One month to go until The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Today is 10/11/11, and The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim comes out on 11/11/11. That’s a month away (31 days exact!), and that is absolutely crazy-talk. How did it pop up so fast? Weren’t we all just sitting mesmerized by the debut trailer and the hint of true epicness, whispering excitedly about a new engine and dragons? I also just realized that our day of reckoning is a Friday, meaning there goes an entire weekend for certain. Fine by me.

And yet with the game so close to being openly devoured by the public, it’s strange that there’s still a lot we don’t know about it. Over the last few months, there’s been very few gameplay trailers, with maybe just one big guided play session by Todd “For the Nord” Howard, and a preview article here and there. That’s it. Only as recent as this week have more tidbits slipped, thanks to leaks about the game’s map and manual.

Story elements are minimal, and we’ve learned some of the menu workings, but I’m more curious as to the open-ended aspect; can you buy homes again and spend days stocking them with cool loot or a thousand and five watermelons? Can you join all the different guilds without one getting mad at you for joining another? How does crafting work? How will companions work, and can I befriend animals? And so on and so on. Granted, we’ll all know too much soon enough. I am pretty stoked to see what Bethesda has done.

By 11/11/11, I hope to be pretty done with all the major games I currently have in my possession–Deus Ex: Human Revolution, Mafia II, and Fallout: New Vegas–as well as those select few titles I’ve yet to purchase. If not, they’ll all just eaten by a dragon. That’s the pox in the realm of Skyrim.

I poor, you poor, we all poor when picking up rupoor

All my life, I’ve been led to believe that rupees hid in bushes, and that slashing at shrubbery was beneficial to both my bank account and ego. We can blame The Legend of Zelda for this, as rupees are the consistent currency throughout the franchise. You want a new shield? Better have some rupees. Interested in a bigger bag for your bomb collection? Pay up. Want someone to warm your bed at night while Zelda is all off getting kidnapped? Um…well, uh…

So there I was, playing The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures for free on my Nintendo 3DS, clearing out some bushes and tall grass in hopes of earning some kaching-kaching when a black-tinted rupee popped out and I picked it up on total basic instinct. Suddenly, four to five of my very own rupees jumped off Link’s body, screaming in pain, and these were red rupees, the ones worth a decent amount. Maybe 20 each, I think, and so we’re looking at losing 100 rupees upon contact. Now, as enemies began swarming, I was scrambling to recollect money I had already picked up before it disappeared. Everyone, meet the rupoor.

Evidently, rupoor showed up in The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass, a game which I played all the way up to the final dungeon and even took the time to unlock the fishing minigame, but I do not ever recall picking any of those black beasts up. If I did, I surely would’ve cried out in dismay. But in The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures, your rupee count is pretty important. Well, mostly if you’re playing co-op/against other players. Me? I’m doing the adventure solo, with a second controllable Link, but whether the first Link earns 578 rupees or the second Link earns 47 rupees, it ultimately doesn’t matter. We are one in the same, making the count-off at the end of each level rather silly. If was playing competitively against other Linkers, picking up a rupoor would be devastating.

What I find so fascinating is that, despite now knowing what rupoor does to my moneybag, four out of five times, I still end up picking it up. It’s just a reflex. Slash a bush, grab the item. Usually it’s something good: a health fairy, a green or blue rupee, a power-up. Sometimes I like to charge up the sword and spin in front of a bunch of bushes, collecting items like woah. It’s only now and then something pure evil pops out, but everything is already in motion.

At this point, I’ve completed the first three main levels (and a bit of the lengthy tutorial hub), and now I’m off to Death Mountaintop (?) to fight Vaati. I bet he just loves rupoor. After that, if rumor holds water, there’ll be some other levels to play based on fantastic themes such as 1993’s Link’s Awakening, 1992’s A Link to the Past and the 1987 original Legend of Zelda from the NES. That’s pretty exciting. Hopefully by then I’ll have learned to avoid rupoor, but somehow I doubt that. Feel free to ride my coattails in hopes of picking up some free cash.

