A short spurt of success in GTA IV

Something strange happened recently; I beat a couple of missions in Grand Theft Auto IV.

Now, I had not played the game since admitting to the rage it caused me back at the end of April 2010. Other games became my distraction, and I soon lost interest in moving Niko’s revenge plot forward. But then, recently, Red Dead Redemption was released, and all the buzz about it reminded me that I really do love an open world and that Rockstar can make a decent game, and so I popped GTA IV back into my Xbox 360, totally expecting to just drive around a bit and see the sights.

But I took a chance again on that mission “Museum Piece,” which had previously caused me a lot of heartache after failing it three times. I prepared myself by loading up on ammo, grenades, and armor, and then procedded to take my time clearing out the museum. Once outside, I stayed in the park as I remembered that taking to the streets was instant death. Here’s where it got tricky…and I got lucky. I could not see the two cars trying to run me over, but they kept bashing into the park’s gated walls, and several cop cars had shown up to assess the situation. I tossed grenades like hot potatoes and took those two (of three) targets down. The third guy was on foot in the park, a shotgun in hand, but I made a mess of him quickly. Now to lose my three stars. I grabbed the car I drove to the mission with and hit the street, trying to find a Spray ‘n Pay shop. Luckily, I didn’t need it, and made it to safety before getting there. Ping, Achievement unlocked!

Impossible Trinity (10G): You completed the mission “Museum Piece”.

And then I took on the next mission from Italian Ray…and successfully completed it. And the one after that. I think at some point, I pinched myself, but all of this was happening. I was doing well!

Until I had to chase a guy on a scooter around a park…on a scooter, too. Scooters are motorcycles’ demon babies. They handle horribly, and one mess up and your target will escape with ease. Grrr. So I failed that mission…twice, saved, and shut off for the night.

Maybe I’ll wait two more weeks to play GTA IV again. I guess I gotta save up a whole bunch of success and then spend all in one shot.

Currently, my favorite gun in Borderlands: The Spy

Isn’t it pretty?

Given as a quest reward for putting King Wee Wee in Tetanus Warren six feet under, The Spy is a crazy good gun. Cah-razy good. It’s a Hyperion SMG (or maybe it’s considered an assault rifle?) with a highly effective scope, making it almost pass for a multi-clip, fast-damaging sniper rifle. Almost. There’s definitely perks to using a sniper rifle to snipe from a distance, but The Spy can hold its own, too. It also takes out shields relatively fast.

Now, I’ve written before about my distaste for big guns, so I sell every rocket launcher I pick up. Otherwise, I do try to swap a lot of my guns in and out of my hand to try them all. Borderlands claims it has a godzillian amount of weapons, and though a lot will look the same, most will perform completely different. It’s good to give each one a test run, even the silly repeaters. But The Spy has not been swapped out since I got it. It’s too good, especially for the character I’ve built; my soldier has a high capacity shield that also regenerates health over time, as well as a class mod that regenerates ammo at a good clip (pun intended). That means I can basically sit back and fire at a decent distance thanks to The Spy, and throw down my corrosive-laced turret for extra support.

There’s a couple other guns that I like to use, like Krom’s Sidearm and an assault rifle that likes to make things explode, and they all have a time and a place. By chance, The Spy seems right for each of these except when I’m getting mobbed by three crazy suicide pyscho bandits. Then I have to rely on grenades and hiding and mixing it up.

I guess if there’s one good thing to playing this game all alone is I don’t have to fight over awesome loot like the above. It’s just mine, now and forever.

It’s a bird…it’s a plane…it’s Super Scribblenauts!

Honestly, I totally expected the sequel to last year’s fun-but-flawed Scribblenauts to be…Scribblenauts 2. Completely boring, but that’s usually how this industry works. Thankfully, that’s not the case. It’s titled Super Scribblenauts, and that title should key you in on the game’s new focus of adjectives.

Throwing in words like fuzzy and purple and incandescent will now allow your rooster hat-wearing character to modify the things you create to solve the numerous puzzles the game will toss at you. This could definitely be a recipe for even more random fun, but the core problems found in the original Scribblenauts need to be fixed, and they need to be fixed hard before I even come close to considering picking up this sequel. Namely, the controls. Just let us use the d-pad…please! Puh-lease!

