakes up, the entire base is under attack and he’s being ordered to get moving. Grab a pistol and some armor and then take cover behind some boxes; taking cover is very easy now with the press of a button. It feels natural and awesome at once.

The demo then shows me some stuff I already know, like how to fire my weapon and select a new one. These aren’t geth attacking us, but mechs on the fritz. Find some audio logs and listen to Miranda talk about the progress they made reconstructing me. The hacking mini-game is a bit different from Mass Effect, but not the worst thing in the world galaxy. I meet up with Jacob and Wilson and get a few answers to some burning questions, but we need to get to safety and find Miranda. Wilson believes she sabotaged everyone as the mechs were theirs and rewired to attack innocents. Hmm. I am a born-again Shepard so I don’t really know who I can trust at this point…

Well, for spoilers-sake, I learned that I can’t trust…Wilson. A shame, as that’s a great name. Miranda tells me a bit about her boss, the Illusive Man, and then we’re off this trashcan. Does it explode behind us like a good l’il cliche? Hmm, nope.

This section of the demo ends, and I’m told that everything I’ve done so far has been saved and can be readily used once I purchase the full game. All right. The demo will continue (yay!), but anything else will not be saved progress, and we’re also jumping ahead in time. Text on screen tells us that the Illusive Man has given us the quest to collect a ragtag team of the most elite and deadly characters around. Miranda, Jacob, and I are visiting a prison cell planet called Purgatory (wink wink) to collect a biotic named Jack. There’s a pretty tense scene in the beginning where a turian (I think that’s their race; it’s been some time, people) tells me I can’t bring weapons on-board. I convince him otherwise, and I’m glad I did. Turns out it’s a trap, and we’re doing a lot of fighting here. There’s some larger mechs that are harder to take down, and I eventually died after releasing all the prisoners from their cells in order to free Jack, who is not what we expected. I’m sure the demo goes on a little more from there, but at that point I was extremely tired and decided to call it a night. Might have to give the demo another swing later on as a female Shepard; I’m both surprised and pleased at how much is given to us and how smooth the shooting is. Maybe, just maybe I’ll get a little excited about Mass Effect 2 in the near future.

The great escape plan

I’ve been having an extremely terrible week. There’s a lot of bad stuff happening right now in my life, none of which I want to speak about publicly though I do keeping asking this question of the great being above. Thankfully, there are ways I can escape these horrible thoughts in my mind, if only for a couple of hours, but it’s needed regardless. I’m talking about videogames, and you’re not surprised one bit.

So this is gonna be a, more or less, summary of my week with gaming. Not sure how exciting it’ll be for you to read, but it’s important for me because these are some of the things that have helped keep me sane while everything else falls apart.

Earlier this week I got to try out co-op in Borderlands with Greg Noe. This was a lot of fun, and now I see what I’ve been missing out on. He came into my game at level 50 (capped because of no DLC) and helped me climb from a level 34 to level 39 very quickly. Shockingly fast to be honest. Guess that’s what they call power leveling. We rushed through the main storyline missions and took down Sledge before calling it a night. We chatted and casually shot up skags and bandits, and though he handled most of the fighting I really didn’t mind as I still racked up experience points. Got a bunch of co-op Achievements as well, and I’m one away from getting all of them in Borderlands (minus the DLC ones naturally). Just gotta ping level 50, which I might save for (hopefully) another session of co-op with Greg!

I also spent some Microsoft Points, snagging namely Peggle and Street Fight II Hyper Fighting as of the moment. Still have 800 Points to go. I contemplated getting the recently remade Earthworm Jim HD, but after playing the trial version decided otherwise. As Jim, you can’t jump and shoot at the same time, nor can you jump up off of ropes, only down. These design choices have been there from the beginning, but I’ve been spoiled by much better platformers since then and can’t get past these kinds of hiccups.

