2012 Game Review Haiku, #22 – Stacking

This wee chimney sweep
Out to save the Blackmore fam
By stacking, farting

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For all the games I complete in 2012, instead of wasting time writing a review made up of points and thoughts I’ve probably already expressed here in various posts at Grinding Down, I’m instead just going to write a haiku about it. So there.

2012 Game Review Haiku, #21 – Rage

Another wasteland
Shoot mutants, drive, load textures
Ends before it starts

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For all the games I complete in 2012, instead of wasting time writing a review made up of points and thoughts I’ve probably already expressed here in various posts at Grinding Down, I’m instead just going to write a haiku about it. So there.

The highs and lows of playing through Deus Ex: Human Revolution a second time

Clearly, I forgot to buy an intelligence-at-reading-menu-options augmentation while playing through Deus Ex: Human Revolution for a second time on its hardest difficulty. Because I got through it, struggling in a several sections, but otherwise racking up Praxis Points and bullets for my silenced Machine Pistol with ease and blasting down anybody that got in the way. Because I beat it using a mix of stealth and sniping  and straight up shooting and watched the credits roll and waited patiently for that bloop that would confirm I did it, that I mastered a game on its most straining setting, from beginning to end. But it never popped. The one for viewing all the different endings did though. Confused, I went back to my last save to check my option settings, and there I discovered that no, in fact, I was playing on medium difficulty…the whole time.

::frustratingly funny facepalm::

But man, it sure felt like a harder difficulty than that.

If you’ll recall, my first playthrough of Adam Jensen’s journey to living a new life and stopping…whatever did not go smoothly. With a battle plan of full-on stealth, I struggled to take down two of the three main bosses, sadly learned that I goofed up a non-lethal playthrough by rewiring a robot to kill enemy guards, and then ran into a nasty door glitch. I decided long ago that I’d play it all again, this time throwing quietness to the wind and shooting down dudes when it seemed like a quicker and simpler solution. The actual doing of this took longer than I expected, but we’re in the dry season currently for exciting videogames, and so I found some time recently over the last two weekends to plug away at this.

It went much easier the second time around, as well as quicker. I no longer had to wait and watch a guard until he turned his body ever so slightly to slip by him; this time around, I merely poked my head out, aimed with a silenced weapon, and dinged him in his dome. Sometimes I’d drag the body away. Sometimes I wouldn’t. Fearless, this Jensen he be. The boss battles were a snap thanks to Typhoon ammo and a ton of augmentations I missed the first time around, and I only had a hard time in certain rooms full of dudes where ammo was scarce and enemy count was high. It did seem like Jensen lost health super fast until I upgraded his skin perks, and that’s probably why I felt like I was playing on the hardest difficulty the whole time. Hacking emails and doors is still a strangely fun minigame, if a bit daunting at first. Towards the end though you’re breaking into level 5 rooms and emails like a pro, which does feel rewarding in its own way.

Anyways, here’s a few of the Achievements I unlocked on my second go in Deus Ex: Human Revolution that I’m pretty pleased with, especially considering that I’m probably never going back for a third time:

Deus Ex Machina (50G): Experience all the different endings that Deus Ex: Human Revolution has to offer.

Good Soul (15G): Against all odds, you saved Faridah Malik’s life.

Lucky Guess (10G): Next time, Jacob better use a more complex code to arm his bombs.

I only wish that I had been able to get either one of the really hard Achievements (beat the game with no kills, beat the game on its hardest difficulty, or beat the game without setting off an alarm) to show off my mad Deus Ex skills. I guess all I’m doing now is showing my lack of ’em. But you won’t tell anyone, right? ::tosses a gas grenade:: Right?

2012 Game Review Haiku, #20 – Theatrhythm: Final Fantasy

Tap to cast a spell
Tap to defeat a big boss
Tap to stroll through field

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For all the games I complete in 2012, instead of wasting time writing a review made up of points and thoughts I’ve probably already expressed here in various posts at Grinding Down, I’m instead just going to write a haiku about it. So there.

2012 Game Review Haiku, #19 – LEGO Harry Potter, Years 5-7

Complete Harry’s run
Through magic school, love, and war
Be a Super Wiz

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For all the games I complete in 2012, instead of wasting time writing a review made up of points and thoughts I’ve probably already expressed here in various posts at Grinding Down, I’m instead just going to write a haiku about it. So there.

2012 Game Review Haiku, #18 – Mafia II

Driving along in
My automobile, this game
Is far from genteel

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For all the games I complete in 2012, instead of wasting time writing a review made up of points and thoughts I’ve probably already expressed here in various posts at Grinding Down, I’m instead just going to write a haiku about it. So there.

