All Achievements Achieved – The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom

Mmm…pie.

And that random observation transitions nicely into the deliciously cool fact that I finally unlocked all the Achievements in The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom over the weekend. I had, for some time, had most of them unlocked, but one was constantly keeping its distance, constantly pesky. Really, really pesky. Like, gee, solve every single challenge ever made if you love pie so much. See here:

Greedy Bottom (40G): Completed all recording and time challenges in the bonus shorts.

Greedy bottom indeed. The bonus levels in The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom require you to solve the puzzle using a set number of clones and within a given time limit. Most often, you have to play the levels twice to get these, but I did grab both of them at once every now and then. The world 5 bonus levels were definitely the trickiest, as they often required six clones to get six pies, meaning if you messed up just once, you lost your shot and had to restart. This, inevitably, got very frustrating, and I had to use an online guide for several of them, which hurt more than you know.

Truthfully, I’m kind of glad to be all said and done with this puzzler. The music can become extremely grating, especially after you’ve failed to steal that last pie for the nineteenth time.

Have a ★, Mr. Winterbottom. Just don’t eat it.

Take the Dead Money and run

Man, Dead Money, the first DLC add-on for Fallout: New Vegas, had the potential to be great, to sit somewhere between Fallout 3’s Broken Steel and Point Lookout in terms of quality and content for the right price point. Alas, it does not get to sit on such a pedestal, but rather in a dark, desolate corner where it will wait to be slowly poisoned to death by an unforgiving toxic cloud.

My first go at exploring the canorous Sierra Madre and its nefarious surroundings did not go well. The DLC is tough, like end-assault-on-the-dam tough, and seems to slant more towards stealthy players that use melee and unarmed weapons, as well as having a high survival skill. Alas, my initial playthrough character relied too much on guns and stimpacks to make it very far. I quit out to an old save before even leaving the Villa, which is where roughly half of the DLC takes place. I would not experience the second half for awhile, waiting until my second playthrough character was high enough in skills and levels to tackle Father Elijah’s cruel maze once again. Having already played this part made it much easier to progress through, and there were new surprises here. The only thing I did differently was let Dog out of his cage, keeping the voice locked away inside; he ate a lot of Ghost People, except for that one time when he glitched across the screen and ate a trash can instead. Sigh.

Once inside the actual Sierra Madre casino, the Courier needs to locate the three companions used to help get inside and…deal with them. You may interpret that any way you want. To spoil, I ended up murdering Dog/God and Dean, but kept Christine alive. Zelda probably felt some kind of connection with her, I guess. Only after you’ve dealt with them can you sneak beneath the casino to find Father Elijah’s vault and the secrets its holds. And sadly, it’s nothing too exciting.

Each of Fallout 3’s DLC gave the player something to look forward to. Operation Anchorage strayed too far from the path of familiar gameplay, but rewarded the player greatly at the end with some unique weapons and armor; The Pitt plays home to some cool melee weapons like the auto-ax; Broken Steel introduced a new level cap, harder Super Mutant enemies, and removed the game’s ending; Point Lookout gave players a huge new place to explore; and Mothership Zeta, despite its linearity, showcased some fine alien tech. You will most likely leave Dead Money for the Mojave Wasteland empty-handed. There’s no amazingly unique weapons or gear to be found here, and much of the secrets inside Father Elijah’s vault is moot, weighing too much to be properly carried out. A dang shame. Seems like the greatest thing Dead Money gives players is a new level cap of 35, and they don’t even need to visit the Sierra Madre to get it.

Dead Money is not fun to play. Yup, it’s true. There is always something to stress over: broken limbs, lack of food, poison toxic cloud, Ghost People, setting off traps, crazy deadly holograms, radios and speakers setting off your explosive collar. It’s a hefty list, and I’m sure one Obsidian guy was like, “Hey, do you think we could throw in some Deathclaws, too?” I felt immense relief upon returning to Arizona’s colorful sky, and stood still outside for some time, taking it in, and not just because I had to wait for the game to recount, one by frakking one, every single thing it was adding back into my inventory. I couldn’t fast travel to Gun Runners because I was overweight, but the walk there did a lot of good for Zelda, and the air had never tasted sweeter.