Picus Communications employees don’t care about coffee

As a coffee lover, this post is gonna hurt. And contains some slight spoilers about Deus Ex: Human Revolution. But it’s mostly about spilled coffee. Prepare thyself…

After Jensen learns some unsavory things, he has Faridah Malik fly him directly to Montreal, namely the office headquarters of Picus Communications, where he’s hoping to find answers. Unfortunately, there’s no one there to answer his Qs. See, upon sneaking into the building, it’s quickly evident that all of Picus Communications is out to lunch–a really long lunch, that is. Phones are continuously ringing, the floor is littered with papers, chairs are knocked aside, and, most horrifying of all, coffee is spilled across many desktops. I counted at least six or seven battered cups, and there were probably more, but I didn’t examine every cubicle desk or office; some desks had filled coffee cups not knocked over, but the majority of Picus workers definitely whacked their hot drinks across the face before high-tailing it to an emergency exit. That doesn’t make sense to me.

Let’s recreate what happened at Picus Communications. Your name is Zack (male) or Stacy (female). You’re checking emails at work, sipping that delicious java, slowly waking up. Suddenly, without warning, the fire alarm goes off. Despite years of training for fire drills, you panic. Your stomach drops, and you frantically look to the cube to your right. “Zack/Stacy!” your co-worker screams, eyes wide with terror, driblets of sweat snaking down their face. “GET OUT NOW! THERE’S NO TIME FOR COFFEE, GET THE F*CK OUT OF HERE!” And then you made a mad dash for safety, with little to no care of how you placed your coffee cup back down. It totally spilled across your keyboard, but you don’t know that. You keep running, and you never look back. After all, you work for Picus Communications.

I spent a decent amount of time examining these coffee spills. They were all different, and in a game where one basement looks like that other basement and one warehouse looks like that other warehouse, this was appreciated. One spill even trickled down the side of a desk, as if aiming for the waste-bin, desperate to end it all. If this was Fallout 3 or Fallout: New Vegas, I totally would’ve picked up every discarded cup and deposited in the trash–or on someone’s chair, to teach them a lesson.

I really wanted to find some awesome screenshots of these coffee tragedies, but alas, the Internet let me down. And I don’t have software that can record my actual gaming. Shame. But maybe it’s better y’all don’t see what a bunch of weirdos do to their coffee cups upon learning it is time to evacuate. I know I’ll never get those images out of my head.

Games Completed in 2011, #30 – Portal

Always late to the party, I finally emerged from my rocky home this summer and played Portal–this time, all the way to completion. I guess I can now join society and nod appreciatively at jokes about cake and cubes. See, I did give Portal a try back in May 2010, as it was released free for those on Macs via Steam. Unfortunately, my relic of a machine was unable to run the game well, even after tinkering with a lot of settings, so I never went back. However, over the summer, needing a little something-something to play, I picked up The Orange Box, a collection of Valve games, namely: Half-Life 2, Half-Life 2: Episode One, Half-Life 2: Episode Two, Team Fortress 2, and Portal.

And this time, it was playable. I did not spend 45 minutes trying to get Aperture Science Enrichment Center test subject Chell out of that tiny room with the toilet. That alone was impressive. And a controller in hand felt better than clicking a mouse, but that’s just me.

Portal is a story of isolation and determination. Puzzles, too. Chell awakes in the Aperture Science Enrichment Center with no idea how she got there and/or why. Actually, she might know–but she’s a silent protagonist, so mum’s the word. GLaDOS (Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System) informs Chell that she is to take part in a series of tests, and off we go to create portals and travel across large, open spaces and free-fall for minutes on end while potty breaks happen. There are 19 puzzle chambers and a much different final level, which I’ll get to in a bit. Funny and sometimes untrustworthy commentary from GLaDOS at the beginning and end of each chamber help expand Aperture Science’s lore and background without stopping gameplay.

