Save your game or be super lame, the DQIX motto

Hi, my name is Paul.

HI PAUL

Uh, hi. Recently, I forgot to save my game when playing Dragon Quest IX. I lost roughly thirty to forty minutes of progress, a good portion of which was grinding, finding alchemy recipes on bookshelves, and a boss battle against the Ragin’ Contagion. Not the game’s trickiest boss fight, but a time-consuming one nonetheless.

TIME IS THE GREATEST BATTLE OF ALL

Quiet, you. Anyways, I was planning on saving my game. I really was. Just had to get back to the church in Coffinwell. Other RPG games like Pokemon HeartGold and Fallout 3 really spoiled me with the whole “save anywhere, any time” thing, and if there was one aspect that really frustrated me with Dragon Quest VIII, it was its save system. You’d think Level 5 would have opted for a more user-friendly save system on the DS, a gaming device most often played on the go or in short bursts. Saving one’s progress is especially hard in the first ten hours of the game because the main character has not learned Zoom yet, a fast travel spell which is, thankfully, free of an MP cost.

But yeah, I was playing, totally prepared to save, and then my brother-in-law’s wife showed up with her babies and everyone was heading out to David’s Bridal to do some dress shopping. Well, not me. I was going next door to look at tuxedos and suits and get an idea of how I want to dress for my wedding. If only it was as easy as it is in Dragon Quest IX; you know, a wedding get-up would be like so:

If only.

LIFE IS NOT A VIDEOGAME, PAUL

Well, it should be! And I thought I told you to be quiet. Whoever you are. Whatever you are. I’m talking about saving videogame progress here. And, uh, buying wedding attire. Anyways, Ellen and the babies showed up, and help was needed so I flipped my DS closed and dropped it in my pocket. I figured I’d save in the car as we drove to Wayne. Anyways, when I flipped open my DS later on, I found myself staring at two dark screens, void of life and animation and sound. Yes, somehow, most likely when I dropped the DS into my pocket, the power button on the side got hit, and off my game went. Goodbye, progress. I just couldn’t believe it. I even exclaimed to Tara about how much I couldn’t believe this. I mean, I’m a gamer…we’re trained from an early age to save often. Saving is what we do. I just couldn’t believe it, that I’d let myself get so distracted to not save, especially after a boss battle. I mean…what is wrong with me?

CLEARLY YOU HAVE FALLEN OFF THE WAGON

Hey, that reminds me! Man oh man, remember in DQVIII, remember when you had that silly girl horse and wagon and had to wait while your alchemy recipes cooked as you battled slime and slime knights. Now, in DQIX…it’s instantaneous! That’s just so great. A smart change. As was dropping the MP cost of Zoom down to 0 (I believe it was 2 or 3 MP in the previous game). A shame you can’t carry the alchemy pot with you though as backtracking to Stornway is (and most certainly will be as the game goes on) a tad annoying.

So yeah, if only they had updated DQIX with the ability to save anywhere. Because traveling to a church, speaking to the priest, selecting to confess, punching A through the same ol’ rambling text, selecting YES when asked to record data in priestly book of saving, and then selecting whether of not to continue playing afterwards…it’s a bit overdone.

THIS BLOG POST IS OVERDONE

You’re right, ominous voice. And so it ends!

Roger Ebert, videogames, and art walk into a bar

Recently, possibly out of boredom or for trolling, Roger Ebert decided to bring back his thoughts on the whole “videogames as art” topic, further cementing that, to him, in principle, games can never be art. You can read his full article here, which is in fact a faulty critique of Kellee Santiago’s TEDxUSC talk given back in March 2009. She responds back, echoing a lot my thoughts on the matter.

One could easily dismiss Ebert for being old and “not getting it,” and his tone throughout is rather that of a cranky curmudgeon, which does not help things. “No one in or out of the field has ever been able to cite a game worthy of comparison with the great poets, filmmakers, novelists and poets,” he repeats. Ouch. Maybe it’s because…he is a movie critic with movie critic friends? Seriously, talk to anyone in the videogaming business, and I’m sure they could make mention a few titles that would be hard to describe as anything but artsy. Yet it is his comments at the end of this critique that prove him beyond faulty and out of place to deem such claims, namely the ones about Flower. It’s evident he has never played the game, let alone many videogames.

Wow, that’s like me saying yoga isn’t a sport and having the world listen.

The question at the heart of this debate, now and forever, is can videogames be art?