Oh, and I saved and then reloaded to get both of these Achievements at the end because I truly never want to go back to Dead Money:

Cash Out (30G): Confronted Father Elijah in the Sierra Madre’s Vault

Safety Deposit Box (40G): Trapped Father Elijah in the Sierra Madre’s Vault

The Courier, signing off!

All my greatest critics in the Mojave Wasteland think I’m a hack

Still working my way through Fallout: New Vegas – Dead Money. I’ve realized one reason why this DLC is so dang slow, and that is because, if you’re playing anything like I am, you are sneaking all over the Villa, careful to scan every square of ground for traps, careful to hear that terrible beeping, careful to not end up taking on two or more Ghost People at once by yourself. I can’t ever really imagine moving fast through this one, and I even know what to expect (at least for the first half of things), but I will forever err to the side of caution.

Anyways, thanks to some locked doors and unfriendly turret systems, I was able to get this little pinger:

Hack the Mojave (15G): Hacked 25 terminals.

Woo, science! Actually, nah to that. I never tag science as a skill, and only did it because, just like in Fallout 3, knew there would be an Achievement tied to it. And thank goodness this one wasn’t just a carbon copy of the Achievement in the former game. That was called Data Miner and required the player to hack 50 terminals. Fifty…I swear I don’t even think that many exist in the Mojave Wasteland (and Sierra Madre section). It really felt like slim pickings in terms of hacking computers. At least the science skill came in handy a few more times during my playthrough, but otherwise…it’s not very exciting. And I kind of wished Obsidian had updated the minigame for hacking a terminal; it’s too easy to just save before you hack in case you mess up, and obviously they don’t love it immensely otherwise there would’ve been a whole ton more throughout our travels.

Well, in the end, that’s another Achievement done for Fallout: New Vegas. Now to, uh, simultaneously confront and trap a certain someone in a certain something. Maybe the science skill will help me again? Maybe, baby.

Games Completed in 2011, #9 – Torchlight

Back in the day, ranging somewhere between my senior year of high school and my sophomore year of college, I played a lot of Diablo and Diablo II. However, I never beat either game, and constantly restarted new characters. My absolute favorite aspect of these now legendary dungeon-crawlers was organizing my inventory. See, Diablo and Diablo II strived for a more realistic inventory system, meaning if you couldn’t fit it in your bag with your dozen of other goodies, well…you’re not taking it with you. Simple as that. Here, let me show you:

Oh man. That image is beyond delicious. It’s like a puzzle minigame!

Anyways, I mention this because Torchlight, despite being heavily influenced by its Diablo big brothers, does not support this kind of inventory. At least not in the XBLA version. PC players get to enjoy this deliciousness:

Instead, us Xbox 360 doods get lists. Lists after lists after lists. Many of which are unreadable. And that makes it difficult to even determine if your character is fully armed. Oh boy.

What’s the story? Well, it all revolves around a mysterious ore called Ember, which is the essence of magic, as well as the keystone in alchemy. Deep below the small excuse for a town called Torchlight, miners dig, searching for the coveted ore. However, these miners quickly discover that there’s more below Torchlight than shiny, special rocks: a dangerous labyrinth of caverns and ruined civilizations, brimming with monstrous creatures. Evil begins to surface, and a champion is needed. Players can pick between three classes–Destroyer, Alchemist, or Vanquisher–and then begin slaughtering evil enemies, collecting loot, defeating bosses, and progressing further below the town. It’s a pretty typical storyline, with 100% shallow characters; in fact, the most creative character exists only to hand out sidequests, and yes, I’m talking about Trill-Bot 4000, that one-man band/aspiring bard/robot. Why can’t I have him as a pet?!

Like its Diablo brothers, Torchlight‘s greatest appeal is its loot. Killing special enemies drops a ton of gear, most of which will need identifying scrolls to truly get, and it’s an addicting thing. Grabbing loot, selling loot, grabbing loot, harboring unwearable loot for later–it’s truly what drove me forward, the promise of an even better staff for my Alchemist. What’s also nice is that, much like Dragon Quest IX, you can see everything your character is wearing or wielding, which gives reason for trying out a lot of odd gear. The graphics are colorful and cartoony, taking a page from World of Warcraft, and they seem right at place in Torchlight‘s less than serious world.