Achievements of the Week – The Beyond the Wall of Violent Sword Melody Edition

And that’s been…yet another week. If one isn’t paying close attention, these things really blur by. Seven days, one after the other, rapid fire. For instance, I didn’t even remember that I played a ton of Bulletstorm last Sunday, completing the game fully, until I began to put this list together. My mind has been most things Fez-related, with a pinch of Trials Evolution to boot last night, with little room to spare as the wife and I creep closer to MoCCA Festival next week.

All right, here are Achievements I unlocked that I liked the most from the week that was.

From Fez…

Mightier than the sword (10G): A cube for writing.

I couldn’t tell you how I got this. Not because it’s really spoilery, but because after going through so many levels within levels within levels and finding numerous secrets and cube bits and getting lost in the music and cryptic hieroglyphics…I just don’t remember. But there’s a strange artifact in my inventory, and so I must have gotten it at some point. Yeah.

From Bulletstorm…

Armed and dangerous (15G): Grow as a person, experience betrayal. Again.

Amusing Achievement art.

Space Pirate (10G): Drink at least 20 bottles of Nom Juice in the Single Player Campaign

I used to get drunk a lot. It was a coping thing, a way to pass the time, a way to fall asleep. I don’t really drink anymore, and if I do, I nurse the heck out of the drink until it is lukewarm and feeling uncomfortable. But getting drunk in videogames can be fun, and in Bulletstorm, it also earns you extra points to your skillshots. Gulp another bottle down and unleash that leash.

Violent Melody (30G): Complete the Campaign on Normal Difficulty

From Trails Evolution…

No Problemo (10G): Pass the D License Test and get your first bike.

Beyond the Wall of Pain (10G): Smash your bike and break every bone in one spectacular crash.

I missed a ramp and fell on a…landmine. Ka-blooie!

Community Spirit (20G): Post a time on another player’s custom created track.

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I’m almost positive I’ll be playing more Fez and Trials Evolution this weekend–and almost no more Bulletstorm–so that’s where you can expect Achievements to pop for next week. Only, uh, there won’t be an Achievements of the Week next Friday because I’ll be heading into New York City for the MoCCA weekend. So we’ll play major catch-up in fourteen days.

Until then, tell me about your favorite Achievement from the last week of gaming. Do it.

2012 Game Review Haiku, #10 – Jurassic Park: The Game

Push left to avoid
The Tyrannosaurus rex
Mash the A button

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For all the games I complete in 2012, instead of wasting time writing a review made up of points and thoughts I’ve probably already expressed here in various posts at Grinding Down, I’m instead just going to write a haiku about it. So there.

The problem with too many quests and bosses that glitch in Skyrim

[Major spoilers abound for the following two end-game quests: Sovngarde and Dragonslayer. You’ve been warned.]

I completed Skyrim‘s main quest last night. It happened faster than I expected, and that’s a funny thing to say for someone whose only character’s save slot is just tipping over 60 hours of logged adventuring. But yeah. Read and weep:

Dragonslayer (50G): Complete “Dragonslayer”

Here’s how I operate within open-world games. I start out strong, following the main path and getting everything in place for the major events to happen. I do this for awhile, and I do this all as an upstanding guy, a goody two-shoes, a real hero. But then a scientist wants me to find out what happened to the plants in Vault 13 or some Krogans are interested in getting sushi from the lake in the Presidium or a deceased woman’s mother is looking for closure, something only I can provide–and that’s it. I’m gone for hours, days, in-game weeks. Maybe even months. I forget what I was once doing, and other tasks begin to pile up, constantly reminding me, constantly blocking out the past. At some point, the mental tug is too much, I just internally say okay, whatever and rush through the rest of the game so that I can enjoy my mindless wandering in peace.

So, I did that. I went to Sovngarde to search out Alduin, the World-Eater, and snuff his snout out for good. It’s a misty realm, brimming with legendary Nord warriors–of now and then–and to get into their Hall of Valor, you must defeat the gate guardian Tsun. Well, defeat isn’t right. Basically, you have to knock out at least half his health, and he’s extremely tough. Lohgahn, as a level 30 archer, had to rethink strategies and reload a few times because two hits from Tsun’s weapon was enough to trigger a kill-cam. I mention this because–and this is where concluding Skyrim gets truly sad–Tsun was harder than the game’s final boss. Which is a dragon that eats worlds. Yeah,  I know.

Also, the Hall of Valor was the glitchiest location so far. I stood in wonder as a goblet on a table popped in and out of existence. Same happened with parts of tablecloths. And if you looked out one of the windows and glanced down, it was just a wash of dirt soup. Maybe this was due to the fact that the hall is filled with characters, or maybe that latest patch did worser things.