Using the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device–Portal Gun, really–and Companion Cube, players will have to navigate through chambers and reach the exit. Earlier chambers are very straightforward and tutorial-like, but as they progress, fresh tactics and tricks must be put to use, such as using momentum to reach new heights and manipulating energy balls to go where one wants. The puzzles really do test the player’s skill and patience, as rushing ahead is generally never the way to go. I have no room to brag, but I did pretty well, completing chambers 1 through, oh, 15 without having to use any kind of online guide or walkthrough. After that…phhhbbbt. Math has never been my strong point, and while you might think a game like Portal requires no math…well, it does. There’s timing to consider and mapping grid points and figuring out how to get from A to B in the quickest way possible, like reducing fractions.

I grew frustrated with the last four test chambers, but all grumbling and hate subsided the moment the final level began. As the tests progressed, GLaDOS’ commentary became harsher and colder, her motives beginning to shine through. Also, Chell discovered some previous test subjects–awkward would sum that up. And suddenly, live fire turrets are all around, brimming with glee to murder yet again. By the time GLaDOS began funneling us directly down into a furnace, Chell (and I) had had enough. Time to escape, but escape is no easy thing, even with portal tech. Everything we had learned from the beginning of the game is needed to make it out alive as there are no clear exits and entrances, just a lot of trial and error. Eventually, Chell finds GLaDOS, and we have a boss fight that is made all the more tense by the addition of a countdown clock. Hate those things. With victory, we get sunshine and song. Ahhh…

I wish all of Portal was like the final level. It required thinking, just like all the test chambers, but this was free thinking, with no hints or pictures to help Chell along. All the more rewarding. Making one’s way up through vents and across piping truly felt like escaping, and finding creative ways to knock out dangerous turrets is a joy, even if they sound so sad.

And yeah, the end credits song is pretty great. I’ve replayed it countless times since first hearing it around two in the morning, mostly in a daze. I am glad I got to first experience in a traditional sense, but my lack of sleep, sweaty fingers, and exhilaration at completing the game overwhelmed everything at that point, including robotic tunes. That said, I liked Portal for it compact size, its clear push forward, its just enoughness–I don’t think I would enjoy Portal 2 as much, and definitely have nobody to play co-op with, so I’ll just leave Aperture Science behind, free to continue on being cool and crazy. They’ll be fine; they have plenty of cake to go around.

Achievements of the Week – The Voyage of the Mind Edition

For awhile there, it was looking like there would be no Achievements of the Week update this week. I only got to play the ol’ Xbox 360 for the first time last night, giving Portal‘s advanced test chambers another swing and then moving forward in my second playthrough of Bastion. Otherwise, the only reason the Xbox 360 was turned on during these last seven days were to watch LOST, The Wonder Years, Frasier, and my favorite episode of Parks and Recreation (“The Fight” if you were curious). Not a terrible reason to hit the on button, but I do wish I could fit in more gaming time; alas, I’m losing my mind and slipping into an even deeper depression, making the things that were once easy and likable a little harder to enjoy…

Right. Achievements. Time to write about ’em.

From Bastion…

Mind Voyager (20G): Complete each trip to Who Knows Where.

Just my two cents, but don’t bother going for this during your first playthrough. Chances are, The Kid won’t be a high enough level to survive, nor will his weapons be fully powered, his distillery fully stocked, and his number of lootable health potions increased. All those things are vital to making it back to the Bastion each time. You basically make three trips to Who Knows Where, and each trip consists of 20 rounds of fighting swarms of monsters; after each round is finished, Bastion‘s narrator will give away another tidbit about the world and its characters, providing pertinent background on stuff like the Ura and Zulf.

I beat all three with the War Machete and Scrap Musket combo, utilizing the Final Warning secret skill a lot; the first two were rather easy, but the final one against the Ura was a dang struggle, as those dudes zoom in fast for the kill, often draining The Kid’s health bar strikingly fast. And potions don’t grow on trees, only getting dropped every other Reflection. Also, make sure you’re a pro at rolling.

Altruist (20G): Complete 100 percent of the Vigils in the Memorial.