And now let’s discuss what I passionately disliked about Torchlight. We’ll start small. Whenever your pet loses all its health, it will flee from battle until it heals itself. You know this is happening because the voiceover dude goes, “Your pet is fleeing.” He says it even flatter than I’ve typed it. The problem is, sometimes your party is surrounded by enemies, meaning your pet is fleeing from one group to another, and the voiceover guy will just not shut up. “Your pet is fleeing,” he says, and then nine seconds later he says it again. Oh, is it? WELL, FLEE ALREADY THEN! GO AWAY! Sheesh.

I also discovered a sharp increase in difficulty from the Black Palace (levels 31-34) to when you have to fight the final boss in the Lair of Ordak (level 35). Playing on Normal difficulty, I have never died until then, and rarely had to use health potions as my Alchemist knew a Heal All spell which did the job just fine. However, towards the end, I found myself guzzling bottles of red faster than probably possible.

Lastly, my biggest gripe about Torchlight is its love for tiny text. Most of the dialogue between characters is readable, but when a weapon or special piece of gear comes jam-packed with abilities, the text drops to really tiny, making it hard to figure out what is what. Does that armor require my defense skill to be 27 or 29? It gets even worse if you try to compare it with another piece of armor in your inventory. I ended up selling most of my gear because I couldn’t read what it did. At the top left corner of all items is either a green dot, a red dot, or both. Green means it is greatly better than what you’re currently using; red is worse; and green plus red means it’s a mix of both. I used this as my guideline on what to wear, what to sell. A shame really, as I know I missed out on a lot of strong purple-colored loot.

Hate tiny text, too? Good news for you then! I’m working on an article about it for The First Hour. Stay tuned, fellow blind people.

So, is Torchlight worth getting on consoles? I’d say no. It’s a good game, but better suited for a mouse and keyboard, as well as a screen mere centimeters from your face.

All Achievements Achieved – Fallout 3

Gee, that didn’t take long, right? I mean, I only got my first Achievement in Fallout 3 on October 14, 2009…and my final one last night. Let’s not actually count those days up. Instead, let’s talk about why it took me so long to unlock everything Fallout 3 had to offer Achievement-wise because none of the 72 ding-pings are terribly difficult to get–they just require time and, sadly, online guides.

For the longest while, I had unlocked just about everything but five Achievements: the four for playing as a neutral karma player, and the one for finding 100 steel ingots in The Pitt DLC. Again, nothing terribly difficult, but very time-consuming, especially when more and more new games were coming out. Did I really want to play Fallout 3, a game I really do enjoy and love despite its clunkiness, for a third freakin’ time? Well, no. So I didn’t go at it with the same ferocity as previous playthroughs, playing only a little bit at a time. Neutral karma is a juggling act, and not as easy to maintain as straight good or evil, constantly requiring me to realign my character as I inched closer to those magical Achievement levels of 8, 14, 20, and 30. Actually, not for 30. I got the Achievement for level 30 neutral karma another way, one I’m not proud of.

Moving on…I found myself many hours later with only one to go: the dreaded Mill Worker. This requires the player to locate and turn in 100 steel ingots to Everett, the Mill’s foreman and a lazy one at that. Sounds easy, but it’s not. The 100 steel ingots are scattered across a decent sized map brimming with trogs and wildmen, and one can quickly become confused as to how many they’ve collected and where they’ve already looked. I’ve tried twice before during playthroughs one and two, but was unsuccessful. This time, however, I had a strategy: I wouldn’t trade in any ingots until I had them all.

You’re required to turn in 10 as part of a quest, meaning I needed to have 90 in my inventory to truly know I had found them all. This also meant opening up 90 lb of space, since each ingot weighs 1 lb. I dropped a bunch of armor and set off to find those lucky pieces of steel. It didn’t take long to find 85 of them, but then I was at a lost for the remaining five. Didn’t I already look there? Would I have to go back through the whole map, corner by corner, space by space? Ah, no. These five were right under my nose; well, to be more precise, right behind a fence. After I found them all, I went back to Everett, turned them in 10 by 10, got rewarded with prizes I didn’t care about, and unlocked this:

Mill Worker (20G): Found All 100 Steel Ingots

Then I put the auto-ax against Everett’s face and gave him a haircut.

And that’s that. Have a ★, Fallout 3. You earned it.