Peggle is great fun, and I am now working my way through each challenge level; my favorite power-ups are the dragon’s bouncing fireball and the owl’s zen shot. A lot of the game relies on luck, but there’s also a serious amount of planning and preparation to put into each level.

As per Street Fighter II HF, I don’t have any fighters on my Xbox 360 so I figured why not get one of the classics. Even on a difficulty of two stars out of seven, the game seriously mopped the floor with me. Guess I need more practice, but it’s fun nonetheless and really brings me back to those mall arcades. However, Dhalsim’s level is atrocious. The elephants in the background do not stop making noise the entire time. I had to put it on mute. Yoga flame!

After getting stuck on an Act II mission in The Saboteur last night, I said “feck it” and just ran around blowing stuff up. In other words, taking out some more white dots from the map. I also ended up unlocking two Achievements around the same time: the one for blowing up 50 vehicles and the one for stealth killing 50 Nazis. Guess those two were neck and neck for awhile. Hopefully I can get past this mission real soon. An online guide suggests doing it undercover, but the problem is I get caught too soon each and every time. Not sure what I’m doing wrong or if there’s another way around it all. Will keep plugging at it; unlike GTA IV, dying during a mission doesn’t make you start all the way back across the city. So there’s no reason not to keep trying.

Right. I’m visiting home-home for the weekend so I’ll probably just bring my DS to distract me. Picross 3D puzzles and more Pokemon HeartGold to sift through. Other than that, Tara and I will most likely play the LEGO Harry Potter: Years 1-4 demo together tonight, which I really think she’s going to love. We watched a dev diary video recently that showed off Mad-Eye Moody in LEGO form. He looks simply splendid. This world is so perfect for the LEGO build; I can’t stress that enough.

So yeah, that’s my week of escaping. It’s all I can do at the moment.

DEMO IMPRESSIONS: LEGO Harry Potter: Years 1-4

If I wanted to be dramatic, I’d start this post off with something like, “I thought this day would never come!” But it did. I knew a few days ago that the Xbox 360 demo for LEGO Harry Potter: Years 1-4 would be released soon, and all I had to do was wait, then download it, and then fall in love. Simple as that.

The demo comes in two parts. The first section opens up in a classroom setting with Professor Flitwick teaching his students how to perform the levitation charm Wingardium Leviosa. This is a pretty iconic scene in the movie/book as we really get a good sense of who is good at magic and who isn’t; in that vein, Ron is a total flop and I don’t suggest using him, but Hermione can pull off the spell with ease. We’re tasked with rescuing three students trapped up in the rafters, and using some spells to move items around (kind of like using the Force in LEGO Star Wars) to solve several puzzles, they are all quickly saved. Not much else to do except beat up some books so we’re off to the next scene…

…which involves Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, Fang, and Hagrid! A demo after my own heart. See, Hagrid is my absolute favorite character in the books. We’re heading into the Forbidden Forest as punishment for sneaking around the castle after “lights out,” and as expected, then divided into two teams. Harry has to deal with a unicorn while Draco is more or less the wuss he’s always been. I got to control Ron, Hermione, Fang, and Hagrid, and this section really shows off a lot of gameplay.

Like in previous LEGO games, a lot of progression relies on using different characters and their abilities for specific purposes. What’s nice here is that, since a lot of the characters are wizards, instead of swapping weapons and people, you’ll be selecting new spells instead. At my disposal for the Forbidden Forest level were two spells: the previously learned Wingardium Leviosa and a spell for dealing with the local violent plant life that I can’t recall that name of. Fang can dig up stuff (and climb a ladder, which looked ridiculous), and Hagrid wields a crossbow, as well as his magical umbrella. Again, don’t bother using Weasley.

You destroy things, you collect studs, you solve puzzles, you collect a host of other items, and you move forward, putting to memory all the stuff you missed or couldn’t unlock yet. It’s a LEGO game, and it’s going to be good fun when it comes out. The Harry Potter world is seemingly a perfect fit for the formula, and I’m really curious about all the stuff not shown in the demo: class lessons, Diagon Alley, riding on broomsticks, co-op, and so on. The few cutscenes work well too, relying on mute characters and a previous knowledge of the plot to hit home some humorous moments.