And the answer is: of course.

Name-dropping Shadow of the Colossus, Heavy Rain, Katamari Damacy, Suikoden II, BioShock, and Myst, the harder question that continues to stomp around my brain every time this topic comes up is…how could they not be art?

Introducing PlayStation Move, Sony’s Downfall

Okay, maybe not its downfall, but really, a motion controller this late in development and then so shockingly close to that of Nintendo’s Wiimote and Nunchuk…well, I just can’t see the PlayStation Move being a huge hit. The system is full of adult-oriented games from Heavy Rain to Uncharted 2 to Metal Gear Solid 4. Rarely does a more kid-friendly game release itself unto the wild, but with this new controller will come a slew of Move-heavy entries. Whether they will be gimicky or fun is for many to decide later. There’s a reported price tag of $100 for the whole kit and caboodle, which probably has no one reaching for their wallets. Ultimately, Sony has a lot of ground to make up. Not sure if this is the right path. Guess you could say they really need to move it, huh?

Sorry ’bout that.

Still haven’t found what I’m looking for in Assassin’s Creed

So, over the weekend, I popped in Assassin’s Creed. I looked at this as my last attempt to play the game to completion (or, rather, the closest completion percentage I could obtain), and after plodding around on horseback and stabbing soldiers for nearly an hour or so, I unlocked the following two achievements:

Fearless (25G): You’ve discovered every Reach High Point.

Eagle’s Dive (20G): Nothing can hinder the descent of an Eagle. Over 50 people have fallen to your relentless attacks.

These will, most likely, be the last achievements I earn for the game. I’m at 37/44, with the final ones being the “kill every Templar” and six “find all the flags” type. It’s not that doing these tasks is impossible; in fact, there’s plenty of online guides and maps showing where everything is (I even printed one out for the kingdom)…it’s just no fun at all.

The problem sits in the game’s design. Unless you yourself are keeping track of everything, there’s no way of knowing how many Templars you’ve killed or flags you’ve collected in a specific area without killing another Templar and/or finding a new flag. This, gaming readers, is dumb. Especially when one takes a few months off from the game.

Coming back, I tried to use a map to make things easier. It didn’t. I instead found myself heading toward Templar/flag locations only to discover nothing there. Now, fine, I must’ve already collected them, but the maps are pretty big and it’s just frustrating to have to travel here and fro to maybe, maybe find what you’re looking for. At least in Prince of Persia, when one is collecting light seeds, it is clearly marked how many light seeds are left in the area, giving the player some guidance, a nudge, a “hey, look over here, silly” instead of forcing aimless wandering on them.

But I don’t have the time (or, surprisingly, the patience) to check every single spot in every locale again and again for something that I may or may not have already collected. If you do, feel free to come over. Key’s under the mat. Game’s all yours. Just don’t raid my fridge.

Spot the differences in these two covers for Dante’s Inferno

Here’s the copy of The Inferno by Dante Alighieri that I have on my bookshelf:

And here’s the new copy from Del Rey Books to hit stores very soon to coincide with EA’s take on God of War the epic poem:

Gee, I wonder what target demigraphic they going for with this one. Ultimately, it’s a bit embarassing. For everyone.

JUST BEAT: MySims Agents

Developer/Publisher: EA Redwood Shores/Electronic Arts
Platform: Nintendo DS [reviewed], Nintendo Wii
Genre(s): Mystery Adventure Game
Mode(s): Single player
Rating: E
Time clocked: The main storyline took less than 6 hours to complete, but game continues afterwards

Ultimately, this is a shame. Now, that’s not the best way to start a review, but it’s the truth. This game will let you down no matter what your expectations are, and considering I could only find one or two DS-only reviews online…well, I had zero expectations. The only thing I knew going into MySims Agents was that the Wii version was pretty good, that it involved solving mysteries and questioning townspeople and so on, as well as incorporating the standard Sims-like customization gameplay. Sounded like a great mix of things.

That is not the case here. Pun intended.

In MySims Agents, you play an agent visiting a town, there to unravel the mystery of its secret treasure. I named my town Megaton, but alas, the secret treasure was not an A bomb that I got to detonate and rid the world of these gibberish-speaking buffoons. Plot-wise, this is not a direct port of the Wii game. In the Wii version, you must stop Morcubus and his corrupt company MorcuCorp from stealing the Crown of Nightmares. In the DS version, you must stop Thief V from stealing the secret treasure. Seriously, it is written as secret treasure until the very end of the game when you discover what it actually is. SPOILER ALERT: it’s lame and insensible and…a giant bell. I’m not even kidding. Just goes to show the different level of care and love between the two iterations.