Games Completed in 2011, #8 – Halo 3: ODST

Halo 3: ODST ends a fraction of a fraction after you think to yourself, “Wait, it can’t be over yet, right?” Guess ODST really stands for Oh Do Stop Trying.

The game takes place between Halo 2 and Halo 3, which means nothing to me as this is the first Halo game I’ve ever played. A group of soldiers are dropping down to the planet New Mombasa, which is being attacked by disgruntled aliens calling themselves the Covenant. However, something goes wrong fast, and the party is split up. Everyone in the ODST gangbang has ridiculous names like Romeo and Dutch. Suprised Bungie didn’t toss in a Fabio for good measure. There’s also the Rookie, which nags the silent protagonist role even though you will also play as other members of the group.

The aspect I liked the most about Halo 3: ODST‘s story is that it’s broken, told in pieces, wedged together bit by bit. See, each level switches around who you play as, and it’s also a different time since being dropped on the planet, meaning one level will be bright and sunny on a coastline and the next level might have you running through dark, nighttime streets, desperate to make contact with something that doesn’t want to shoot your face off for dinner. Made for a great mix of settings and styles though the night hours are really dark.

But that’s where the enjoyment ended. Each level felt very much the same to me, and they went a little like this: level start, move forward, come across a group of enemies, shoot and hide, hide and shoot, move forward, come across a group of enemies, shoot and hide, hide and shoot, discover a clue, cutscene. Do that eight to ten more times to get the full effect. There were only a few moments during Halo 3: ODST‘s campaign where the gameplay varied, and these usually involved piloting a vehicle.

There’s some famous voices in the game, too, with actors from Firefly and Battlestar Galactica. They were a little weird to hear at first, especially since Nathan Fillion’s character in Halo 3: ODST is a lady-charmin’, sarcastic captain–a real stretch. Alas, the script they were given did not allow them to act, only read one-liners and make stupid quips in the heat of battle. Kind of a waste.

I had been hoping that I’d finally see the magic that makes everyone go crazy for this series, but alas…no. It’s just a sci-fi FPS in my eyes, with nothing special to it. Some of the enemy designs are interesting, but other than that, it’s just a game where you shoot wave after wave of bullet-bags until something happens. I have to wonder if that’s the same premise for the other games; there wasn’t even a memorable final level here. I escorted the alien worm thing to a safehouse, and then a Covenant ship swooped by to drop off like five waves of enemies, all of which got tougher each wave, but that was it. Several tossed grenades later, the game was over. In that case, the game could’ve really ended on any level.

There’s Achievements for completing the game on higher difficulty levels, but I think I’ll just stick with this one:

Campaign Complete: Normal (100G): Completed the Campaign on Normal difficulty.

Generic alien-fighting solider OUT!

A million Claptrap parts is still not enough for Patricia Tannis

I used to love Claptraps. Y’know, those adorable, dancing robot thingies that would give you more inventory space or provide you with access to hidden weapon caches. I even drew them from time to time. And now the romance is over, thanks to the mission flow in Claptrap’s New Robot Revolution, the last bit of DLC for Borderlands.

Upon arrival in Tartarus Station, players meet up with Tannis in her secret workshop. She’s trying to build something and needs claptrap parts to get it done. Thus, you’re given the first mission of the DLC:

• Patricia Tannis needs parts to build her magnificent…something. Head down to the Hyperion Dump and search the scrapped claptraps for parts and bring them back to her. (Clap-Components: 0/5)

Okay, five parts. That should be easy enough, and it is. You head off to the Hyperion Dump to shoot up seemingly endless swarms of angry Claptraps. As their robot bodies explode, they drop parts like gears, wires, and motherboards. Five are quickly acquired, but picking up extra parts don’t add to your collection. In fact, you can’t even really tell how many you have as nothing is actually listed in your inventory. Which sucks considering the next quest from Tannis is this:

• Tannis needs some more parts to complete her creation’s Infinite Improbability Drive. If you can’t find any lying around, just rip them out of some claptrap spines. (Clap-Components: 0/42)

That means any extra parts you previously picked up are nulled. There’s no point in gathering more than what is needed. Kind of stupid in terms of a design process, but whatever. It’s not like we’re gonna have to collect a stadium-load more of these things, right? On to the next quest!