But speaking of collecting, there’s going to be a lot to gather up. There’s four pieces of the Hogwarts crest to find in each level, as well as a student in peril, true wizard status, items that unlock special characters, studs galore, and gold bricks. Probably more, too. Definitely gonna keep one busy for a bit.

Ultimately, I’m really looking forward to LEGO Harry Potter: Years 1-4 releasing at the end of June. And then visiting the actual castle in October.

Color me content with these three new Nintendo DSi XL colors

Man, Japan just has the best Nintendo DS colors. And now they are getting three more: green, blue, and yellow. Try not to compare them to three easy-to-guess Pokemon. But still, the green one, with its black trim, looks fantastic. Alas, I have no reason to need another handheld, and I just picked up a DS Lite for Tara for her graduation. It’s the cobalt blue one, which, honestly, is okay and certainly the best of the bunch, but not the greatest color scheme under the sun. So, uh, yeah. Japan. Hurry on up and ship these across the sea. Maybe by the time they get here, I’ll have a reason to upgrade to a DSi XL. Most likely not, given the behemoth’s size, but stranger things have happened…

Beyond Good & Evil 2 rumored to be canceled

Rumors are spreading across the Interwebz that Michel Ancel, the man behind Beyond Good and Evil 2, left Ubisoft along with a “star developer” to form another studio in France. This would mean that the game is either in a state of purgatory or most likely canceled. Which, either way, is a shame.

Beyond Good and Evil is one of the few games I reviewed a long time back on my first attempt at a videogame blog. It’s one of those rare cases where a seriously great game went unnoticed. Thankfully, it built up a solid cult following, slowly turning that unnoticed into noticed, and a sequel was announced with the above screenshot to wet our collective snouts. You can’t not love that piggy uncle.

Under The Bad section of my review of the first game, I wrote this:

The game’s ending leaves things open for a possible sequel. Why is this in The Bad? Because a sequel will never happen. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever. And that’s just sad.

I seriously hope BG&E2 is not canned because the first game had so many wonderfully implemented features that they would only naturally get better as the game jumped to current consoles. Photographing, boat racing, action adventure, sneaking around, betrayal, cool characters, and more. Still, Beyond Good and Evil was a retail failure, and I’m sure there’s a lot of reluctancy floating around the project, but still…I want it. And I think a good number of other gamers do too.

Portal is great and free, but just not for me

In case you’re curious, you’re supposed to read this blog post’s title in a sing-songy voice.

So, the big news is that Steam is now available for Macs, and that everyone can download a free copy of Portal (from now until May 24, that is) to celebrate this triumphant moment. Sounds like a sweet deal, right? Between the Humble Indie Bundle and this, the Internet’s been pretty kind to us gamers as of late.

I use a MacBook at home, lovingly nicknamed Macaroni, a laptop I’ve never considered gaming on save for silly little Facebook applications and, uh, Chess. Yes! The computer always wins, but whatev. That is until I got Aquaria, and that runs like a professional marathoner. So I figured what the hey, and downloaded the file to get Steam a-going. Took less than a couple of minutes to get set up with my name and profile and all that junk. Then I clicked to download my free copy of Portal. And then I waited. And waited some more. And made dinner. And took a shower. And grinded some more in Pokemon HeartGold. And checked to make sure it was still downloading. It was. I watched a little TV. And then it completed downloading…after around five hours. Hmm. That’s fine and all really, considering it’s a free game and I was downloading it a few hours after it was announced publicly.

Unfortunately, I get a message from Steam saying my video driver card thingy is not up to snuff for Portal. Bugger that. They offer me a link to download an upgrade. I click it, and nothing happens. I click it a few more times…still nothing. Finally, I just say screw it (not out loud, mind you) and run the game with what I got.

