Monthly Archives: March 2010

I finally understand the whole “Would you kindly?” thing

I’m making excellent progress in BioShock. In fact, just last night, I played a golfing minigame with Andrew Ryan. Or rather…I watched Jack go over par.

But yeah, “Would you kindly?”

This is a phrase I’ve seen tossed around on forums and Interwebz postings all the time, and thankfully, I never investigated further. I mean, I knew from what little I previously played of BioShock that Atlas said it a few times, and I chalked it up to be a stylistic quirk of his. Little did I know, little did I know. It’s pretty neat that this, these three wee words, is actually pivotal to the plot, to Rapture.

We’re always being told what to do in videogames: collect seven stars, defeat the evil wizard, find a way out, drive Mumbo Jumbo to his apartment, bring someone the head of the youngest cabana boy, and so on. It’s refreshing to finally have a game reference this; not only reference this, but bend it, break it, make it their own twisted weapon to justify the means. Ultimately, we’re going to keep playing BioShock regardless of what Atlas wants, which is exactly what the developers are banking on, us hamming it up in the palms of their hands, completing the circle.

I mean, it’s like Andrew Ryan sorta said, “A man chooses, a gamer obeys.”

Nintendo DS and car rides DO NOT MIX

I helped carry stuff in for a baby shower this weekend, and then the plan was to whisk the guys (husbands, fiances, boyfriends, any homeless that wandered in) away from all things baby for pizza and beer until we were allowed to return. To get to where we were going though would take some driving, so I came prepared with my Nintendo DS in my pocket and Spirit Tracks ready to go. It’s not like I was going to talk to anyone.

However, I quickly found that car rides and a touchscreen-only game do not mix. They are not peanut butter and chocolate; they are peanut butter and Crisco shortening. For one, when riding the train around the world map, hearing the music is vital to staying alive. It lets you know when enemies show up, especially the head-tossing snowmen that sometimes materialize behind your train. As the car bounces around, trying to tap the screen with accuracy for firing your cannon is nigh impossible. You will miss. You will lose trainy hearts. And lastly, I looked out the window for a second, got distracted by the fact that it was snowing again in New Jersey, and crashed headfirst into another train.

Game over, maaaaan. Game over.

It was worth a shot though.

And I didn’t even attempt to play the Spirit Flute this time…