• Tannis needs more parts to ensure the protection grid holds on her device’s ecto-containment unit, safeguarding against total protonic reversal, which would be extraordinarily bad. (Clap-Components: 0/75)

Dammit. Enter Hyperion Dump, shoot Claptraps, exit Hyperion Dump, enter again, rinse and repeat and feel bored. Gee, I wonder what the next quest will be?

• The “popcorn” setting on Tannis’ device is malfunctioning. Well, it’s not so much malfunctioning as creating deadly mutant corn. A few more parts should fix that! (Clap-Components: 0/100)

Oh boy. Good, good. I haven’t collected claptrap parts in ages.

• Just a few more parts and Tannis’ magnum opus shall be revealed! Tremble in fear at the might of Tannis and her fearsome…what is this thing, anyway? (Clap-Components: 0/150)

Go sleep with a badmutha skag, Tannis. You suck.

Let’s do some math. That’s a total of 372 claptrap parts collected. The most frustrating aspect though is that you simply can’t collect claptrap parts as a collectible. Only during these missions do they matter, and once you’ve acquired your target number, the rest are voided of purpose. I know for sure I could have cleared a few of these missions out faster if I’d been allowed to use the previous parts I found while out on the hunt. Would it really have been terribly hard, 2K/Gearbox, to design a slot in your inventory for claptrap parts? Me thinks not.

So, the first five missions in the DLC are a straight collect-a-thon, and not a very fun one at that. And all that work results in Tannis building an android version of herself so she won’t be so lonely anymore. Um…what?

The Collector (50G): Completed Tannis’ crazy request

Crazy disappointing to be more exact.

[Intimidate] You will simply love this post about intimidating in Dragon Age: Origins

I’ve been working very hard at Dragon Age: Origins recently. In fact, just the other night, Natia, our hard-as-nails dwarven Grey Warden, preserved the Anvil of the Void, sided with Bhelen to get the steel men on our side, and then had some decent sex with Leliana after listening to the bard prattle on and on for, lack of a better word, ages. That’s all well and good, but what I was more excited to see Natia accomplish was the following:

Menacing (20G): Succeeded at 10 difficult Intimidate attempts

See, Dragon Age: Origins is all about the dialogue options. That’s BioWare’s thingy. Mass Effect allowed you to go down the paragon or renegade path by choosing different ways to answer folks. The same thing exists in Ferelden. Characters can either be persuaded or intimidated, the former being the nicer route and the latter a little more direct and threatening. On my first playthrough, I went with the nice personality, and quickly got the persuasive Achievement. This time around, I knew I wanted to go after the intimidate one, and so I made sure to construct Natia in the right manner. The odd thing was that I’m positive I did well over 10 intimidate options before unlocking this Achievement, which leads me to believe that some are classified as more “difficult” than others.

And here’s where the problem sits: how does one know if it’s a difficult intimidate option or not?

I mean, the dialogue option that helped unlock Menacing was about forcing a scared little boy to give us a key to a treasure chest in his mother’s bedroom. Pretty sure the nicest, sweetest, kindest old man in Orlais could intimidate a youngling like that. However, it was a “difficult” attempt. Guess it has more to do with behind-the-scenes dice rolling than anything story-related, but still, I’d like to know a bit more before trying out anything. Fallout: New Vegas handled it decently if a bit perfunctory for its skill checks, and Dragon Age: Origins could do it in the same vein, with a percentage of success or a visible indication that there’s no way the option will work.

At least going forward on Natia’s quest to save Ferelden from the darkspawn, I won’t feel compelled to immediately select the intimidate option. Sure, I might…because roleplaying her as a cut-your-throat badass dwarf (with a hidden soft side) is a lot of fun. If only I could intimidate Alistair into getting down and funky with a dwarf; I think I missed my chance to woo him as he’s disapproved of a lot of group actions. Wah.