That said, enjoy some new screenshots below, which show off the love of adjectives:

Naturally, people are scared of zombie dumptrucks.

Telekinetic-Man, Telekinetic-Man, does whatever a Telekinetic-Man can.

Pop culture and its effect on Achievements

Over the weekend, I unlocked a very random Achievement in Borderlands:

You’re on a Boat! (15G): I bet you never thought you’d be here.

Well, it seemed random at first, but then it slowly dawned on me that it was actually an inside joke based off of the song “I’m on a Boat” by The Lonely Island, a silly yet extremely catchy tune made popular (and somewhat viral) last year on Saturday Night Live. Basically, while wandering around the coastline on Pandora, you’ll see a docked ship all by its lonesome, and upon hopping aboard and exploring it you’ll pop the above. There’s some money and I think a gun cache there, but then there’s also some…uh, porn magazines.

So, yeah, a bit random. Well, it’s a bit random today, being that of May 2010. I’m sure when the game was being produced and “I’m on a Boat” was just about everywhere last summer, this little Achievement got a lot of chuckles in 2K’s offices.

However, give the game a few more years, and I suspect no one will even know where this stemmed from. And that’s my problem with pop culture, especially when it invades music and games. It’s not forever. It’s only concerned with the now and current, and making a quick impression on you, trying to grab your attention with something that oh so recently already grabbed it. I believe there’s a Jason Mraz song where he sings about the love of his life and also drinking from a Starbucks cup; now, I am under no authority to say whether this coffee company will still be around in 2075 (it will), but who’s to say that someone listening to his album then might not get what he’s saying. Because they don’t know Starbucks. Or cassettes. Or payphones. Or whatever. They were not alive to see the culture to pop. It’s a great reason why The Beatles  and games like Suikoden II are timeless, and I now I’m meandering here–and especially over something so silly and trite–but I’m a planner, and I just don’t think You’re on a Boat! was planned out to be amusing in the longrun. If you didn’t pop it fast when the game launched, you didn’t get the joke when you were supposed to.

Y’know, I’m probably the only gamer to overthink something like this…

Two videogames beaten, but not over with yet

Over the past couple of days, I beat two videogames. Namely, Dragon Age: Origins and Pokemon HeartGold. Both will be getting full reviews from me in the near future, one most likely here and one most likely over at The First Hour, but I still want to talk a little bit about them at the moment…since their deaths are so fresh in my mind.

Both of these games are now beaten. I have seen the end credits roll. And yet, against my power, both of these games demand I continue playing them. In different manners, of course.

For Pokemon HeartGold, they are asking me to play the same game again. The only difference is a new skin to it with new Pokemon to collect, but the fundamentals are all the same: explore the land, collect pocket monsters, defeat gym leaders, and rise to the top of another league for ultimate bragging rights. I’m going to do it, but considering that I just did exactly that for 49 hours…well, I’m not terribly excited for déjà vu to set in.

For Dragon Age: Origins, it’s all about playing the game as drastically different as possible. Because what’s done is done. My Grey Warden character defeated the darkspawn (I don’t consider this a spoiler as, duh, you knew it was going to happen) and now there’s nothing else to do. Can’t reload and venture about Ferelden to do sidequests until the cows come home. Instead, thanks to the numerous origins and different classes and varied dialogue choices, one can play BioWare’s fantasy RPG a second time and experience the complete opposite of what they did before. That’s nice. And also, I didn’t do that Achievement boosting trick where you save before you make a big decision, unlock the Achievement, reload, and then unlock the other one. So I’ll be heading back in to side with the werewolves and help the mages in the Circle Tower and so on. To be honest, I’m looking forward to experiencing it all over again.

Now…about these games’ endings. They were totally lame, especially considering the hours spent to get there.

Pokemon HeartGold tossed an extremely tough battle in your face unlike anything your Trainer ever fought against, and I suspect a lot of players were in the same boat as me. Meaning…lots of grinding to catch up and be halfway formidable. And once that’s said and done, you’re treated to a short scene stating your awesomeness and then credits with little animated Pokesprites running around and being silly. Fade to black. Reload to discover you basically only “beat” 50% of the actual game. Laaame.

