Ridiculous door glitch in Deus Ex: Human Revolution is ridiculous

For about twenty minutes last night, I had lost all hope. I had resigned myself to believing that all my progress, all my hard work and suffering of bad boss battles and frustrating level design and tiny text in Deus Ex: Human Revolution was all for naught. The game kept freezing, seven times in total, all at the same spot, which is in front of a door on the last level called “Tipping Point.” After each freeze, I popped the game’s disc out and checked for scratches, but there were none–of course there were none, having never dropped the disc or mishandled it in any way possible. So, how was I going to get through this blasted door then?

The Internet told me not to worry, that it was a glitch. Others had come across it on the Xbox 360. I was not alone in my pain. But many were just as confused and confounded over it; some tried walking backwards to the door, which worked, but the moment they looked at it, the game froze. Others suggested turning invisible or sprinting, but nothing was working. Until…I read a post with what sounded like a totally ridiculous solution, but, at the end of my rope, decided to try. I had nothing to lose, and everything to gain. And lo and behold, the trick worked. For my fellow glitch prisoners, here’s how to get through those doors:

Before heading up the stairs leading to the double doors, crouch. Then position yourself so that you are looking at the ground below your feet, but at a forward enough angle to still move forward when pushing the controls to do so. Go forward until you hit the door; you should be able to see a sliver of it, and if you’re lucky enough, the prompt to “press X to open” should still be available. Open that door and walk through, still looking down at the ground. Keep going down the stairs until halfway. You should now be able to stand and save your progress. Do not turn around to look at that door or go anywhere near it ever again. That door and you are done.

How ridiculous is all of that?

A. Extremely
B. Incalculably
C. Unequivocally
D. Immeasurably
E. All of the above

Please show your work.

Magus and his castle of crazy

I don’t know what I expected to find in Magus’s Castle, but certainly not references to tone-deaf rock stars, traitorous loved ones, and a boss fight that required an attention to reading. But that’s Chrono Trigger for ya, always charming and never without surprises. Shame on me for waiting so long to get into this game.

Right. That castle. It’s 600 A.D., and the gang, having secured Masamune, are now ready to go after Magus and his goons. One’s first stroll through the castle’s hallways is particularly eerie, with loved ones and little children turning into monsters which you must then murder. No questions asked. Hopefully those really weren’t people we knew, but rather just illusions. After exploring for a bit, Magus’s henchmen show up, and they are named Ozzie, Slash, and Flea; yeah, this game was totally made in the mid-1990s. Flea and Slash are not too tough, each requiring a wee bit of strategy, but with Frog and Crono swiping away and Marle holding back to heal, heal, heal, they were all torn asunder in time.

However, getting to Ozzie is a laborious affair. First, there’s a gauntlet of enemies to burn through, then a room with giant blades to avoid, stairs to climb, and then another room full of trapdoors that, when you cross them, Ozzie will pull a switch and send your team falling to a room below. Oi vey. Actually, this wasn’t too terrible, as it was a good way to grind, with Crono earning Lightning II by the end of it all. The sparkly enemies in this room can’t hurt you, meaning free experience and Tech Points. After that, it’s more stairs and another gauntlet of enemies. And then we finally get to battle Ozzie, which is amazingly simple; never attack him, but instead target the switches around him.

Finally, we get to the legend himself, Magus. On my first attempt, I completely flubbed and lost within a few turns. My bad…I wasn’t reading the text below. See, I thought he was just casting spells, but he was actually announcing the type of spell he was currently weak to until he switched it up again. So, when he says, “Absorbs all but water!” you should have Frog cast Water on his magical ass. However, it took me far too long to realize that when Magus announces he will absorb all but light, he really means lightning. I think the developers couldn’t fit the full word in the text box? Silly me was searching every menu for a “light” spell.

With Magus defeated, another portal appeared, sucking Crono and team back to the past. At what point should I try to fight Lavos again? Is there a canon ending I should go after? I’m kind of confused about all that.

One-punch Pauly takes down Jaron Namir with ease

I hated the fight against Lawrence Barrett; I loathed the battle against Yelena Fedorova; and yet, to the surprise of me and all of y’all, I have no rage-inspired emotional response to the third boss battle against Jaron Namir. It was over too fast. I snuck up behind Namir as he was hopping over a wall, triggered the stealth punch button, and…punched his lights out. One hit, ten seconds…boss fight done. I have no idea if this is a glitch or if I’m a gaming god or ultimately if I was doing it wrong–whatever the case, I don’t care. The less time I spend on boss fights in Deus Ex: Human Revolution, the more I like the game.

Mmm-mmm good. I can hear Colonel Campbell screaming his name now:

The Snake (25G): You defeated Jaron Namir, Leader of Belltower’s Elite Special Operations Unit.

And here I was, all prepared and ready to spew hate upon hate upon hate over this third boss fight. Nope, not today. However, the game’s not over yet. Jensen still has one last mission to do. You know, save the world and all that. I’m excited to see the credits roll, and I think if you’ve been reading all my rants about this game lately you’ll know why. However, even on a second, shooty playthrough, I’m still going to one-punch Namir to death…unless it is a glitch and gets patched before that chance pops up again.

One-punch Pauly. He only swings once, but he makes it count. POW!