This isn’t too hard actually, and thankfully many of the completed ones from the first playthrough carry over on New Game+. There are only a few Vigils–challenges, basically–that can be a bit tough. Namely, The Dynasty (Earn first prize in seven Proving Grounds) and The Faith (Complete a trip to Who Knows Where with at least one God activated). Other than that, everything else comes naturally as you progress. Just make sure you do all of them before moving on to the last stage, as that’s the point of no return.

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And that’s it for this week’s AotW. Stay tuned for next week’s edition, which will most certainly feature the remaining two Achievements in Bastion, as I plan on completing this beautiful baby over the weekend. If not, may a new Calamity strike me down.

How’d y’all do this week? Get that Achievement in Rage for horrible texture pop-ins? Slaaaaaaaaaam.

VVVVVV coming to the Nintendo 3DS via my favorite eShop

I already own VVVVVV, and it runs fantastically on my much-complained-about Macbook. I’ve played it a few times, and I won’t tell y’all how many times I killed our 8-it captain. A lot. A lot a lot. That’s not a slight either, as dying is important to learning. The little flippy platformer was part of Humble Indie Bundle 3, and it’s an adorably hard game, where flipping from floor to ceiling gets increasingly challenging, demanding that your timing be perfect. You play as Captain Viridian, who must not only save a dimension on the brink of collapse, but also find your ship’s missing crew members–all of whose names begin with the letter V. The game has some great chiptunes to move to and really pushes retro aesthetics and gameplay down your throat. Plus, tons of secrets and a Metroid-style map. Creator Terry Cavanagh stuffed a lot of awesome in it.

And now, thanks to developer/publisher Nicalis, Inc., fans can get their masochistic VVVVVV fix on the Nintendo 3DS. Guess the success of their bringing Cave Story to the system helped. This marks the first time a game Cavanagh’s created is making it on a console. Kudos to all.

So, what’s included in the 3DS version? Here’s a bulleted list using someone else’s words:

• Open-world environment with six unique levels
• Twenty trinkets to locate and collect
• Full 3D awesomeness integrated into the retro-looking art style
• Dual screen functionality with a real-time map!
• Music by Magnus Pålsson
• New featured levels
• Future content updates

Given that I already own the game, I’d really like not to pay too much for VVVVVV on the 3DS. Maybe $4.99 or so. Please don’t price it as high as Cave Story. Please, please. If it’s more than $10.00, I will invert myself into a ceiling of spikes. THAT IS A PROMISE, ESHOP. It’s just that I don’t like playing a lot of games on my Macbook; the keyboard and trackpad are on the verge of failing, and I can’t have anything else open if I want stuff to run smoothly. Can’t wait to move on from Macaroni. VVVVVV, with its minimap and simple look and controls, seems rather fitting on a handheld device, and I suspect I’d give it much more time there than cramped over my work desk.

Anyways, VVVVVV for the 3DS is slated to come out before 2011 ends, which is awesome considering there’s only like three months left. Adding it to the DO WANT list. So much to play!

Pushing a button until your fingers fall off is Ayla’s idea of a fun time

Initially, I liked Chrono Trigger‘s Ayla. She’s got one helluva introduction, dropping in all Tarzan-like and beating up a bunch of wicked dinosaurian creatures. And she likes to party. Party hard, that is. Especially when soup is at hand. I mean, I love brontosaurus cock-a-leekie just as much as the next guy, but she really takes the meal to heart. More on that in a moment.

Upon arriving in 65,000,000 BC, you’ll be attacked by the aforementioned beasts. They aren’t too tough, not surprisingly weak to lightning, which is the greatest tip one could heed during their time in the prehistoric days. After Crono and gang get their collective butts saved, Ayla will take them back to Ioka village to speak to the chief and…well, party. Evidently, Ayla knows where this Dreamstone thingy is, but to get that information out of her, Crono must first beat her in a soup-guzzling contest. And that all boils down to doing one action perfectly and repeatedly: pushing a button.

I hate pushing a button repeatedly in rapid succession.