Talking about the ending in Dragon Age: Origins is a bit more challenging. I don’t want to spoil specifics, but I really felt like there was a lack of imagination in the final battle. Honestly, your team just moves from zone to zone, fighting wave after wave of darkspawn until you make it to the archdemon, and then you fight it and it releases wave after wave of support enemies and then you kill it and then you’re done. And treated to–and I’m not kidding here–static paintings with some tiny text boxes telling you about what happened to people and places in the years to come. BioWare couldn’t even shell out for some voice actor here after all the speaking that when down during my 41 hours of gameplay. Sigh. There may or may not be more to the game’s ending though depending on some choices you previously made. Time will tell in that department. Either way, it felt kind of lame. Like, that boss battle with that giant tentacle-wielding woman-thing was much more exciting (and original) than this. Oh well. Maybe my second playthrough will reveal something else.

But yeah, despite the fact I’m still going to be playing these for some time, they’re definitely getting crossed off the backlog list as completed.

Portal is great and free, but just not for me

In case you’re curious, you’re supposed to read this blog post’s title in a sing-songy voice.

So, the big news is that Steam is now available for Macs, and that everyone can download a free copy of Portal (from now until May 24, that is) to celebrate this triumphant moment. Sounds like a sweet deal, right? Between the Humble Indie Bundle and this, the Internet’s been pretty kind to us gamers as of late.

I use a MacBook at home, lovingly nicknamed Macaroni, a laptop I’ve never considered gaming on save for silly little Facebook applications and, uh, Chess. Yes! The computer always wins, but whatev. That is until I got Aquaria, and that runs like a professional marathoner. So I figured what the hey, and downloaded the file to get Steam a-going. Took less than a couple of minutes to get set up with my name and profile and all that junk. Then I clicked to download my free copy of Portal. And then I waited. And waited some more. And made dinner. And took a shower. And grinded some more in Pokemon HeartGold. And checked to make sure it was still downloading. It was. I watched a little TV. And then it completed downloading…after around five hours. Hmm. That’s fine and all really, considering it’s a free game and I was downloading it a few hours after it was announced publicly.

Unfortunately, I get a message from Steam saying my video driver card thingy is not up to snuff for Portal. Bugger that. They offer me a link to download an upgrade. I click it, and nothing happens. I click it a few more times…still nothing. Finally, I just say screw it (not out loud, mind you) and run the game with what I got.

At quarter to midnight, I loaded up Portal, excited to play. That feeling faded fast when moving the mouse on the start menu felt like dragging around those boulders muscle men lift onto podiums for random peen tournaments on like ESPN. Uh-oh. Not to be confused with Ho-Oh, my kick-ass rainbow Pokemon. I thought this thing could run on Macs from the get-go. I start a new game, which opens into tutorial levels.

I only manage to get to the one room where a machine shoots a ball of fire/energy. The lag was so terrible, and I tried switching all the settings to be as least demanding as possible, but nothing worked. The sound was fine, with the robot’s audio coming in clear and crisp. Alas, controlling our leading lady was sluggish and unfriendly, and getting her through portals was like leading a cat to the bathtub. So frustrating. Such a shame.

And this is why I’m a console gamer, through and through. With a console, you have everything you need to play a game, more or less. You don’t have to upgrade video cards and alter settings to get a smoother performance. It’s just frustrating that I’d have to jump through all these hoops to even get Portal moving at a sane clip. I’m not interested enough for that. Besides, I could always pick up The Orange Box for Xbox 360 and play lag-free then. And now there’s really no point to me keeping my Steam account as I’ll forever be afraid to buy a game and then discover it won’t run well on Macaroni.

I guess if I want to play Portal, I’m going to have to stick with the Flash version for now.

Picking the best origins in Dragon Age: Origins

Having now played through all six opening origin stories in Dragon Age: Origins, I can confidently tell you that some are better than others. In fact, there’s really only two that stand out as great, and the others are more or less perfunctory, a means to an end to learn the ropes and then get your character traipsing along next to Duncan and the path to Grey Wardendom. But first, let me tell you a bit about each…

City Elf

Being a City Elf is no fun at all. Your race has been rendered second class citizens, basically amounting to generations of slavery. However, things aren’t all bad. You’re about to wed some unknown Elf. Hooray! Marriage and bliss! Oh wait. An encounter with a human lord totally rains on your parade.