When it comes time to fight Alduin, you get help. Three Nord warriors from the Hall of Valor join you, which is great as they draw Alduin’s attention away, giving Lohgahn plenty of time and space to cast Dragonrend and loose some poisoned arrows. But then, as Alduin’s health dropped below the halfway mark, I noticed something–he was stuck, his left leg deep beneath the ground, cut off in a crude way. And he wouldn’t turn around. I switched to my treasured Mace of Molag Bal and beat on his scales. The dragon never turned around to fight me. Maybe he was too distracted from the others, or maybe he was glitched. The underwhelming fight ended with Lohgahn returning to his perch and loosing a few more arrows. How terribly dull and ironic; Alduin never even knew the Dovahkiin was there.

Well, with that done I can get back to my disturbingly huge list of side quests and miscellaneous quests. There’s an old woman in Whiterun who always asks me if I found anything out about her son whenever I pass. I guess this is a quest I agreed to very early on in my playthrough. Unfortunately, I don’t remember why. Was her son kidnapped? Lost somewhere? Guess I’ll have to play detective and do a lot of searching through my lists to find the right one. That’ll at least get me on the right path, but the urgency is certainly gone, and now it feels like something Lohgahn’s obligated to do. Hmm…

In short, Skyrim‘s main quest is underwhelming, but at least now I can begin checking off my to-do list. If you beat the main quest, how did you find Alduin at the end? As tough as his name implies or easier than harvesting wings off a butterfly? Speak up. I’m curious to know.

INTERVIEW TIME: Tara Abbamondi

Tara beat a videogame a couple weeks back–namely Professor Layton and the Last Specter–and I just had to know why this game got her good. So I came up with some Qs, and she came up with some As. And with this, I try out interviewing people on my blog. I’m probably going to do it again. Heck, if you’re reading this, there’s a high chance I’ll be pestering you very soon with questions. Ready yourself. And read on…

Name: Tara Abbamondi
Age: 25
Loves: Milk, comics, Rush, Snoopy
Hates: Joffrey Baratheon
Limit Break: Red Curl Crush
Linkage: Twitter, website

Hi, welcome to Grinding Down. You have a really interesting last name. Any relation to me?

Well, thank you for having me, and funny you should mention that…for those who don’t know, I’m Pauly’s wife.

Please tell us some of your gaming history. Did you solve a lot of puzzles as a kid?

My childhood gaming systems were the Atari, Nintendo, and Super Nintendo. I was in high school by the time I managed to get my hands on a PlayStation. I played a lot of Mario games, my favorite being Super Mario Bros 3. Also in my “frequently played” stack: Street Fighter, Super Mario World, Donkey Kong Country 2, Chrono Cross, Ironsword, Mickey Mousecapade [sigh], Evil Zone, DDR….and the list goes on.

What was it about Professor Layton and the Last Specter that got you hooked?

The story and art are what first drew me in, the animation sequences are gorgeous and the story kept you guessing. What also kept me playing was the fact that it was on the DS. I could go lay in bed and play, I can sit on a bus and play, I could sit outside and play. You can do a few puzzles and then put it down, and you can save at any time.

I went through an “Animal Crossing” phase last year and would play every single day. As a gift, I got the same game, but this time for the Wii. I enjoyed it for awhile, but I can’t even remember when I last played. The logistics of the DS better suit my needs as a gamer (especially when the room that the Wii and the other consoles are in is consistently an ice box. BRRR).

Did you have a favorite or least favorite puzzle?

My favorite puzzles were probably the ones I spent the most time solving. I started to get wise to the way they would fool you into choosing the wrong answer. Sometimes the answer would come too easy and you find yourself second-guessing. Always check out that negative space!

I heard a rumor that this game made you cry. Without getting too spoilery, wanna tell the world about that? Were you surprised by how emotionally connected you were to Luke, Emmy, and Layton’s adventure?

I actually can’t really go into it, basically ANYTHING I say will be spoilery. Though, if you know me well, and I know you do, you’ll know at which point that it was, that is when you finally get there. [HURRY UP, I wanna talk to someone about it!!] 🙂

[ED. NOTE: I’m almost done with the game, I promise!]

This is the first videogame in some time that you’ve finished completely. What other games have you similarly devoured?

A lot of the games I play don’t seem to ever have real endings to them. When I played Animal Crossing, I kind of eventually stopped playing because I was pretty much done with it. Though, I did recently pick up Dragon Quest again, so hopefully now that I finally know where I’m going… I can continue and finish the game.

Most of the games I’ve played to the end were NES or SNES games and a handful of PlayStation games. My shame keeps me from listing them all.

How many hint coins do you estimate you used?

Hmmm, I’d say maybe 40 or 50? I stored a lot for a while, and I had up to 90 towards the end, I started using them then, when things got a bit more tricky.

Interested in seeing more of the series? You have the opportunity to now play them out in chronological order.

Of course! That’s the plan and I’m definitely looking forward to it.

Thanks for the interview! But before you leave, can you solve this puzzle I came up with…?

C. The answer is C.

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And that’s a wrap!