Usually, the first attempt is a failure, as it’s not clear just how fast the button needs to be pressed. To beat Ayla, seems like…pretty fast. That girl can guzzle. I failed my first three attempts to out-guzzle her, and by then, my hands were cramping. One has to remember that I’m playing Chrono Trigger on a Nintendo 3DS, so I’m not just mashing a controller, but an entire system. Had to be careful not to break it. For my fourth try, I rested the 3DS in my lap, turned it sideways, and used my pointer finger to hit the button again and again and again. That did it, but still required a lot of effect, and my hand was already tired at that point. All for soup and a Dreamstone and to wake up the next morning with a soupy hangover to find that all of Crono’s stuff was stolen. Greaaaaat.

Let’s look at some other games that have featured this tormenting gameplay element and their lasting impression on me. Yes, let’s:

Metal Gear Solid

The button-mashing sequence in Metal Gear Solid is one you can fail and continue on with the story. However, there’s a great consequence for failing. Snake gets captured by Liquid Snake and is strapped into a machine that can shock the living skin off him. Ocelet wants some answers, and if Snake doesn’t give them, Meryl will die. But if he speaks and gives in, then all will be fine–so to speak. When being tortured, your options are to press the circle button repeatedly to recover strength or press select to submit to Ocelet’s demands. You will be tortured for a limited period of time, and you must press circle nonstop to survive the torture sequence. You have to live through four intervals, and then you have to take a break to ice your fingers.

Scott Pilgrim VS. The World: The Game

Actually, I didn’t mind the button-mashing in SPVTWTG because it actually felt rightly implemented. Sometimes a group of enemies will suddenly dogpile Scott or Kim (like you’d play as anyone other than them), and to break free you have to mash the attack button with a fury that one sparks when one needs air and just can’t reach it. Same goes for when you want to kick off a super hit combo, mashing X again and again until you are flashing and somewhere in the the high 60s. Still, after a few of these encounters, your thumb does get sore.

God of War

Hydras can only be defeated by button-mashing. It’s true. Look it up. Actually, not even your thumbs are strong enough to pierce their heads on ship-made pikes; I remember having to wedge my PS2 controller against my leg and use a combo of other fingers to get the speed I needed for Kratos to do some killing. There’s also some button-mashing for larger enemies, not just bosses, plus when the going gets rough you’re always rolling around and swinging those chains like a madman. It’s enough to break one’s hand.

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There used to be turbo controllers for the PlayStation 1/PlayStation 2 that could help players get around button-mashing sequences–basically cheat–but those days are gone. Or maybe they aren’t. I don’t know. I’m not big on buying more controllers than I ultimately need, and the stock that comes with the version is generally sufficient. I am just waiting for the day when this mechanic goes away or stays where it belongs, in social games like Mario Party 17, where it’s a race to fill up a balloon with air or something, and to do that you gotta be the fastest at pushing a button.

Nintendo is stealing my ideas

Now, normally, I like to begin each blog post with some kind of image, whether it’s from the game I’m going to be talking about today or somehow related to the topic at hand, and then I write on top of it. Just a couple of words. I usually try to be witty and not repeat whatever hook I use in the blog post’s title. I can’t recall exactly why I decided this was going to be the format of Grinding Down, but it’s worked out, helped make it a little different than other bloggy blogs out there (I hope!), and gives me a chance to play around in Photoshop every day. Also, I love LOLcats. The font I use is called Showcard Gothic, and it’s a nice, thick font which works well for standing out strong on top of videogame screenshots.

I don’t own this process. It is not trademarked by me, and it’s not against the law if anything wants to start doing exactly the same thing I do, using the same style of pictures and fonts and words. I get that. Go, America and Freedom Fries and all that jazz. Still, the scenario that follows has me a bit befuddled…

So, this weekend, I logged onto the Nintendo eShop to add some more funds to my account and see if there was anything worth getting. I downloaded Inchworm Animation, but haven’t gotten much time to fool around with it; seems promising though, with plenty of options for drawing and animating silly doodles. I suspect if I get amazing at the app I’ll have to invest in an SD card reader so I can get all my wonderful creations onto the Interwebz. Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins looks like fun, but I can’t remember if I played it back as a wee lad or not–still, I’m kind of tired of getting just the newest (and I use that term loosely) Mario or Zelda title ready for download. There’s so much more available. Gonna keep looking, and as I was perusing the eShop’s storefront, I came across a menu that grouped a bunch of games together under the title of “For Your Bus Ride Home,” with Earthworm Jim getting the limelight. See here:

Sorry about the shoddy photo work, but notice anything odd about that image up there? It certainly looks like something I’d have created for Grinding Down‘s purposes, that’s for sure. Checking my archive, I can confirm I haven’t made an image like this. But if I had, I’d have done just as so. Nice, clean image of Earthworm Jim shooting up some crows, and then a perfectly placed block of text, telling you what this is all gonna be about.

Hey, Nintendo. STOP STEALING MY IDEAS.

Or, at the very least, hire me. I could write words on top of images all day long, and just think of how special your storefront would be under my beck and call. Any Nintendo reps reading this and nodding their heads in agreement can contact me by email via pdabbamondi[at]gmail[dot]com. My rates are cheap, my work is strong, and clearly, we are of the same mindframe. It’s go time!

A tale of two Masamunes

Yesterday was a “stay inside the house under blankets and play videogames” kind of day, but only after Tara and I got some respective work done. She cleaned her studio room a bit, set up the Nintendo Wii, and helped with dishes and laundry. I also helped with laundry, straightened up, made some mediocre mac and cheese for dinner, frantically searched for that freakin’ stereo AV cable to hook up the PlayStation 2, drew some characters from George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire, and worked a bit more on my October challenge of drawing 31 horribly bad horror comics. Busy, but getting stuff done is good. And it all meant that we could reward ourselves with some gaming time come nightfall.

I forgot to mention that earlier in the day I put on a Chrono Cross playlist, and Tara exclaimed that she had to play the game again now. Further proof that Yasunori Mitsuda holds all the power. All he needs to do is slip in some brain-washing message about marching against the government, and down goes the United States.

So, browsing our PS1 memory card collection, we found two save files for Chrono Cross: one for like nine hours, and a second one for about nineteen hours or so. The latter was definitely that one we wanted, but I’d missed out on a lot of story bits so I sat back while Tara ran around as Lynx (as Serge); she had some things to do before heading over to the Dead Sea, such as finding the captain, participating in a monster team battle thingy, and learning how to go down ladders. I flipped open my 3DS to make some progress in Chrono Trigger. Yup. We’re totally dorks like that.

Anyways, in Chrono Trigger, I was making my way up through the Denadoro Mountains, fighting off rather tough Ogans. Hint: use Crono’s Lightning tech! At the peak of the mountain, there’s a cave, and in that cave, there’s a sword. It’s protected by two kids, one named Masa and the other Mune, and Crono and gang will have to fight them twice to earn the right to take this sword. After discovering that it’s nothing but a broken blade, we’re off to Melchior to see if he can fix it. Sure, not a prob–he just needs a Dreamstone, a type of rock that hasn’t been seen in many, many years. Okay, got it. 65,000,000 BC, here we come!

I stopped there, and when I looked up, Tara was making her way into the Isle of the Damned in Chrono Cross, a place that sounds a lot scarier than it really is. Though something scary and evil does reside there. Wanna guess? A sword called Masamune. How freaky is that. Crono just got the broken blade in Chrono Trigger, and Lynx just learned a little history about a sword with the same name in Chrono Cross. It’s like a John Cusack movie, like it was all meant to happen like so. I have no idea if the two swords are canonically connected, or if it is merely a nod to the former game. According to GiantBomb.com, Masamune has appeared in just under twenty games so far. Hmm…could just be a coincidence, too.

I wonder what other odd happenings will pop up the next time we sit down to play two games from the same franchise at once. If we plan accordingly, maybe we can get the end credits of each game to scroll harmoniously. Granted, now I want to go back to my nine hour save file and play more Chrono Cross than Chrono Trigger–I just absolutely love the battle system in that game, and nobody else has come close to matching its beauty.