Dalish Elf

Dalish Elves are the complete opposite of City Elves, in that they are totally free. And they live in the woods. Stereotypically awesome. After you ambush a group of humans trespassing, your character learns of some ruins containing Elven treasure. Ooh shiny.

Dwarf Commoner

You are a Dwarven commoner and also part of the mafia. That is, if Dwarves can have mafias. But yeah, you’ll be going after a guy that tried to swindle your boss. You also don’t want your sister being taken advantage of. Just another typical day under the mountains…

Dwarf Noble

You are second in line to the throne. Not too shabby. However, there’s some darkspawn in the Deep Roads, and you’re put to the task of clearing them out thanks to having  just received a military commission. However, Dwarven politics are the very definition of dangerous, and things do not go as planned.

Human Noble

Your big brother is about to head off to join King Cailan at Ostagar to help fight the darkspawn. After saying goodbye, you tuck yourself in for a good night’s sleep in Castle Cousland, hoping to dream about apple pies and playing in a field with your violent doggy. Then, without warning, you’re awoken in the middle of the night. The castle is under attack. Eep!

Mage

You’ve studied long and hard (hey now!) at the Circle Tower to become a kick-ass mage, learning all the strict laws about governing magic. And you’re now ready to perform the ritual called the Harrowing that will determine whether you are ready to become a full mage. Not all is as it seems in the Fade though.

—

Right. So those are the six origins you can pick from. Of them, the two I’d most recommend to beginning players are the Mage origin and the Dwarf Noble origin. The other four are extremely bland and linear; in fact, I was downright surprised at just how bare bones the Human Noble story was. In that one, you basically talk to your family, go to sleep, kill some assassins, and escape with Duncan. Ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom. Nothing to it.

However, the Mage origin really offers up a unique setting with the Fade and some tough choices that will directly impact a quest later on in Redcliffe. And the Dwarven noble origin was just full of betrayal and sick politics a la George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire. It really pulled the chair out from under me, and gave me a lot of motivation to see how things turned out. Plus, the layout of the Dwarven setting is pretty fascinating, and their culture is rich with lore about Paragons and such. Fortuitously, these two origins also seemed to take a little longer to complete than others, give or take half an hour.

But really, all the origins kind of follow the same idea–live your life as normal until shit hits the fan–and it’s sort of fun to see how Duncan factors into each story. He mostly just acts like the boss of Ferelden and gives crazy orders in a very calm manner, even if they go against everyone else’s wishes. Oh well. That’s how the Grey Wardens roll, I guess.

So that’s the origins for…Dragon Age: Origins. I have no idea if there are new additional ones in Dragon Age: Origins – Awakening though. Not even sure if I’m going to be interested in more darkspawn-slaying after getting through all of the above. We’ll just have to wait and see.

Meet the three Pokemon Black/White starters

Earlier in the week, Pokemon fans got teased with the following silhouettes, which represent the three new starters from the forthcoming Pokemon Black/White games:

Many guessed that, seeing as there’s been little innovation in this aspect, the three Pokemon would fall under the usual category of being fire-based, grass-based, and water-based. Sure, some hoped for new elemental types to start out their next adventure. Personally, a baby dragon-based Pokemon would be killer to train from the get-go, but alas, it’s been revealed what they look like, knocking down all theoretical walls and solidifying that they are what they are, which is adorable/freaky and just more of the same:

We have a fire-based pig, a rather stoned-looking grass Pokemon (inside joke?), and some kind of…demented beaver? Really, your guess is as good as mine. Their Japanese names are reportedly Tsutaja, Pokabu, and Mijumaru, but I’m sure they’ll swiftly be made into something more punny for us silly Americans. Either way, I’m not overly excited for Pokemon Black/White. See, HeartGold will definitely be keeping me busy for a long, long time, and if there’s a severe lack of innovation in this next iteration of the series and just, oh, a hundred more Pokemon to ultimately collect then there’s no reason to jump on it. Chances are I won’t even have half of HeartGold‘s Pokedex filled by the time this comes out. And I really do think the series needs more than a graphic overhaul to spice things up.

If I had to pick one though, I’d go with the fire-based pig. Naturally, his nickname would be Bacon.