At quarter to midnight, I loaded up Portal, excited to play. That feeling faded fast when moving the mouse on the start menu felt like dragging around those boulders muscle men lift onto podiums for random peen tournaments on like ESPN. Uh-oh. Not to be confused with Ho-Oh, my kick-ass rainbow Pokemon. I thought this thing could run on Macs from the get-go. I start a new game, which opens into tutorial levels.

I only manage to get to the one room where a machine shoots a ball of fire/energy. The lag was so terrible, and I tried switching all the settings to be as least demanding as possible, but nothing worked. The sound was fine, with the robot’s audio coming in clear and crisp. Alas, controlling our leading lady was sluggish and unfriendly, and getting her through portals was like leading a cat to the bathtub. So frustrating. Such a shame.

And this is why I’m a console gamer, through and through. With a console, you have everything you need to play a game, more or less. You don’t have to upgrade video cards and alter settings to get a smoother performance. It’s just frustrating that I’d have to jump through all these hoops to even get Portal moving at a sane clip. I’m not interested enough for that. Besides, I could always pick up The Orange Box for Xbox 360 and play lag-free then. And now there’s really no point to me keeping my Steam account as I’ll forever be afraid to buy a game and then discover it won’t run well on Macaroni.

I guess if I want to play Portal, I’m going to have to stick with the Flash version for now.

The slow death of videogame manuals

At the end of April 2010, Ubisoft announced it was no longer printing videogame manuals as part of a green initiative to save paper and reduce the publisher’s carbon footprint. Good for them! Boo for us that actually like manuals (in other words, me) and not just for nostalgia’s sake. This is a first for the industry, with no other publisher following suit just yet, but while I can see the pros and cons in this action, I also know that, ultimately, videogame manuals are going the way of the dinosaur.

Thankfully, there’s a site called Replacement Docs, which allows you to download manuals of many, many games, some bereft and others not. The archive is well worth scouring. Do check it out.

Right. So I like videogame manuals. I like them a lot. Some nostalgia points slip into this factoring in that, during both the middle school and high school days, I used to get dropped off at the mall, buy an SNES or PS1 game with allowance money/job money, and then sit in a predetermined meeting area until my mother came to pick me up. I’d use this time wisely by devouring the game’s manual page by page, word by word, image by image. Some times I even read the manual more than once. Trap Gunner comes to mind instantly, and after reading about the game for 20 minutes, I just couldn’t wait to get home and play. At that point, I felt like, thanks to the manual, I was more than prepared for whatever the game was going to throw at me.

And even though nowadays we have extensive previews and reviews online, on-screen button prompts, and in-game opening tutorials, the straightforwardness of “training” yourself page after page feels much more natural. You usually see a picture of the control scheme, some plot background details, learning the menus, maybe some pages devoted to key characters, and so on. Also, some tips and tricks are only mentioned in the manual, like how to crouch in Maximo, a game I bought used and without a manual, leading me down a dark and destined-for-failure path until the Internet told me what I was doing wrong. Thanks, Internet, you big manual yourself.

Also, brand new manuals smell, and you know it. Sure, it’s an acquired taste much like a new car or a really old bookstore, but I tell you this, and I tell you this in all seriousness…it’s a smell I’m going to miss. Ripping off the plastic sealing and stickers to crack open the case and give the game manual its first breath into this world is truly a great feeling. So is taking it out and fanning yourself with it during the summer months. I kid on that front, but I love videogame manuals so much that when I bought Fallout 3: Game of the Year edition back in November 2009, I still read the manual front to end before popping the game disc into my Xbox 360 despite waiting over 12 months to get the game. I think that says something.

Will have to look through my collection later for some examples of great and not-so-great videogame manuals. Cause some are truly a waste of paper, but others…well, they’ve got personality. And do more than just tell us how to play the game; they show us what it’s all about.