Humor is not the weapon of unarmed people

I’m pretty sure I’ve mused before about all the things I’ve never done in the Fallout universe, such as keeping a good distance from using big guns to actually not seeking out Dogmeat as a companion. Another tactic I’ve never tried in my 300+ hours logged over Fallout 3 and Fallout: New Vegas is that of fighting unarmed. Now, to clarify, unarmed doesn’t necessarily mean totally unarmed; some weapons like spiked knuckles, a bladed gauntlet, and the zap glove count, as does using just your bare fists. Regardless, one will have to get pretty dang close to their opponents to do some heavy unarmed damage, and I generally like to keep my distance, imitating a ninja or dustwheel as best as possible. This sort of guerilla style gameplay took a while to get used to, but I did eventually, and soon found myself charging fists-first into battle, ready to uppercut NCR troopers to their new home above the clouds.

And so I’m pretty proud to see this baby pop late last night after I gave a large fire gecko a swift smack to the back of its head:

Old-Tyme Brawler (15G): Caused 10,000 damage with Unarmed weapons.

Zelda, the fiend of the Mojave Wasteland, is around level 17 currently, with an unarmed skill of 55 points. Not bad, and it will surely grow as she’s already rocking a 100 cap in melee weapons. She also has a wonderful perk, which will sometimes knock an opponent to the ground from an unarmed attack, allowing for more free punches and kicks. Teamed with ED-E for support from afar, she’s a decent warrior (except against Deathclaws). And this weapon helps a lot:

What a beauty! That’s a power fist for the uninformed. It’s an armored gauntlet that uses a pneumatic ram to really send the message home. There really is something special about watching Zelda, a thin, redhead dressed as homely as possible, wielding this fist of death and knocking the heads off enemies with ease. I really have to make a conscious effort to make my evil characters appear more evil.

Anyways, I can’t believe I went this long without trying out an unarmed character; it does have its downsides, as big groups of enemies can basically surround Zelda and riddle her with bullets, but otherwise it’s been a lot of fun. And once she hits around level 25 or so, I think I’ll give Dead Money another try, now that I’ve got a character built specifically to handle all their melee and unarmed weapons, as well as a high survival skill for turning junk food into the most delicious thing ever.

Cracking skulls and standing still in Halo 3

I was feeling rather aimless last night after getting some good work done on the latest Sekrit Projekt, and I figured I’d give Halo 3: ODST another go even though I have no clue what’s going on in the game and can’t really kill more than three alien enemies before having my armored ass tossed aside. Only I ended up putting in the second multiplayer disk instead and found myself playing…Halo 3. Well, not the main campaign, but all of its online maps and modes. Weird. Even weirder was that running this CD also tricks my Xbox 360 into thinking I’m playing all of Halo 3, and thus I now have a new list of Achievements separate from Halo 3: ODST to get. Except I can’t get them; I only have the multiplayer aspect of that game, and while meaningless in the longrun, I do find it a bit annoying now that there’s going to be a slew of unlocked Achievements on my system that I didn’t ask to be placed there.

But yeah, Halo 3 multiplayer. I played a round of Oddball and a round of King of the Hill before moving on to fiddle about in the forge mode by my lonesome. In each game mode, I made a single kill and was summarily destroyed every time I pushed forward on the analog stick. My best defense was standing still and hiding from other players. Don’t think that’s how it’s supposed to be played, but whatever. I’m at peace with the fact that I lack significant sniping and sticky grenade skills. And now I’m definitely spoiled by Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, which rewards players with losing streak perks if they’re having a hard time keeping up.

A quick scan of Halo 3‘s Achievement list–quick because, well, there’s 79 Achievements to look at, and most of them don’t apply to the multiplayer–mentioned finding hidden skulls on specific levels. I tried to do this on my own, just running around and flying around in Forge with the floaty camera, but alas, these hidden skulls are seriously hidden. I had to look up a guide to find two of them:

Orbital Skull (25G): On Orbital, found the hidden skull.

Assembly Skull (25G): On Assembly, found the hidden skull.

I’m not sure what’s more creative there. The Achievement name or the flavor text. I’m just kidding. They both suck. I might look up a few more guides for the others though some seem really complicated, such as the hidden skull on Sandbox. These might very well be the only Achievements I’ll be able to unlock here. Le sigh.

Unfortunately, I still don’t get Halo. The multiplayer felt so quiet and repetitive, and the graphics were spotty. I dislike having to hold down a trigger button to pick up a weapon, and I don’t know if there’s a sprint button, but I hope so. It feels like an uphill climb no matter what the elevation. I just can’t see what I’m supposedly missing here, that’s all.