There are some who call me…Ding! Expert

Been taking care of business in Borderlands as of late. And by that I mean…uh, shooting things in the face, grabbing a variety of loot, and leveling up. My soldier character is now an assault rifle-wielding LV. 21 maniac. He also enjoys watching daytime soap operas and Pandora sunsets. Don’t judge him so quickly just because he likes to yell things like “Critical, bitch!” and “Critical, biatch!” when scoring a critical hit. He’s actually a teddy bear.

Anyways, at this point, I’ve now taken down Sledge and unlocked fast travel. Thank the mighty stars on that latter account. I really hate driving in the game, and walking some of these distances to and fro is just not feasible. So yeah, fast travel. Woo. At least this time it was earned ::cough cough Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion cough:: and now I can head back to the Arid Badlands to finish up some other sidequests before getting deeper into the story. If there is a story. Oh snap.

I unlocked five Achievements last night, but here’s the ones I liked the most out of ’em:

12 Days of Pandora (30G): Mastered the technology of Pandora

There are some who call me…Time (25G): Equipped a class mod for your character

Ding! Expert (20G): Earned level 20

That 12 Days of Pandora Achievement is a bit random, but that’s okay. Basically, you had to kill a bunch of enemies in a number of different fashions, and when I checked on it’s status it said I only needed to melt one more face to get it. So I switched out my self-healing grenades with a corrosive mod and chucked a few into a group bandits. They were puddles of goo before they even knew I was there. Muhahaha. Ahem.

Also, my class mod regenerates ammunition. That’s freaking sick.

Borderlands really does take some levels to get going. It definitely becomes much more fun when you’ve increased your inventory a bit, opened up your character’s action skill, and found some weapons you really like. However, as I’m still playing it solo, there’s been a bunch of opportunities that are clearly better suited for a co-op game, such as the boss battle with Sledge. It’s a bit lonely on Pandora. Maybe I can convince Tara to play some split-screen co-op with me…

An update of many things

Apologies for the lack of an update yesterday. See, I had a crazy busy weekend and was really nothing more than a puddle of ooze come Monday. If I had tried to type any words, they most likely would’ve came out like so, “Ghkfer eere yh jkyyu isood kgkgkgx zzdfzzzzZZzZzz.” Yeah, a good time for all.

For starters, I became an uncle. And then I also celebrated with my fiancée Tara as she graduated from college. Woo on both fronts!

To keep this videogame-oriented, I got her a super shiny cobalt blue Nintendo DS Lite as a graduation present. I think she likes it (see above). But you can’t really have a DS and not have a game to play so I picked up Boing! Docomodake DS for her, which is a decidely odd little puzzle-platformer starring…fungi. Love the music though. And then my mother hooked her up with some “find hidden objects” game from her collection, meaning she’ll have plenty to do now that she has some freedom.

But yeah, given the weekend’s events, I did not get to do much gaming. But I surprisingly did some. Like more grinding in Pokemon HeartGold so I can beat the Elite Four (my Ho-Oh is at LV. 55, and I plan to stop grinding when it gets to LV. 60). I also played some more of Aquaria–surprisingly well too, considering I was without a mouse while traveling–and though I originally thought I was going to review the first hour for you-know-who, I’m passing that torch along to another writer for the site. Which is fine, really. My time and creative mind space is extremely limited at the moment, but trust me–I will have a lot to say about this game in the near future. And yesterday, shortly before my brain leaked out of my head, I put another hour into Borderlands and just about did every quest in my log save for the one to take out Sledge. So that’s next on the list…

Oh, and one more thing. That Humble Indie Bundle I wrote about a few posts back? Yeah, they added a sixth game to the collection, readily available for those that already purchased the bundle: Samorost 2. I only downloaded and ran it to make sure it worked, but it seems like a very stylized point-and-click adventure. Aliens took my dog? Will definitely check it out soon.

If the Humble Indie Bundle reaches donations of $1,000,000, the developers will release the source code for several of the games. It’s currently at $949,491 as of 1:oo PM today, and there’s only so much time left. If you haven’t checked into this yet, PLEASE DO IT RIGHT NOW. It’s a wonderful collection of games with no restrictions as to where you play ’em and how you share them. I can’t recommend it enough…