Gameplay involves receiving a mission from HQ, talking to townspeople, playing a minigame, waiting, waiting, waiting, solving a riddle, and then doing it all over again. In between all of this is the collecting of house blueprints, essences from in-game items, furniture, and fish, as well as redecorating your room and town. Repetitive, but the fun is left up to you, as I challenged myself to collect all things Japanese, which made it a little more exciting when dealing with the synthesizer and such.

The mini-games…they are uninspired. Granted, I still need to unlock three or four, but the ones I’ve played so far are either frustratingly challenging or just a rip-off of something else (hi, Diner Dash!). Kite surfing is extremely unforgiving (two hits and you basically have to restart), identifying the suspect is pretty fun but grows stale, and the one where you unearth mines in the ground has some wonky control issues. None of them stand out, really, but I am interested in seeing how the gem-themed one featured on the back of the box turns out.

Graphically, MySims Agents is pretty good, full of colors, all of them bright and playful. I particularly liked seeing my town during sunset with a wash of reds and oranges. That said, some of the furniture/clothing is just the same item with a different skin.

The biggest problem MySims Agents has going for it is that it’s a lie. You do no real detective work or anything close to what I imagine a secret agent might do, and truth be told after I changed my character into more casual clothes (instead of a suit) I completely forgot who he was supposed to be all along. It’s the bare bones of a good game, and could have been so much more. I understand that it is targeted at a younger demographic, but when the credits started to roll after 6 hours I thought someone from EA was going to jump out of my closet and yell, “Gotcha!”

The little coverage found for MySims Agents DS should have been my first clue that this game was a bit of a failure. It is tedious through and through, and I only hope this here review will help others steer clear.

4 out of 10

Mass Effect 2 cover art is out-of-this-world lame

See?

It’s not terrible art, but it lacks a certain punch. The hero, the lady with poised gun, the multicolored alien, the lens flare…it’s all just a bit generic, which is a shame as previews would have you believe that Mass Effect 2 is bigger and better than its predecessor. The first game’s cover definitely gave off a “explore the galaxy!” vibe while this one merely says “shoot things!” and “be disgruntled!”

Oh well. Can’t win ’em all, Bioware.

Videogames can be fun and frustrating, you know

Two videogames have been driving me absolutely bonkers lately. One won’t just let me complete it (three achievements to go!); the other won’t even let me move forward.

LEGO Batman. Sure, I “beat” it months ago, but every now and then I pop back into it to grab some missed items and trying and unlock everything. And I’ve gotten just about everything…that is, but three collectibles. Now, one of them is painstakingly annoying to obtain. Trust me, I tried three times in a row last night. In one of the Penguin’s villain levels, you have to guide your characters down an icy slope, going through five specific flags to unlock the hidden canister. Sounds simple enough, yes? The problem is that if you miss even one flag you are then dropped into the level’s final boss battle room and cannot return to try again. Meaning you must replay the level again and again and…again. I’ve had zero luck so far. Insert heavy sigh.

And then we come to Eternal Sonata, a bizarre RPG that isn’t really my favorite thing in the world, but I liked it enough to get to the middle of Chapter Three. It has my gang running around a pirate ship of…evil pirates. I don’t know. The storyline is a bit murky to my memory at the moment. Anyways, my dudes are about all LV 19s, and we hit the ship’s main boss: Captain Dolce. To put it simply: she slaughtered us. An online walkthrough suggested that our party be all LV 22s at least before tackling Dolce. That means, if I want to move forward, I have to now waste a good couple of hours just wandering the ship’s floors, fighting generic minion after minion after minion.

I know this blog is called Grinding Down, but grinding is not something I yearn to do. Time is precious, and this sort of roadblock only wants me to put the game back on the shelf and move on to something a little more forgiving.

Boob controllage in Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2

Um, evidently via the SIXAXIS controller, one can manipulate breasts in the forthcoming Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2. I kid thee not:

While the commercial itself is amusing, the fact that this is a gameplay feature being highlighted is not. What is the purpose? To appease perverts? Or is there actually going to be a level designed around making one boob bounce higher than the other in a sneak attack to knock out a guard and steal his key to the castle? Somehow, I doubt it.